My Wife Thinks I'm a Coward!

[Salama2017]

I've been on this forum since 2017. I've learned a lot from MJ's books, the forum, and other recommended reads. Yet, I haven't started anything.

My life has been full of excuses. I was in a lot of debt. I promised myself to start a business once I clear debt. I wiped out all the debt and then promised myself to start a business once I have $20k in savings. My wife and I worked hard to save and now we have over $30k saved up.

I'm now running out of excuses. All I do is read but never take any action. I work 2 jobs and been saving a lot for retirement.

However, I still want to start a business. I'm thinking about becoming an independent courier but I'm worried I'll lose interest in that too.

I feel like a certified fakepreneur or action-faker. I have all the resources that I need. My wife now thinks I'm a coward. She works so hard and supports me 100%. I feel like I'm failing her.

How did you get over this fear of trying? I have millionaire friends who start different businesses every year. They don't like discussing business ideas with me because I never try anything. I haven't given up and this is why I'm seeking advice on how to get over this fear of trying and failing.

Thanks in advance!

 

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[JordanK]

You seem to be doing pretty well in employment and both of you are good at saving. Have you considered investing in Real Estate? I know the market is super hot at the moment so it may be a little more challenging to get started. The best thing about RE is it can be as hands on or as hands off as you want it to be. You could be running vacation Airbnbs/flipping or have long term tenants in a property managed by a property manager. It's completely up to you. This type of a business/investment will allow you to continue working your job along in the background and when the time comes that the properties earn more than your job you can quit. Some might see it as a safer option than pressing the nuclear button immediately and quitting your job to go all in on a startup. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Itizn]

is it just me or are a lot of threads and posts of late centered around the same concept

"i'm too scared, not sure how to gain courage, how can I get over these fears, etc..."

logically the answer is to just do it, assuming you even know what path you want to go down.

Do you even know which industry to break into? or which problem9s) you want to solve?

can you possibly be scared without actually knowing the answers to those questions?

 

[peterb0yd]

You might not be doing the work because you might not see yourself as a business owner. It's not your "role".

If I see myself as someone that is fit and in shape, it's a lot easier to work out. It will feel normal.

If I see myself as a lazy person (and often make self-deprecating jokes about how lazy I am), I'll act out that role. It'll feel normal.

Doing the work is actually easy once it feels normal. If you're working to solve a problem that is meaningful to you and you also think it's possible for you to solve, then you won't even think about it. You'll just do the work. You'll feel weird when you aren't doing the work.

I can't solve this for you. That's just my gut speaking based on reading your post.

 

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[mdot]

You might not be doing the work because you might not see yourself as a business owner. It's not your "role".

If I see myself as someone that is fit and in shape, it's a lot easier to work out. It will feel normal.

If I see myself as a lazy person (and often make self-deprecating jokes about how lazy I am), I'll act out that role. It'll feel normal.

Doing the work is actually easy once it feels normal. If you're working to solve a problem that is meaningful to you and you also think it's possible for you to solve, then you won't even think about it. You'll just do the work. You'll feel weird when you aren't doing the work.

I can't solve this for you. That's just my gut speaking based on reading your post.

James Clear talks a lot about this approach, he refers to it as Identity Based Habits if anyone wants to read more.

 

[peterb0yd]

James Clear talks a lot about this approach, he refers to it as Identity Based Habits if anyone wants to read more.

Nice, that's probably where I picked it up from. I'm a big fan of Atomic Habits.

 

[Jon L]

The ONLY way to get past that fear is to actually do something. Not: one of the ways, maybe there's a gentler easier approach if you think hard enough about it or consult the right books/talk to the right person/get lucky enough etc. The ONLY way. I speak from experience.

Once you do something, then, do something else. Then do something else.

It doesn't matter what the excuse:

• I'm too scared
• I don't know what the best option is
• I don't know enough people
• I'm too tired
• I don't have enough time in the day to fit it in
• I'm not very good at it
• I'm not efficient

Start. Today. Right now. Do one action, no matter how small, that moves you toward your goal. (Reading about something doesn't count.) If you want to start a courier business, call a law firm and ask to speak with someone that manages their couriers. Then, ask that person about what they're looking for in a courier. If its past 5 there, call someone on the west coast. If its past 5 on the west coast, leave a voicemail.


edit:

Here's the thing with being a coward. Being a coward is a daily decision. It can all change in an instant. You see a child in the middle of the road, and for the first time in your life, you run into danger instead of away from it, saving the child from an oncoming truck. You're now a hero. No one cares that you were a coward up until then. You saved that kid's life by your brave act. ... So ... go make a call.

