Getting very stressed lately

[Crissco]

Hey guys. Im having an issue lately at work that's bothering me. Backstory.

I started as a freelance web developer 3 years ago, along with many failed start ups. I made WordPress sites for clients and never really got into coding full time, so that was my area that was lacking. I got a job as developer 3 months ago. I'm learning on the job. But its stressful, I put so much pressure on my self to do well. The company is great and honestly everything this company does I have done when I did freelance so it fits my "area" very well. My growth was just never as big.

The issue is I feel im not learning development as quick as I can it seems and now I went from coding from scratch to throwing stuff together to help speed up work so my skills will be lacking, I learned ALOT in the past 3 months, I went from knowing no HTM/CSS to mastering HTML/CSS in 3 months but it seems its not good enough for the boss(Hes ex-Navy). Makes me feel pretty stupid everyday. Plus the fact everyone else there is way ahead of me since they have been coding for years.

The job gives me what I need, security, the ability to move out and most importantly learning on the job. My goal is to move to California in a year and a half once I become full stack so I will have a job / security for the rest of life just incase if my start ups dont take off. But right now this job is killing me it feels, I wake up nervous and with heart palpitations. Which isnt good. The days of having 13 girls over in a week is "over" for the time being and damn it kind of sucks but nice at the same time.

Im a little confused on my direction here,.Mind you I was doing one website a month just 3-4 months ago, now I have to produce over 2 websites a day to keep everything running smoothly. So far I went from one a week to about one a day in 3 months. Like said, the job is extremely stressful to the point I get nervous and wake up with heart palpation's sometimes.

Short Term Goals:

• Have a successful Software as a service making passive income online. Which gives me consisnt money and OPTIONS to not be tied down and do what I want.
• Move to California

I have two options it seems(Based off of my goals):

1. Stick with this job, learn as much as I can, possibly get a promotion, learn development have a career for life.
2. Go to a security job or a relaxing job where I am not stressed out all day long and learn development on the side

Its an emotions vs logic type of situation and its pretty damn tough.

/End rant, sorry guys.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[SteveO]

But its stressful, I put so much pressure on my self to do well.

Notice the part that says "I put...". This is telling me that you are doing this to yourself.

But right now this job is killing me it feels

You seem to have the ability to get there, just keep learning and moving forward.

but it seems its not good enough for the boss(Hes ex-Navy). Makes me feel pretty stupid everyday.

It is your issue when you allow someone to make you feel stupid. You have already stated that you are learning and advancing. So, you know the score.

So far I went from one a week to about one a day in 3 months.

Bingo!

• Stick with this job, learn as much as I can, possibly get a promotion, learn development have a career for life.

• Go to a security job or a relaxing job where I am not stressed out all day long and learn development on the side

Duh...

 

[Captain Jack]

You're not going to be successful in life without stress. Stick with the job and learn as much as you can until you're ready to branch off on your own.

 

[Paul Thomas]

I know the feeling coming from a similar situation in M&A investment banking (I've so forth changed my income producing position because I had 0 time to work on my real goals), but it seems like you are amplifying the stress in your thought processes.

I did the same thing, until I was recommended a book on rational thinking that improved my emotional control 10 fold.

"A Guide to Rational Living" by Albert Ellis is the book if you're interested.

It would (hopefully) change your thinking from that of:

-I must do well and if I don't I'm a shitty programmer and a stupid person (the putting pressure on yourself)

to

-I'd really prefer to do well and if I don't, that sucks but it doesn't make any "lower quality" of a person than I am

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[AndrewNC]

Didn't read any of the posts or replies, except this part - but I dealt with a lot of stress the past few years on my journey and feel i can share something that would help a lot of people on here....

You're not going to be successful in life without stress.

I know what you're saying...because I went through that stressful phase as I was building my first successful business - then my business crashed twice, and I got so much stress, it led to my health declining and it took me six months to get back up.

I was stressed...not depressed...and a doctor prescribed me anti-depressant pills. I looked at the bottle and said WTF - then I made it my mission to naturally release stress.

I did yoga, meditation, moved to boulder, CO...went hiking and biking every day.

Then i reached a point where I learned (EFT) look it up on youtube - and these other things where I can push through those same things that happen outside of us...but I learned how to do it without feeling the stress on the inside. If it builds up a little bit, I have tools to get rid of it right away.

So my message for the OP is simple - regardless of what happens in life or business - you can choose how you feel emotionally. And even though things in business may not go the exact direction you want 100% of the time (it never does for me)....I am able to push forward and do the work, while being happy and stress-free on the inside.

Some people use that stress to work harder...and it works for them.

I realize that we have many emotional triggers that push us to success, so I decided to choose to not let negative emotions be one of them.

 

[Bigguns50]

Well @Crissco , I agree with @SteveO and @Captain Jack.

Never give anyone the power over how you feel. "He makes me feel...." No. He doesn't. YOU choose. It's perspective.

