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How ditching self help has improved my life.

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Dark Water

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Self-help has its limit, just like weight lifting, running, your appearance, or a good diet. You can't self-help yourself into a million dollars. At some point, you have to consider what is "good enough", try to maintain that (or even make a little progress every day) and then re-channel that energy into creating value for other people.

I think everyone can benefit from self-help to a certain degree, and some need it more than others. It's like trying to right your ship. Once you are on the correct path, you don't move forward by consistently re-aligning but rather creating value for others. You can read Unscripted 50 times and each time re-align your core beliefs even closer to MJ, but there are diminishing returns. I'd imagine that most people benefit greatly the first time they read it, and probably even the second or third time, but at some point you have to go out and apply what you know.

To me, self-help can both re-align your beliefs so that you're able to accomplish what you need as well as put you in the right frame of mind to do it. But at some point, diminishing returns kicks in and this is the point where people need to recognize it and start re-channeling their focus, putting self-help in maintenance mode (maybe part of their miracle morning routine or some reading at night).
 

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sparechange

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No case... or point.

The current level of thinking got you to where you are today... that thinking will not get you to where you want to be (if you actually want to be somewhere).

If that thinking would get you to where you want to be -- you'd already be there.

You're welcome to ask dozens of people on this forum who have joined us at the events what their experience was like and how well they do in business, relationships, health, fitness, and every other area of their lives.
It sure has! I'll save the $3k for a jetski, always wanted one of those.
 

Xeon

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Xeon pretty much voiced my opinion above.
Wait.....a bit of disclaimer. :rofl: Self help is useful as long as it's not taken to extremes.

So, for e.g, let's say I'm poor at making convos or public speaking. So, I would grab a book, read it and try to apply the stuff in real life. But that's where it stops : I wouldn't blow $997 or $2999 for a "Be An Expert At Conversations" 3-Day-2-Night bootcamp on Hawaii.....

As mentioned before, there was this Tony Robbins UPW seminar in Singapore a few years back.
Most of the attendees seem to be Americans and probably Canadians.......just think about the air tickets from US to SG, then factor in the hotel stay (which IS F*cking expensive here). Those attendees must be pretty rich. Or maybe, the objective of these self-help seminars isn't really about improving oneself, but to make contacts and network......
 

sparechange

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Wait.....a bit of disclaimer. :rofl: Self help is useful as long as it's not taken to extremes.

So, for e.g, let's say I'm poor at making convos or public speaking. So, I would grab a book, read it and try to apply the stuff in real life. But that's where it stops : I wouldn't blow $997 or $2999 for a "Be An Expert At Conversations" 3-Day-2-Night bootcamp on Hawaii.....

As mentioned before, there was this Tony Robbins UPW seminar in Singapore a few years back.
Most of the attendees seem to be Americans and probably Canadians.......just think about the air tickets from US to SG, then factor in the hotel stay (which IS F*cking expensive here). Those attendees must be pretty rich. Or maybe, the objective of these self-help seminars isn't really about improving oneself, but to make contacts and network......
We could all learn something from Tony or Grant Cardone, there is a skill to getting people to pay $10k to sit in a chair and listen to someone speak, they are top notch salesmen. I'd guess hotels cost about $200 a night? I wonder what tony/grant get out of that, 100% they are taking a commission from the hotels.
 

ZF Lee

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Those attendees must be pretty rich. Or maybe, the objective of these self-help seminars isn't really about improving oneself, but to make contacts and network......
Yes. You should check out Vince Tan's seminars. That is the case.
He even 'blatantly' encourages everyone to go network during breaks and brainstorming sessions- and even points out X CEO is there, or Y investor is here.

And these aren't from his usual online-marketing cliche, but from industries as diverse as fashion and even rice!

On my first time there, I met a shopping mall property manager (wrote a draft pitch deck for him after lunch talk, but he still hasn't replied to me) and a VC tech guy.

Vince actually lets past attendees of his Entrepreneur Masterclass come to subsequent seminars for free (and even help out), but I haven't taken up his offer haha
 

sparechange

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Xeon

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MJ DeMarco

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Think about that phrase... "self-help", defined as learning to help yourself in some capacity: health, finances, relationships, something...

