How do you cope when you're down?

[mkzhang]

How do you cope when you are down?

When you feel the essence of your life is being stripped away?

When it's not even about success or money anymore, but that you put all your heart into something and life just find it comical to smack you back in the face.

All the sleepless days and agonizing never ending stress in dealing with the biggest scum bags on earth... I find myself wandering around the woods at night outside my town wishing horror movie were true and I get killed by an axe welding murderer or something.

 

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[Nathan]

Well I can assure you, that you wouldn't want that to happen. Life is hard, death is easy. And first, I notice you're 21, so please don't tell me this about a woman?

All I can say is that sometimes life sucks a big one, it hurts, it'll sting, you'll get kicked in the dirt, and you'll wonder what the point is sometimes. But this is where growth is achieved. You be a man, you pick yourself up, because you have to, because it's what you were born to do. Take a step back and get some perspective. Your stresses and problems are probably not all that bad. They can all be overcome. Its not impossible. May seem like it at times, but it's not.

As people have said through time, people need problems. If you don't have a problem, you HAVE a problem. GROW and overcome it. Get knocked down 7 times, get back up 8.

 

[Operation_OPM]

Saturate yourself in all things and people positive. Start with some Abraham Hicks...Law of Attraction...its all about your thoughts,words and actions dictating your environment...stop blaming everyone else, focusing on them feeds them...the best thing you can do for the universe is focus and change yourself.

You should at least crack a smile after seeing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

 

[mkzhang]

Nah its not about women, I wish it was that simple.

It's more like trying to grow your business and being ripped off by every single person you have ever come across. With all the set backs, I would of been better if I flipped burgers at Micky D's lol

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

Nah its not about women, I wish it was that simple.

Women are never simple :smxB:

It's more like trying to grow your business and being ripped off by every single person you have ever come across. With all the set backs, I would of been better if I flipped burgers at Micky D's lol

We all think this some times. "Why don't I just go get a job and get wasted on the weekends??" Well, for most of us that isn't even an option any more. I just couldn't do it. There will always be challenges. Nathan said it before me here but to add to it - It's how to you deal with those challenges is what decides whether you become a real success or not.

Remember also that there is no failure, only results. If you got a result that you really didn't care for, change your approach next time so you produce a different result. If something is happening to you over and over, it probably is not because of someone else, it is because it is something internal. Harsh, but we all have to ask ourselves the question: "Is it me??" You'd be surprised at the answer sometimes.

Start with how you feel, your emotions, because that is the key to the upward or downward spiral of life.

Attitude > Thoughts/Decisions > Actions > Results > Attitude > Thoughts/Decisions > Actions > Results > .... and on and on and on.

If you start with positive emotions/attitude you will set yourself up for an upward spiral of success. If you start with a negative attitude you will make poor decisions, produce poor results, and make yourself feel even worse.

Hope this helps! Good luck! :yourock:

 

[NoMoneyDown]

Careful, mkzhang, success is closer than you realize. :smxB:

 

[mkzhang]

Women are never simple :smxB:

We all think this some times. "Why don't I just go get a job and get wasted on the weekends??" Well, for most of us that isn't even an option any more. I just couldn't do it. There will always be challenges. Nathan said it before me here but to add to it - It's how to you deal with those challenges is what decides whether you become a real success or not.

Remember also that there is no failure, only results. If you got a result that you really didn't care for, change your approach next time so you produce a different result. If something is happening to you over and over, it probably is not because of someone else, it is because it is something internal. Harsh, but we all have to ask ourselves the question: "Is it me??" You'd be surprised at the answer sometimes.

Start with how you feel, your emotions, because that is the key to the upward or downward spiral of life.

Attitude > Thoughts/Decisions > Actions > Results > Attitude > Thoughts/Decisions > Actions > Results > .... and on and on and on.

If you start with positive emotions/attitude you will set yourself up for an upward spiral of success. If you start with a negative attitude you will make poor decisions, produce poor results, and make yourself feel even worse.

Hope this helps! Good luck! :yourock:

You're right, women are complicated, but I try to keep those issues aside for now or else I will really be swamped.

