Aside from a few posts here and there I've been ashamed to show my face around here for quite some time and I think it's time to make a confession.
This year has been filled with too many down moments and I'm afraid I might be suffering from depression.
I'm not quite sure what triggered it, but I've had too many bad episodes this year since reaching a "peak" around mid-January. This is when I had reached my peak physical condition and thought I was ready to start a successful tax business. Then the self-sabotage began.
Then we came back to AZ in early Oct and it was the same cycle. Since the tax business is seasonal, I knew we needed a fixed income to make ends meet until the business starts to take off so I started another temp job within a few weeks of arriving that has now turned into a permanent position. I'm hoping I can balance this with building and maintaining a business- the irony is that the position is in the Death Care industry and despite dealing with death on a daily basis, the most depressing parts of my day are when I get home from work and realize how meaningless my life is and my lack of motivation/dedication.
Another contributing factor is a family issue involving my mom. Her unwillingness to either help with the business, get a job or make the sacrifices the rest of us have had to make have made life difficult for all of us. Despite our financial struggles she still thinks she can live in both Chicago and Phoenix while my dad works himself to death to maintain two households, even though the property in Chicago is supposed to be a rental, she insists on having one unit to herself and her only "solution" is for my dad to work harder to pay for it.
Now it's time to get in gear, I have a work schedule that allows me to work 3x13hr shifts so I have 4 days available to work on the business.
I also need to develop a more fulfilling social life and stop being a goal setting loser and action faker as I've been in the past.
Through all of this drugs or suicide were never an option, however, I know that if I don't make drastic changes then I'll just stay in this rut I'm in.
Thanks for reading! I had a lot of reservations about writing this as I am usually a very stubborn and proud individual, however, I knew this would be the best place to go for help as I know some of you have dealt with depression in the past and I strongly admire you for the success you have achieved.
This year has been filled with too many down moments and I'm afraid I might be suffering from depression.
I'm not quite sure what triggered it, but I've had too many bad episodes this year since reaching a "peak" around mid-January. This is when I had reached my peak physical condition and thought I was ready to start a successful tax business. Then the self-sabotage began.
- I started to become less active with my workouts- first it was the "tapering" after running the Phoenix Half Marathon on 1/19/11. I wanted to wait a few weeks until running another 10mi+ run which started off innocently as only doing 2x3mi runs and 2x6mi runs every week for a few weeks until I started skipping workouts for weeks on end and haven't run since mid Oct.
- My eating habits started to slide back to the bad habits that got me to the worst physical shape of my life when I weighed 274lbs on 9/18/10.
- In April the short-sale on my home was finalized, essentially making my wife and I homeless. Thankfully we've been able to live with both my parents and her parents since then, but we're still far away from being able to afford another place of our own.
- I started sleeping more during the day and had less enthusiasm towards tasks that used to motivate me- my solution for almost anything was to sleep or eat. I was too embarrassed with my life to post anything on here and couldn't even muster motivation from old reliable sources like Tony Robbins or other reading material I own or have access to.
- Being financially strapped I had little to no interest in any social activities- i.e. I didn't play baseball this Summer or hang out with friends b/c I didn't even have gas money let alone any money for social activities.
- The tax business took a backseat as a result of mental overload and overwhelm- first through attending networking meetings in the area and realizing I'm just not quite the self promoter that the people who were running the networking events were. Somehow it seems like overnight I went from an optimistic extrovert to a pessimistic introvert, so much so that I couldn't even communicate with those closest to me.
- Worst of all, without working on the business I felt the world around me was crashing down and I thought getting a job would help- I got a temp Summer job that I thought would kick my butt into gear, but instead ended up being the sole focus of my life where I'd wake up, go to work, get home, eat, lay around and then go to bed to wake up the next day for work.
Then we came back to AZ in early Oct and it was the same cycle. Since the tax business is seasonal, I knew we needed a fixed income to make ends meet until the business starts to take off so I started another temp job within a few weeks of arriving that has now turned into a permanent position. I'm hoping I can balance this with building and maintaining a business- the irony is that the position is in the Death Care industry and despite dealing with death on a daily basis, the most depressing parts of my day are when I get home from work and realize how meaningless my life is and my lack of motivation/dedication.
Another contributing factor is a family issue involving my mom. Her unwillingness to either help with the business, get a job or make the sacrifices the rest of us have had to make have made life difficult for all of us. Despite our financial struggles she still thinks she can live in both Chicago and Phoenix while my dad works himself to death to maintain two households, even though the property in Chicago is supposed to be a rental, she insists on having one unit to herself and her only "solution" is for my dad to work harder to pay for it.
Now it's time to get in gear, I have a work schedule that allows me to work 3x13hr shifts so I have 4 days available to work on the business.
I also need to develop a more fulfilling social life and stop being a goal setting loser and action faker as I've been in the past.
Through all of this drugs or suicide were never an option, however, I know that if I don't make drastic changes then I'll just stay in this rut I'm in.
Thanks for reading! I had a lot of reservations about writing this as I am usually a very stubborn and proud individual, however, I knew this would be the best place to go for help as I know some of you have dealt with depression in the past and I strongly admire you for the success you have achieved.
Dislike ads? Become a Fastlane member:
Subscribe today and surround yourself with winners and millionaire mentors, not those broke friends who only want to drink beer and play video games. :-)
Membership Required: Upgrade to Expose Nearly 1,000,000 Posts
Ready to Unleash the Millionaire Entrepreneur in You?
Become a member of the Fastlane Forum, the private community founded by best-selling author and multi-millionaire entrepreneur MJ DeMarco. Since 2007, MJ DeMarco has poured his heart and soul into the Fastlane Forum, helping entrepreneurs reclaim their time, win their financial freedom, and live their best life.
With more than 39,000 posts packed with insights, strategies, and advice, you’re not just a member—you’re stepping into MJ’s inner-circle, a place where you’ll never be left alone.
Become a member and gain immediate access to...
- Active Community: Ever join a community only to find it DEAD? Not at Fastlane! As you can see from our home page, life-changing content is posted dozens of times daily.
- Exclusive Insights: Direct access to MJ DeMarco’s daily contributions and wisdom.
- Powerful Networking Opportunities: Connect with a diverse group of successful entrepreneurs who can offer mentorship, collaboration, and opportunities.
- Proven Strategies: Learn from the best in the business, with actionable advice and strategies that can accelerate your success.
"You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most..."
Who are you surrounding yourself with? Surround yourself with millionaire success. Join Fastlane today!
Join Today
