How do I find a Mentor?

[iownie]

Wow! That was one long thread I just read! And here is my conclusion;
hmmmmm....
ok maybe not....
I think I better just stick with "If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all"
Best of luck to you RyanDrake!

 

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[Gymjunkie]

This is gold!!!!

Confidence vs. Arrogance

October 22, 2009

Confident people are very attractive. They have an air of self assurance about them. Arrogant people, on the other hand, can be a turn off. They’re not sure, they’re cocky. They use their arrogance to hide insecurity. Confidence can land you a gig, arrogance can cause you to lose out.
Here are a few more differences between people who are confident vs. people who are arrogant:
Confidence is knowing you’re up to the task. Confident people don’t have to wonder if they’re qualified to pitch for a job. They’re always sure about the job they can do and convey this to the potential client in an equally assured manner. They know why they’re a perfect fit for a gig and tell the client in a calm, clear manner. Their resumes show a long list of happy clients.
Arrogance is saying you’re up to the task. Arrogant people are abundant in bravado but lacking in substance. In a job interview an arrogant person won’t talk about why he’s best suited for the task. Instead, they talk about why the other people are wrong for the task. Arrogant people don’t know how to talk about themselves without insulting others.
Confident people share details. They answer questions without a lot of “me,” “me,” “me.”
Arrogant people: Brag.
Confident writers hope potential clients recognize their ability.
Arrogant writers criticize anyone who doesn’t appreciate their greatness.
Confident people aren’t worried about competition and don’t mind sharing the tools and stories leading to their success.
Arrogant people use their skills to talk down to others.
Confident bloggers teach.
Arrogant bloggers condescend.
Confident people keep an eye on their fellow writers and bloggers but don’t consider themselves competition.
Arrogant people bad mouth others to prop themselves up.
Confidence: You walk.
Arrogance: You strut.
Confidence: People take notice.
Arrogance: People roll their eyes.
Confident writers offer respectful disagreement when their thoughts don’t jibe with that of another writer.
Arrogant writers point fingers and call names but never make a point.
Confident writers have the faith and the ability to meet their their clients’ needs.
Arrogant writers: It’s their way or the highway.
What are some of the difference you see between confidence and arrogance?

LOLOLOLOLOL it's a carbon copy of what's happening in this thread. 'Nuff said :smash::smilielol::smash:

I printed this and am about to post it on my bedroom wall

PS: If anyone is interessted, there is an unmolested thread with the same topic http://www.thefastlanetomillions.com/your-goals-your-fastlane-plan/8884-how-find-mentor.html

Speed+ Awesome list... I might be strutting and sometimes being '' my way or the highway"...

 

[Cat Man Du]

No, I would counter that taking action is the most important issue of this forum (and thus will govern how you LIVE your life). It has taken me a LONG time to realize this, but thanks to constructive posts on this forum my journey has finally begun.

I could think about things, and plan for the rest of my life, but as many have said: "You miss every swing that you don't take"

How you think...........................WILL govern your ACTION and tell you WHAT action to take!

 

[SaraK]

I was thinking about this thread tonight, specifically the question of whether to treat a mentor/celebrity/idol like any regular person, or like someone you admire and respect. In other words, do you treat them like someone who's better than you (and risk coming across as a brown-noser) vs. treating them like someone who's equal to you (and risk looking arrogant). I think the answer lies in realizing the difference between respecting a person as another human being and respecting their unique skills/knowledge/gifts.

Every person, even famous/powerful ones, share those traits all of us humans have - similar feelings, wanting to be genuinely respected, and enjoying talking about things that interest them. So in that way they're your equal, and you'd treat them as such. On the other hand, a mentor/idol has skills/knowledge/experience/connections that deserve a lot of respect, and you should acknowledge that too.

I think if one keeps these in mind that you can show the right mixture of respect for their accomplishments while still treating them like a normal human being, friendly and genuine.

So if you're feeling nervous about meeting someone you admire, just go into it with the attitude that you're about to connect with someone you're destined to become good friends with. If they're the sort of person that you can become good friends with, then that's what will happen.