You hit the nail on the head... it's very painful to re-analyze what you did wrong heh. The biggest downer is that every time you come so close to success but it fall apart at the very end.

My goal is to re-assess the situation and do things different (for the 100th time now), and try to be level headed. Its very rare emotions get to me, but I have had times where I planned everything perfectly and have a perfect execution, only to rush the closing and have it fall apart because I can't wait a month more.

 

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[Bobo]

Don't know that I'd really market this one as a solution but I found Cancer to be a great pick me up. Ever since I got the word that I was 100% cured I've been even more annoyingly optimistic than the average person.

Thought about this a bunch over the past year, while I was fighting cancer and surgical complications and a custody battle while we were having some financial issues I just knew it would be OK and I was pretty serene through it all.

The more I think about it the more I realize it's about confidence (as opposed to arrogance). I've been through a LOT on more than one occasion in life and I've always been able to work through it by sheer force of will. I think it's because I was never naturally gifted at anything but I've always been good at a lot of things and once I dig in and decide to do something I'm either too stupid or too stubborn to stop.

After surgery last summer I set a goal: it was time to do my first 100 mile bike ride, in Texas, in August. They call the event Hotter'n Hell Hundred. ...most people train for six months for that and do it on a nice carbon road bike. I trained for four weeks once the doc gave me a release and did it in a mountain bike, LOL. Insanity? maybe, at that time I needed an outlet for the frustration and maybe a little rage and took it out on the bike, I wore the pedals off the damned thing and proved to myself that no, I will NOT be stopped by silly shit.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Not only is that true, but it also gives you the confidence that this too shall pass and you can work your way out of the mess. LOL, OK, and cancer just pissed me off - being pissed off has value at times.

Sorry to ramble, I think through the keyboard at times. My point is that you need perspective, the largest challenge you ever faced down is your bar for what constitutes a 'big problem'. Clear enough of those bars and you just learn to stomp on the little things and go on with your day.

 

[mkzhang]

Thanks Bobo, isn't it amazing to look back and see how far you've come? I look back and feel the same way.

I would not know what I would do if I found out I had cancer, I would probably go nuts.

What I feel like now (though I will shrink it down and simplify) is like this:

You cook wonderfully, you make a dish hoping to sell for 100. People likes eating it, no one wants to pay for it.

You lower the price down to 10, saying hey what the heck, might as well start small and at least I make a buck or two. People loves it but still will not pay for it, in fact, they don't even appreciate you charging 10 bucks for something that would cost them 100+ elsewhere!

What the heck?!

People came in 3 forms, they want to eat it for free wasting your time and don't pay. They eat a tiny bit and orders more, but when you make some more and bill them they went ghost. Or they tell you they want to order but refuse to commit.

Hey I only got so many ingredients and ounces of oil to cook with, if I run out then there is no more income for me.

I refuse to think I am wasting my time, but I feel its my inability to turn those non commitments into commitments. And it's driving me nuts.

 

[andviv]

You lower the price down to 10, saying hey what the heck, might as well start small and at least I make a buck or two. People loves it but still will not pay for it, in fact, they don't even appreciate you charging 10 bucks for something that would cost them 100+ elsewhere!

What the heck?!

You are targeting the wrong people.

I really like fancy, expensive stuff, but hardly will get me to buy it once I start thinking about the money they cost.

So, if you invite me to the country club to play golf for free, sure, count me in.

But...

If you 'invite' me to go, and I have to pay$50, then I will think if it makes sense to pay that money for that service.

On the other hand, if you ask a golf fanatic to pay $50 for the chance to play in there, they would probably see it as a steel and pay it without blinking.

Why? Different motivations.

Stop chasing the andvivs of the world. Go after the one that will pay for your product/service.

 

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[Jill]

What kind of market research did you do to determine the market demand for whatever it is you're selling?

There's a bit in 4HWW that talks about this. You can do a survey of 20 people who will all say, "hey that's cool. Yeah, I'd buy one.". Bit the real test comes when you say, "Great! I just happen to have some in the car right now! How many would like me to go get one for you?". At this point, you research numbers usually change!!!

Are you certain about your demand projections?

Oh... And to answer you question about coping...

