This discussion did not go over to well...

[Likwid24]

Do you have thought of marrying this girl? If not then you are wasting your time. The cheating thing would have been enough for me to end it. I can not deal with cheaters. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And the though of her cheating again would always be on the back of my mind. I'm sure you have already made up the decision in your mind. Now it's time to act on it. Good Luck Bro.

 

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[yodiggity]

Wait a minute ... she cheated on you? I'm never one to tell anyone how to run their life, but that's a doosy. If you're not married and have children (If that happened to me and I was it would still be a deal breaker - it's not just the sex but it gets down to some spiritual shit too that I don't have time to explain right now - it's almost ruining your aura or karma - you can google that shit - it's real).

You should always protect your own heart. I would charge her to the game (break up with her). Sounds like you guys haven't been together that long. It pains me to see men lamenting over someone they clearly shouldn't be with (half the time these girls aren't even attractive) and who have done them wrong.

 

[Brander]

It pains me to see men lamenting over someone they clearly shouldn't be with (half the time these girls aren't even attractive) and who have done them wrong.

Good girls finish last. Men love drama too.

 

[JAJT]

Me and my wife had this discussion yesterday when I was attempting to leave the room as X-Factor came on.

After a casual discussion we learned something about each other that for some reason has never actively come up in the years we've been married:

- I unwind through intellectual stimulation.
- She unwinds through passive entertainment.

So I'll sit through just about anything that gets me thinking "how would I do it" or "what's the answer" or "oh, I learned something new" or "wow, the art direction in this movie is amazing" - ANYTHING that stimulates my brain. Singing shows or shows that focus on the comings and goings of people's lives are almost torture for me.

Now my wife is one of the HARDEST workers I know. She affects her world in real magnitudes all the time. However, she doesn't want to be challenged during down time. She just wants to hear people sing, dance, argue or go on talent shows. Brain off, smiles on.

Watching a Stephen Hawking special to her is like watching Jersey Shore for me. Incorrect stimulation when it's least welcome.

Now, we do watch plenty of mixed content together but actively bringing this conversation up has brought us leaps and strides closer to understanding each other's needs and we now both really understand the root cause of each other's "content disagreements".

 

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[johnp]

Do you guys live together? If so then cancel the cable. The tv will always be off. If she wants to watch tv then she can watch shark tank on your computer haha. I just moved in with my fiancée and our tv is currently just decoration, we have used it once.

THere are Girls out there who will support you. My fiancée supports me with what I'm doing, she even helps me convey my sometimes complicated thoughts easier. But things are not always going to be perfect ....it's all about give and take. Give her an hour or so of your time to watch the dumb shows. Your business will not run away. If she doesn't give back then you ought to leave because she will continue to take and take and take....

edit - I see she cheated...that's enough in my book to dump some1.

 

[Kak]

Ah yes... something I have blamed myself repeatedly for the last 3 years. I can't even count the number of guys we've had fights over since we started dating. The first time I caught her in a lie about texting some guy was the first week we dated. *facepalm* Any girl who pulled that before and I cut them off like they were dead to me haha. Don't know why I let myself get burned so much this time. =p

EDIT: It's not a crime at all to text the opposite sex while dating. It is a mis-deed when it involves some seriously flirting / sexting and any lying about it to your partner.

Dude screw that. Seriously.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

what would you do in my situation? She's already not been a good girlfriend for more reasons than I want to get into on this forum,

Dump her. Bad relationships are like parasites on your energy and time.

Additionally, she's "not been a good girlfriend" because she isn't RIGHT for you and vice versa. When a recipe calls for salt and you use sugar, do you think you will like the result?

 

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[dknise]

Waking up to read these comments this morning really helped, thanks guys!

Everything from sucking good energy, to once a cheater always a cheater, to if she's not treating you right someone else will is all the exact advice I give to other people and I just haven't taken it to heart the last 3 years. I like to have faith in people and I like giving people chances. That isn't her fault that I was dumb enough to give her more chances than she deserved, it was mine. She didn't waste my time, I wasted my own.

As to some of the questions about if I was thinking of marrying her, I did for the first two years until the cheating. After I dropped her back in January for it, she came back a month and a half later saying how she wanted to get married and stuff and how much she really screwed up. The actions she needed to do were like integrate me back into her life, her family, and her friends, but she just never did it. She hid her fb once, went on trips to colleges for frat parties, apparently threw a party at her house (probably while I was at home working hahaha), and never proved she was marriage material. Every day this year she's talked about it though, which is why I gave her a second chance. My bad.

