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Anger Issues

Anything related to matters of the mind

Black_Dragon43

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Andy Black

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Lots of interesting replies already…

A little different angle for you from my own life. Growing up in Eastern Europe being tough was an asset. That and various family dynamics made my fuse short.

Today I am seem by most people around me as the calm and rational one. Never buckle under pressure, and you can’t set me off even if you try.

What’s the difference?

One word: identity.

Who are you as a person? What is your identity? I accepted that since as far back as I can remember, I was meant to be tough. Weak men are weak for a reason. I thought being angry was being tough, only later to realize that only weak men are angry. Men who aren’t in control aren’t tough. “Losing it” isn’t being tough, it’s the opposite.

In the animal kingdom, there is a certain graceful calmness about top of the pyramid predators. They are in control over their emotions. Same with humans. And that realization is what changed me. My identity is consistent with my behaviour now.

I am a calm person. Try as you might to set me off, you won’t succeed. You may even be physically stronger than me, but I’ll be tougher.


Sidebar: distilling why someone typically gets mad is simple. It is a violation of a rule in your own mind. Your rule. Not a real rule, just your own rule that you made up. That means you can make up a new rule. Unless you are weak. Weak men cannot do that. Like when someone is rude to you. It is your rule that “such and such has no right to talk to me this way”. My rule will be “this personal demeanour is beneath me, people who are like me don’t engage with losers like this person. People like him did not earn the right to take up my time and any emotion from me, that is reserved for people I like/love” etc.


Outcome?
-
Turns out my new approach means I do very well in negotiations. And that helps me with my business.
- Same with family
… most of all, I am happier being this way.

In short, don’t look for a “method”. As Nike says “just do it” - you have the power within you to change your mind from being easily triggered to someone who’s calm. Calm people are wickedly tough.

Edit:
Of course, everyone has limits. And I do mediate (TM), go for walks, read and write to remain in control over my responses to life’s events. The difference is just like for people who try to quit an addiction. As long as you identify as a “smoker who’s trying to quit” you’ll fail. The minute you start identifying as a “non-smoker who occasionally smokes” you’ve done it. Identity.

It is not what happens to you, it is how you react to it that matters.
I think this is key.

I see anger as coming from a feeling of helplessness. I don't see or want to see myself as helpless, so I refuse to get angry.

It doesn't really matter if anger comes from a feeling of helplessness or not. In this case, I believe what I need to believe to get the outcome I want.

I see anger as a weakness so it's not something I want as part of my identity.

I also see calmness as a sign of strength. I see the leader as the one who keeps his head and works his way through the problem whole everyone around them is panicking.
 

heavy_industry

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Lots of interesting replies already…

A little different angle for you from my own life. Growing up in Eastern Europe being tough was an asset. That and various family dynamics made my fuse short.

Today I am seem by most people around me as the calm and rational one. Never buckle under pressure, and you can’t set me off even if you try.

What’s the difference?

One word: identity.

Who are you as a person? What is your identity? I accepted that since as far back as I can remember, I was meant to be tough. Weak men are weak for a reason. I thought being angry was being tough, only later to realize that only weak men are angry. Men who aren’t in control aren’t tough. “Losing it” isn’t being tough, it’s the opposite.

In the animal kingdom, there is a certain graceful calmness about top of the pyramid predators. They are in control over their emotions. Same with humans. And that realization is what changed me. My identity is consistent with my behaviour now.

I am a calm person. Try as you might to set me off, you won’t succeed. You may even be physically stronger than me, but I’ll be tougher.


Sidebar: distilling why someone typically gets mad is simple. It is a violation of a rule in your own mind. Your rule. Not a real rule, just your own rule that you made up. That means you can make up a new rule. Unless you are weak. Weak men cannot do that. Like when someone is rude to you. It is your rule that “such and such has no right to talk to me this way”. My rule will be “this personal demeanour is beneath me, people who are like me don’t engage with losers like this person. People like him did not earn the right to take up my time and any emotion from me, that is reserved for people I like/love” etc.


Outcome?
-
Turns out my new approach means I do very well in negotiations. And that helps me with my business.
- Same with family
… most of all, I am happier being this way.

In short, don’t look for a “method”. As Nike says “just do it” - you have the power within you to change your mind from being easily triggered to someone who’s calm. Calm people are wickedly tough.

