The 4 Burners Theory: Can High Achievers Live a Balanced Life?

[amp0193]

I heard a talk recently where the speaker mentioned the Four Burners Theory.

It goes like this:

Imagine that your life is represented by a stove with 4 burners on it and each burner symbolizes a major part of your life

• The first burner represents your family life
• The second burner represents your friendships
• The third burner represents your health
• The fourth burner represents your work life

The four burners theory states that in order to be successful, you have to cut off at least one of your burners and in order to be really successful, you have to cut off two.

I'm curious what you all think of this concept, and how you currently have your "burners" prioritized.


My response:

This concept really resonated for me, and I think has shown to be true in my own experience.

My current burners (and % of my total capacity):

• Work (60%) - Business is struggling a little recently, and I'm putting in extra effort to reverse course.
• Family (35%) - The extra effort at work is by and large, not impacting family time. I'm almost entirely logged off on weekends, and have quality time with the family for 4-5 hours every weekday too.
• Friends (3%) - I'm doing something with friends about once a month... but being social is definitely not top of mind right now.
• Health (2%) - I eat well, and am fairly active doing things with the kids, but virtually zero time exercising.

I'm aiming for "really successful" in business and have a goal in mind I'm trying to reach. I am more than willing to sacrifice a social life and my health (but not my family) in this phase of my life to achieve that, and I have full intention of dialing it back and achieving a more equal balance between the 4 burners later on. My near-term goal is to get Work/Family burners equal, once business is on more solid footing.


I also think it's possible to "successful" while keeping all of the burners on... as long as you're patient and are ok to take a longer time to get there. But "really successful" would probably be out of reach without a sacrifice somewhere.


In any case, this is a thought exercise to make sure you are choosing the life you want to live, and the trade-offs that come with those choices, instead of letting the whims of life dictate it for you.


I added quotes around "successful" and "really successful" as what defines these is very much open to interpretation and will be different for everyone.

 

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[Johnny boy]

This is just showing a percentage breakdown of time and maybe slightly correlates with effort.

This is not your full potential or capacity.

I would wager you are highly, highly ineffective and not doing the critical 3-4 things in each category that would 10x your results, as are most people, and I am guilty of it too.

If that weren't the case most often, wealthy people would all have bad relationships and health, and all the poor people would have great families and 6-packs. NOPE. Some people are winners and some people are losers. Some make great choices and some make terrible choices. I want to spend my time getting smarter, stronger, thinner, happier, richer, more social, etc. without much compromise. I do that by learning, building discipline, and getting better and better at making kickass decisions that give me asymmetric returns on my efforts.

With that said, I'm certainly willing to turn off a few of those burners for periods of time when I need to double down on something.

 

[heavy_industry]

Try to fully turn off the "health burner" and see what happens to your life and business.


"Balance" is a stupid idea because it treats each pillar/burner as competing with one another in a 0 sum game. This is not how life works.

Better health -> Better work -> More success -> More happiness -> Better relationships -> Even more happiness -> Even more work -> Even more success etc.

If you do things right, all of those 4 burners are going to complement each other and result in a positive upwards spiral. Exponential growth.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I don't really agree with it, but I do understand it.

I look at having all these burners on at once, just some flame higher and others lower during extended periods.

As I like to say, a lot of temporary imbalances yesterday have lead to great balance today.

 

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[Jrjohnny]

I heard a talk recently where the speaker mentioned the Four Burners Theory.

It goes like this:




I'm curious what you all think of this concept, and how you currently have your "burners" prioritized.


My response:

This concept really resonated for me, and I think has shown to be true in my own experience.

My current burners (and % of my total capacity):

• Work (60%) - Business is struggling a little recently, and I'm putting in extra effort to reverse course.
• Family (35%) - The extra effort at work is by and large, not impacting family time. I'm almost entirely logged off on weekends, and have quality time with the family for 4-5 hours every weekday too.
• Friends (3%) - I'm doing something with friends about once a month... but being social is definitely not top of mind right now.
• Health (2%) - I eat well, and am fairly active doing things with the kids, but virtually zero time exercising.

I'm aiming for "really successful" in business and have a goal in mind I'm trying to reach. I am more than willing to sacrifice a social life and my health (but not my family) in this phase of my life to achieve that, and I have full intention of dialing it back and achieving a more equal balance between the 4 burners later on. My near-term goal is to get Work/Family burners equal, once business is on more solid footing.


I also think it's possible to "successful" while keeping all of the burners on... as long as you're patient and are ok to take a longer time to get there. But "really successful" would probably be out of reach without a sacrifice somewhere.


In any case, this is a thought exercise to make sure you are choosing the life you want to live, and the trade-offs that come with those choices, instead of letting the whims of life dictate it for you.


