Bad enough decisions lead to physical suffering.

[MRiabov]

Sup.

I'm writing this in 23pm, 2 hours after I should've slept already.

F*ck. I endure 2 months of sheer physical suffering, day in and day out, and it's going to last for 2 months more.

The reason? I'm constantly sleepless. In the place where I should have safety - called "home", I have a mfk who creates a living hell in this place. My roommate.

And if only it was an obvious way, but no. He is an obese, lazy man, and for some reason, my brain tries to copy him.

And I can't sleep because of it. Because in the home, where I should become stronger, as a result of rethinking past experiences, I am becoming weaker. And I have to fight it.

I am sleeping in the libraries now. But the closest library to me right in my building is too crowded and so I have to go across an entire town to get to one which is empty.

Oh, and the project? I can work on it with the half of my brain, but it's constantly tired from either fighting this person or being simply broken that there is barely space for work.

It's not the problems that I thought I would have. Damn it. I just want a room, a plug, and a couple of months upon which I can finish FullCook, but I can't even afford it! The market doesn't care for what you will do, it only cares for what you have.

It's easy now to write when you are alone and with energy. But 90% of the time, I'm not. As if, I'm doing everything right, but because I have no money right now, my options are locked in. Don't even know if I can do good delivery - it'll get to 0°C soon, and I don't know if I had enough money to.

It's simple to make decisions, and do, when you are alone, or beside someone that supports you. But when you are not, even though you try to control your life, your options are tied in, and your impact is decreased..


Whoever is reading this, make sure you are the most goal-striving, life-controlling man, because if you won't - bad shit will come and you won't even able to be goal-striving anymore - because you won't function. You will be too tired to think, to reject bad decisions and to make good ones.

And tommorrow my today will repeat again.

 

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[perchboy]

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

 

[Johnny boy]

he asked you to clean your share of the dishes again didn't he?

 

[Samuel_Maverick]

Sup.

I'm writing this in 23pm, 2 hours after I should've slept already.

F*ck. I endure 2 months of sheer physical suffering, day in and day out, and it's going to last for 2 months more.

The reason? I'm constantly sleepless. In the place where I should have safety - called "home", I have a mfk who creates a living hell in this place. My roommate.

And if only it was an obvious way, but no. He is an obese, lazy man, and for some reason, my brain tries to copy him.

And I can't sleep because of it. Because in the home, where I should become stronger, as a result of rethinking past experiences, I am becoming weaker. And I have to fight it.

I am sleeping in the libraries now. But the closest library to me right in my building is too crowded and so I have to go across an entire town to get to one which is empty.

Oh, and the project? I can work on it with the half of my brain, but it's constantly tired from either fighting this person or being simply broken that there is barely space for work.

It's not the problems that I thought I would have. Damn it. I just want a room, a plug, and a couple of months upon which I can finish FullCook, but I can't even afford it! The market doesn't care for what you will do, it only cares for what you have.

It's easy now to write when you are alone and with energy. But 90% of the time, I'm not. As if, I'm doing everything right, but because I have no money right now, my options are locked in. Don't even know if I can do good delivery - it'll get to 0°C soon, and I don't know if I had enough money to.

It's simple to make decisions, and do, when you are alone, or beside someone that supports you. But when you are not, even though you try to control your life, your options are tied in, and your impact is decreased..


Whoever is reading this, make sure you are the most goal-striving, life-controlling man, because if you won't - bad shit will come and you won't even able to be goal-striving anymore - because you won't function. You will be too tired to think, to reject bad decisions and to make good ones.

And tommorrow my today will repeat again.

You sound like you're in a bad place.

But posting your depression here won't fix anything.

I'd try to be grateful for the smallest things and take baby steps from there.

Write down the first thing you can do to start moving forward. Stay away from alcohol, bad food, etc etc.

Sit in your suffering and learn from it.

You will start to feel better if you have momentum and a vision.

Or you can give in to your thoughts and your environment, and be sucked into the void.

