How to make small talk

[ProcessPro]

It's a growth area for me and I'm hoping to become better at it in time to the point it's natural - until then, I'm hoping to develop a few canned ideas that I can default to until I get better...

Questions:
1) Top 3 ice breakers you habitually use?
2) How do you typically transition from that initial ice breaker to a little conversation?
3) Any other conversational tactics/habits you have that I can adopt for now?

 

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[olli_23]

Not that great at small talk myself. But the following subjects might help to get things started.

- ask about family (do you have any kids? are you married etc.?)
- have you been on vacation recently?
- do you have any hobbies?

Once people open up they probably mention some other interesting things which can make for a nice conversation.

Overall. Try to be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. Try to understand his point of view and where he's coming from. This will make you naturally more interested in what he has to say and will bring up more conversation topics.

As a last point: try not to fire loads of questions, one after the other, at the other person. As that will make it pretty awkward.

Good luck, hope this can help you!

 

[Andy Black]

Questions:
1) Top 3 ice breakers you habitually use?

“How’s it going?”

That’s my greeting to people I don’t know. I nod and say that when I go for walks through the town. It’s my hello. I’m not expecting a reply, but if someone wants to then that’s cool too.

I’ve messaged that to over 3,000 forum members as well.

When I’m on a Zoom call with someone for the first time I often ask what time it is where they’re at. They often naturally then say what they’ve just done that day so far, and maybe what they have planned for later.

We’ll do a bit of small talk where I’ll follow up on what they might have responded with. “Oh wow, you’re in Alaska? What’s the weather like at the moment?”

When we switch gears to business I’ll often then ask “So, how’s business going?”

If I’m on a business course with other attendees, or some business networking event, then I’ll ask “How’s business going?” then stfu. If you ask it genuinely people love to talk about themselves and their business.

2) How do you typically transition from that initial ice breaker to a little conversation?

I go with the flow, their flow. I’ll laugh and agree with them. Nod or shake my head appropriately, and generally encourage them to keep talking.

But I’ll try to take any cues too. If they want to move on then I’ll let them. I often don’t spot this very well as I can get a bit passionate about topics if they stray into them.

I believe everyone has some topic they will light up about and it’s up to me to gently find theirs.

3) Any other conversational tactics/habits you have that I can adopt for now?

Give people your undivided attention. Make a show of putting your phone away, or closing your book.

Look them in the eye and smile.

Laugh at their jokes or attempts at humour. Help them out.

Ask them to talk more about whatever it is they’re interested in talking about. “Oh wow. When did you get into that?”

Use their name if you can. (Remembering names is something I need to get better at!).

Try to thank them if you can. “I never thought of it like that. Thanks!”

I try not to move my feet. I keep them planted so I don’t step towards them or away. People have different distances where they feel comfortable and I let *them* keep that distance. This is especially true if I’m talking to a lady.

I already mentioned it, but my main tip is to absolutely believe you can learn from every person and encounter, and that everyone has some topic where they will open up like a flower. Even grumpy people.

Try it on kids. You’ll be amazed how they light up when you get down to their level, do a high-five or fist-pump, and ask them what the best thing at school
today was. While looking them into the eye and nodding enthusiastically when they reply.

I’m happy to hop on a Zoom call anytime and shoot the breeze @ProcessPro.

 

[WJK]

It's a growth area for me and I'm hoping to become better at it in time to the point it's natural - until then, I'm hoping to develop a few canned ideas that I can default to until I get better...

Questions:
1) Top 3 ice breakers you habitually use?
2) How do you typically transition from that initial ice breaker to a little conversation?
3) Any other conversational tactics/habits you have that I can adopt for now?

My husband asks me, "Do you have to talk to everyone???" Yes, I do. Or at least I'll try...

Making those connections starts before the first word.
Before you open your mouth -- make sure that you have a cheerful attitude. I used to tell my kids that they didn't have to be happy. But they were required to be cheerful. Why? Being grumpy is contagious to everyone around you. A cheerful attitude attracts other people like a magnet. So does heartfelt laughter, a genuine curiosity, and the motivating passion that propels us forward. One person can light up a room and elevate everyone around them.
Start by smiling, nodding, saying hi, and acknowledging the people around you.
How do you acknowledge others? Notice something about the other person you like or can relate to. Then comment on that observation or ask an open-ended question.

Sometimes I give a fact about myself that is equivalent to the answer to my question. Here's an example:
I mention my husband and grown kids. Then I ask about their situation and family. This technique takes away the appearance that I'm interrogating them with my questions.

