Hello, my name is Justin Cordingley.
After lurking for a few days to get a feel for the people here, I took a deep breath and pushed my fear aside to make this post. I'm making this post to push far out of my comfort zone and start the path of becoming acquainted to the people I hope to someday call my peers.
My story begins when I was fourteen when I dropped out of high school. At that point in my life it was impossible for me to get to bed before two in the morning, then I had to get up at seven. What's worse, is I would always fall into a pattern of sleep / awake that was well over 24 hours on the weekends, or during holidays. Something like being awake for 18 hours, and asleep for 14. This made it impossible for me to work towards anything until the last class of the day when the zombie blur would fade enough to concentrate.
I walked to school every day. While my little city in the province of Ontario has very low crime, with the worst 'criminals' around being the occasional drug user, vandal, or jerk who starts a bar fight, it was dangerous for me to walk to school. Every day I had to be very careful with traffic, and at least once a week I had to literally dodge a car.
Frustration with being unable to keep up with the grind, sleep deprivation and a growing anxiety from the danger and social impact of poor performance and sleep eventually lead me to quit.
At the time I wouldn't tell anyone why. I wouldn't tell them because of a certain streak of pride. Quitting felt like weakness, and since I had already done it backing down seemed even worse. Then there's that common teenager instinct of 'They wouldn't understand'.
Of course this got people to tell me that I won't make it anywhere without a formal education. I won't get a job, I won't have a career, I can't have any dreams. Thanks to pride, I promised I'd make it my way.
Of course they're right. Every time I think with the masses, I get stuck to a life where the only way to get ahead is to cheat.
I've always known that it only takes action to get ahead. Yes, things are harder without an education. Yes, I've been saying for years that I'm going to make it. Yes, I told my friend last week that $12,000 a month is chump change while patting my last $5 in my pocket.
So what happened between then and now to keep me in this situation?
Well, you know I haven't been cheating since I'm neither in jail, nor dancing in Guatemala under the stolen name John J. Huntsman. That's the good news. The bad news is, I've spent more time in reality escaping than I did working towards making something of myself.
A few years ago I did start to do something more than writing down quick ideas, reading wesbites and losing any progress I make when I come across a website that crammed malware down my throat.
Back on track, a few years ago I began to develop a card game. I recruited a friend of mine who said he was interested and offered to make him my partner. At first this went pretty well, we got a good amount of progress done between the two of us, and his involvement has given the game some much needed tweaking. I truly appreciate him for that, but after two years of not doing anything I had to negotiate his release.
Right now I'm left with a game that has nearly three hundred cards I need to rewrite, several other game pieces I need to tweak and I have to write a design document.
I plan to make the game online, so once my design documents are done I have to recruit programmers and artists.
The scariest and most exciting part about the whole thing, is knowing that no matter how much polish and marketing I do, the game will have to be community centric to succeed. There needs to be a strong competitive spirit among the players so they keep coming back. This is the only way the game will be fun.
Before I can do all that, there are several problems I have to deal with. The first and biggest one is myself. I told you before about my messed up sleeping. Well,over time it shifted to a 14/14 cycle, then to a 12/12. For a few months I tried to do polyphasic sleep, which was just not possible for me. What's worse, I was crazy enough to try it while I had a job... But that's also why I tried it. You see, with an 8 hour job that has an hour and a bit commute both ways, I had literally no time during work days for anything else.
Sleeping for 15 minutes a time several times a day didn't work out. Since then I've moved on to biphasic. 4.5 hours and 1.5 hours. This works pretty well, but I was always tired until after the afternoon sleep. A month or two later, I now do 6 hours and 1/2 to 1.5 hours. While it only shaves off 1/2 - 1.5 hours from the recommended 8, it's far more significant for me. Not only am I not sleeping literally half my life away anymore, but I managed to change such a hard in-ground need to sleep so much.
This is what brings me here. Out of the other changes I recognize I need to make, one of them is to be around the kind of people I want to be like, rather than the kind of people I am. Advice I've been hearing for years, but not advice I've really embraced. People like you are comfortable.
There's a million negative thoughts telling me not to post this and only one saying "Do it. You don't let other people stop you. Don't stop yourself."
