The Sidewalk Is Cold, It's Hard, And It Gave Me Hemroids.

[Enki]

I joined this forum 7 months ago. And for a solid month after I joined this forum I felt like I was heading in the right direction. I wrote out my plans and goals, all of the goal planning and setting my sights on a dream were a direct inspiration from reading “The Millionaire Fastlane ” by MJ. On my first post on this forum I ran a sob story full of excuses as to why I was where I was in my life. Someone asked if I tried my hand at writing for a living. This sparked something in me that had always been there, the desire to be a writer. I told myself I’m going to hold onto this dream and I’m going to make it happen.


At that time I was broke as ever, the bills were really starting to pile up and the pressure was getting unbearable. My brother called me and told me he was out of work and needed my help. Compared to him I’m a guru when it comes to marketing. He wanted to get back into contracting home repairs and construction. He knew I could generate leads and land jobs. We had achieved moderate success a few years back. I chalked our past failures to not taking anything seriously. I was desperate for money, and I started to envision it all working out. I would get his phone ringing and he would do all the rest. I would get paid a 10% commission on every job he landed.


I printed up flyers for house painting and drove around and slipped them in mailboxes of houses that were in need of fresh paint. After a few days his phone started ringing. For the first week I went with him to estimate the jobs. After about 10 estimates he still hadn’t landed a single job. I tried to give him a few tips on customer interaction, none of the tips were well received. He blamed it on the economy. I told him to let me do all of the talking for the next few estimates, he agreed to let me. After the third estimate we landed a job. It wasn’t huge, but it wasn’t really small either. And the customer was a full time real estate agent that flipped her own properties on the side. It was an "in" for steady slow lane work.


My health really wouldn’t allow me to work full time labor, so we both agreed that I would just show up on the job to keep face with the customer, and I would collect a commission at the end of the job. Over the course of the next few days my brother managed to persuade the customer that he was calling the shots. At that point I could have gone home. My brother told me he really needed my help on the job, I wouldn’t have to work hard and I could get paid by the hour and collect a commission upon job completion. If my brother could have afforded to pay me the commission up front I would have taken it. But I knew he was just as broke as me. It was a 2 week job, 1 week into the job I threw my back out. I literally couldn’t walk for more than 5 steps without pausing to brace myself. I was bed ridden for at least 3 weeks.


Even then I managed to use craigslist to keep his phone ringing. I tried calling my brother everyday and he ignored my calls. His wife would even cover for him. A few days after the job was completed I managed to get my brother on the phone. If it wasn’t for the fact that I used a service called spoofcard (They provide a service to spoof your caller id as any phone number), he probably wouldn’t have ever answered my call. These are literally the last words I heard from my brother since last September “I have the check from the lady, I’m cashing it in the morning. I’ll drop your money off”. I haven’t spoken with him since. This is the kind of family I grew up with. Not only did I blow my back out working, I did it all for free.


Now I’d love to say that since my brother stuck me I saw the light and it motivated me to do my own thing, but if that was true I wouldn’t be writing this thread in the sidewalk section. I ran into a ridiculous amount of adversity, pain, suffering, mental anguish and blah blah blah blah blah. The fact is those are all just f%^*ing excuses. Sure it’s true that my health is in a really bad state. Sure it’s true I live in pain and suffering. Aside from the physical pain, the suffering is only fault of myself. Four or five days ago it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t control physical pain, but the suffering is all on me.


When I am focused on a task there is no suffering. When I am deeply immersed in any kind of creative process the pain is even less intense. Entertainment can ease the pain and suffering to an extent. But if I was to entertain myself as a distraction from pain and suffering, where would I be in another 10 years? I know the key is to immerse myself in consecutive creative tasks that are aligned with my dreams and aspirations. Even if in 10 years I didn’t achieve the financial goals I set for myself, that still would be 10 years with less pain, 10 years with less suffering, I would be 10 years wiser, and I still would have ten years of creative accomplishment.


Since I sat my a$$ back on the sidewalk in ignorance a few months ago, there is one thing I can say I am proud of. And basically it really is only one thing, I never stopped reading and learning. I wanted to know what exactly it was that kept me reverting to my seemingly default settings of no dreams and aspirations. I wanted to know how I could get so pumped and feel so unstopped for a full month and then lose all steam, why couldn’t I stay inspired and motivated?


