extremely off topic: How to know if she's the one?

[cants]

Marriage scares the fCUK out of me. It means no more night out, no more unplanned out of the countries, time with friends will be limited, time working on your fastlane plans will be limited greatly. I can't imagine being married. I don't know, the pressure is slightly building up since I'm turning 29, not that I have to be married soon, It's either I marry her or break up with her because she's not getting any younger too. F*ck.

 

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[JasonR]

I feel the same way about marriage as you do, and I'm 27. Perhaps, it has to do with our age and where we are at in our lives. I just went through the same situation (although she basically gave me an ultimatum). I chose not to get married, and I certainly don't want to be pressured into it.

From what I have read and heard from others, most people just inherently knew she was the one. If you're questioning if she is the one, she probably isn't.

Then there is the question of whether us, as men, are biologically and evolutionary wired to be polygamous.

 

[Trevor Kuntz]

I don't understand why people say that being married would greatly limit their Fastlane potential. It seems to me that there are so many Fastlane entrepreneurs who are both married and doing well. I think it's more of an excuse than anything else, but that's just my opinion.

 

[socaldude]

In Europe, couples Co-Habituate because they don't view marriage as a "happy ever after" escape to happiness. They simply just live together as partners. The marriage fail rate here in the U.S. is high because marriage is interpreted wrong.


Lets put it this way. If you have to make a thread on an online forum asking if she is the one. Then she probably isn't.

 

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[Runum]

I have 27 successful years of marriage. It can work. Staying married doesn't make the gossip channels though, only the divorces make for "juicy" conversations.

When I was finishing up my hard partying years I began looking for a suitable spouse. I wanted a partner, someone that could help me in life. I met lots of girls waiting for Mr. Right to come rescue them. Most of them drank more than they made in income.

We don't always agree but we don't argue unfairly and we don't hold grudges or keep counts.

It works for us, your mileage may vary.

 

[socaldude]

When I was finishing up my hard partying years I began looking for a suitable spouse. I wanted a partner, someone that could help me in life.

Thats exactly how it should be viewed; as a partnership. And with ANY partnership whether romantic or in business there is gonna be negotiation because there WILL be disagreement.

 

[cants]

I feel the same way about marriage as you do, and I'm 27. Perhaps, it has to do with our age and where we are at in our lives. I just went through the same situation (although she basically gave me an ultimatum). I chose not to get married, and I certainly don't want to be pressured into it.

From what I have read and heard from others, most people just inherently knew she was the one. If you're questioning if she is the one, she probably isn't.

Then there is the question of whether us, as men, are biologically and evolutionary wired to be polygamous.

I guess the problem is that, for women, they need to get married or have a baby by 33 because it's pretty hard for them to get pregnant when they get past that age...

 

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[sam22]

I don't understand why people say that being married would greatly limit their Fastlane potential. It seems to me that there are so many Fastlane entrepreneurs who are both married and doing well. I think it's more of an excuse than anything else, but that's just my opinion.

True. I'm not married but I think being married means you will probably have to take fewer risks because you'll have a spouse, and possibly kids that you have to feed and shelter (unless you somehow have a ton of money saved up). Cost of living, etc. is much lower when you're single. You'll definitely need to find someone who really believes in you, your vision, and your work, like this guy. He's off in Silicon Valley living in a car and building a startup while his wife is working as a teacher back home raising a kid.

 

[cants]

True. I'm not married but I think being married means you will probably have to take fewer risks because you'll have a spouse, and possibly kids that you have to feed and shelter (unless you somehow have a ton of money saved up). Cost of living, etc. is much lower when you're single. You'll definitely need to find someone who really believes in you, your vision, and your work, like this guy. He's off in Silicon Valley living in a car and building a startup while his wife is working as a teacher back home raising a kid.

Wow, I admire his guts! Thanks for the link bro.

 

[road_runner]

think of it as another motivator to succeed, not like an obstacle. And don't expect your wife to be on the same page as you, she just needs to understand you, not to be like you.

 

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[theag]

this guy. He's off in Silicon Valley living in a car and building a startup while his wife is working as a teacher back home raising a kid.

what a tool.

 

[JasonR]

what a tool.

Seriously!?

 

[danoodle]

Marriage scares the fCUK out of me. It means no more night out, no more unplanned out of the countries, time with friends will be limited, time working on your fastlane plans will be limited greatly. I can't imagine being married. I don't know, the pressure is slightly building up since I'm turning 29, not that I have to be married soon, It's either I marry her or break up with her because she's not getting any younger too. F*ck.

I think it's perfectly fine and healthy to have some doubts or analyze if you should get married instead of going by "feeling" or "knowing" she's the one. People delude themselves all the time. A great book I recommend that deals with this issue is Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. It takes a different approach than the 1-10 scale a lot of people use and, instead, uses a diagnostic approach much like a doctor's visit.