Edit:
Of course, everyone has limits. And I do mediate (TM), go for walks, read and write to remain in control over my responses to life’s events. The difference is just like for people who try to quit an addiction. As long as you identify as a “smoker who’s trying to quit” you’ll fail. The minute you start identifying as a “non-smoker who occasionally smokes” you’ve done it. Identity.

It is not what happens to you, it is how you react to it that matters.
Pure gold! :jawdrop:

This comment deserves a thread of its own.
 

S.Y.

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I hate losing my shit, I hate how I feel afterwards, I hate making people feel scared or uncomfortable (I'm a big [not fat] guy) and it just all round feels like a waste of energy.

The usual advice (count to ten and all that bs) does not work on me, I'm too angry in the moment to feel it. When I lose it, I can feel my brain splitting in two. On one side is the rational, much quieter side saying "no, chill, don't do this. You'll regret this afterwards" The other, much louder, side of me is shouting "JUST F*ckING SMASH!!!"

So, anyone else out there with these issues that has found a good coping mechanism please feel free to drop a few lines on how it's worked for you.

If you suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder, get help.

If you don't, then you are lying to yourself when you say you "hate it". You don't, or you don't hate it enough to change. You are gaining something out of having a quick temper. And that thing that you are gaining is enabling you to lose your shit.

Based on your post, you have enough detachment to feel the rational and emotional side of your brain. Yet you choose to act on the emotional part of your brain.

Anger is not good nor bad. It is an emotion. And emotions are information. How you react to your anger is what is good or bad. When I see an injustice, I want to feel that anger. The state of frustration it puts me conveys to me that what I am seeing goes against what I judge to be fair. If I am in a situation where I should act, the physical state of arousal and readiness that anger brings is exactly what I need.

How can you cope with it? Start by taking ownership and accountability. You don't have "anger issues", you have a control issue. Saying you have anger issues is not being accountable for your own actions. Then, find what you are gaining from your temper. Once you know it, you can take action.

From a behavioural standpoint, looking at Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. They have a variety of tools available there.
 
G

Guest-5ty5s4

Guest
Lots of interesting replies already…

A little different angle for you from my own life. Growing up in Eastern Europe being tough was an asset. That and various family dynamics made my fuse short.

Today I am seem by most people around me as the calm and rational one. Never buckle under pressure, and you can’t set me off even if you try.

What’s the difference?

One word: identity.

Who are you as a person? What is your identity? I accepted that since as far back as I can remember, I was meant to be tough. Weak men are weak for a reason. I thought being angry was being tough, only later to realize that only weak men are angry. Men who aren’t in control aren’t tough. “Losing it” isn’t being tough, it’s the opposite.

In the animal kingdom, there is a certain graceful calmness about top of the pyramid predators. They are in control over their emotions. Same with humans. And that realization is what changed me. My identity is consistent with my behaviour now.

I am a calm person. Try as you might to set me off, you won’t succeed. You may even be physically stronger than me, but I’ll be tougher.


Sidebar: distilling why someone typically gets mad is simple. It is a violation of a rule in your own mind. Your rule. Not a real rule, just your own rule that you made up. That means you can make up a new rule. Unless you are weak. Weak men cannot do that. Like when someone is rude to you. It is your rule that “such and such has no right to talk to me this way”. My rule will be “this personal demeanour is beneath me, people who are like me don’t engage with losers like this person. People like him did not earn the right to take up my time and any emotion from me, that is reserved for people I like/love” etc.


Outcome?
-
Turns out my new approach means I do very well in negotiations. And that helps me with my business.
- Same with family
… most of all, I am happier being this way.

In short, don’t look for a “method”. As Nike says “just do it” - you have the power within you to change your mind from being easily triggered to someone who’s calm. Calm people are wickedly tough.

Edit:
Of course, everyone has limits. And I do mediate (TM), go for walks, read and write to remain in control over my responses to life’s events. The difference is just like for people who try to quit an addiction. As long as you identify as a “smoker who’s trying to quit” you’ll fail. The minute you start identifying as a “non-smoker who occasionally smokes” you’ve done it. Identity.

It is not what happens to you, it is how you react to it that matters.
This was excellent. I really like how you explained this and I'm learning this too. It works perfectly for strangers, friends, etc. BUT is a bit more difficult with family, S/O type situations (can't exactly decide "this person's a loser who I won't deal with again" - I mean, you CAN, sometimes, but you catch my drift) so if you expanded more on your thoughts on this, would be interesting.
 