I added quotes around "successful" and "really successful" as what defines these is very much open to interpretation and will be different for everyone.

For me, Im cutting off my friends. Im going through a new chapter of my life.

Although I don’t believe this, like MJ said I do think you have to kind of “lower the flame” on a few.

Im turning off the gas on friends though, (not counting you guys on the forum).

Now you may be wondering why I’m cutting off my friends. Its because Im starting a business, working out, cut out all video games.

My friends, however are, not as mature I’ll just say. I must say though. I do not care. They were not real friends, just some dumb kids I laughed with.

Hell, they dont believe I’m actually improving myself.

But hey win win, get to improve myself, find new friends, make money, and start a new chapter of my life.

 

[Panos Daras]

No matter what happens please do not neglect your health. I can understand putting it off for a while, especially during these hard times, but if you are not healthy mentally and physically, it will impact all the other burners.

 

[ExistingExpert]

If I go along with this theory, I would say that the time and energy you have is the fuel for the burners. Of course, everyone has the same amount of hours in a day but one can increase the amount of energy they get in a day by focusing on their health, which leads to being able to be more productive on the other parts of life as well. Therefore, I believe that even high achievers are able to live a life where they maintain good relations with loved ones and have good health.

 

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[Rangermac2]

I heard a talk recently where the speaker mentioned the Four Burners Theory.

It goes like this:




I'm curious what you all think of this concept, and how you currently have your "burners" prioritized.


My response:

This concept really resonated for me, and I think has shown to be true in my own experience.

My current burners (and % of my total capacity):

• Work (60%) - Business is struggling a little recently, and I'm putting in extra effort to reverse course.
• Family (35%) - The extra effort at work is by and large, not impacting family time. I'm almost entirely logged off on weekends, and have quality time with the family for 4-5 hours every weekday too.
• Friends (3%) - I'm doing something with friends about once a month... but being social is definitely not top of mind right now.
• Health (2%) - I eat well, and am fairly active doing things with the kids, but virtually zero time exercising.

I'm aiming for "really successful" in business and have a goal in mind I'm trying to reach. I am more than willing to sacrifice a social life and my health (but not my family) in this phase of my life to achieve that, and I have full intention of dialing it back and achieving a more equal balance between the 4 burners later on. My near-term goal is to get Work/Family burners equal, once business is on more solid footing.


I also think it's possible to "successful" while keeping all of the burners on... as long as you're patient and are ok to take a longer time to get there. But "really successful" would probably be out of reach without a sacrifice somewhere.


In any case, this is a thought exercise to make sure you are choosing the life you want to live, and the trade-offs that come with those choices, instead of letting the whims of life dictate it for you.


I added quotes around "successful" and "really successful" as what defines these is very much open to interpretation and will be different for everyone.

I aim to split my time pretty evenly. The technique seems to be to manage your time, just like when cooking different parts of a meal on the different burners. The tasty meal represents life once all the hard work is completed. Some parts of the meal finish faster, some parts need to cook slower at different temperatures but all burners should be going. It's about managing the different parts of the meal and ensuring that they all get cooked. Personally I do yearly and monthly goals and beyond, and in those I categorize what I need for each of the "burners" (the different categories of life).

It doesn't always seem manageable, but that's also why you can't waste time working and squander the time with friends and family, the meal will never get done otherwise.

Edit: You also need to know a realistic time frame for when all the components cook on the burner. For example, I'm making Spaghetti, I must cook the sauce, the meatballs/meat, and noodles simultaneously and then mix them when they're all finished - do the same with life: manage time, set goals (maybe make tasty spaghetti), and then enjoy what you've created

 

[biophase]

My current burners (and % of my total capacity):

• Work (60%) - Business is struggling a little recently, and I'm putting in extra effort to reverse course.
• Family (35%) - The extra effort at work is by and large, not impacting family time. I'm almost entirely logged off on weekends, and have quality time with the family for 4-5 hours every weekday too.
• Friends (3%) - I'm doing something with friends about once a month... but being social is definitely not top of mind right now.
• Health (2%) - I eat well, and am fairly active doing things with the kids, but virtually zero time exercising.

Here is how I did it. I think I posted this somewhere else on the forum but don't remember which thread it was under.

From 2007 to 2018 I had a seasonal business that had its bulk of sales from August to December. I prioritized work from September to December, went on vacations from January to July.

Looking back I realize now that I never got burnt out between the years of 2007 through 2020 because I had large breaks in between grinding. Now it didn't meant that I didn't work from Jan to July. But I did work alot less during those months.

I also had interchanging priorities of money and health each year.

For example if 2015 was a health year. Then working out and vacations took precedence over work. It didn't matter if a fire came up at 10:55am, I was going to my 11:00am workout. I'd go on vacation even though I had alot of sh!t to do.