For the past 6 months I’ve been studying neuroscience. I’ve was hoping I could pinpoint something in the microcosm of that which is me. What needed to change on a neurological level? I was hoping to discover a neurological switch I could flip that would set off in motion the changes that needed to happen to reinvent myself into the person I wanted to be. Did I learn anything useful from studying neuroscience? Yes, a lot of cools stuff! Months later do I still believe there is a switch I could turn on to make the ideal version of myslef manifest? Simply put, no…..


God bless my kindle! After 127 books, publications and articles on neuroscience (75% Skimmed, 25% thoroughly read), there was one common recurring theme in the abstract of human behavior. It really all boils down to this word HABBIT. So I got my hands on as many books as I could to make sense of human behavior and habits. Everyone has heard someone say the phrase “I am a creature of habit”. The fact is everyone is a creature of habit. A person’s character, personality, achievements, and every other attribute is really just the sum of their most persistent habits. Our whole life is a series of habits.


Knowing the things I know now, leaves me with no excuses as to why I can’t accomplish anything I set my mind to. I know that the only thing holding me back (or moving me forward) is my habits. And not only do I know habits are the keys to success. I understand exactly how to analyze any habit, remove it or replace it according to my goals and desires. The only question is when. When will I implement the things I know?

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[Enki]

What exactly is a habit? We all have at least an abstract idea of what a habit is. When we think the word habit, we think ritual, automatic behavior, subconscious action. Understanding a habit, how to make it, and how to break it is surprisingly simple. I really wish this will one day be taught in grade school. A habit can be broken down into 3 parts. Someone coined the phrase “The three R’s of habit”, I can’t recall who.


1.) Reminder - The reminder is the trigger that sets the automatic thought, feeling, or action in motion.


2.) Ritual - The ritual is the automatic thought, feeing, or action.


3.) Reward - The reward is what reinforces the ritual to occur every time the reminder presents itself.


I have recently created a habit that I am extremely proud of. The dream I have of being a writer for a living was lacking a huge piece of action. I want to be a writer, yet I have little experience writing. Why do I have little experience writing? Simply put, I didn’t put any effort into it. I have created a habit to write every weekday from 6am – 9am. It’s doesn’t matter what I write as long as I write. Just being in the habit of writing for 3 hours per day is a good start. 3 hours per day of scheduled writing has raised not only the quality of my writing and speed of my typing, but it has also boosted my capacity to communicate with people in real life. Every morning I start by writing in my dream journal, only If I remember anything I dreamt the night before. Then If I don’t feel creative, I’ll write in my personal journal. Once I’ve documented everything I’ve experienced the day before, I’ll usually feel a little more creative and I’ll work on my creative works.


The reminder is waking up. The ritual is writing. There are so many rewards in this habit, I wouldn’t know where to begin on listing them. Just being able to read my work for myself is a reward in itself.


Want a new habit?


In a nutshell….


To make a new habit, set a reminder and tell yourself what the reward is. Perform the ritual, feel rewarded after performing the ritual. Reward = gratification, you can’t expect to make a new habit by only identifying the long term reward that repetitions of the ritual will produce. It’s good to have a habit that leads to a huge reward down the line. But in order to make a new lasting habit you have to have some kind of gratification just after you perform the ritual. Once the habit is crystallized the reward can be removed all together. Crystallization of habits will vary greatly depending on the type of habit. It will be easier to crystallize the habit of taking a multivitamin every morning than it would be to crystallize jogging for 5 miles every morning. You might start jogging and your schedule might get in the way of your jogging, so the habit is shot down well before it is crystallized. The key is to set up a backup plan, or a substitution habit. Bad habits come equipped with bad substitutions, good habits aren’t usually loaded with good subs by default. A prime example of bad habit substitutions; When smokers quit smoking and gain weight because they substitute smoking for a bad diet. So if time won’t allow you to jog five miles one day, tell yourself I’ll run 200 yards and do 100 pushups instead. If you forget to take your multivitamin, envision yourself popping it anyway, feel the reward of knowing you will remember to take it the next day.


I know it seems ironic that I am giving advice from the sidewalk. But I feel like this forum has already done so much for me and I have to give something back. If I could give any advice that would be followed by everybody on earth, it would be to study your habits. There is a really good book on habits that I probably auto plagiarized just now in this post (I read a ridiculous amount of books per week). It’s “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” by Jeremy Dean.


I’ve always thought I was an all or nothing type of guy. I give it my all, if I don’t see results right away I give up. I always wind up right where I started……. with nothing. I’m slowly starting to realize that I don’t really know what my all is, and even worse I’ve never measured the results of any of my labor. My success depends largely on systematic reflection. In order to figure out who or what I want to be in life, I need to first discover who I am. What are all of the habits that make me as a whole? Then I can take a glimpse into the future and see a man, the man I aspire to be. Once I have a clear vision of this man I can analyze his habits. I can implement his habits. Over time I can become the sum of those habits. It’s a long journey, I have a lot to learn and even more action to take.