Strategery

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Lots of interesting replies already…

A little different angle for you from my own life. Growing up in Eastern Europe being tough was an asset. That and various family dynamics made my fuse short.

Today I am seem by most people around me as the calm and rational one. Never buckle under pressure, and you can’t set me off even if you try.

What’s the difference?

One word: identity.

Who are you as a person? What is your identity? I accepted that since as far back as I can remember, I was meant to be tough. Weak men are weak for a reason. I thought being angry was being tough, only later to realize that only weak men are angry. Men who aren’t in control aren’t tough. “Losing it” isn’t being tough, it’s the opposite.

In the animal kingdom, there is a certain graceful calmness about top of the pyramid predators. They are in control over their emotions. Same with humans. And that realization is what changed me. My identity is consistent with my behaviour now.

I am a calm person. Try as you might to set me off, you won’t succeed. You may even be physically stronger than me, but I’ll be tougher.


Sidebar: distilling why someone typically gets mad is simple. It is a violation of a rule in your own mind. Your rule. Not a real rule, just your own rule that you made up. That means you can make up a new rule. Unless you are weak. Weak men cannot do that. Like when someone is rude to you. It is your rule that “such and such has no right to talk to me this way”. My rule will be “this personal demeanour is beneath me, people who are like me don’t engage with losers like this person. People like him did not earn the right to take up my time and any emotion from me, that is reserved for people I like/love” etc.


Outcome?
-
Turns out my new approach means I do very well in negotiations. And that helps me with my business.
- Same with family
… most of all, I am happier being this way.

In short, don’t look for a “method”. As Nike says “just do it” - you have the power within you to change your mind from being easily triggered to someone who’s calm. Calm people are wickedly tough.

Edit:
Of course, everyone has limits. And I do mediate (TM), go for walks, read and write to remain in control over my responses to life’s events. The difference is just like for people who try to quit an addiction. As long as you identify as a “smoker who’s trying to quit” you’ll fail. The minute you start identifying as a “non-smoker who occasionally smokes” you’ve done it. Identity.

It is not what happens to you, it is how you react to it that matters.
Dude, I love your posts. So damn thoughtful, and they always leave me with something to chew on.

I can really resonate with your self-talk approach to this. One thing I think that would help @Roli is to do what you’re saying, and also to go a step further and ask yourself, are the people that I hang around promoting this behavior in me? In other words, do they accept it to avoid conflict? If not, maybe think of who’s opinions you respect, and who would simultaneously not accept behavior like that and surround yourself with them. I feel like that helps to “prove” the new self-talk/identity to your subconscious.
 
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Isaac Odongo

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Anger is part of our emotional makeup. Thus, there are times when expressing anger in a controlled fashion may be appropriate. However, unhealthy anger, can harm us and others emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Anger that is controlled has advantages. It can help in overcoming obstacles.

Problem anger on the other hand is dangerous. It is a lack of self control. This is a huge weakness. It could directly lead you to a worse life situation than you want to be in. It hurts, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

You've lost your head. You're mad.
You've people who value their peace. They'll leave you.
You're on verge of getting into serious trouble.
You could find yourself a criminal.
Your friends are probably enduring. I don't know why.
But your daughter is suffering. You could do better for her.

You are stronger and more controlled.
You are master of your mind. You are pilot of yourself.
You are captain of your emotions.
You keep them in check.

A 19-year-old male beat his fiancée’s 11-month-old baby to death. The man had been playing a violent video game and lost his temper when the baby touched the game’s control panel and thus caused the man to forfeit the game.

You don't want to be the one in the report above. Or do you?

The brochure Boiling Point—Problem Anger and What We Can Do About It describes “problem anger” as “any dysfunctional way of relating to and managing anger that persistently causes significant difficulties in a person’s life including their thinking, feeling, behaviour and relationships.”

Could that be your problem?

Well, this may help.