I've found that nothing cures fear like action! But for those times when you just need to hit the reset button, it helps me to go somewhere else. To clear my head from disappointments, I've gone as far as Rome! And I've gone out with friends (or typically just by myself) to my favorite al fresco dining joint for a cold 'rita, some fresh air and a change of scenery. Bobo makes fun of my many restaurant napkins and coasters that come home with me, covered in notes. But some of my best and most creative ideas come from these little brainstorming sessions I have with myself. (OK, I'll admit, they're more flurries, than storms). So my solution is to get out of the environment in which you're mired, and get a fresh perspective.

 

[Red]

Hey M-

One of the hardest (and best) things I've done for myself and my brokerage over the last year has been, when I find myself upset (read: PISSED) at the events at hand/actions of others/general pitfalls of real estate -asking myself "What could I have done better beforehand to avoid this in the future?"

Nothing has opened my eyes more for my own personal improvements/business advancement than that single question. The reason? It takes the ball out of the other guys court (where it should never be) and places squarely in my lap. We can't control others. We have complete and total control over ourselves, our actions, our thoughts and our reactions. And some decision(s) I made put me in the situation I'm in. I own it. It's mine, now it's time to improve my decision making processes so I don't arrive at this destination again.

The first few times, it really sucks to point the finger at yourself -then something exciting happens- you start seeing positive change and results. And then, believe it or not, it becomes a game and you start really being aware of what makes you upset and weeding out negative habits and decision making skills. It sounds silly, but it almost becomes enjoyable (I've been told more than once I'm an odd duck).

I'm not trying to pull a "tough love" thing here, but I do have to ask you why you seem to repeatedly present your passion/product/food in front of people who don't appreciate it? (I'm going to guess that these individuals are a fair amount of friends and family) And why do you keep going back? Find others. Take your product elsewhere. If you don't set the value of yourself and you product, no one else will. Test another market. I don't have enough information to provide ideas beyond that, but I know that there's a creative element to cooking and if you posses that skill, then you can apply your creativity to other arenas.

Keep at it, keep us posted & don't let the bastards drag you down. :smxB:

 

[mkzhang]

Hey M-

One of the hardest (and best) things I've done for myself and my brokerage over the last year has been, when I find myself upset (read: PISSED) at the events at hand/actions of others/general pitfalls of real estate -asking myself "What could I have done better beforehand to avoid this in the future?"

Nothing has opened my eyes more for my own personal improvements/business advancement than that single question. The reason? It takes the ball out of the other guys court (where it should never be) and places squarely in my lap. We can't control others. We have complete and total control over ourselves, our actions, our thoughts and our reactions. And some decision(s) I made put me in the situation I'm in. I own it. It's mine, now it's time to improve my decision making processes so I don't arrive at this destination again.

The first few times, it really sucks to point the finger at yourself -then something exciting happens- you start seeing positive change and results. And then, believe it or not, it becomes a game and you start really being aware of what makes you upset and weeding out negative habits and decision making skills. It sounds silly, but it almost becomes enjoyable (I've been told more than once I'm an odd duck).

I'm not trying to pull a "tough love" thing here, but I do have to ask you why you seem to repeatedly present your passion/product/food in front of people who don't appreciate it? (I'm going to guess that these individuals are a fair amount of friends and family) And why do you keep going back? Find others. Take your product elsewhere. If you don't set the value of yourself and you product, no one else will. Test another market. I don't have enough information to provide ideas beyond that, but I know that there's a creative element to cooking and if you posses that skill, then you can apply your creativity to other arenas.

Keep at it, keep us posted & don't let the bastards drag you down. :smxB:

Thank you, I ask myself what I can do better and its very fun, to learn and change your tactics, and I can see the change.

Nature of the industry is that amount of opportunities are very little but very profitable, therefore persistence is a must. However the quality of opportunities is important too, but some how a combination of incorrect executions on my part and shitty customers wore me down.

I will do my best, still in the middle of pondering

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

You're right, women are complicated, but I try to keep those issues aside for now or else I will really be swamped.

I had a bad break up just a year or so ago and it affected me way more than I'd ever care to admit. Until recently when I finally accepted that life goes on, I have the right to be happy, and I decided to be happy* my business doubled in income, my financial problems seemed to go away, I'm enjoying every day once again and am excited for the future, setting bigger and bigger goals every day!