Thanks everyone!

 

[angelique]

Hi, dknise. I hope I don't offend you by playing a bit of devil's advocate here..

There's a lot of actions she's needed to do to fix some problems in our relationship that she hasn't done.

Thinking like this won't get you very far in relationships. As long as you are part of the equation, it is YOUR responsibility to solve problems -- whether that means letting go of or transforming the relationship. (Personally, I would let it go, even if I don't know her side of the story.)

Of course, it's up to you to decide whether you want to accept that responsibility or if you want to spend your days waiting for other people to solve things for you.

Same thing could be said about a money problem. Whoever's 'fault' it is, it doesn't matter because YOU have to fix it.

In my experience, the more that I've changed and gotten clearer about the type of relationship I want, the more I've gotten what I want.

The clearer you are, the clearer your results will be.



On another note, people experience affection in different ways. Have you heard of the 5 love languages test? It's helped me to understand where the other people in my life are coming from.

 

[dknise]

Hi, dknise. I hope I don't offend you by playing a bit of devil's advocate here..

Not at all! I see you liked my last post, so you know I agree.

Of course, it's up to you to decide whether you want to accept that responsibility or if you want to spend your days waiting for other people to solve things for you.

This same concept annoys me about the OWS movement. Are you going to stand around demanding others change and provide you with something? Or are you going to be the change you want to see in the world? I have a strong sense of self responsibility. All that being said, my relationship for the last couple years just makes me a huge hypocrite. Time to face the facts.

On another note, people experience affection in different ways. Have you heard of the 5 love languages test? It's helped me to understand where the other people in my life are coming from.

This girl experiences affection through physical contact. My mom (who I'm pretty close with) actually called me out on this and asked if I was trying to stay cold and distant until she does some of the things I need from the relationship (the friends/family/life including). She was spot on. The reason I've given her a dry spell is because I didn't want to give her a false sense of security like "everything's okay" when it's not. I've also joked around that if I'm not giving it to her she'll just find someone else to... well joke no more.:smilielol:

 

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[dknise]

And... here is why I always end up giving her "another chance."



Dropped off on my doorstep with a friendly text as if nothings wrong and she's the greatest girl in the world.

 

[santa]

Patterns of success-often those that make it to extreme levels like wealth or sporting elite, if they have a partner, will have one that is either very supportive, supportive or neutral. Very few will make it to their goals with any of the others.

It might be worth weighing up the pros/cons of being with vs being single or in another relationship.
also the chances and effort expended in trying to get her on board vs just letting things go altogether

So here's another question, where are all the entrepreneurial ladies at who are just as motivated and determined as we are? I know there's some on the forum so I hope one of them reads this and chimes in.

Though I'm sure it comes with its own benefits, remember you don't have to have a partner that has a big entreprenuerial spirit necessarily. Just someone that is able to empathize and support your goals and desires can be enough.

Dropped off on my doorstep with a friendly text as if nothings wrong and she's the greatest girl in the world.

On this, well at least its good that you are started to see the patterns in the relationship

 

[angelique]

And... here is why I always end up giving her "another chance."

Dropped off on my doorstep with a friendly text as if nothings wrong and she's the greatest girl in the world.

I forgot the other half of the equation! lol

MJ talks about this in his book. Responsibility is the first step, ACCOUNTABILITY is the second. Taking responsibility over something and not holding yourself (or others) accountable will get you nowhere!

 

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[dknise]

I forgot the other half of the equation! lol

MJ talks about this in his book. Responsibility is the first step, ACCOUNTABILITY is the second. Taking responsibility over something and not holding yourself (or others) accountable will get you nowhere!

Exactly! She always takes "responsibility" by saying it, but never accountability. The things I told her I need from her in the relationship were things we used to have, nothing outrageous. Taking accountability would be not being a repeat offender and bringing me back into her life rather than hiding everything.

On the flip side... I can say it's my fault and that I'm responsible for letting her do the things she does while I stick around, but until I do something about it, I'm not being accountable. Interesting how much of being a successful entrepreneur can be applied to all walks of life.

 

[dknise]

Though I'm sure it comes with its own benefits, remember you don't have to have a partner that has a big entreprenuerial spirit necessarily. Just someone that is able to empathize and support your goals and desires can be enough.

I strongly believe in a mutual relationship where you support eachother's goals. If it's just starting out, I give support regardless of if it's received. Lately I haven't been reciprocating because there's nothing to reciprocate on haha.