“Let anger alone and leave rage; do not show yourself heated up only to do evil.” (Psalm 37:8)
  1. Slow down and relax. The way Andy and Antifragile explain.
  2. Learn to relax. “A calm heart is the life of the fleshly organism.” (Proverbs 14:30)
    • Breathing deeply
    • Repeating an action verb such as "relax", "calm down". Remember, “Where there is no wood the fire goes out.” Proverbs 26:20
    • Take your leave immediately. In many situations you can do this. Help diffuse the probable explosion. “The beginning of contention is as one letting out waters; so before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave.” Proverbs 17:14.
    • Immerse yourself into something meaningful, self development. Like reading, listening to music or doing whatever you find relaxing. But not stimulants. Would smoke to strengthen your lungs? Would get drunken to strengthen your kidneys? Would you gorge on fatty meat to strengthen your heart? Why do you do weed to strengthen your mind? It's ironical.
    • Getting regular exercise. To strengthen your heart, your mind, your lungs, and your life. Ask @Shono.
  3. Change your thinking. Remember humans are imperfect. Mistakes and failures will abound. Yes, “there is no man righteous in the earth that keeps doing good and does not sin.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20) You youself will err and relapse into your anger. Remember, an athlete who slips and falls in the the race doesn't stop altogether. Get up and keep on.
 
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Antifragile

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Pure gold! :jawdrop:

This comment deserves a thread of its own.

Thanks.

There may be a thread in weaving a few topics:
  • your own mind is the greatest source for your success or failure, your identity defines your actions
  • controlling your emotions and how it helps with business: negotiations, employees, most stressful moments etc.
  • quality of questions you ask yourself determines the qualify of life you will live
There is a reason why books like "Die with Zero" are popular. I didn't read it, but heard enough to know that its'a bout reframing your relationship to how you view money and life. It's again about changing your mind. And while I disagree with the premise of dying with $ zero, I‘d like to die with zero regrets and a shit ton of wealth… but I digress. :)

I’ll let it perculate in my head, appreciate the suggestion.

This was excellent. I really like how you explained this and I'm learning this too. It works perfectly for strangers, friends, etc. BUT is a bit more difficult with family, S/O type situations (can't exactly decide "this person's a loser who I won't deal with again" - I mean, you CAN, sometimes, but you catch my drift) so if you expanded more on your thoughts on this, would be interesting.

We love making life more complicated, humans… that’s what we do. But does it have to be?

Sure, it sounds like the approach with relatives would be much more nuanced. But is it really?

Either I am a calm person or not. Calm person won’t yell at relatives no more than strangers, won’t ”lose it” etc. Right?

Diving a bit deeper.

The "loser" comment was just a quick reframe that:
a) isn't true - the person who's "misbehaving" probably has his own rules that he's following and doesn't think he's being an a**hole. For example, if I cut someone off in traffic because I am running late to a big meeting, or someone in my family is sick and I need to get meds, in my head I am not an “a**hole” or “loser” but whoever flips me the bird from the other car probably thinks I am both. When my wife was in labour and I double parked my car and didn’t pay parking right across from hospital entrance... Some might think I was a total douchebag, especially because I drive a Range Rover and everyone knows, those douchebags double park all the time!
b) was meant for me to be able to let go. I need tools as a calm person to remain calm even when the events around me violate my own "rules" of life. You should have many rules that keep you calm, if that’s what you choose do be.

Family is similar, same identity applies. My identity is that of a calm person. Family will not trigger me, but because I love them, I will invest time and energy into resolving conflict (vs just shrugging and walking away). They get the benefit of doubt.

For example: my wife and I have been together for over 20 years. When we have a fight / conflict I want to hang on to "But I am right, damn it". What if I am not right? She gets the benefit of doubt, I want to talk it out with her. Some random person in a store means nothing to me, they didn't earn the right to occupy space in my head or waste my time.

Here’s another way to think, a 10-10-10 rule.

Ask yourself: “How will I feel in 10 hours about this event? How about 10 months? How about 10 years?” And then get excited appropriately. If I’ll forget it ever happen by tomorrow, why even bother? But If it’s something that’ll last 10 years… gee… I guess I should invest time to get it resolved, whatever it is.


Dude, I love your posts. So damn thoughtful, and they always leave me with something to chew on.
Thanks for saying this, it means a lot to me!


Edit:

A powerful quote that fits here very well:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”​

― Viktor E. Frankl

If you haven't read Man's Search for Meaning Book by Viktor Frankl, I highly recommend.
From wikipedia:

"a 1946 book by Viktor Frankl chronicling his experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War II, and describing his psychotherapeutic method, which involved identifying a purpose in life to feel positive about, and then immersively imagining that outcome. According to Frankl, the way a prisoner imagined the future affected his longevity. The book intends to answer the question "How was everyday life in a concentration camp reflected in the mind of the average prisoner?"
 