*Remembering that you can decide to be happy. It is a choice. Just like you can decide to be miserable. All depending on your focus and your physiology.

You hit the nail on the head... it's very painful to re-analyze what you did wrong heh. The biggest downer is that every time you come so close to success but it fall apart at the very end.

You can't see things as succeed or fail. EVERYONE fails 90% of the time. Even the most successful person fails at 90% of the stuff they do, but because they keep going they succeed.

Remember that BELIEF also has a large part in your success. If you continue that belief of "every time I get close to success it falls apart", it will every time. That is a whole post in and of itself but hopefully that gets you to thinking about your belief systems. (most of them are B.S.- belief systems of course :smxB

My goal is to re-assess the situation and do things different (for th
100th time now), and try to be level headed. Its very rare emotions get to me, but I have had times where I planned everything perfectly and have a perfect execution, only to rush the closing and have it fall apart because I can't wait a month more.

I re-assess my goals, situations, actions, and everything several times per day to make sure I'm on the right track. I am conssitently asking myself two questions throughout the day "What do I want?" and "Am I being effective or just busy?" and I have found that these two questions alone have contributed to a large portion of my current success. (In all areas, not just financially)

Hopefully you really take in all the advice from these people on this forum, while it may not seem like you have a friend in the world sometimes on the path to becoming an entrepreneur everyone on here feels the same way. While you may not know us, we know you, and we care about one another. If you have down days, this is the perfect place to look for a pick-me-up, I know I come here for that exact reason.

If I haven't ever said it to anyone on this forum, thanks again for being awesome :smx19:

 

[Runum]

mkzhang I don't know any specifics so I can't help you there. Here are some observations:

You say you're 21. I only wish I had your brains and abilities at your age. I didn't get a clue until I was well into my 40's. Second, you have been here since September and you've posted almost 200 posts. You must have something good to share. Again, I know I wouldn't be able to carry a conversation here if I were 21.

We have a rule in our house. You can have a pity party for about a day and then you're done. There is an amazing life filled with great people and awesome opportunities all around. Sure we have bad days, but if you spend your time moping around and licking your wounds you can't see what you need to see to move on.

I get over my bad days by physically working hard on something, anything, it gets the anger and frustration out. Dig a ditch, bathe the reluctant dog, pound some nails, lift some weights, do something to let you vent and get it all out. Then I begin to work on what went right. What do I have to look forward to tomorrow? How can I put one foot in front of the other and change the situation for the better? Do not keep doing the same thing if it's not working. I also read books, listen to CD's in the truck and sit by the fire outside at night to think about what went right.

You will always have ups and downs. I have worked on making the down times shorter and shorter. There is too much good stuff in life to waste on dwelling on the bad.

Good luck.:cheers:

 

[Cat Man Du]

Don't know that I'd really market this one as a solution but I found Cancer to be a great pick me up. Ever since I got the word that I was 100% cured I've been even more annoyingly optimistic than the average person.

Thought about this a bunch over the past year, while I was fighting cancer and surgical complications and a custody battle while we were having some financial issues I just knew it would be OK and I was pretty serene through it all.

The more I think about it the more I realize it's about confidence (as opposed to arrogance)....yeah..think I heard that before They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Not only is that true, but it also gives you the confidence that this too shall pass and you can work your way out of the mess. LOL, OK, and cancer just pissed me off - being pissed off has value at times.

Funny as I was reading this thread..............Bobo came to my mind ...and here's his post!

As some of you know............I have MY own names for everybody. I suffer from the ADAM complex............he named everything.

BOBO.................

1. cancer.....................he got up.
2. loss of job.................he got up.
3. Jills loss of job...........he got up.
4. tax audit...................he got up.
5. custody battle...........he got up.

So I PROPOSE THAT WE CHANGE BO'S name to Rocky.......he got up.

and that's my advice to you....mkz .... GET UP........ a new day is coming!!

 

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[FDJustin]

*Remembering that you can decide to be happy. It is a choice. Just like you can decide to be miserable. All depending on your focus and your physiology.

