First of all, I want to say; welcome to this forum
I'm glad you joined and I hope you can stay here, post, read, give and obtain value.
The fact that you decided to register in this forum shows that you really want to improve things in your life.
I understand you a lot. I have been through approximately 2-3 hard depressions in my life.
One of them was really recently and
I severely considered to commit suicide.
So I kind of understand what you are feeling... I know how hard it is to manage these dark emotions that feel like they take you and destroy you from inside.
I know how bad it feels to wake up everyday and don't feel the motivation or energy to do anything.
You feel like a constant failure. You deeply down want to change your life but depression doesn't let you and the cycle starts again.
I know how hard it is, please trust me.
I want to give some words to you, the same exact words that I wish I have understood when I was feeling this way.
1. Please highly consider breaking the cycle.
When depression hits, your mind and heart becomes weak.
Depression silently kills you.
Normally, people tend to search for a place to comfort. That is dangerous.
When you're depressed and you search for comfort and you get involved and embraced by it, depression is feed like a horrendous beast... it grows and takes more and more from you.
What you can do about it?
Stop embracing comfort.
By comfort I mean everything that makes you feel better
in this moment but in the long run doesn't help you.
I remember always staying in bed, crying, killing my loneliness using the phone and mindlessly scrolling through social media.
You know what happened?
Surprise,
nothing.
My life didn't changed at all.
What was the result?
My depression was being feed. I was giving my depression reasons to still exist.
If you have depression you're likely to be
using your free time to scape hard emotions... through;
videogames, social media, porn, daydreaming, listening to music and more.
You have to HIGHLY reduce these activities. They're overstimulating your brain and taking precious energy from you.
Instead, use all your resources to stay in silence.
From now I will star to share some resources that have helped me. Watch them in order and watch them completely. I wish these things have the same effect they had on me.
You don't have to watch it all in the same day, but consider to watch them:
I recommend you to watch a post I made about what I mentioned
I recommend you to investigate about Dopamine Detox
(A for life Dopamine Detox)
A great video about this topic by one of my favorite self improvement Youtuber, Hamza
Now, directly about the topic about comfort. I think you should start to watch some videos of David Goggins.
He changed his life through pain
He was down bad in a terrible depression but he managed to become a successful man and scape his mediocrity.
He is inspiring and he shows you how you can grow through adversity. He teaches you and tells you how terrible pain can be useful to make change and become better:
Become A Savage & Live On Your Own Terms! | David Goggins
David Goggins on How He Became Unstoppable and Doing the Unthinkable
DO THIS To Make Yourself Immune To Pain & DESTROY LAZINESS
He also has a book that I REALLY recommend reading.
Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins.
2. Improve your mental health:
The biggest step you can take to improve your mental health is by getting away from social media and distractions. Don't expect it to do it overnight, everything is a process.
You should focus on improving your mental health.
There are several ways of doing it.
I recommend doing
meditation.
And practicing
gratitude.
I highly recommend the course of Yale University - The Science of Well Being (it's free!)
One of the courses with best reviews.
She explains how to REALLY be happy with science.
It involves being present (meditation), savoring life (being conscious and enjoying some moments) and by practicing gratitude.
Meditation. Try your best to do it everyday for at least 1 or 5 min to start with.
Meditation is not about not thinking. Is about trying to focus all your attention in your breath and focus on it - a simple and relaxing stimulus.
Gratitude Journaling is simply start making a habit of writing in a notebook 5 things you're grateful for. Now... if have depression, you will have a hard time writing something. I understand. But don't force yourself. It can be ANYTHING... from being grateful for the beautiful sky to your mom for cooking dinner.
(But every time you write it, you have to conscious about it and really feel grateful. Think about some smalls privileges you have... did you had food in your plate today? do you have internet connection? do you have clear water to drink?
Many people around the world don't have these things.
They're dying of hunger, coldness, heat, dehydration.
It's time to be grateful for the small and basic things so we can grateful for the big ones.)
How to start meditating
Hamza 10 Minute Meditation Breathing Exercise
Full Mental Health Guide For Men (This should be your priority right now)
3. Change Mindset:
Stop comparing yourself. Really.
Stop thinking about how much others have achieved. You will get obsessed with others.
You have to become obsessed with yourself and improving your life.
It's all you should think about now.
Now your priority should be YOU.
Comparing yourself to others is the most stupid thing you can do (not trying to offend, but really...). They aren't exactly similar to you. They don't have the same dreams, problems, thoughts, circumstances.
Look at your past, not with hate but with pity.
And then think...
how can I stop being that way?
How can I become different?
If you want to change your future, change your present.
But first of all, appreciate your present. Only in the present you can make big changes.
I recommend you these books:
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (how to appreciate your present as it's the only thing you can control and the only constant where you're alive. Past and future doesn't exist)
Atomic Habits by James Clear (how to change your life year by year by developing habits, how habits work and how habits are formed)
Mindset - The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck (how to change your mindset, if you have fixated mindset you will always think life is static and that you can't learn new things, grow mindset instead is what successful people have)
A video where Carol herself talks about it - TED Talk
If you can't afford any of these books. Write me privately.
Now. I don't want to overwhelm you.
What I wrote isn't supposed to change your life, I don't have that power. I wish I had it.
But I gave you some books that were useful for me and I hope they were useful for you.
Develop the habit of reading books with great value.
Surround yourself in a positive environment. Throw away everything that depress you (from the color of your room -I actually did this- to delete social media like Twitter).
You HAVE the control of your life through actions.
Ideas AREN'T important unless you give them shape in the real world, do that by taking ACTION.
You will feel lost, depressed and more...
You will fail many times. Never someone said this was going to be easy.
But you know what? It's worth it!
It's 10x times better to be trying that to be on bed without doing anything!
Don't commit suicide. I want to share this with you:
The Morning After I Killed Myself
That video saved my life and I hope it save yours too.
When I was considering suicide, for some work of the destiny that video appeared in my YouTube feed.
I watched it and I cried. I cried because it made me realize about how much we're so closed in our minds... that we can't appreciate life.
Your parents are going to miss you.
They will never be happy again with your loss... everyday of their lives is going to be miserable.
They will miss your voice, your shape, your smile... your heart beating.
To your parents you're the most precious gift in this world even if you don't realize it.
You're not a failure to them. I'm sure they love you and they believe in you.
Believe in yourself. Don't feel inferior for still not reaching 'success'.
Look at MJ DeMarco story, he also wanted to commit suicide and he refused.
He felt like a failure many times.
But he didn't stopped. You don't have to stop.
Please never stop.
Fight until the end, try everything that is at your reach.
Take things with consideration and give yourself time to get out of that depression.
If I could do it, you can too!
Start small, develop some good habits as exercise (it will make you feel better and your appearance will change for the better).
Make a list of what you hate in your current life and focus on searching ways to change that.
But please don't give up.
I really want to wish you the best.
There are so many things that I wish I could say to you... but this topic is very complex.
My messages will be open for you anytime if you want to talk.
From my most genuine empathy, I want to wish you success.
I wish this was at least in some small extent useful for you.
I wish you the best