 

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[Ocean Man]

is it just me or are a lot of threads and posts of late centered around the same concept

"i'm too scared, not sure how to gain courage, how can I get over these fears, etc..."

logically the answer is to just do it, assuming you even know what path you want to go down.

Do you even know which industry to break into? or which problem9s) you want to solve?

can you possibly be scared without actually knowing the answers to those questions?

I've attended several events where I've met other fastlaners and the main takeaway from these events was that a lot of it boils down to individual mindset and beliefs.

If you have an idea, you should just do it. If it fails, so what. Move onto the next thing. Another takeaway from the events was that it doesn't cost a lot to test out ideas. Spend a few hundred dollars, if it works, great. Roll with it. If it doesn't, try the next thing.

It doesn't take long to notice if people want what you're offering.

 

[Jon L]

I saw this posted elsewhere today:

Stop Thinking … Start Doing - Andy Frisella

Most people are too smart to succeed.
They spend all their time thinking about how to become successful...Thinking about what they want...
Thinking about what other people are going to say...
Thinking about what could go wrong...
Thinking about what they have to lose...
Overanalyzing every little tiny thing so much that they never take action.
Take it from someone who's been able to accomplish a few things in business and life...
Some of the most successful people I know don’t know the difference between "our" and "are" when typing an email.
These are people who are worth hundreds of millions of dollars...
I'm not exaggerating.
You would likely call them stupid because of their inability to compose a simple email…
…but they could buy your mortgage from your bank in cash and foreclose on you for fun.
So, how are they successful?
Here's why...
They make a decision about what they want in life...
…and they start F*cking moving.
They don't think about whether they're capable or not...
They don't think about what other people are going to say...
They don't think about what could happen...
They take action.
Your problem isn't that you're not thinking enough...
…or that you don’t know enough…
Your problem is that you're thinking too much...
Which keeps you in a state of paralysis...
Instead of putting one foot in front of the other.
Like you know you should be.

 

[mdot]

So, how are they successful?
Here's why...
They make a decision about what they want in life...
…and they start f*cking moving.

That one's going on the wall.

 

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[jdm667]

I've been on this forum since 2017. I've learned a lot from MJ's books, the forum, and other recommended reads. Yet, I haven't started anything.

My life has been full of excuses. I was in a lot of debt. I promised myself to start a business once I clear debt. I wiped out all the debt and then promised myself to start a business once I have $20k in savings. My wife and I worked hard to save and now we have over $30k saved up.

I'm now running out of excuses. All I do is read but never take any action. I work 2 jobs and been saving a lot for retirement.

However, I still want to start a business. I'm thinking about becoming an independent courier but I'm worried I'll lose interest in that too.

I feel like a certified fakepreneur or action-faker. I have all the resources that I need. My wife now thinks I'm a coward. She works so hard and supports me 100%. I feel like I'm failing her.

How did you get over this fear of trying? I have millionaire friends who start different businesses every year. They don't like discussing business ideas with me because I never try anything. I haven't given up and this is why I'm seeking advice on how to get over this fear of trying and failing.

Thanks in advance!

You are out of debt and have 50% more cash saved than you thought you needed. That makes me think your hesitation isn't about money.

Are you afraid of wasting time on an idea that might not work? If so, just keep in mind: the next year is going to pass either way.

Do you want to be in the same position, but with a little more cash in the bank ... or 1 year's worth of hard work closer to a business you can be proud of?

Even if it fails, you will learn a lot and reduce your chance of failure next time.

You are on this forum for a reason ... time to take the plunge!

 

[Itizn]

I've attended several events where I've met other fastlaners and the main takeaway from these events was that a lot of it boils down to individual mindset and beliefs.

If you have an idea, you should just do it. If it fails, so what. Move onto the next thing. Another takeaway from the events was that it doesn't cost a lot to test out ideas. Spend a few hundred dollars, if it works, great. Roll with it. If it doesn't, try the next thing.

