Breaking through fear and finally introducing myself after spending too much time lurking

[Mana_K]

Hello everyone who reads this intro post,

My name is Mana and I’m from the Chicagoland area.

First off, I have to admit that I’ve been breaking a Fastlane Forum rule for a long time…the one that says Don’t Lurk. In fact, I made my login for this forum a looooong time ago and then just….never posted. Why? Fear and insecurity. Today this changes.

Recently, I’ve realized that breaking the no lurking rule is the #1 reason why I keep failing/sabotaging everything I attempt. Simply, I break this rule due to plain old feelings of overwhelm, fear, and insecurity. And that’s why right now I’m breaking this bad habit of being a perpetual wallflower and forcing myself to finally participate.

At the root, it may be an identity thing. I kept seeing you guys as You Guys and me as, well, me. I think I felt like I didn’t *really* belong here because I was not sure what value I could add here.

And then yesterday I read Andy Black’s older post about Not Lurking and that, at the very least, I can add value by just saying thank you.

So thank you. And there are so many of you to thank. But some standouts that come to mind right away are MJ, Andy Black, and Lex who’ve all helped me tremendously with their valuable and insightful posts.

I’ve read all 3 of MJ’s books and I just recently finished reading The Great Rat Race Escape . Upon this reading I noticed that something deep within me has shifted. Plain and simple, I can see that for years I was too focused on myself…what I could get, what I could add, what I could do… etc…

But now my outlook is shifting. I’m less concerned about what’s in it for me. I’m more curious about how to actually help others get what they want/need. I think this is the start of the shift from the consumer to the producer mindset. This elusive mindset shift I’ve been trying to figure out for so long.

With the help of Andy’s post about not lurking I can finally see that my coming here and lurking IS the problem. I kept coming here, consuming, and giving nothing back. It was happening because of this idea I had of myself as being the perpetual student with nothing to give. But seeing myself always as the student keeps me in this consumption mode that isn’t helping anything or anyone. And I’m sick of it.

I’m tired of having ideas and then not executing. And I’m tired of helping my friends and family get their ideas off the ground only to drown in my own insecurities over my own stuff and then sabotage myself again. I’m tired of overthinking and spinning my wheels in the same place. I’m not even slowlane or sidewalk. I’m just stuck in the mud spinning out. And I can’t do it anymore.

I suppose I’ve finally reached my FTE.

Right now I’m reading some NLP stuff and it’s helping me figure out that there are 3 areas of limiting beliefs where people get stuck:
1. Feeling hopeless
2. Feeling helpless
3. Feeling worthless

I’ve been working on each area and trying to get my headspace right. I can see right now the stuckness comes from #3. And I need to change it. It’s a very painful place to exist.

For the last 3 or 4 days I’ve been back here reading through old Gold/Notable posts to try to get this figured out once and for all. And the classic old thread by Ice Cream Kid is the one that hit me the most. And I admit that I’ve come back to this forum to read Ice Cream Kid’s Astonishing Secrets thread about once a year for a long time. It’s always been this sort of weird mysterious post that I’ve been coming back to again and again throughout time. And upon this most recent reading, I can again sense this shifting going on in my mindset. Suddenly I can see the value he’s talking about everywhere. And I can also (finally!) see that value isn’t about me/what I can do (or not do). That it’s truly all about others and what others need.

Anyway, I’m not sure where to go from this post. Nor do I know anything at all. I don’t know what I can give you or how I can contribute exactly. But I do know that I keep coming back here again and again. Partly because of the valuable information. But mostly because this is the one space in all of internetland where I find positivity, encouragement, and people who actually care about the work they do. This is so important.

So this is my attempt to break out of my shell, upgrade my mind, learn how to actually participate, and to stop letting limiting beliefs get in my way.

It feels stupid to post this. But that’s the point. Face feeling stupid and get beyond this self-imposed block. I have no idea what kind of value I can contribute here yet. But I suppose in time we will find out. Okay…time to post the thread.

I’m terrified and nervous as hell.

Thanks for having me,
Mana

 

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[Hunday]

Ximduni n8, ciip masloph nztimg gus e xjomi. Vjot tannis xi djephi, O'wi huv e xjumi getvmepi qmep epf O'mm neli e qutv mevis vuu.

Xepv vu liiq iedjuvjis up vsedl x/aqfevit?

 

[Mana_K]

Ximduni n8, ciip masloph nztimg gus e xjomi. Vjot tannis xi djephi, O'wi huv e xjumi getvmepi qmep epf O'mm neli e qutv mevis vuu.

Xepv vu liiq iedjuvjis up vsedl x/aqfevit?

Jo
Zit, miv’t fu vjev!

O jewi e giimoph vjisi’t e muv ug at xju’wi ciip masloph op vji tjefuxt jisi gus e wisz, wisz muph voni. Vjeplt gus sitqupfoph. Xjz ot vjot tu vissogzoph?