But then 2016 rolls around and it is a money "grind/work" year. Now working on my website took priority over the gym.

I know that my business did not grow as fast or as much as it could have doing it this way. But when I look back now in 2023, I don't regret it at all. Yes, that could have been alot of money. But 10 years is a long time (1/7 to 1/9) of your life to be grinding for money that you won't even get to spend.

Being really successful with poor health makes absolutely no sense at all. Next time you have a cold or flu, just imagine if that never went away. Do you even care about your business when you are feeling sick? No, all you want is for the headache to go away.

If I had to guess at my percentages, I think mine was always 30% business, 35% health, 35% friends and family for the past 10 years.

As @heavy_industry mentioned, try turning up the health burner as high as possible and see what happens to your other burners, prob not much of a decrease.

I'm aiming for "really successful" in business and have a goal in mind I'm trying to reach. I am more than willing to sacrifice a social life and my health

What if you totally f your health up and can't get it back to your current baseline? I 100% disagree with this sacrifice.

Social life, I'm ok with the sacrifice.

(but not my family)

Sacrificing health is indirectly sacrificing family IMO.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

A note on health, it should be considered a generator that powers the other burners.

If that generator dies or becomes impaired, the other "burners" seem nearly irrelevant, other than the realization you should have spent more time with your family.

 

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[Two Dog]

I regret all the times of my life spent largely ignoring the first three burners. The short term results are never worth the long term cost and prioritizing any of them for long enough guarantees future loss. It's a clever metaphor, but doesn't really play out in real life as @Johnny boy pointed out.

 

[amp0193]

I don't really agree with it, but I do understand it.

I look at having all these burners on at once, just some flame higher and others lower during extended periods.

As I like to say, a lot of temporary imbalances yesterday have lead to great balance today.

This was generally my takeaway.

Give and take. Growth goes through seasons.

Being intentional about when you're turning it up and temporarily turning others down.

 

[amp0193]

No matter what happens please do not neglect your health. I can understand putting it off for a while, especially during these hard times, but if you are not healthy mentally and physically, it will impact all the other burners.

I generally agree with this.

The best thing I'm doing for my health right now, is that I rarely drive my car and bike everywhere. Takes just a few minutes longer to get places. I'm just trading time that I would have spent traveling in a recliner for one that gets the heart rate up. I don't eat sugar, don't smoke, rarely drink, and eat mostly vegetarian. If I'm playing with the kids, we're swimming around in the pool, or playing ball or chase in the backyard. This doesn't take any additional time investment in my day specifically dedicated to health.

So if nothing else, I maintain a baseline of fitness. My "turned off' burner doesn't mean I'm at zero, so maybe I don't have it turned off at all.... it just means I'm not really progressing or focusing on it. I am not hitting the gym and making gains or building muscle, and I'm ok with that for now, as it gives me another 2 hours a day on the business, which is what I'm intentionally prioritizing.

I really like how @Johnny boy put it: Doing a few highly effective things in each area goes a long way.

Sacrificing health is indirectly sacrificing family IMO.

100%

 

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[WJK]

I don't see it the way you are saying it. I'm not sure my life has ever been balanced by how I split my time. It's all too superficial for me.

Yesterday we had a lovely day. My husband and I made a run to Anchorage to get building & business supplies. It's about a four-hour trip each way so we were gone all day. The scenery was beautiful along the coast and through the 2 mountain ranges. Lunch was terrific. We took my old service dog and our 6-month-old pup with us so we stopped often along the way. And we found our supplies at different stores.

Wasn't that a business trip or a great adventure? Were we really working or just out for a good time? I've been self-employed for just about all of my adult life. It's hard to tell where the personal life ends and the real work begins.

Our social life and friendships are the same way. We do some business here and there with most of them. The two parts of our lives overlap.

A good friend, Art, came today to look at the 3-phase generator we recently bought as a backup for our community water system. I saw him at the post office the other day and ask him to stop by to help us with the set-up. Art is an expert in industrial equipment, so this generator is well within his world. He gathered information today and he'll be back soon to help with the actual work. And it was another friend, Brad, who run the security operation for a massive oil company, who turned us to the fact that the generator was available for sale. We've been looking for one for a long time.

Everyone around us scratches each other's backs whenever they can. We all work together to improve the lives of each other and the whole. (We've helped Art build his house by using our heavy equipment to do some grading and heavy dirt work on his site. We're helping Brad locate parts for a vintage truck he's rebuilding.) Friends and business in our lives always intersect.

 

[Ing]

I don’t know, if its clever to seperate the areas of life so consequently.
That needs much more energy than having a flow with all parts of life.