It doesn't take long to notice if people want what you're offering.

I saw this posted elsewhere today:

Stop Thinking … Start Doing - Andy Frisella

Most people are too smart to succeed.
They spend all their time thinking about how to become successful...Thinking about what they want...
Thinking about what other people are going to say...
Thinking about what could go wrong...
Thinking about what they have to lose...
Overanalyzing every little tiny thing so much that they never take action.
Take it from someone who's been able to accomplish a few things in business and life...
Some of the most successful people I know don’t know the difference between "our" and "are" when typing an email.
These are people who are worth hundreds of millions of dollars...
I'm not exaggerating.
You would likely call them stupid because of their inability to compose a simple email…
…but they could buy your mortgage from your bank in cash and foreclose on you for fun.
So, how are they successful?
Here's why...
They make a decision about what they want in life...
…and they start f*cking moving.
They don't think about whether they're capable or not...
They don't think about what other people are going to say...
They don't think about what could happen...
They take action.
Your problem isn't that you're not thinking enough...
…or that you don’t know enough…
Your problem is that you're thinking too much...
Which keeps you in a state of paralysis...
Instead of putting one foot in front of the other.
Like you know you should be.

Read something a while back that stuck with me.
These posts reminded me of it and I'll quote it as I remember.

"stupid people make the best entrepreneurs. They don't realize(care) how unqualified and outrageous their intentions and goals are, yet find a way to put it out into the world, taking incremental steps along the way until it becomes reality."

 

[David Fitz]

The cowards never started and the weak died along the way - Shoe Dog

Do you want to look back on your life when you're 80 filled with regret? Get started on something, anything to get the ball rolling.

 

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[woken]

Funny how the human mind works.

You need to understand where it is coming from. Is it risk? Fear of failure?

“fear of doing” really means other fears such as failure, embarrassment, etc.

There’s no such thing as “fear of doing”, otherwise you wouldn’t think or even move.

Anyway, not all people are made for entrepreneurship and that’s fine.

Nothing people will write here will fuel you long term to do something.

Yeah, there’s that too. You can start doing something( which would be huge in this scenario) and then not continue.

If you really want to do something, start by doing ( and executing) to do lists. Of any kind. Once you can
“- take the trash out”
you can do anything else on them lists.

 

[Lee Wright]

1. Is there some way you can get started on a small scale? That way you can test the market & build up your confidence. Alternately could you volunteer to help out another non-competitor business in your intended industry to get experience, boost confidence & understand the market? That's pretty much how I got started with my current business.
2. I wonder whether working 2 jobs means you've got no time or mental energy left at the end of the week to focus on starting a new business?
3. I do worry about the courier business because I feel like within 5 years it might become fully automated with advancements in self driving vehicles. That's OK if you plan to own one of those vehicles but it would be capital intensive.

 

[Edgar King]

I've been on this forum since 2017. I've learned a lot from MJ's books, the forum, and other recommended reads. Yet, I haven't started anything.

My life has been full of excuses. I was in a lot of debt. I promised myself to start a business once I clear debt. I wiped out all the debt and then promised myself to start a business once I have $20k in savings. My wife and I worked hard to save and now we have over $30k saved up.

I'm now running out of excuses. All I do is read but never take any action. I work 2 jobs and been saving a lot for retirement.

However, I still want to start a business. I'm thinking about becoming an independent courier but I'm worried I'll lose interest in that too.

I feel like a certified fakepreneur or action-faker. I have all the resources that I need. My wife now thinks I'm a coward. She works so hard and supports me 100%. I feel like I'm failing her.

How did you get over this fear of trying? I have millionaire friends who start different businesses every year. They don't like discussing business ideas with me because I never try anything. I haven't given up and this is why I'm seeking advice on how to get over this fear of trying and failing.

Thanks in advance!

Hey man, on a smaller scale I had the exact same feeling. You really do need to start somewhere, like ASAP. Humans are momentum based and while pushing the ball down the hill may be ultra hard, it starts to roll with almost little to no effort down the line.

Start with something small. A business that costs $200 and just jump right in and learn as you go. Jump into a pond first, and then go into the deep ocean later.

Create an execution thread on here, it helps a ton to hold you to what you have to do.

Help someone a day.
Do 1 action that scares you today.