After lurking for a few days to get a feel for the people here, I took a deep breath and pushed my fear aside to make this post. I'm making this post to push far out of my comfort zone and start the path of becoming acquainted to the people I hope to someday call my peers.
My story begins when I was fourteen when I dropped out of high school. At that point in my life it was impossible for me to get to bed before two in the morning, then I had to get up at seven. What's worse, is I would always fall into a pattern of sleep / awake that was well over 24 hours on the weekends, or during holidays. Something like being awake for 18 hours, and asleep for 14. This made it impossible for me to work towards anything until the last class of the day when the zombie blur would fade enough to concentrate.
I walked to school every day. While my little city in the province of Ontario has very low crime, with the worst 'criminals' around being the occasional drug user, vandal, or jerk who starts a bar fight, it was dangerous for me to walk to school. Every day I had to be very careful with traffic, and at least once a week I had to literally dodge a car.
Frustration with being unable to keep up with the grind, sleep deprivation and a growing anxiety from the danger and social impact of poor performance and sleep eventually lead me to quit.
At the time I wouldn't tell anyone why. I wouldn't tell them because of a certain streak of pride. Quitting felt like weakness, and since I had already done it backing down seemed even worse. Then there's that common teenager instinct of 'They wouldn't understand'.
Of course this got people to tell me that I won't make it anywhere without a formal education. I won't get a job, I won't have a career, I can't have any dreams. Thanks to pride, I promised I'd make it my way.
Of course they're right. Every time I think with the masses, I get stuck to a life where the only way to get ahead is to cheat.
I've always known that it only takes action to get ahead. Yes, things are harder without an education. Yes, I've been saying for years that I'm going to make it. Yes, I told my friend last week that $12,000 a month is chump change while patting my last $5 in my pocket.
So what happened between then and now to keep me in this situation?
Well, you know I haven't been cheating since I'm neither in jail, nor dancing in Guatemala under the stolen name John J. Huntsman. That's the good news. The bad news is, I've spent more time in reality escaping than I did working towards making something of myself.
A few years ago I did start to do something more than writing down quick ideas, reading wesbites and losing any progress I make when I come across a website that crammed malware down my throat.
Back on track, a few years ago I began to develop a card game. I recruited a friend of mine who said he was interested and offered to make him my partner. At first this went pretty well, we got a good amount of progress done between the two of us, and his involvement has given the game some much needed tweaking. I truly appreciate him for that, but after two years of not doing anything I had to negotiate his release.
Right now I'm left with a game that has nearly three hundred cards I need to rewrite, several other game pieces I need to tweak and I have to write a design document.
I plan to make the game online, so once my design documents are done I have to recruit programmers and artists.
The scariest and most exciting part about the whole thing, is knowing that no matter how much polish and marketing I do, the game will have to be community centric to succeed. There needs to be a strong competitive spirit among the players so they keep coming back. This is the only way the game will be fun.
Before I can do all that, there are several problems I have to deal with. The first and biggest one is myself. I told you before about my messed up sleeping. Well,over time it shifted to a 14/14 cycle, then to a 12/12. For a few months I tried to do polyphasic sleep, which was just not possible for me. What's worse, I was crazy enough to try it while I had a job... But that's also why I tried it. You see, with an 8 hour job that has an hour and a bit commute both ways, I had literally no time during work days for anything else.
Sleeping for 15 minutes a time several times a day didn't work out. Since then I've moved on to biphasic. 4.5 hours and 1.5 hours. This works pretty well, but I was always tired until after the afternoon sleep. A month or two later, I now do 6 hours and 1/2 to 1.5 hours. While it only shaves off 1/2 - 1.5 hours from the recommended 8, it's far more significant for me. Not only am I not sleeping literally half my life away anymore, but I managed to change such a hard in-ground need to sleep so much.
This is what brings me here. Out of the other changes I recognize I need to make, one of them is to be around the kind of people I want to be like, rather than the kind of people I am. Advice I've been hearing for years, but not advice I've really embraced. People like you are comfortable.
There's a million negative thoughts telling me not to post this and only one saying "Do it. You don't let other people stop you. Don't stop yourself."
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