Conversations are a two-way exchange that starts with generalized small talk and then moves on to more meaningful levels. Social encounters are like dances with well-worn steps. I hate to tell you this. Canned lines don't work and they will expose you to total rejection.

I could write a book on this subject. It's way too broad for one post...

 

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[Andy Black]

Before you open your mouth -- make sure that you have a cheerful attitude.

Exactly. My dad was always cheerful walking past people on the street. Practice being cheerful and smiling and nodding at people who walk past. (I don’t know how that translates to large cities. I guess I’m like Crocodile Dundee sometimes.)

@WJK … my mum, wife, and kids say they same thing about me… that I talk to everyone.

 

[Kevin88660]

It's a growth area for me and I'm hoping to become better at it in time to the point it's natural - until then, I'm hoping to develop a few canned ideas that I can default to until I get better...

Questions:
1) Top 3 ice breakers you habitually use?
2) How do you typically transition from that initial ice breaker to a little conversation?
3) Any other conversational tactics/habits you have that I can adopt for now?

Ask questions. And develop from there. Read the response.

It depends on how comfortable they are with talking to strangers. If they are open minded, friendly and outgoing it makes things easier.

The exact steps depends on your goal. If you are networking or have an agenda to communicate again, you have to, do whatever it takes, end with asking for the number.

 

[Stargazer]

There's a reason The British invented The Weather

It's Sunday morning and I have just come back from the Newsagents where I spent 10 minutes chatting about how chilly it was last night and how hopefully the sun will come out later.

Dan

 

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[Alferez]

As a really shy person I used to be... what helped me was:

1) Talk about things you are sharing in the moment.
For instance, you are on the street and see something curious, just talk about this with the person you are meeting.

2) From that point, transition is very easy. As others mentioned, making questions is one of the best things you can do. Normally we love to talk about ourselves... Listen to them and learn.

3) Other techniques that I use is as simple as a good non-verbal communication. Smiling, been relaxed, and (this is important): be aware of your own thoughts in the process of the communication.

A good strategy to be aware of your thoughts is to do some meditation. This helps knowing what's your internal conversation and with practice you can be more in the moment. THIS HELPS A LOT!!!

 

[WJK]

Exactly. My dad was always cheerful walking past people on the street. Practice being cheerful and smiling and nodding at people who walk past. (I don’t know how that translates to large cities. I guess I’m like Crocodile Dundee sometimes.)

@WJK … my mum, wife, and kids say they same thing about me… that I talk to everyone.

Being cheerful is one of the main ingredients in being charismatic. So is actively allowing other people to shine and feel important. We live in an impersonal world where people tend to live in their own little solitary bubble. They connect more to their phones rather than the people around them. I find that people are hungry for human contact and approval. What does a smile and saying hi really cost me? A brief moment of my time? It's much easier to be kind and thoughtful rather than being cold and closed off. A short conversation that is meaningful can change another person's life forever. Why not make the effort?

 

[ProcessPro]

Being cheerful is one of the main ingredients in being charismatic. So is actively allowing other people to shine and feel important. We live in an impersonal world where people tend to live in their own little solitary bubble. They connect more to their phones rather than the people around them. I find that people are hungry for human contact and approval. What does a smile and saying hi really cost me? A brief moment of my time? It's much easier to be kind and thoughtful rather than being cold and closed off. A short conversation that is meaningful can change another person's life forever. Why not make the effort?

@Andy Black @WJK @Kevin88660 @olli_23

Thanks for the advice everyone! I really appreciate it.

I'm taking some notes and I'll probably just choose a handful of ice breakers based on the ideas here, then as multiple of you all have alluded to - it's about following the flow from there. I'm also trying to learn how to ask good open-ended questions, so that should work with that. I may end up sharing my learnings here - the theory first, then once I start making use of it, I may share an anecdote or two.

 

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[bangL]

It's a growth area for me and I'm hoping to become better at it in time to the point it's natural - until then, I'm hoping to develop a few canned ideas that I can default to until I get better...

Questions:
1) Top 3 ice breakers you habitually use?
2) How do you typically transition from that initial ice breaker to a little conversation?
3) Any other conversational tactics/habits you have that I can adopt for now?

One of the topics that I like is talking about food. That has always worked for me and get people excited to talk because everyone eats and that's one common thing that all of us humans share. I learned about different cultural cuisines, restaurants that I never been to, and recipes that I never heard of, as well as sharing what I eat too. It's an interesting way to get started. Good luck!

 

[Ing]

Read „ How to win friends and influence people „!
You ll take much value from that!