Do those above, and the rest will come in due time.

 

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[AlexisLara]

Yeah Dude, overthinking & overanalyzing are bitches.

 

[Runum]

Why do you want to start a business? What would it do for you? What would you do for others?

The fear thing, especially the fear of failure... What would the failure look like to you? Could you survive it? Is that fear of failure stronger than the fear of starting?

To me operating a life from a point of fear is like playing a game not to lose. Playing only defense will win games but your defense has to score. At some point in time you need to play offense to win.

I wish you well.

 

[Bekit]

I've been on this forum since 2017. I've learned a lot from MJ's books, the forum, and other recommended reads. Yet, I haven't started anything.

My life has been full of excuses. I was in a lot of debt. I promised myself to start a business once I clear debt. I wiped out all the debt and then promised myself to start a business once I have $20k in savings. My wife and I worked hard to save and now we have over $30k saved up.

I'm now running out of excuses. All I do is read but never take any action. I work 2 jobs and been saving a lot for retirement.

However, I still want to start a business. I'm thinking about becoming an independent courier but I'm worried I'll lose interest in that too.

I feel like a certified fakepreneur or action-faker. I have all the resources that I need. My wife now thinks I'm a coward. She works so hard and supports me 100%. I feel like I'm failing her.

How did you get over this fear of trying? I have millionaire friends who start different businesses every year. They don't like discussing business ideas with me because I never try anything. I haven't given up and this is why I'm seeking advice on how to get over this fear of trying and failing.

Thanks in advance!

I agree with those who have said, "Just DO something."

Also, like @woken said, I think it would be helpful if you can identify the ACTUAL root cause of why you are stalling.

Is it really because you are a coward?

I doubt it.

I think you wrote this thread in the first place because you know that's not true. You know it's not that simple.

There IS something holding you back, you know that much. But what is it?

You might be able to get unstuck by using the following method:

1) Be introspective and think through all the deeper reasons why you haven't moved forward.
2) Since there may be more than one layer to this, make each reason your working hypothesis.
3) Commit to doing whatever action you can come up with to counteract that obstacle.

Example:
1) Make a list of all the reasons why you haven't moved forward.

• Is it fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of how you will be viewed? Fear of financial ruin? If you are afraid, what are you afraid of specifically?
• Is it procrastination?
• Is it poor time management?
• Is it bad goal-setting skills?
• Is it that you know deep down that your business idea is not viable, so you're waiting until you have a solid idea?
• Is it apathy?
• Is it disorganization?
• Are you too comfortable?
• Do you distrust yourself and your ability to execute?
• Have you not identified an actual problem to solve?
• Is it perfectionism? Are you waiting until you have "perfect conditions" before you execute?
• Is it that you don't see yourself as "worthy"?
• Is some other aspect of your identity threatened by the shift to entrepreneurship?
• Are you waiting until you find a business idea that you're "passionate" about?

2) Create your working hypothesis of why you're stuck.

"I think that my biggest obstacle is that I'm just too comfortable and apathetic."

3) Create an action step to counteract your obstacle (and commit to acting)!

"Since I've been too comfortable, I'm going to start facing uncomfortable situations by taking cold showers and approaching strangers in public and asking for a favor. Once I get practice doing that daily for 7 days, I will escalate to fighting apathy by reaching out to 1 strategic connection per day who can help me in the business I'm starting."

Repeat steps 2 and 3 again and again as many times as needed.

For instance, let's say you've really gotten a handle on apathy. You've experienced a lot of personal growth in this area, and it's definitely not apathy that's holding you back anymore. But you're still not taking action.

Well, go on to the next most likely one.

Maybe you identify, "OK, I'm still waiting around for that business idea that I feel passionate enough about. So I'm going to turn that into action and counteract it by practicing doing mundane things that I'm not passionate about. For the first 7 days, I'm going to do the dishes every day for my wife. I'm also going to write a list of all the reasons why my business does NOT have to be in an area that I'm personally passionate about. For the 7 days after that, I'm going to pick an idea from the list of 100 Unsexy Business Ideas, and I'm going to knock on doors, offering my services for that thing with no prior preparation."


If you were to identify your main reason why you're not taking action, what would it be?