 

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[EastWind]

is there a mentor web directory?

 

[Bobo]

Sid,

It's pretty clear that you are a sincere, bright and ambitious guy. If we see that, so will he.

You are also sincere as hell and that works - people like sincerity and respect sincerity. Most accomplished people are flattered when asked to mentor and teach others, those who aren't don't make very good mentors.

People also invest their time and energy into those in whom they see some reflection of themselves at an earlier time. When they see someone who is dying to learn more and bust their tail it is very hard to say no to that, if they are also pleasant and easy to like, so much the better.

You are a sincere, likable, pleasant, ambitious and respectful guy. Here's betting that will serve you well. If this guy isn't the right one, you'll find another. Go get'm.

 

[^eagle^]

There is a technique called "mirroring" That works well when selling yourself.

Most people are pretty reasonable and self assured. They are neither cocky, arrogant, or even confident. They are Human and have all the frailties of any one else. I like the addage of they "they put their pants on one leg at a time" Or I like to think of it as "everybody poops!"

I work in sales and a technique I use is called mirroring. If the person is just a regular guy then you can be a regular guy your self. Show what you can bring to the table and ask questions. Do not be afraid to say "I don't know".

Occasionally you run into these Alpha type personalities that need to be right all the time. These kind of people look at mistakes or ignorance as a weakness. Not for what it is. They have a need to push people down to make themselves feel better about themselves and blame others for their own incompetence. This can also be a successful trait, especially in the corporate world where the blame game is rampant. In this case You DO have to be a bit arrogant and Put down people too. I have been the grocery business for 20 years and seen it all. Quite frankly it is one big butt kissing chain that has more to do with kissing your bosses a$$ than the customers'.

Fortunately the majority of entrepeneurs know that this doesn't work as well as just giving value.

You'll learn when you can be a stand up guy and when you have to be a jerk. But My guess is that eventually you will not want to work with a jerk no matter what the payoff may be.

 

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[Russ H]

There is a technique called "mirroring" That works well when selling yourself.

Most people are pretty reasonable and self assured. They are neither cocky, arrogant, or even confident. They are Human and have all the frailties of any one else. I like the addage of they "they put their pants on one leg at a time" Or I like to think of it as "everybody poops!"

I work in sales and a technique I use is called mirroring. If the person is just a regular guy then you can be a regular guy your self. Show what you can bring to the table and ask questions. Do not be afraid to say "I don't know".

Occasionally you run into these Alpha type personalities that need to be right all the time. These kind of people look at mistakes or ignorance as a weakness. Not for what it is. They have a need to push people down to make themselves feel better about themselves and blame others for their own incompetence. This can also be a successful trait, especially in the corporate world where the blame game is rampant. In this case You DO have to be a bit arrogant and Put down people too. I have been the grocery business for 20 years and seen it all. Quite frankly it is one big butt kissing chain that has more to do with kissing your bosses a$$ than the customers'.

Fortunately the majority of entrepeneurs know that this doesn't work as well as just giving value.

You'll learn when you can be a stand up guy and when you have to be a jerk. But My guess is that eventually you will not want to work with a jerk no matter what the payoff may be.

Great points, eagle.

I was in sales for years, and I wound up "mirroring" a lot-- but never realized it (it was unconscious). It was a very helpful technique, and allowed me to establish rapport very quickly.

But it didn't always work w/the blustery alpha dogs (b/c there can only be *one* alpha dog, eh?).

Interesting story:

I'm looking out the window at the store I work at. Guy and a girl pull up in a VW Rabbit. Girl gets out of the driver's side.

They both walk in. This is the early 80s, and the guys is totally dressed. Gf is very attractive. So I'm guessing he's into appearance.

He asks if we carry the flashiest receiver around (it's an Akai AR-22). I say yes, but we've had some real reliability problems with them.

He looks at me like I'm dirt. Like I'm the biggest scumbag on the planet.

So I try to gain some credibility: "Seriously, since it was just rated #1 by Consumer Reports, we've sold a ton of them (I know that's why he's asked for one, even though he didn't mention it. Shows I keep up w/things).

