How to get over a girl...quickly?

[JasonR]

LOL @ This thread.

It worked out. She's not married, but I'm not with her.

I moved to Scottsdale.

And, well, you guys have read the thread.

I'm just not at a point I want to settle down yet, anyways. I have sh!t to do and a business to build.

The best way for me to get over a girl, is to get on top of the next one. LOL

 

[IceCreamKid]

The best way for me to get over a girl, is to get on top of the next one. LOL

Me and my ladies chillin' at the ice cream shop. Sippin' on bottled milk in our Radio Flyer wagons as we roll around lookin' cool in the streets of Candy Land.

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/F*ck_c7053f_2543706.jpg

 

[socaldude]

The worst way you can end a relationship IMO is by not communicating what you need. Because then it makes it just as hard to get over the relationship. If both partners stated their needs, it then becomes clear that certain differences cannot be met and you just move on.

Seriously life is too short spending it with someone you don't enjoy. Life is FULL of disappointments. The best part about this area of your life is that you can ALWAYS get a second chance with someone else. The reason most guys can't get over a girl IMO is because they live in the past and they beat themselves up on what could of, should of, would of type of BS. And it's hard to get over it because it's the emotions.

But seek sanctuary in the fact that you have plenty of opportunities everyday to meet someone new. You see that cute girl at the Target cash register you saw today? THAT right there is opportunity! EVERY freaking day there's a chance to meet someone new!

One of the biggest mistakes I see guys make is they think that girls are something super special and different and that they need to be worshiped and "won over". So then they shower them with gifts and take a lot of shit from them that they would't take from someone they had no romantic interest in!! Men and women are equal and no different except in biological circumstances.

Communication is key to a romantic relationship. You need to state your needs clearly or else no one will. I always make sure i'm dead honest with my girlfriend even if i come across as a jerk. If you find that you can't get over your girl. Then that prob means you still want her. Make a phone call and swallow your pride and be dead honest with what is going on. Or else you'll be on your death bead wishing you would have.

Life is hard sometimes and Life is good sometimes. Then you die. The key is make sure you enjoy it as much as you can.

 

[SteveO]

Also keep in mind that there is a different between loving someone, being in love with someone and being in love with the right type of person, for the right type of reasons at the right time in your life.

Love is something that we should have for everyone. It is a misapplied label when it comes to relationships. Caring, mutual respect, ability to have fun together. These are ingredients that are helpful in relationships. Good sex helps as well.

I have been married three times so not really a person to go to for advice in these matters. But each relationship has taught me many things and I am happy to have had them.

 

[Heisenberg]

Bang other girls

 

[GravyBoat]

@JasonR
Dude I'm so sorry for resurrecting this

 

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[yveskleinsky]

I'm working on a business idea, and want to put my full efforts into this (I also have a day job). I don't want my relationship (or lack there of) to hinder my progress. And I also want the pain and suffering to go away quickly.

So...any advice!?

To all those who tell you that you are being selfish, I disagree completely. The most unselfish thing you can do is to cut her loose. It would be way more selfish to marry her and have a kid just because you want her to stay, knowing that you aren't willing or able to commit the time or desire needed to her, a relationship or a child right now. Although realize, that having a relationship and building a business doesn' t have to be an either or proposition. You can do both--people do it all the time. I think the real question here is she one of "the ones" out there for you? (I believe there is more than just ONE person out there for us.) Also keep in mind that there is a different between loving someone, being in love with someone and being in love with the right type of person, for the right type of reasons at the right time in your life. That latter is the ideal trifecta worth pursuing. Perhaps you are using the business as an excuse to yourself to cut bait and move on?

The pain and suffering part, well, that just takes time and distractions. Pour that energy into something more constructive. Sometimes it can help to go meet a handful of women, just so you realize that there are more fish in the pond.

...And I just noticed this original post is ancient. Oh well. Best of luck to you and this next chapter in your life!

 

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[hatterasguy]

Time and a little bit of whiskey helps. Its going to be hard though.

Look at the bright side though, its cheaper now than a divorce at 40 with two kids and a business.

 

[Skys]

have sex with another woman asap.

 

[JasonR]

So...I moved out (a few miles down the road) in a month to month, small, studio apartment. Her best friend took over my lease. We still communicate, just much less frequently. There are more details to the original story, which I haven't felt compelled to post. We are sort of at a kind-of-friends, kind-of-dating stage of weirdness. I don't really mind it, as a lot of pressure is off my back. However, I know it can't last and is probably not healthy.

The weird thing, as soon as we decided to end it, I felt relieved. All of a sudden, there was a lot less pressure on me to do things I didn't necessarily want to do (get married, have children, etc.). Also, the fact that I have a limited amount of time to give her also makes things less stressful. There are times I do miss her, or feel like I want her back, but they are fleeting feelings. I also feel excitement at the thought of dating new women and meeting new people. So I'm not really sure what the hell is going on with me.