I find it interesting how you feel your freedom will be taken from you. If that is very important to you and something she will "take away" then you have to decide if it is worth it or not. You are spouting off typical marriage rhetoric and not all marriages are like that. I am married but don't feel "trapped" at all. Have taken many trips solo and went to this year's B & P by myself, which was AMAZING btw. Marriage does not have to be a limiting, co-dependent, traditional thing where the people feel as if they own each other and are trapped in a sense.

A healthy marriage/relationship is one where two people are happy with their own lives, but when they come together it is like a value added proposition. Neither is dependent on each other and both are independent people, able to stand on their own. Too many people rush into relationships or feel they "need" to get married or whatever because they feel societal pressure, which is complete bullshit and a recipe for disaster.

And with that said, I will leave you with a passage from The Prophet, which I chose specifically to be read at our wedding. Enjoy!

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between
the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow.

 

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[TJPB]

Marriage is a business....that needs to be put before everything else for a few years....unless you have been living together for a long time already and she fully accepts you and your aspirations.

Your wife enhances your life as you do hers. If there is any doubt of this now....move on.

 

[joona]

I don't see the big fuzz about getting married. How I see that whole thing is this: Nothing changes in the relationship because of the ring. Unless of course you have been living separately before that, then I guess it would be time to move in together.

To me it is weird how things would change because of a ring. I mean. The people are still the same. The relationship is still the same. Only thing different is the ring.

Sure, getting married should be a very long term decision and one that shouldn't be taken lightly. I think that if you have been with someone for 3 years and at that point you are not sure whether or not you can see growing old with that person... then you are wasting time. Notice that I am not saying that you should get married at that point - just be rather sure whether or not you have a common future together or not. Of course, both parties of the relationship should feel the same way which is not always the case.

 

[Lights]

I believe you just know in your heart "she's" the one. For me, that she is a he. And for me, the one would be a guy who had to think deep questions like the meaning of life, going for a career or has a good career, deep voice, old-fashion, will listen to me talk...., will make me feel special and wonderful, has to be at least 6'1 (bare minimum), I don't care too much about race... but I prefer them to not be steriotypical for their race, semi-attractive facially, hopefully not above 45 but not younger than 28, will do anything logical for me at whatever cost. We just mesh like peas in a pod (this one will be hard).... OH and no STDs.... I prefer a guy with a low libido.... actually, so older guys are ok. The more masculine the better, but I hope he has a soft side.

someone like that...

if anyone makes me feel like he's the one, and has most of those qualities (not all are necessary) then I will hope to marry him. I will know after living 1 yr with him... I will know.

If he's not 6'1, but like 5'10 he will have to be hot... I just don't like short guys.

If he's shorter than 5'9, I am not doing it out of love... or attraction.

 

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[Chase]

I don't understand why people say that being married would greatly limit their Fastlane potential. It seems to me that there are so many Fastlane entrepreneurs who are both married and doing well. I think it's more of an excuse than anything else, but that's just my opinion.

Why Productivity Fades with Age: The Crime-Genius Connection

Essentially, Kanazawa's findings are that once men are married and have children, their productivity begins drastically dropping. There's no concrete reason as to why, but he speculates that the feeling of "I've made it; I've accomplished life's great objective" switches men out of manic build mode and into protective "good enough" mode.

Cants, as far as marriage - make a decision. Something I've never quite grasped is how most people spend years trying to decide if they should get married to a gal or break up with her. I guess it's kind of like how most people spend years trying to decide if they should start their new business or just stay at their jobs.

What's marriage mean to you? If it's forever and ever with no way out, then decide if this is the girl you want to be sitting on the porch in a rocker with in 50 years. If it isn't, you know what to do. If it is, you also know what to do.

As someone who's been married (and divorced), it isn't as big a deal as you think it is before you take the plunge. Kind of like sex, entrepreneurship, or international travel. It always feels like a bigger deal before you actually do it than it is once you do.

Chase

 

[PatrickP]

Woman choose who they marry because of the man.

Men choose who they marry because they are in the time of their life where they are ready to get married.

Meaning she MAY be the right one but if you are not in the time of your life when you are ready to get married, better to pass and go on.

 

[458]

Here are some website that will help, keep in mind there is no such thing as the one it is just a delusion:

solvemygirlproblems.com
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/
Chateau Heartiste

Goodluck.

 

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[458]

[video=youtube;CYb5xSd4PRs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYb5xSd4PRs&feature=player_embedded[/video]

 

[another]

Thats exactly how it should be viewed; as a partnership. And with ANY partnership whether romantic or in business there is gonna be negotiation because there WILL be disagreement.

That's very true ! The only secret to a long lasting, happy relationship is being able to discuss, and to compromise. I think you know she's the one when you're ready to do so for the sake of your relationship, and when she is too.

Then, if you can find compromises, building a fastlane biz shouldn't be a problem (I'm in the process of convincing my own spouse to let me hit the fastlane too ! she was very reluctant first, but we're discussing...)

Wish you all the best.