I offer to take him into our service department and show him the stack of broken AR-22s we've been getting back.

But he has to be the alpha: "That's just because you've sold thousands of them. That just tells me they're 100x more popular than any of the other crap you sell here." Still looks at me like I'm dirt.

His girlfriend smirks.

I'm insulted.

Here I am, trying to help the guy (and avoid another return), and he's treating me like crap.

So I crank it up another notch. I take him over to the unit (we had one on top of a stack of new boxes of them). "Here, take a look at it. Pick it up" (I pick it up, and have him hold it). "See how it weighs nothing? Now pick this Vector Research up" (A different receiver, on a stack next to the Akai, same price. I hand the Vector to him-- it easily weighs 4x as much) "It weighs more because it has a better power supply, separate circuit boards, and higher quality switching."

Then I go over to the wall of sound (where everything is hooked up) and play them both. The Akai has all kinds of static on FM. The Vector sounds fabulous.

He's still not convinced: "You probably have the antenna hooked up wrong."

I pull out the receivers and show him both. They're both hooked up the same.

He kind of goes off to the side, to talk to the gf. Walks around the store a bit.

Then comes back: "Look are you gonna sell me the Akai, or do I need to take my business elsewhere?"

I look at him and his polyester clothes. So I hit him hard (this is in Royal Oak, MI, a suburb of Detroit, where everybody-- EVERYBODY-- lives and breathes cars). So I say (last ditch effort to win him over by appealing to his sense of style):

"Look, this Akai is all flash an no substance. It's like a Pontiac."

Now he looks pissed.

I realize he probably owns a Pontiac. Sh*t. Gotta pull out of this one "And not just any Pontiac. A Trans Am with the screaming chicken on the hood. And not only that-- the one that has the cheesy plastic dash designed to look like machined aluminum."

Nobody owns those, except total posers. I smile.

He smiles, asks me some more questions, tells me he's going to think about it, and heads for the door. I feel like I've at least won the battle, and maybe he'll come back.

Until his gf turns around and whispers (with a gleam in her eye): "He owns a Trans Am".

:smx4:

Great example of being prepared, mirroring the alpha attitude, and "winning the argument", but losing what was the ultimate goal (selling the guy something, so I could put a roof over my head).

I learned a lot from that encounter. And after that, I rarely tried to keep up with an alpha when I was trying to sell them something.

But that's just me.

Your mileage may vary. :seeya:

-Russ H.

 

[Gymjunkie]

Come on...you lost and idiot of a client... You were too helpful even.. I wouldn't pay attention to such guys. Clients ain't always right...

Great points, eagle.

I was in sales for years, and I wound up "mirroring" a lot-- but never realized it (it was unconscious). It was a very helpful technique, and allowed me to establish rapport very quickly.

But it didn't always work w/the blustery alpha dogs (b/c there can only be *one* alpha dog, eh?).

Interesting story:

I'm looking out the window at the store I work at. Guy and a girl pull up in a VW Rabbit. Girl gets out of the driver's side.

They both walk in. This is the early 80s, and the guys is totally dressed. Gf is very attractive. So I'm guessing he's into appearance.

He asks if we carry the flashiest receiver around (it's an Akai AR-22). I say yes, but we've had some real reliability problems with them.

He looks at me like I'm dirt. Like I'm the biggest scumbag on the planet.

So I try to gain some credibility: "Seriously, since it was just rated #1 by Consumer Reports, we've sold a ton of them (I know that's why he's asked for one, even though he didn't mention it. Shows I keep up w/things).

I offer to take him into our service department and show him the stack of broken AR-22s we've been getting back.

But he has to be the alpha: "That's just because you've sold thousands of them. That just tells me they're 100x more popular than any of the other crap you sell here." Still looks at me like I'm dirt.

His girlfriend smirks.

I'm insulted.

Here I am, trying to help the guy (and avoid another return), and he's treating me like crap.

