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Feedback on my direct mail copy

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Jul 31, 2018
Hey guys. I was wondering if I could get some feedback on my copy. In doing the copy, keep in mind that I used advice from Dan Kennedy, Jay Abraham, John Carlton, and Piranha Marketing. Heres what I came up with. I think that the headline is cringy, but appereantly I shouldnt care if its cringy or not, I should just care that it grabs someones attention and that it sells.

High Quality Carpet Cleaning or Your Money Back !!
*Hey there,*

*You might be thinking that there’s a typo in our headline. But there isn’t. Trust us, we triple checked.*

*But why are we willing to expose ourselves like this?*

*Because we’re confident that we can deliver the results that you are looking for. If you’re not happy, we give you your money back.*


*Our competitors laugh, call us dumb, & say we’re crazy every time they hear about what we’re doing!!*

*But its NOT crazy at all.*

*Your house is one of the biggest investments you will ever make so you deserve to have it looking clean, beautiful, and presentable at all times.*

*What’s more, we all hate taking risks and we believe that this* ***Money Back Guarantee*** *takes the risk from you the client and gives us an opportunity to prove ourselves to you.*

*So here’s what we are offering:*

*· Free Audit- We will first head over to your house, meet with you, and go over your concerns, goals, and expectations.*

*· 100 % Satisfaction Guarantee- If you’re not absolutely happy with the results we provide based off the expectations set in the Audit then we will do one of two things:*

*o Clean the Carpet one more time, or*

*o Give you your hard-earned money back*

*· 30 Day Accident Protection- Accidents happen. Maybe your uncle spilled soda on the carpet while watching the football game on Thanksgiving Day. Or maybe your dog was brought in on a rainy day and now your carpet is filled with mud and dirt. Whatever the reason may be, give us a call and we will clean up the mess free of charge within that 30 day period.*

*· Free Stain Removal Bottle ($25) value. – Perfect for those small accidents that may sometimes happen.*

*· Fully Insured- Have the peace of mind of knowing that you are safe with us. If you want to see the documentation, we have no problem showing you J*

*Get in touch with us ASAP as this offer expires August 31st 2018. We make it easy for you to contact us. Here’s how:*

*Call/Text us*


*Visit us at our website

So what do you guys think? Im marketing my service as premium so I will be charging roughly 25 dollars more per room than what the average company in my area charges. I was thinking of charging 50 dollars more but the guys ive talked to think im nuts. In fact, they think 25 dollars is nuts but time will tell haha.
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