Last edited:

biophase

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I hate losing my shit, I hate how I feel afterwards, I hate making people feel scared or uncomfortable (I'm a big [not fat] guy) and it just all round feels like a waste of energy.

So, anyone else out there with these issues that has found a good coping mechanism please feel free to drop a few lines on how it's worked for you.
I just heard this in a podcast, but can't remember which one. The person said that when he was in high school one of his friend's dad suddenly became very mean to everyone. Turned out that the dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor years later and passed away. Then everyone suddenly understood why the sudden mood change and felt bad.

So now when someone gets him mad, he just assumes that the other person has an undiagnosed illness which then makes him feel empathy and diffuses his anger towards the person.

I used to go to 24hr Walmart around midnight because I can avoid all the crowds and get in and out. Many times, the checkout person would be either rude or just not friendly. It never bothered me because I understood it must suck that your job is to work the overnight register shift at Walmart. I'm about to leave to go home and sleep and this person has to stand here another 6 hours.
 
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Haven't read the entire thread, but I'm sure I'm simply parroting what others here have said.

Very similar childhood with the violence and whatnot. I was jumped in at 12, and was more or less a "freelance enforcer" by 14. Drugs, violence, guns, gangs, etc. Also cliché in that I didn't have a father (still don't, LOL!).

Realized it was my way of overcompensating. I hated the idea of "living a normal life," but I also knew I didn't want to be surrounded by violence and trap houses. Furthermore, when you don't think you'll live to see your 21st birthday, it's easy to avoid thinking about any type of future.

Anyway, over the years, as I worked on my character, and started paying attention to what I valued/cared about, the anger, depression, overcompensation, etc. began dissipating. And now? There are still things that can instantly trigger my anger (stupid people, stupid people in traffic, etc.), but I can control it now, and it typically vanishes once I realize anger doesn't solve shit. But it sure as shit makes shit worse ;-).

As a final thought, if you find yourself struggling with marijuana, it's probably a sign you need to quit. While I'm neither a doctor nor a scientist, I highly doubt the weed is to blame, but one can definitely see the correlation between side effects of weed and what you're experiencing.

It can cause paranoia, which in turn, can fuel anger to some extent. That said, I don't believe there's a scientific study anywhere that outright links anger problems to marijuana consumption, but again, I could be wrong. Ultimately, do what works for you... And definitely seek professional help.

Cheers.
 

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Change your thinking.
What do you really gain by being angry, uncontrolled angry?

What do you actually lose by being uncontrolled angry?

How would your life improve if you were to work on your temper and make it calmer?

What kind of man are you? What kind man do you want to be remembered as?

These questions may not suffice. But my point is about you unscripting and rescripting yourself. It is the battle of your mind.

Determine why the angry reactions are frequent. What could be the reason, conscious or unconscious, that fuels your anger? Why did you come to believe or live according to those reasons? Are they beneficial? Do they make your life better? Will they make your life better? Do they, will they move you from zero to one?

Can you live without their fulfilment? What do you sacrifice by becoming calmer? Make your fight worth it, and you will win it.

When you begin to find strong reasons to calm down your mind, you will begin to gradually improve. Over years, you will become a better person.

What are strong reasons for to improve? Only you can determine these. But this thread talked about a lot of stuff.
 
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If you suffer from Intermittent Explosive Disorder, get help.

If you don't, then you are lying to yourself when you say you "hate it". You don't, or you don't hate it enough to change. You are gaining something out of having a quick temper. And that thing that you are gaining is enabling you to lose your shit.

Based on your post, you have enough detachment to feel the rational and emotional side of your brain. Yet you choose to act on the emotional part of your brain.

Anger is not good nor bad. It is an emotion. And emotions are information. How you react to your anger is what is good or bad. When I see an injustice, I want to feel that anger. The state of frustration it puts me conveys to me that what I am seeing goes against what I judge to be fair. If I am in a situation where I should act, the physical state of arousal and readiness that anger brings is exactly what I need.

How can you cope with it? Start by taking ownership and accountability. You don't have "anger issues", you have a control issue. Saying you have anger issues is not being accountable for your own actions. Then, find what you are gaining from your temper. Once you know it, you can take action.