So I crank it up another notch. I take him over to the unit (we had one on top of a stack of new boxes of them). "Here, take a look at it. Pick it up" (I pick it up, and have him hold it). "See how it weighs nothing? Now pick this Vector Research up" (A different receiver, on a stack next to the Akai, same price. I hand the Vector to him-- it easily weighs 4x as much) "It weighs more because it has a better power supply, separate circuit boards, and higher quality switching."

Then I go over to the wall of sound (where everything is hooked up) and play them both. The Akai has all kinds of static on FM. The Vector sounds fabulous.

He's still not convinced: "You probably have the antenna hooked up wrong."

I pull out the receivers and show him both. They're both hooked up the same.

He kind of goes off to the side, to talk to the gf. Walks around the store a bit.

Then comes back: "Look are you gonna sell me the Akai, or do I need to take my business elsewhere?"

I look at him and his polyester clothes. So I hit him hard (this is in Royal Oak, MI, a suburb of Detroit, where everybody-- EVERYBODY-- lives and breathes cars). So I say (last ditch effort to win him over by appealing to his sense of style):

"Look, this Akai is all flash an no substance. It's like a Pontiac."

Now he looks pissed.

I realize he probably owns a Pontiac. Sh*t. Gotta pull out of this one "And not just any Pontiac. A Trans Am with the screaming chicken on the hood. And not only that-- the one that has the cheesy plastic dash designed to look like machined aluminum."

Nobody owns those, except total posers. I smile.

He smiles, asks me some more questions, tells me he's going to think about it, and heads for the door. I feel like I've at least won the battle, and maybe he'll come back.

Until his gf turns around and whispers (with a gleam in her eye): "He owns a Trans Am".

:smx4:

Great example of being prepared, mirroring the alpha attitude, and "winning the argument", but losing what was the ultimate goal (selling the guy something, so I could put a roof over my head).

I learned a lot from that encounter. And after that, I rarely tried to keep up with an alpha when I was trying to sell them something.

But that's just me.

Your mileage may vary. :seeya:

-Russ H.

 

[Russ H]

Come on...you lost and idiot of a client... You were too helpful even..

In sales, my goal was to sell anything to anybody. And have them feel like they were the only person who should have what I was selling them-- that it was THEIR widget.

I really didn't care if they liked me or not. I just wanted them to walk out with what I'd sold them, and feel like it was the most PERFECT thing for them.

That way, I got referrals from them, and more business.

But this has gone off topic of mentoring-- I only wanted to comment on mirroring, and how it can work well in sales, but not always.

While I still unconsciously mirror, even when meeting a mentor, I'd still suggest being yourself as much as possible when meeting a potential mentor.

Sorry for the derailment. fftopic:

-Russ H.

 

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[SaraK]

Good story Russ

An especially good point you made is that there can only be 1 alpha dog. So if the person you want to be your mentor is the alpha type, then to have a relationship with him you have to accept playing the part of a subordinate as opposed to a relationship of equals. That's an individual choice; some are ok with it, some are not.

 

[Sid23]

A huge thank you to everyone for their ideas and thoughts.

I just got back from my lunch.

IT WAS OUTSTANDING!!!!!

We had a great vibe right from the start. We pulled up to the restaurant at the same time (and had the exact same car!) and it went from there. Turns out he lived about 3 minutes away from where I did when in California and we both left CA for the same reasons. So after about 5 minutes, we figured out about 10 things we had in common. It made the lunch fly by. We ended up talking for almost 2 hours.

I was very respectful and polite, but definitely felt CONFIDENT and I think it showed.

He gave me lots of great advice and thoughts about what he would be thinking about if he were me and who he’d be trying to meet.

He told me it spoke volumes about my commitment to the industry because the market was dead and I was the only person who had reached out to him in some time. Said it shows I understand the “big picture” and my passion. He also said my experience is solid and he thinks I have all the tools I need.

I told him I hoped we could find something to work on together at some point, and he told me to go find a deal and we’ll do it together. Even something like a single family home or duplex…just find something that makes sense.