For the record, she sort of gave me a marriage ultimatum even though her divorce isn't finalized. She's been trying to get divorced for the last 3.5+ years. So I felt that was extremely messed up, and I felt that I had been extremely patient in waiting to finalize her divorce. The fact that she wasn't divorced yet bothered me. She told me it wasn't so much an ultimatum as much as it was just her wanting to know where we headed. She also wanted to know if we could have a baby in the next 1.5-3 years. I took as a "get married or get the F out" sort of thing.

 

[SteveO]

My only regrets are that I wish I would have had had more clarity and insight on my part as I inadvertently hurt some really good people.

Those really good people probably learned a lot in their relations with you as well. You did not hurt anyone unless you stomped on their foot. You should not have any regrets for your experiences.

 

[AJ.]

I ain't no expert... yet I would stay THE HELL AWAY from having kids with her at the moment.

She wants to marry and have kids?
And you don't?

Well shit... seems simple to me.

So, get this... she wants to break up because you don't want to marry and have kids?
What's she's going to do?
Meet-up with someone else, have a fast-track relationship of 2 months, marry, and have kids?
Of course not.

If she can't wait for you, let her go.

Don't let ANYONE ever push you into anything.
Ever.

If she wants to keep the relationship going, without the marrying and kids... that's do-able.
Yet to coerce you into marriage and kids by breaking up?
Nah man... no. Nope. No.

======
Relating to the point expressed above, that her clock is in fact ticking...
Well... yes... that's true.
Yet that isn't YOUR problem.
That's her's.

Guys and girls are in two different "schedules".
They'll start ticking much faster... we on the other hand, have some more time on our hands.
It's not your problem.

======
Relating to your original question: How to get over a girl... quickly?
All I can suggest is to read everything you can in the "Seduction Community"
There's a lot of crap, yet there's also a lot of life-changing, holy-shit, mind-blown gold.

And if you go over there, they will answer your question with GFTOW.
Google it.
It works.

======
Keep ya head up man.
Keep your doors and heart open to her.
Yet grab your balls, and realize you do not want to get married now.
End. Of. Story.

 

[DennisD]

Get a puppy, sink yourself in work, write an ebook on getting over breakups.

 

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[Milkanic]

I went through this about 2 years ago - here is my advice. Let this fuel you to repair areas of your life that have probably diminished due to the relationship. Imagine you are a phoenix rising from the ashes.

1.) Workout. Become the most physically fit you've ever been. Get the testosterone re-flowing
2.) Contact friends you have lost touch with. Schedule a "man's weekend" and get drunk with old buddies.
3.) Join a sports league and meet new people.
4.) Have a mutual one night stand (optional - needs to feel win/win or else could backfire)

I would suggest not burying yourself in your work and find a balance.

 

[EastWind]

Wow. Thanks for the replies...I didn't expect so many.

I've never really wanted children, but could see myself having a kid or two one day. I don't even really want to get married, but I still like bein gin a relationship. I've never had a deeper connection with someone before, and she's a very pretty woman. But maybe there is something...missing...or something from holding me back from wanting more with her. I'm not sure. I would just like to be sure of my decision before I let her go...

then stop getting into relationships with women who want to have kid or get married. let them know upfront so they and you won't have to go through this sort of mess over and over again.

 

[wade1mil]

You see that cute girl at the Target cash register you saw today?

Back off. That was my sister.

 

[Mike39]

I am sorry but I have to say you don't love your girlfriend, you only love yourself. Think about the thing twice before move. If you don't want to marry her, just break up earlier.


[link[
[link]

Oh you should listen to the spammer, they are usually really bright people

 

[Kak]

I never should have pushed "view post" on those 2. uke:

 

[GravyBoat]

don't make any decisions that you'll regret on your deathbed.

IMO getting tied down before you yourself are stable (and know what you want to do) is a decision I'd regret on my deathbed.

 

[DennisD]

It was probably his old girlfriend on a fake account

woah, resurrected a 2 year old thread.

It'd be nice to turn this thread into some sort of learning experience for people in the future. For years to come relationships will continue to be a tough thing to get past.

Maybe @JasonR can give everybody an update on how things worked out, how he feels, his happiness level, etc....

 

[GravyBoat]

The best way for me to get over a girl, is to get on top of the next one.

These are words every young man in this situation should hear. I apologize about the thread, we can let it rest at that.

Best of luck to all!

Dave

 

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[jon.a]

Bang other girls

Well, you sure are going to be a hoot. Dude, some things just don't need to be said.

 

[JasonR]

Well...long story short, my girlfriend and I have decided to end things (she wants to marry me and have a kid, and at 27 I'm just not ready for that, but I do love her). That's not a good enough answer for her (she's 29), and wants to end it. I'm moving out into my own place this weekend.

So far nothing has really sunk in yet, but when it does I know it will suck. I'm just trying to see if anyone has some insight and experience to help me as I go through this. I'm working on a business idea, and want to put my full efforts into this (I also have a day job). I don't want my relationship (or lack there of) to hinder my progress. And I also want the pain and suffering to go away quickly.