 

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[Salama2017]

You seem to be doing pretty well in employment and both of you are good at saving. Have you considered investing in Real Estate? I know the market is super hot at the moment so it may be a little more challenging to get started. The best thing about RE is it can be as hands on or as hands off as you want it to be. You could be running vacation Airbnbs/flipping or have long term tenants in a property managed by a property manager. It's completely up to you. This type of a business/investment will allow you to continue working your job along in the background and when the time comes that the properties earn more than your job you can quit. Some might see it as a safer option than pressing the nuclear button immediately and quitting your job to go all in on a startup. Just my 2

You seem to be doing pretty well in employment and both of you are good at saving. Have you considered investing in Real Estate? I know the market is super hot at the moment so it may be a little more challenging to get started. The best thing about RE is it can be as hands on or as hands off as you want it to be. You could be running vacation Airbnbs/flipping or have long term tenants in a property managed by a property manager. It's completely up to you. This type of a business/investment will allow you to continue working your job along in the background and when the time comes that the properties earn more than your job you can quit. Some might see it as a safer option than pressing the nuclear button immediately and quitting your job to go all in on a startup. Just my 2 cents.

Never really thought about RE. Someone had mentioned FHA for multifamily investment but I didn't pay much attention. I think this is an area I will research now that I have a bit of capital. Thanks for the suggestion!

 

[Salama2017]

is it just me or are a lot of threads and posts of late centered around the same concept

"i'm too scared, not sure how to gain courage, how can I get over these fears, etc..."

logically the answer is to just do it, assuming you even know what path you want to go down.

Do you even know which industry to break into? or which problem9s) you want to solve?

can you possibly be scared without actually knowing the answers to those questions?

True. I can just jump in and start doing something. However, the fear of investing time and money into something that I quite don't understand and then failing is what bothers me. I wouldn't want to start something and then end up action-faking just because I feel that I need to start a business.
Thanks for your comment.

 

[Salama2017]

You might not be doing the work because you might not see yourself as a business owner. It's not your "role".

If I see myself as someone that is fit and in shape, it's a lot easier to work out. It will feel normal.

If I see myself as a lazy person (and often make self-deprecating jokes about how lazy I am), I'll act out that role. It'll feel normal.

Doing the work is actually easy once it feels normal. If you're working to solve a problem that is meaningful to you and you also think it's possible for you to solve, then you won't even think about it. You'll just do the work. You'll feel weird when you aren't doing the work.

I can't solve this for you. That's just my gut speaking based on reading your post.

Makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

 

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[Salama2017]

James Clear talks a lot about this approach, he refers to it as Identity Based Habits if anyone wants to read more.

Wow! what a great article and great reviews on the book! Just ordered it. Thanks for sharing!

 

[Salama2017]

The ONLY way to get past that fear is to actually do something. Not: one of the ways, maybe there's a gentler easier approach if you think hard enough about it or consult the right books/talk to the right person/get lucky enough etc. The ONLY way. I speak from experience.

Once you do something, then, do something else. Then do something else.

It doesn't matter what the excuse:

• I'm too scared
• I don't know what the best option is
• I don't know enough people
• I'm too tired
• I don't have enough time in the day to fit it in
• I'm not very good at it
• I'm not efficient

Start. Today. Right now. Do one action, no matter how small, that moves you toward your goal. (Reading about something doesn't count.) If you want to start a courier business, call a law firm and ask to speak with someone that manages their couriers. Then, ask that person about what they're looking for in a courier. If its past 5 there, call someone on the west coast. If its past 5 on the west coast, leave a voicemail.


edit:

Here's the thing with being a coward. Being a coward is a daily decision. It can all change in an instant. You see a child in the middle of the road, and for the first time in your life, you run into danger instead of away from it, saving the child from an oncoming truck. You're now a hero. No one cares that you were a coward up until then. You saved that kid's life by your brave act. ... So ... go make a call.

Thanks for the hard truth that I have been avoiding. I always move away from taking action whenever I find myself left with no other choice but to take action. I always think that the answer will be on the next book or the next successful person I'll come across. Sounds like I won't learn until I take action.
Thanks for taking the time to offer me this great advice. I'll be posting my progress on the forum soon.