You're alive and well enough to write an articulated post here - that means you have the power to change things.

Up to you though.

 

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[kr8nt]

Sup.

I'm writing this in 23pm, 2 hours after I should've slept already.

F*ck. I endure 2 months of sheer physical suffering, day in and day out, and it's going to last for 2 months more.

The reason? I'm constantly sleepless. In the place where I should have safety - called "home", I have a mfk who creates a living hell in this place. My roommate.

And if only it was an obvious way, but no. He is an obese, lazy man, and for some reason, my brain tries to copy him.

And I can't sleep because of it. Because in the home, where I should become stronger, as a result of rethinking past experiences, I am becoming weaker. And I have to fight it.

I am sleeping in the libraries now. But the closest library to me right in my building is too crowded and so I have to go across an entire town to get to one which is empty.

Oh, and the project? I can work on it with the half of my brain, but it's constantly tired from either fighting this person or being simply broken that there is barely space for work.

It's not the problems that I thought I would have. Damn it. I just want a room, a plug, and a couple of months upon which I can finish FullCook, but I can't even afford it! The market doesn't care for what you will do, it only cares for what you have.

It's easy now to write when you are alone and with energy. But 90% of the time, I'm not. As if, I'm doing everything right, but because I have no money right now, my options are locked in. Don't even know if I can do good delivery - it'll get to 0°C soon, and I don't know if I had enough money to.

It's simple to make decisions, and do, when you are alone, or beside someone that supports you. But when you are not, even though you try to control your life, your options are tied in, and your impact is decreased..


Whoever is reading this, make sure you are the most goal-striving, life-controlling man, because if you won't - bad shit will come and you won't even able to be goal-striving anymore - because you won't function. You will be too tired to think, to reject bad decisions and to make good ones.

And tommorrow my today will repeat again.

I was in a similar situation during the last months, so I understand how you might feel. The constant cheating on the diet, then hating yourself the next morning because of what you did, procrastinating, not wanting to do anything, feeling like you are getting back on track but then after some days you fail and do all of that again and this cycle just keeps on repeating and repeating until you can't even trust your future self that he will be able to stay strong and make the right decision. I know how it feels to be stuck in this and it is really awful to be in this cycle, feeling like you won't be able to escape it.

Now, it's been more than a month since I have escaped this cycle and it just feels so freaking amazing, everything is so much better, I can easily stay away from the bad food, do all of the work I have to do when I have to do it and make right decisions most of the time.

What helped me to escape this cycle and get back on the right track is realizing that in every situation you can come out either a loser who always has excuses, gives in to his desires and is making bad choices OR you can come out a winner, who doesn't care about what he wants or how he feels, he just knows what he has to do, shuts that little voice in his head and does what he has to do.

Who do you want to be at the end of this situation? The winner or the loser? The choice is in your hands and only you can change something about it, nothing or no one else can.

 

[Samuel_Maverick]

Something that's always helped me is doing this.

Take a pen and paper. Coffee. Turn your phone off.

Write "The Exact Life I Am Creating" on a piece of paper.

Then list out in dot points your vision for what you need and believe you can have in the next 6 months.

The key point there is need and believe.

If you just want it and don't believe you can do it, no point. Has to be a need.

If you genuinely NEED it and believe you can have it, you'll get it.

When I was cleaning toilets at 3am at one point in my life this is how I got through it. Listened to some podcasts while scrubbing shit. Visualised my new life.

Hope this helps dude.

 

[Stargazer]

As you are at Uni could you not just swap rooms?

Your room mate must have at least one other Uni friend that he would rather share with and you can provide the solution to this.

Dan

 

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[MRiabov]

Yeah, I know what you all are saying. I don't procrastinate, nor I am becoming worse. It's just that because of physical tiredness, and often lack of alone room it becomes quite difficult to concentrate.

No, I'm not weak. It's just... Hard. Sometimes. Sometimes too often.

I do have a vision, a grand vision and principles to back them up. So I'm in a good place.

Simply use this post as a reminder to work harder.