Seems you've learned a LOT and are doing very well. Why not just stay the course and deal with your dick boss ? If he wasn't happy with you by now, do you think he would have told you or let you go ?

How many hours do you work a week ?

You're single right ? You'll never have so much time to yourself so make good use of it. If you want out on your own, forget all that time with the girls and focus on what you really want. The girls can come later.

Meditate.

A book I just finished, "Deep Work", by Cal Newport. Good book.

 

[Captain Jack]

Didn't read any of the posts or replies, except this part - but I dealt with a lot of stress the past few years on my journey and feel i can share something that would help a lot of people on here....


I know what you're saying...because I went through that stressful phase as I was building my first successful business - then my business crashed twice, and I got so much stress, it led to my health declining and it took me six months to get back up.

I was stressed...not depressed...and a doctor prescribed me anti-depressant pills. I looked at the bottle and said WTF - then I made it my mission to naturally release stress.

I did yoga, meditation, moved to boulder, CO...went hiking and biking every day.

Then i reached a point where I learned (EFT) look it up on youtube - and these other things where I can push through those same things that happen outside of us...but I learned how to do it without feeling the stress on the inside. If it builds up a little bit, I have tools to get rid of it right away.

So my message for the OP is simple - regardless of what happens in life or business - you can choose how you feel emotionally. And even though things in business may not go the exact direction you want 100% of the time (it never does for me)....I am able to push forward and do the work, while being happy and stress-free on the inside.

Some people use that stress to work harder...and it works for them.

I realize that we have many emotional triggers that push us to success, so I decided to choose to not let negative emotions be one of them.

Yup.

You had significant stress and you learned how to deal with it. So did I. So will OP, as long as he doesn't give up and take the easy way out.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[AndrewNC]

Yup.

You had significant stress and you learned how to deal with it. So did I. So will OP, as long as he doesn't give up and take the easy way out.

Yeah, so we reached the point where it doesn't affect us.

Do you feel for others who haven't reached that point yet have to experiences it for themselves? I kind of write these posts because there might be a few out there who decide to be pro-active so they won't have to deal with it..

Who knows....

</philosophical post>

 

[Captain Jack]

Yeah, so we reached the point where it doesn't affect us.

Do you feel for others who haven't reached that point yet have to experiences it for themselves? I kind of write these posts because there might be a few out there who decide to be pro-active so they won't have to deal with it..

Who knows....

</philosophical post>

I think so.

I believe on the thread "Going All In", you wrote something along the lines of going all in as a rite of passage. After reading this thread and reflecting on both threads, it's my opinion that "going all in" in and of itself is not the rite of passage, but that the lessons learned and the behavioral/mindset adjustments truly are what is necessary to achieve the next level of success.

Of course, we all take different paths. You ventured out to Arizona with $300 in your name. You got your a$$ kicked out there and learned how to overcome obstacles and become successful. I joined the military and similarly got my a$$ kicked and learned these same lessons (albeit in a different manner on a different timeline). OP is currently experiencing his a$$ kicking (so to speak) that will allow him to ascend to the next level as long as he sticks with it.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Crissco]

There are all amazing posts. Yes 100% I am brining it on my self I know that. I am putting a lot of myself because I failed in the past, I used to stay up for 16 hours and work freelance then I went from that to pulling all nighters twice a week to work / research and implement my ideas. - I have done ALOT in these past 3 years but I didnt work, so be it I know that, I think its a combo of things, not working out hardcore for almost a year because of injuries(Only go light now) combined with struggling at work and feeling stupid(People think im dumb at times) bc all they see is stress and I go blank when thats the furthest from the truth.

Of course im sticking with it, Web Development, anything in technology is amazing thing to be into, so many ideas so much money and so much value to give. So believe me I put in the work, it was just DIRECTED in the wrong way. Meaning I was working on to many ideas, using wordpress(While that is what my clients wanted) It wasnt the correct way looking back.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[zerobrainwash]

Crissco, software development field in general is not easy so kudos to you for sticking it out! It requires constant learning, perseverence and patience - traits that many are lacking. That's why you don't see a glut of software developers even when it's a lucrative skill that doesn't require a college degree.

When I started out at my first job while still in college, it was also very stressful. However, with experience (and my experience is only 2 years so I am not trying to pretend to be an expert) you encounter so many of these potentially stressful situations in software development that you just don't give as much s##t anymore. Not saying you don't care about the quality of your work but you learn how to handle these situations in a calmer manner. Plus, as you get experience, you learn how to read documentations better, start seeing patterns and so on, and everything becomes easier. So just stick with it, you are on the right path

 

[Boozoon]

I have a different suggestion than investing your time in learning even more web development ->

Study some basic copywriting.

Yeah, I know you are a web developer.

But.

I still will insist on it.