 

[Salama2017]

I saw this posted elsewhere today:

Stop Thinking … Start Doing - Andy Frisella

Most people are too smart to succeed.
They spend all their time thinking about how to become successful...Thinking about what they want...
Thinking about what other people are going to say...
Thinking about what could go wrong...
Thinking about what they have to lose...
Overanalyzing every little tiny thing so much that they never take action.
Take it from someone who's been able to accomplish a few things in business and life...
Some of the most successful people I know don’t know the difference between "our" and "are" when typing an email.
These are people who are worth hundreds of millions of dollars...
I'm not exaggerating.
You would likely call them stupid because of their inability to compose a simple email…
…but they could buy your mortgage from your bank in cash and foreclose on you for fun.
So, how are they successful?
Here's why...
They make a decision about what they want in life...
…and they start f*cking moving.
They don't think about whether they're capable or not...
They don't think about what other people are going to say...
They don't think about what could happen...
They take action.
Your problem isn't that you're not thinking enough...
…or that you don’t know enough…
Your problem is that you're thinking too much...
Which keeps you in a state of paralysis...
Instead of putting one foot in front of the other.
Like you know you should be.

Great advice and thanks for your time. I have 'dumb' rich friends who are always launching new businesses right and left. They move fast in everything that they do and they tend to lose interest very fast especially when dealing with non-business people. My over-thinking and overanalyzing everything is the major reason why I give up before I even try. But now I've got nothing to lose if I try and take action. See you on the progress thread soon. Thanks again for your advice!

 

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[Salama2017]

You are out of debt and have 50% more cash saved than you thought you needed. That makes me think your hesitation isn't about money.

Are you afraid of wasting time on an idea that might not work? If so, just keep in mind: the next year is going to pass either way.

Do you want to be in the same position, but with a little more cash in the bank ... or 1 year's worth of hard work closer to a business you can be proud of?

Even if it fails, you will learn a lot and reduce your chance of failure next time.

You are on this forum for a reason ... time to take the plunge!

Thank you!!

 

[Salama2017]

Read something a while back that stuck with me.
These posts reminded me of it and I'll quote it as I remember.

"stupid people make the best entrepreneurs. They don't realize(care) how unqualified and outrageous their intentions and goals are, yet find a way to put it out into the world, taking incremental steps along the way until it becomes reality."

Well said. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Salama2017]

The cowards never started and the weak died along the way - Shoe Dog

Do you want to look back on your life when you're 80 filled with regret? Get started on something, anything to get the ball rolling.

I read "Top 5 Regrets of the Dying" not too long ago and your advice reminded me of how short life is to not try and end up regretting it. Thanks for sharing!

 

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[Salama2017]

Funny how the human mind works.

You need to understand where it is coming from. Is it risk? Fear of failure?

“fear of doing” really means other fears such as failure, embarrassment, etc.

There’s no such thing as “fear of doing”, otherwise you wouldn’t think or even move.

Anyway, not all people are made for entrepreneurship and that’s fine.

Nothing people will write here will fuel you long term to do something.

Yeah, there’s that too. You can start doing something( which would be huge in this scenario) and then not continue.

If you really want to do something, start by doing ( and executing) to do lists. Of any kind. Once you can
“- take the trash out”
you can do anything else on them lists.

Great advice. Thanks!

 

[Salama2017]

1. Is there some way you can get started on a small scale? That way you can test the market & build up your confidence. Alternately could you volunteer to help out another non-competitor business in your intended industry to get experience, boost confidence & understand the market? That's pretty much how I got started with my current business.
2. I wonder whether working 2 jobs means you've got no time or mental energy left at the end of the week to focus on starting a new business?
3. I do worry about the courier business because I feel like within 5 years it might become fully automated with advancements in self driving vehicles. That's OK if you plan to own one of those vehicles but it would be capital intensive.

I have a friend who has a courier business and wants me to be his partner. I have already gone on a ride-along with him and I liked it. He's willing to train me before I become his business partner and we'll be meeting again next week for another ride-along.
Working 2 jobs has been a challenge although not too much. I normally have time but my energy wears out too fast. I'm planning on quitting one of the jobs once I get into business.
I think things will be very different in 5 years. A lot of stuff will be automated for sure, maybe even the courier industry. However, my goal right now is to utilize my existing business connection (my friend) so that I can learn how business is done. Hopefully, I'll be in a different industry or among those who will be in the automation business.
I really appreciate your comment!