From a behavioural standpoint, looking at Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. They have a variety of tools available there.

It's quite a skill to be able to condescend via the written word. Well done.
 
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It's quite a skill to be able to condescend via the written word. Well done.

I re-read what I wrote and you are right. I am sorry @Roli.

My intent was to give a different perspective and some pointers on where you can find tools that can help you. The delivery was pure hot garbage.

And please, if anything, look at CBT. It has a lot of tools, many of them very accessible to help people change their behaviours.
 

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I have the same kind of issues, I do not tolerate disrespect and think that it should be crushed immediately without compromise.

Of course the world do not work like that.

My advice is you take boxing lessons. It seems that it will make it worse but believe me it is actually a great way of tempering your emotions. The mindset of self-esteem and skills that results will actually make it a lot easier for you to "let it go". Plus there is the intense exercices that will be beneficial and calm you down.

Any coach will say that this is great for anger issues.

If you are technically able to crush someone's neck, you just won't do it. Fighters are generally very calm, only using their skills in dangerous situation.

In addition people will eventually feel it and stay out of the way.

Being 51 is no problem, you obviously won't do competition, but beside that it's all benefits. (and yes, young fighters at the gym will respect that)

(PS: when I say boxing I mean any martial art/combat you'd like to do).

I seriously believe learning combat is on of the best thing one can do.
 

Roli

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I have the same kind of issues, I do not tolerate disrespect and think that it should be crushed immediately without compromise.

Of course the world do not work like that.

My advice is you take boxing lessons. It seems that it will make it worse but believe me it is actually a great way of tempering your emotions. The mindset of self-esteem and skills that results will actually make it a lot easier for you to "let it go". Plus there is the intense exercices that will be beneficial and calm you down.

Any coach will say that this is great for anger issues.

If you are technically able to crush someone's neck, you just won't do it. Fighters are generally very calm, only using their skills in dangerous situation.

In addition people will eventually feel it and stay out of the way.

Being 51 is no problem, you obviously won't do competition, but beside that it's all benefits. (and yes, young fighters at the gym will respect that)

(PS: when I say boxing I mean any martial art/combat you'd like to do).

I seriously believe learning combat is on of the best thing one can do.

You are 100% right, I boxed as a kid and absolutely loved it, the only reason I stopped is because around 15 the sparring sessions gave me a headache and I didn't like the feeling.

The (rather pathetic) reason I haven't joined a boxing gym is because a few years ago I went down to the one near me and they just had these boxercise classes which I wasn't in to. I just wanted to do a bit of speedball, skipping and smash the hell out of a heavy bag.

It's a pathetic excuse (although regimes like this are helped by geographical proximity to one's house), I should just find another gym.
 
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Roli

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I re-read what I wrote and you are right. I am sorry @Roli.

My intent was to give a different perspective and some pointers on where you can find tools that can help you. The delivery was pure hot garbage.

And please, if anything, look at CBT. It has a lot of tools, many of them very accessible to help people change their behaviours.

Don't worry about it, I probably should have just let it slide as it's obvious you answered trying to help, but erm.... anger issues! Lol. Thanks for the reply and follow up!
 

Raedrum

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You are 100% right, I boxed as a kid and absolutely loved it, the only reason I stopped is because around 15 the sparring sessions gave me a headache and I didn't like the feeling.

The (rather pathetic) reason I haven't joined a boxing gym is because a few years ago I went down to the one near me and they just had these boxercise classes which I wasn't in to. I just wanted to do a bit of speedball, skipping and smash the hell out of a heavy bag.

It's a pathetic excuse (although regimes like this are helped by geographical proximity to one's house), I should just find another gym.

Yes English Boxing can be tough or even dangerous for the brain. I had a friend who suffered headhache too in his teenage years, he stopped.

Doing kick-boxing or Thai Boxing may reduce head impact. Also as you are 51, people at gym should go easy on sparring with you (if they are not dumb).

It doesn’t look like it but MMA (free fight) have actually less aggressiveness towards the head (because techniques are so large)

Otherwise you can try martial art like Kung-Fu/Karate or defense system like Krav Maga, there will be much less sparring and your head will be spared. Jiu-Jitsu or wrestling also have little to no blows.


And, if you don't want to boxercise, you can just install punching bag at home and go your way with it. But I recommend finding a good gym, you can try several location and sports but it is important to have coaches and partners with which you feel good.
 

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