You see, I have a gig on fiverr which is about copywriting. Around 5 out of 10 clients are tech guys (programmers, software engineers, web designers etc) and boy, they really suck at understanding their market. I finish every conversation with a headache because they can't communicate in a clear and concise manner:

• what they do
• how do they do it
• what sets them apart (100% of them say "we are hard workers! we strive for perfection for our clients!")
• why should the client choose them (what's in it for him/her)

Look, you want to make money right? You don't actually want to be a web developer, it's just one of your tools that will help you reach your goals.

You even say "Have a successful Software as a service making passive income online. Which gives me consistent money and OPTIONS to not be tied down and do what I want."

Without clearly demonstrating the value, you think the prospect will pay you? How do you demonstrate value? With words of course.

My suggestion is to invest 30-60 minutes every day and read the following books:

1. How to write a good ad
2. Web copy that sells
   
3. This book will teach you to write better

I really believe that when you start learning extra skills, your mind opens to so many new possibilities. You already have one of the greatest skills in the world at the moment - you don't get intimidated by code. Why not add another very important skill that will help you in the future?

Cheers

P.S. For the stress, although meditation works wonders for me, sometimes I also enjoy the ease of products. So trying around 1-2 Phenibut in the days of high stress, you can really keep your sanity intact. I learned about Phenibut from Chris Deoudes and it was a game changer -> http://www.gll-getalife.com/get-ripped/dietary-supplements/phenibut-review

 

[Jake]

I will have a job / security for the rest of life just incase if my start ups dont take off.

Jobs have there place but....Security the rest of your life when you're relying on someone else to cut you check?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Delmania]

I have a different suggestion than investing your time in learning even more web development ->

Study some basic copywriting.

Yeah, I know you are a web developer.

But.

I still will insist on it.

You see, I have a gig on fiverr which is about copywriting. Around 5 out of 10 clients are tech guys (programmers, software engineers, web designers etc) and boy, they really suck at understanding their market. I finish every conversation with a headache because they can't communicate in a clear and concise manner:

• what they do
• how do they do it
• what sets them apart (100% of them say "we are hard workers! we strive for perfection for our clients!")
• why should the client choose them (what's in it for him/her)

Look, you want to make money right? You don't actually want to be a web developer, it's just one of your tools that will help you reach your goals.

You even say "Have a successful Software as a service making passive income online. Which gives me consistent money and OPTIONS to not be tied down and do what I want."

Without clearly demonstrating the value, you think the prospect will pay you? How do you demonstrate value? With words of course.

My suggestion is to invest 30-60 minutes every day and read the following books:

1. How to write a good ad
2. Web copy that sells
   
3. This book will teach you to write better

I really believe that when you start learning extra skills, your mind opens to so many new possibilities. You already have one of the greatest skills in the world at the moment - you don't get intimidated by code. Why not add another very important skill that will help you in the future?

Cheers

P.S. For the stress, although meditation works wonders for me, sometimes I also enjoy the ease of products. So trying around 1-2 Phenibut in the days of high stress, you can really keep your sanity intact. I learned about Phenibut from Chris Deoudes and it was a game changer -> http://www.gll-getalife.com/get-ripped/dietary-supplements/phenibut-review

To answer the question in bold, telling someone to learn to write sales copy is akin to telling someone to learn JavaScript for development. Software development is a incredibly vast field that covers almost every aspect of what we do. Focusing on a single language is good to help get started, but to learn how to be a good developer means you need to study alot of topics.

Copy writing is a subset of marketing. If you don't have a marketable skill, like writing software, learning to write sales copy is great. However, if you do have a marketable skill as the OP does, then learning copy writing isn't as necessary as it is learning how to market. You might learn some copy writing, but it's much better to focus on using your technology skills to build a business and then paying someone else to write the sales copy.

 

[Ubermensch]

Short Term Goals:

• Have a successful Software as a service making passive income online. Which gives me consisnt money and OPTIONS to not be tied down and do what I want.
• Move to California

I have two options it seems(Based off of my goals):

1. Stick with this job, learn as much as I can, possibly get a promotion, learn development have a career for life.
2. Go to a security job or a relaxing job where I am not stressed out all day long and learn development on the side

Its an emotions vs logic type of situation and its pretty damn tough.

/End rant, sorry guys.

Methinks you're overcomplicating things.

Why not quit trying to invent something and just get a sales job.

If you make more money, you will have less stress. The most depressing and stressing times in my life were the times when I was broke.

Pretty simple.

 

[Alxander]

I will advice to avoid stress where you can, but if you must you can take Rhodiola Rosea. You can also take it if you don't have stress tho lol.

It is used for centuries by athletes and other people to both improve mental and physical abilities.
Some people take it if they haven't slept; they won't even feel tired.

It isn't a magic pill but it certainly is a great natural root.
Take it with some green tea, and don't drink any coffee, you don't want to be too pumped up; it will give you more stress.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.