And he suggested we have lunch quarterly to stay in touch and keep each other posted on progress.

So now my task is clear. Find a real estate deal that makes sense and get to begin to work with my idol, who will hopefully turn into my mentor and possibly partner.

Today was a good day. :banana:

Thank you again to everyone. You helped make this possible.

 

[PaulRobert]

Hey Sid!

I am very happy for you that your lunch went outstanding. Looks like today has been a big day for you. Even by just reading your post I can sense you had a great time and you learned many valuable lessons. I am thrilled that you were able to have a good time. But I have one question for you! What is one thing that you would recommend when meeting a future mentor or potential business partner?

 

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[Sid23]

But I have one question for you! What is one thing that you would recommend when meeting a future mentor or potential business partner?

By far, the most important thing I learned in this meeting is to find common ground. Do research on your potential mentor/partner/banker - whomever you are meeting - and find something that you have in common. Did you go to the same college? Do you live in the same neighborhood? Have a great friend in common?

After you've done that, figure out a couple of those things you share, and figure out a way to bring them up EARLY in the conversation.

Obviously, it helped that we both pulled up in a Prius (same color - couldn't have predicted that). BUT, I already knew he had a Prius from an article I had read about him, so I sat and waited for him to arrive, so we could get out of the car at the same time, so he would SEE that we had the same car. Sure, I got lucky he parked right next to me, but you get the idea.

I also knew his views on development and his ideas on design (many of which I share) and I was sure to drop those into the conversation early on to build on our things in common. I knew he was all about urban development (and probably didn't like the suburbs - same as me) so I told him a funny story about how my wife made me promise that I'd never move us to the suburbs...and he LOVED IT! So 5 minutes in he's realizing how much we have in common.

Obviously, it helps a TON when you have a ton in common, but I knew we did ahead of time so I had to be sure to make sure HE knew it.

So I helped myself by having solid experience, but I would say far and away the research I did before the meeting helped me TREMENDOUSLY. And its a great lesson I'll always use in the future.

 

[Bobo]

So what was the outcome?

 

[Sid23]

So what was the outcome?

Bobo, scroll up a few posts...details there.

 

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[Bobo]

Whoops, my bad - so it is!

Glad to hear it went well.

Be sure to follow up now and keep momentum. Come back and discuss the deals you might want to bring him (generally) and practice on us.

Glad it worked out for you man, thought it probably would.

 

[Russ H]

Sid-

I know how I felt on those days when I'd meet someone important to my future.

Enjoy the feeling-- it's great!

And good on you for having a great meeting!

-Russ H.

 

[pinker]

Hi Sid23,

I don't know if you are interested, but in Canada where the real estate market is still very strong (and none of the banks went under), there's a commercial real estate mentoring program. There's a book and a course at the University of Toronto. The site is realestatementor dot ca. The authors of the book teach the course at U of T. Follow the site, more information is on there and how to contact the authors.

Cheers

 

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[x9vjzs098u123rnl]

I don't know if any of you guys have heard of this site, but I saw the link in another forum, and thought it was very relevant to this discussion.

SCORE | Small business mentoring and training | SCORE

I've never actually used the site, but they claim to be offering free mentoring from successful businessmen. I'm currently reading some of the mentor bios on this site, and when I start looking for a mentor (soon), I'll def go here.

 

[SaraK]

I don't know if any of you guys have heard of this site, but I saw the link in another forum, and thought it was very relevant to this discussion.

SCORE | Small business mentoring and training | SCORE

I've never actually used the site, but they claim to be offering free mentoring from successful businessmen. I'm currently reading some of the mentor bios on this site, and when I start looking for a mentor (soon), I'll def go here.

I've used SCORE once, good experience. If you need someone to look at your business plan to help you find what you missed, ask the questions that need to be asked, it's really helpful, especially because you can ask questions about your specific plan instead of just relying on generalized advice in books and such.

Something I read in a book once about how to get "connected" with potential investors is to volunteer for non-profit organizations, especially if you know that people you'd like to get to know also volunteer for that organization. And you get to help a good cause at the same time

 

[Yankees338]

Wow... This thread... Yeah... Now I remember why I used to be on this place 24/7.