Often enough, that can't be any more true. Misery can be a very appealing choice in some situations. Sometimes it can be a seductive reward.

As a life example, the first time I experienced the death of a loved one, I made myself stay miserable for years. To me it was the most personal way of proving that I care. Back then I wasn't socially introverted, but I was emotionally introverted... Misery was the same outlet (inlet?) for honoring someone as any object, event, or prayer of dedication.

These days when I'm feeling down for whatever reason, I have to ask myself if I'm getting something out of the feeling itself. Sometimes the answer is no, and that helps direct my action to deal with it.
Sometimes the answer is yes. When that's the case, I can figure out why the misery is making me feel good (righteous, fulfilled, unique... Pride. They aren't always tied to happy) so I can refocus in a way to achieve the reward elsewhere, or by a different approach.

Usually before I can get to that point though, I do a lot of obsessing until I can calm down enough to even care about approaching the actual problems. Sometimes I can't get to that stage unless I let the problems out of my head somehow. Anyway... My point is to strike at whatever the issues are the moment the storm dies down enough to do it. Most likely, you'll want to avoid the subject as soon as it first fades. It's a natural response, but the wrong one. If you don't act against an issue, it'll just come back.

There are two kinds of depressed people in this world. Those who can't figure out what's making their body cry out in pain. And those who cave in to the instinct to avoid dealing with their issues before they can recur!

That's right. I start some sentences with and.

 

[premeddc]

OperationOPM couldn't of said it better myself. The reason that your having so much trouble is your bringing those current circumstances into your life. We create our universe's. To change what's going on you have to control your thought process, and the words that come out of your mouth.

 

[Bobo]

So I PROPOSE THAT WE CHANGE BO'S name to Rocky.......he got up.

and that's my advice to you....mkz .... GET UP........ a new day is coming!!

LOL, thanks Cat but really, what choice did I have?
Had I been rocky I'm thinkin I woulda stayed down, collected the $5M and let Clubber Lang talk all the smack he wanted to until I got to the gun cabinet.

In my case that wasn't much of an option, Mr. T woulda just kept kicking the shit out of me had I stayed down.

So I've been on here and thinking about what my fastlane idea is going to be for a couple years now and I own a few hundred or so domains. The one that I have developed in my head is going to be a bit of a labor of love and perhaps it will take off. I see a lot of opportunities for it.

The concept is Second Half Challenge. You see a lot of contests like body for life and the financial equivalents. The site that exists right now only in my head is a little different. It's target audience is those of us in the 30-60 demographic who are somewhere near the summit on either side of the dreaded middle age peak.

The point of it? Taking a step back to examine where you are, what you are satisfied with and what aspects of your life are holding you back from truly being able to say that you are happy with YOU. Some aspects i see in the emerging botox demographic that cause heartburn include....

- Fitness: Weight loss, sports, compete against yourself events like century rides, marathons, body transformation
- Health (not the same as fitness) Lord knows it only takes one time of hearing the word 'malignant' to get your a$$ in gear on this one.
- Beauty: You twenty somethings just don't understand the dismay that ear hair and nether region grays cause....
- Career: Lots to talk about here
- Finances (not the same as career) LOL - link to here
- Hobbies and activities that you can do at any age: garden, golf, travel, cruising, poker
- Relationships/marriage: A common cause of great joy and utter misery depending on what you make of it and put into it
-Parenting, co-parenting, step parenting
- Geographic misery: For all those poor bastards who hate where they live and complain about it I may just start with a link to Uhaul.

There are many aspects here I plan to blog about and I am generally pretty decent about making a point about things in a humorous and occasionally thought provoking way so hopefully I can generate some good reads there. I think when you consider the demographic and subject matter the marketing opportunities are clear but it would also be something of a labor of love. I work too many hours to take on anything that requires time unless I would find it relaxing and enjoyable so I'm about to get busy on that when I am on the road stuck in hotel rooms.

It will also tie in to some other sites I own and would be passionate about writing about.

Pretty much a site that addresses the OP's original question - what's eating at you, what can you do about it and a community to hold you accountable to your plan, inspire you with their ideas and plans....

Still working out the exact details of how I am going to do it but it should be fun.