So...any advice!?

 

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[Amail]

Ended relationships are like hangovers. The only cure is time. Good luck, buddy - I feel for you.

 

[yahdmon]

It will hurt for a while... took me nearly seven years to recover, find myself and decide to begin to live again.

I have found though that it is not bad and in fact, it is necessary for you to get to your fastlane idea and become the better you.

There is a book out there which will tell you that "loss of love", fear of death and a few others are things which all great and rich persons must (generally so) experience if they are to ever become a person of worth.

It is really no big deal. It will pass though you may never forget the experience and what it feels like.

It is a process of life.

Embrace it.

Above all see that you played a part in her decision whether or not she has acted righteously or no.

Forgive her.

Quickly apologize and take responsibility for the breakup then focus on putting you back together, then begin moving towards the thing that this universe will drive you towards. This should serve you well so its all good and is working out for your good -- speaking from experience here and I would not tell you what I have not experienced myself.

Without a doubt, someone better is on the path you are about to embark upon but you could care less right now and that is because you want what you are familiar with and that is ok, it is a human trait.

Finally, do not rush into another relationship either for easy sex or money or any promises of granduer.

Spend some time by yourself and learn about you -- it was a month after my relationship's demise that I got what I needed to do. I then picked up myself and traveled over 2000 miles to go and say and do what I am telling you to do, submit to it, take responsibility and let her go -- I told her, its not your fault, it is all my own and it is ok. I take responsibility for this and I am sorry, all while having reason to say otherwise -- do the same and you cannot lose; and it worked and I will do it that way all over again.

Following that I spent a year finding me and what/who had motivated the person I loved the most to move out of my life and away from me. I found what I set out to find and today I am a better person, all around. I wish the same for you too, young one.

Today, nearly seven years later, not mad, not angry, not regretful, I find that I got the better deal.

She did me a favor, aided by the force which rules the universe. She meant it for evil but it worked out for good.

Hang in there, it will hurt like hell for a while if you had true love for her... but you will/should heal and become a better you with a greater ability to love deeper than you did before -- if you submit to the elements on the path you are about to walk. It will take some time.

Best to you and yours... you lucky dude you

 

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[JasonR]

Wow. Thanks for the replies...I didn't expect so many.

I've never really wanted children, but could see myself having a kid or two one day. I don't even really want to get married, but I still like bein gin a relationship. I've never had a deeper connection with someone before, and she's a very pretty woman. But maybe there is something...missing...or something from holding me back from wanting more with her. I'm not sure. I would just like to be sure of my decision before I let her go...

 

[InMotion]

Had this happen to me...twice lol. So my advice to you, which I live by, is not to get too involved with a girl until your ready to either get married or have kids. Unless you can find a girl that's set on not having kids anytime soon; find a girl much younger than you or just wait until your ready to get involved. How to get over a girl quickly? Just work your a$$ off and stay busy and you'll forget about her before you know it. Then you'll have plenty of money to go out and have fun with other women....

 

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[RogueInnovation]

This is the usual stuff to do (below)

Delete all contact details you have for her.
Remove all items that you bought together etc and either sell them or throw them away.
Change location or whatever needed so you don't run into her again and you have a fresh start.
Get a new haircut.
Spend time in a great new hobby.
Cut of thoughts that lead into her and focus on other things instead.
No sad or sappy music, just pump happy and cool tunes.
Stay off the computer and get active, and exercise, hike etc.
Resist forms of instant gratification, start a new diet, or whatever other thing.
A few months down the line, start helping people and be generous and do not mention your issues.

Once you feel balanced, then see what happens naturally with any girls around etc etc etc

From the looks of it you did just fine.

 

[yveskleinsky]

Love is something that we should have for everyone. It is a misapplied label when it comes to relationships. Caring, mutual respect, ability to have fun together. These are ingredients that are helpful in relationships. Good sex helps as well.

I have been married three times so not really a person to go to for advice in these matters. But each relationship has taught me many things and I am happy to have had them.

Yeah, don't get me wrong. Life is so much easier for everyone involved if we can approach people with love and understanding. A downside to the English langague, and perhaps in an around about way one of the causes of a lot of unhappy relationships, is that we only have one word for love. We love our dog, we love our kids, we love our new sweater, we love our spouse. All these are different types of love, but are described in the same way by the same word. Each of my relationships I've had with people (even pets and clothes) has also taught me many things, I am also very thankful and happy that I've had them. My only regrets are that I wish I would have had had more clarity and insight on my part as I inadvertently hurt some really good people.

 

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[yveskleinsky]

Those really good people probably learned a lot in their relations with you as well. You did not hurt anyone unless you stomped on their foot. You should not have any regrets for your experiences.

No, I never stomped on anyone's foot, at least not intentionally. I really hope they learned a lot too, and don't regret the experience. ...And you're right about not regretting experiences. We are we who are at different points in our lives--for good, bad or indifferent. All I can do is own my actions and do better next time.