Thank you for taking the time to read this. And I want to sincerely thank ever member of this forum. All though I have not been an active member for some time, I’ve always visited passively. I can honestly say I learn just as much from new members as I do from well established members. This website is the best resource for people aspiring not only financial wealth, but freedom. Having abundance in finance does not automatically guarantee true freedom, but it is definitely a prerequisite.


Aristotle said “You are what you repeatedly do. Excellence is not an event, it is a habit”



I wish he would have said a little something about the anatomy of a habit.

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[smarty]

Someone coined the phrase “The three R’s of habit”, I can’t recall who.

James Clear said it: http://jamesclear.com
I just came across his site today (randomly), downloded & read the first few pages of his (free) book "Transform your habits". Some great insights so far, will continue reading it.

 

[Option]

Thank you for the post. In the recent months I came to the same conclusion regarding habits. Before I also kept saying to myself "Ill just give it my all!" and stuff like that. Trying to make huge changes over night. I had times of heavy drinking and smoking, the key to permanently quitting habits was to do two things:
1. change my identity (self-belief) and 2. re-program my brain, my habits; a progress of re-wiring the brain that will take time. It comes with INTENSE resistance, you just kind of have to force yourself through.

The irony, which I just lately started to truly grab, is that this rehabilitation is set in motion with every serious life-change and habit-change you make. One of my main goals (and the one necessary for success in all my goals) is to crystallize the habits into my life that are necessary for success.
I am prepared that during the transition period of massive habitual change (60 days for full crystallization) I will have less energy to spend, however I am already noticing a tremendous increase in productivity.

Just outline the Habits you need to be a success, then forcefully apply them!
For me it also helped to have 5 very clear written goals for 2014, plus I keep going after new mini-goals (checkpoint) for my 5 goals.

But in order to make a new lasting habit you have to have some kind of gratification just after you perform the ritual. Once the habit is crystallized the reward can be removed all together. Crystallization of habits will vary greatly depending on the type of habit. It will be easier to crystallize the habit of taking a multivitamin every morning than it would be to crystallize jogging for 5 miles every morning. You might start jogging and your schedule might get in the way of your jogging, so the habit is shot down well before it is crystallized. The key is to set up a backup plan, or a substitution habit. Bad habits come equipped with bad substitutions, good habits aren’t usually loaded with good subs by default.

This gave me new insights, thank you. I noticed when failing to follow through on the new habits immediately old habits start kicking in, no real back-up plan in place. I will see if I can pinpoint myself falling of the wagon and try to at least NOT act on auto-pilot going into any bad substitutions. (Just sitting and doing nothing instead to "get to my senses/be aware" would be one step closer to making the change)

Keep us posted on the progress!

 

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[Enki]

I am prepared that during the transition period of massive habitual change (60 days for full crystallization) I will have less energy to spend, however I am already noticing a tremendous increase in productivity.

There is no reliable scientific measurement to how long it takes any particular habit to stick. My advice to you is not to set time limits on when your habits will become automatic. Even if in two months you don't have the habits down, you will still be heading in the right direction.

James Clear said it: http://jamesclear.com
I just came across his site today (randomly), downloded & read the first few pages of his (free) book "Transform your habits". Some great insights so far, will continue reading it.

Thanks Smarty. I just found this www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKIiYZDW2vg if the ebook is anything like this video, then me and him are on the same page.

 

[Option]

Thanks for the tip Cleveland, the idea is to stick with them anyway so will keep heading that way

I like the blog from James Clear, very straightforward stuff, thanks for posting the link!

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I haven’t spoken with him since.

Your brother screwed you but in doing so, he screwed himself. You've clearly showed that you know how to sell, market, and close deals. With that skill in your arsenal, you can do anything in a life.

What exactly is a habit?

Funny you mention this - I'm writing an article right now about habits and hope to have it up soon. Congrats on the 3 hour daily writing exercise, based on this post, I'd say it's working.

 

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[Enki]

I'm writing an article right now about habits and hope to have it up soon.

Is it up yet? Where can I read it? This habit stuff if tricky.