Thanks for starting this thread, Sid, and thanks to everyone else for the contributions. This should be sticky'd or something.

 

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[Phil]

I just wrote my first email to a local u.k billionaire entrepreneur today asking him to Mentor me. I couldn't get a direct line to him so had to approach him through his charity and ask them to forward on the letter. In the process I also volunteered myself to assist with any events management/ fund raising they may require help with at the charity. I figure that wouldn't hurt my chances at getting to meet with him and even if not - I still get the opportunity to give something back.

 

[Guest3722A]

I don't know if any of you guys have heard of this site, but I saw the link in another forum, and thought it was very relevant to this discussion.

SCORE | Small business mentoring and training | SCORE

I've never actually used the site, but they claim to be offering free mentoring from successful businessmen. I'm currently reading some of the mentor bios on this site, and when I start looking for a mentor (soon), I'll def go here.

Score is excellent! Good call. Score reps are basically retired executives and entrepreneurs who want to give back. I've met with a few of these guys in the past and they're very good and friendly people (at least from my experience).

As a matter of fact, due to YOU mentioning this, I'm going to make an appointment to discuss my current path.

REP!!!!!+++

 

[x9vjzs098u123rnl]

Score is excellent! Good call. Score reps are basically retired executives and entrepreneurs who want to give back. I've met with a few of these guys in the past and they're very good and friendly people (at least from my experience).

As a matter of fact, due to YOU mentioning this, I'm going to make an appointment to discuss my current path.

REP!!!!!+++

and because YOU are taking action with it, I'm pretty interested in taking a closer look for myself, and maybe taking advantage of this great resource

One other thing I can add to the discussion is twitter. A few days ago there was this quote being retweeted a lot :

"Facebook is for friends who are now strangers. Twitter is for strangers who should be friends".

I have found this to be true time and time again. Via twitter, I've been able to talk to the greats of my industry, some of the best marketers or SEOs or social media specialists, etc. around. Just sending them a simple @ message or direct message is such an easy way to get in touch with them.

I gave Mark Joyner a piece of advice on his mailing list (he was sending out one email way too often, i was getting annoyed), and in addition to acknowledging that, stopping the emails, and sending me a message, he gave me the course he was advertising for free

So use twitter. Follow your idols. Join discussions. .....and feel free to look me up while you're at it Ryan Lucht (ryanlucht) on Twitter

 

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[CVentures1B12]

Honestly, I have found all of my mentors by what some would call luck. However, when I think about it, it all started with my initiative.

When my old "9-5" sucked, I found another job, even in this economy. I worked hard at finding another job and it just so happened I was sharing office space with a Nashville RE mogul. I didn't know it at the time but I had created my biz plan and analysis spreadsheets. He saw me working on them one day and was very impressed. And it went from there! Not only is he a mentor, he is also my main investor!

As for my tutoring business, my partner/mentor has started a coffee biz and a non-profit and sold both of them for very good money. He is about 34 and, for all intents and purposes, a "retired" business owner/investor. He actually found me. I wanted to get involved in a non-profit and I took the initiative to stick my neck out there when I didn't know anyone in the organization. He was the executive director at the time and after I volunteered for almost 8 hours for their annual fundraiser, he asked me out to lunch to "pay me back" for my work. We started talking and after he found out about my RE business/rentals...it went from there!

So, in my experience, just get out there. If people enjoy you and see that you have the drive and motivation, someone will be willing to help you out and mentor you.

 

[PinoyGal]

I was able to find a Mentor in my chosen Industry. Worked wonderfully. Now I am the Mentor.

 

[alainn]

a great ressource I have found for people to find mentors for free is Micro Mentor:

MicroMentor: Home

 

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[Gymjunkie]

a great ressource I have found for people to find mentors for free is Micro Mentor:

MicroMentor: Home

Trying it for my two new ventures..

Thanx for link

 

[TaxGuy]

Rep+ for that. Already signed up and made a request