So if there wasn't self-help, what is there?
Waiting for the government to help you?
A politician?
Mommy and daddy?
An indoctrination camp, which they call college now?

Sheeze.

Sure self-help can be abused, like using a pillow to suffocate someone.

But self-help is all we got, and this forum is part of that.

Not sure why anyone would even be here if they didn't believe "self-help" was helpful.

This is more of question of what what kind of self-help is available, what should be sought, and what should be ignored. A lot of self-help is as people suspect: self-enrichment. As such, self-help will have its dopamine abusers, folks who snort it to get their latest action-faking high.
 

Kung Fu Steve

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Think about that phrase... "self-help", defined as learning to help yourself in some capacity: health, finances, relationships, something...

So if there wasn't self-help, what is there?
Waiting for the government to help you?
A politician?
Mommy and daddy?
An indoctrination camp, which they call college now?

Sheeze.

Sure self-help can be abused, like using a pillow to suffocate someone.

But self-help is all we got, and this forum is part of that.

Not sure why anyone would even be here if they didn't believe "self-help" was helpful.

This is more of question of what what kind of self-help is available, what should be sought, and what should be ignored. A lot of self-help is as people suspect: self-enrichment. As such, self-help will have its dopamine abusers, folks who snort it to get their latest action-faking high.
Well said -- and on another note I do like this guy's nickname for you "Money DeMarco" ... can... can we start calling you that? :smile2:
 

VicFountain

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I don't understand guys who say self-help is BS.
Self-help is not BS. It's simply not evident in the beginning that's it is actually helping you.

James Jani made a video about that, but I'd argue that if he didn't read all those books in the first place, he wouldn't have been able to make these videos.

If it wasn't for self-help books, I'd still be watching porn 3 times a day, playing videogames and wasting my time on Netflix. Now I do none of all that. So, how is self-help bullshit?

It can become unproductive when you consume more than you produce. But that's another story. And that has not to be confused with "reading books is pointless". Reading books without exerting effort to apply what you read is pointless.
 

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LuckyPup

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Think about that phrase... "self-help", defined as learning to help yourself in some capacity: health, finances, relationships, something...

So if there wasn't self-help, what is there?
Waiting for the government to help you?
A politician?
Mommy and daddy?
An indoctrination camp, which they call college now?

Sheeze.

Sure self-help can be abused, like using a pillow to suffocate someone.

But self-help is all we got, and this forum is part of that.

Not sure why anyone would even be here if they didn't believe "self-help" was helpful.

This is more of question of what what kind of self-help is available, what should be sought, and what should be ignored. A lot of self-help is as people suspect: self-enrichment. As such, self-help will have its dopamine abusers, folks who snort it to get their latest action-faking high.
Amen and another amen!
 

Cyberthal

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Self-help starts from an atomized perspective, and that is intrinsically depressing.

Humans can have a family, clan, tribe, (how do you call this one?), nation, ethnicity, race, and species.

That's not even mentioning identities and causes one may have beyond genetic.

"How to make myself happy," may be a difficult question.

"What needs doing around here," is a significantly easier one.

The problem with the latter question is that it quickly leads to w-o-r-k...
 

Envious

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Self help is only useless or dare I say it 'harmful' when you read the wrong material or you read for the sake of reading with no intention of putting any of it into action.

You're getting a hit of dopamine and feeling like you are really achieving something, when in reality, you've done nothing. Action faking is how @MJ DeMarco so beautifully put it and most have experienced it in some form or another.

In terms of shiny object syndrome, for most people I think it rears it's ugly head when you encounter difficulty or doing something that is uncomfortable on the path that you're on.

You say to yourself:
  • There must be an easier way.
  • There must be a quicker way.
  • There must be something I'm more passionate about than this.
In reality, it's a fallacy, a mirage that I've already experienced more times than I care to admit.

You ditch what you're doing now in search for greener pastures, only to realise when you eventually hit that first wall of difficulty.

There is no easy or quick way.

And the cycle repeats.
 

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