I’ve always had a habit of losing my personal motivation. I would be super productive towards my long term goals, and then almost in an instant I would fall back into a slump. This morning I got up bright and early and basically killed two hours. I knew what I was doing, I just didn’t understand why. A familiar crushing feeling was coming over me. It was a feeling of hopelessness. I attributed it to burning myself over the past week. Luckily this morning I had remembered that I wanted to make a habit of analyzing the feelings. I had told myself that when I reach the point of turning back or quitting, I would examine all of the thoughts and feelings I was having just prior to the burn out. I’ll be dammed, it worked! I realized that last night I was focusing a little too much on the future, in the sense of how far I had to go to get where I want to be. I was telling myself it’s a long and twisting road, uphill, but I can do it. Consciously I wasn’t feeling overwhelmed last night. But somewhere in my subconscious mind a seed was being planted. It was a drifting seed, it was a rouge seed.

Self defeating ideas and thought patterns are like weeds. It doesn’t take a whole lot for them to sprout. Where as positive Ideas have to be nurtured with care and patience. I guess like weeds, one can’t do much to keep the negatives from sprouting up. But if you pluck them before they get a strong hold, and take good care of the seeds you deliberately planted, you have a shot at experiencing a beautiful garden.

“Within us are the seeds of triumph or defeat.

Which seeds will you plant?” Longfellow


I started out just wanting to ask MJ about an article, and I wound up on a philosophy kick.. I have a habit of doing that. I’m not sure if it’s bad or not.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Is it up yet? Where can I read it? This habit stuff if tricky.

The article has been done for a bit ... the hold up is forum related.

 

[Blueskies4me]

I used to have a pastor that would say, "If you want to end up over there, point your feet in that direction and start walking. But if you point your feet in the opposite direction don't be surprised when you end up on the other side of where you want to be."

 

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[Enki]

If you want to end up over there, point your feet in that direction and start walking. But if you point your feet in the opposite direction don't be surprised when you end up on the other side of where you want to be.

Simple but true.

Many people feel like they don't even know how to step in the right direction.

 

[Determined2012]

I am also focusing on creating the right habits for myself- and making it a lifestyle choice that has to just be apart of my everyday life. Started with someone posting an interview with Peter Sage. For me the most important habit that I am trying to create is having a morning ritual. I believe that this will help me achieve my goals faster.

My ritual consists of waking up at 6am everyday (even weekends), writing a journal entry, reading a book for 15 to 20 minutes, having a cup of herbal tea, get showered and dressed before 8am (including some makeup, when you look good you feel good) and making a list of the 3 most important things that I absolutely MUST do today. Yours can be whatever you want.

Its a total mental thing for me, and AMAZINGLY and INCREDIBLY I have been able to use my mind to will myself to get up and do this everyday- (even when I'm still sleepy... I missed a couple days- each time were days when family members spent the night at my house and it threw things off)

Getting in to this habit OMG- I have SOOOOOOOOO much time, to get SOOOOOOOOOO much done. It has made a real difference that I notice and see. I get so much done, and I feel I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more time for errands, cooking, fitness than I used to have before. I check the clock all the time and get a little treat every time because its still so early, yet I have gotten so much done already. I think everyone should try this. It structure, organization, routine, and you get a clear, clean focus and start each day. Its only been a couple weeks but I don't know why this never donned on me to do before.

It is not easy- but I am making it my obsession. And I think it is great thing to do, and I am thankful I watched his interview, and I'm thankful to whomever posted the Peter Sage video. The forum is literally changing my life for the better constantly. I am so grateful.

I am making a bedtime ritual as well- just haven't started it yet because of the anxiety of trying to set myself with a time to go to sleep every night- which I can't stick too because I'm always trying to read, research, or contact people and I'm up all crazy hours of the night.

As a sign of my commitment to really changing my life I also took cable and TV out of my bedroom. That has made a huge difference as well. Step by step I'm going to reach the top of my dreams and goals.

I have completed a 600 page book already just by reading in the mornings (and a little before bed) every day...I am on to my next book which is the Stephen Covey book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I highly recommend this book.

I don't have it all figured out, but step by step I will, because I am going to create all the right habits to succeed.

 

[Enki]

For me the most important habit that I am trying to create is having a morning ritual. I believe that this will help me achieve my goals faster.

You’re definitely on the right track to your goals. I think the morning ritual is the most important. Having a productive ritual sets you in motion for the rest of the day, I’ve found that though it doesn’t guarantee a highly day (Nothing does), it definitely tilts the odds in your favor.

I am making a bedtime ritual as well- just haven't started it yet because of the anxiety of trying to set myself with a time to go to sleep every night- which I can't stick too because I'm always trying to read, research, or contact people and I'm up all crazy hours of the night.