 

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[Kung Fu Steve]

- Beauty: You twenty somethings just don't understand the dismay that ear hair and nether region grays cause....

You totally look distinguished. :yourock:

 

[Bobo]

You totally look distinguished. :yourock:

Queue Mary Poppins Soundtrack:

Botox and hair dye and pants barely fittin'...
Whiskers on ear lobes you gots to be shittin!
Wrinkles and crows feet and nose hairs that spring
these are a few of my fayyyy-vo-rit things....
When the joints hurt,
When the sight goes,
When I'm feelin sadddddddd.... i simply remember my favorite things and then

...what were we talking about?



Thanks Steve... I plan to get old kickin and screamin. As long as I can laugh about it I'm winning.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Re: How do you cope when you're down?

For some reason, this song makes me perk up and feel totally dorky in a stupid kind of way ... it makes me smile and feel 14 years old.

YouTube - The Go Go's - Our Lips Are Sealed

 

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[Jason!]

I feel for you man... That's the life of an entrepreneur. Should you chose to accept it, I think you'll find in the end the rewards definitely outweight the risks even when the hurdles come up.

 

[Jill]

Queue Mary Poppins Soundtrack:

Botox and hair dye and pants barely fittin'...
Whiskers on ear lobes you gots to be shittin!
Wrinkles and crows feet and nose hairs that spring
these are a few of my fayyyy-vo-rit things....
When the joints hurt,
When the sight goes,
When I'm feelin sadddddddd.... i simply remember my favorite things and then

...what were we talking about?



Thanks Steve... I plan to get old kickin and screamin. As long as I can laugh about it I'm winning.

OMG. Funny stuff. And I've lived with you long enough to know I needn't ask if that's an original. But since you ARE so old, I won't hold it against you that tho you got the actress right, you got the movie wrong. (queue Maria, in The Sound of Music)

 

[LagunaLauren]

What I feel like now (though I will shrink it down and simplify) is like this:

You cook wonderfully, you make a dish hoping to sell for 100. People likes eating it, no one wants to pay for it.

You lower the price down to 10, saying hey what the heck, might as well start small and at least I make a buck or two. People loves it but still will not pay for it, in fact, they don't even appreciate you charging 10 bucks for something that would cost them 100+ elsewhere!

What the heck?!

People came in 3 forms, they want to eat it for free wasting your time and don't pay. They eat a tiny bit and orders more, but when you make some more and bill them they went ghost. Or they tell you they want to order but refuse to commit.

Hey I only got so many ingredients and ounces of oil to cook with, if I run out then there is no more income for me.

People here have the right fabulous advice about attitude. And if I ever feel poopy, I seriously think about all that Bobo has gone through while retaining a wicked sense of humor and my personal itty bitty pitty party is over.

As for your frustration, I totally understand. Especially when it's something you're passionate about like cooking is for you. A problem I sometimes have is thinking I have to know exactly how I will get to my goal. Let go of the way and focus on the end result. You'll get there, but the "how"may surprise you. Try other avenues/other people/other things along the culinary route. I also find that when I'm seriously pissed that something isn't going the way I want, a major breakthrough or opportunity is right around the corner. You're closer than you think.

I'm seriously not saying this to brag, but Emeril Lagasse came over a couple of weekends ago with his wife and kids to hang out, swim and eat with 2 other families on a Sunday afternoon. I can't walk into a store without seeing Emeril's sauce, home stores without seeing his cookware and the TV without seeing one of his shows on different networks, etc. The thing that strikes me the most is that considering his vast branded empire and mega-bucks, Emeril's just this unassuming, nice, normal guy. But even he started out simply, just loving food and loving to cook. I haven't asked him, but I'm sure he had his share of setbacks and frustrations and hard work in the beginning. The only way to fail is to quit trying. If what you're doing doesn't work with the people you approach not willing to pay $100 for your fabulous food, tweak your target market or try something else along the same lines.

PS- with Emeril, I'm more impressed with his charity than his celebrity. He's unbelievably generous with children's charities and that makes him my hero!

 

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[mkzhang]

I've been reflecting, and I have continue on experimenting and something happened within this week that has made me, make my conclusion.

My conclusion is:

I must create more value in my work!