I to am trying to implement a nighttime ritual. I want to kill most electronic use at least an hour and a half before bed. The electronics that I want to get rid of are anything that emits a light. Smartphones, Computers, TVs etc. I’ve read so many scientific research papers on this that I consider myself an expert. People who limit their exposure to this type of light get better sleep, and generally feel better and more alert when they awaken in the morning. I’m sort of violating my rule write now. My scheduled hours for sleep are 11:45 pm to 5:45am.

As a sign of my commitment to really changing my life I also took cable and TV out of my bedroom. That has made a huge difference as well. Step by step I'm going to reach the top of my dreams and goals.

That’s pretty awesome. I did that a couple of weeks ago, I consider it one of the best decisions I made.

I am on to my next book which is the Stephen Covey book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

It’s an excellent book. Seeing how great you are at implementing the changes necessary to get where you want to be in life, a lot of that book will seem like common sense to you. But it is a great read, and the stuff he says about the circle of influence is golden.

I don't have it all figured out, but step by step I will, because I am going to create all the right habits to succeed.

That’s it! That is the real secret. Maybe it’s not as romantic or intriguing as most people would want it to be.

My ritual consists of waking up at 6am everyday (even weekends), writing a journal entry,

The one thing that is common with every great person in history? They kept a recording of their day to day.

 

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[Determined2012]

My scheduled hours for sleep are 11:45 pm to 5:45am.

You will NOT out work me! *Just set my alarm for 5:30am!*

They kept a recording of their day to day.

What did they do with the records- what data were they able to gather from what they wrote so that they could improve themselves?

I actually have 2 journals going--- one is a personal one concerning my emotions/feelings/life (written by hand) and the other is a business journal that I am typing in my Macbook chronicling my progress--- I plan to post it to the forum once it gets real progress...

Taking the TV out has been so helpful with my FOCUS. Thats why I did it. I barely watch or care about TV anymore at all. I take Sunday to watch a couple hours if its a show I really like- like Shark Tank- I watched 3 back to back on Demand and I was so pumped.

Something else I noticed is it seems that my eating habits are AUTOMATICALLY improving somehow. I cut out pop and candy and I crave fruits and vegetables for some reason now-- I don't get it, but I'm happy about it. Its like everything is lining up for me at once in trying to make this habit shift. I am so determined in my mind to do it- and its like I re-wired myself somehow.

 

[Enki]

You will NOT out work me! *Just set my alarm for 5:30am!*

Lol, I would attempt to out do you there, But I have found that six hours is the exact amount of sleep I need. I’d feel a little too old if I started turning in any time before 11:30


On another note. make your night time ritual all about reading http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/03/120323205504.htm I couldn’t pull up anything super recent. But I remember reading in a neuroscience publication that sleeping just after reading or learning boosts your comprehension.

What did they do with the records- what data were they able to gather from what they wrote so that they could improve themselves?

Way back when it was mostly used for reflection. Now science can prove without a doubt people that write in journals routinely, are at less of a risk for memory problems later on down the line.


For me it’s just awesome to go back and see how I was feeling at a particular time. If I read an entry that says I was feeling depressed. I can go back in the journal to the days prior and find the real culprit. I’ve found that I often misattribute my thoughts and feelings to the wrong source. For example, me and my fiancé got into an argument that really got under my skin. In my journal I stated that it was the argument that made me upset. But reading the subtle hints in previous entries of my journal, I learned that it was actually other things that were bothering me before then. And the argument was pretty much my fault, it only manifested because there were other underlying issues.

Darwin actually wrote all of the key components to his theory of evolution in his journal. Years and years went by till he actually had is “Ah ha!” moment. When he publicized his findings, he told everyone he was sitting in his office/lab and it just came to him. He had no Idea he was subconsciously putting it together in his journals. Only after Darwin passed did scholars find the true source of his theory, it didn’t come out of thin air, there was no “EVENT” it was a process.

So one day when you come up with an idea that makes you famous, search for the hints in your journal.

I cut out pop and candy and I crave fruits and vegetables for some reason now

I’ve been eating less myself, and when I do force myself to eat I go for the healthiest option.

 

[beatgoezon]

Wonderful post about the power of habits.

Being the type of person who believe's in "all in or nothing" hadn't really gotten me anywhere either.

A little bit of something done day in and day out for a year is always better than doing a whole lot of something only a few times a year.

Good luck with the habits, Cleveland.

 

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