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Parents own me, any advice?

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

What should I do?

  • Make a living for yourself now

    Votes: 11 73.3%
  • Be patient and do something meanwhile

    Votes: 4 26.7%

  • Total voters
    15
A

Anon79341

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Hello people!

I'm currently living with my grandparents in home town during pandemic. I usually live in a room in the capital city near to university (room paid by my parents). I've been here for the last 6 months) and still have 1.5 years ahead in college. My family is being paying for the expenses all along. (excepting college, because I have a scholarship).

At 22, I'd rather be doing something more bold with my life. Although, I could use it as an opportunity to do my own hustle without having to pay rent and other expenses. My family is nice with me, they give me freedom to do pretty much anything. I only have a hard time hearing their comments based on poverty mentality and limitation in a daily basis, that somehow upsets me.

I wonder if being in this situation could be detrimental to implement a succesful life plan. Or maybe it could be helpful as I have more free time and less things to worry about.

I'd appreciate your thoughts
 
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peterb0yd

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Offer to find a buyer for them to sell you to if you can keep 10% as commission.

Rinse and repeat.
 

Odysseus M Jones

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I only have a hard time hearing their comments based on poverty mentality and limitation in a daily basis, that somehow upsets me.
What do they say?
 
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A

Anon79341

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What do they say?

They say virtually nothing about me (only that I should get a job and spend in slowlane stuff), but I understand them. The thing that annoys me is that they constantly have a negative mindset, critizicing everything, blaming the government, saying that X and Y is impossible and rich people is evil. It turns easily in a toxic environment.

This pandemic thing started over 4 months ago. What have you done since then?

I feel like you're not in a position to judge your family for their mindsets.

Since I came here I've been working for my grandad, then started a hustle that only lasted a few months. And recently I've been only attending classes.

I can't judge them, you are right. That's why I'm thinking the posibility of taking another path.
 

Odysseus M Jones

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The thing that annoys me is that they constantly have a negative mindset, critizicing everything, blaming the government, saying that X and Y is impossible and rich people is evil. It turns easily in a toxic environment.
Yes that gets old real fast.

It could be cultural, like the British love to complain about everything, it's a national pastime.
Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris.
The miserable like company in their misery.

No cure for that except smile, nod & forget about it, it's not worth the time & energy to offer a different point of view.

Or your parents aren't happy with their life which manifests in the behaviours you mentioned.
Make their life better, that's your why.

In any case Illegitimi non carborundum, buy earplugs, nod & smile.
 

Sethamus

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I'm not quite clear on what you are asking.

Is it:
1.Should you quit university and start working for yourself right now and get out from under your parents?
OR
2. Should you stay in University, but also get a job/side hustle so you can get out from under their control?
 
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Ismail941

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So basically you are saying the next 1.5 years would be stuck with parents about the college.
Scholarship ? Have at it
Finish the college and move out after 1.5 years.
 
A

Anon79341

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The miserable like company in their misery.

No cure for that except smile, nod & forget about it, it's not worth the time & energy to offer a different point of view.
Thank you, that's really deep and helpful!

Is it:
1.Should you quit university and start working for yourself right now and get out from under your parents?
OR
2. Should you stay in University, but also get a job/side hustle so you can get out from under their control?
@Sethamus Definitely the second option.

Scholarship ? Have at it
Finish the college and move out after 1.5 years.
That sounds like the more reasonable path to follow. Thanks, I didn't see it that way
 

Sethamus

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If the second option: stay in Uni and get a job....then I would do that. If being under your parents bothers you enough to post about then it is probably worth doing the extra work to have a job and still attend school. Build up a few months living expenses as a cushion and practice budgeting to make sure you can 100% do this. Nothing worse than having to call mom in 6 months asking for money.

Also, I would leave on good terms and just say you are doing it so they do not have to provide for you, but you appreciate all they have done up till now.
 
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A

Anon79341

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If being under your parents bothers you enough to post about then it is probably worth doing the extra work to have a job and still attend school. Build up a few months living expenses as a cushion and practice budgeting to make sure you can 100% do this. Nothing worse than having to call mom in 6 months asking for money.
Thanks for the advice. I better start doing it as it will work as a practice for real life.

Things will get better when I move to the big city in the next few weeks. I will get a job so that I do not depend 100% on them, ultimately to sustain myself alone.
 

minivanman

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So basically you haven't done anything REAL except think about a lot of stuff. While you could have taken advantage of the time you've already been at your grandparents..... you tried something.... it didn't work..... you slept, ate, slept, ate, slept, ate..... How many days have you been at your grandparents that you haven't really done anything? ...... Since this might not be clear for you, what makes you think you will do anything different if you move out on your own? You've had all these days and haven't really busted a grape and you've had FREE room, board & food! I'm not busting your chops.... I did the same thing when I was young.... just wondering what would be different tomorrow if you moved out?
 

xy2_

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Hi Seb, I'm in kind of the same situation so I thought I would share my thoughts.

I'm living with my mom right now. She's a very kind and thoughtful person. Often she has a negative mindset which is the same as you're describing, but when it pops up I just smile and nod.

It's a very advantageous situation because you don't have to pay rent, food, utilities, or anything else. To give back I make sure to spend time with my mom whenever I can and help her around the house.

However, I'm moving out in about a month (going back to uni), because I want to live independently. It's just something I knew I would do. So I've taken advantage of all this extra time I have to take action and start making a living - and later on something greater.

What would change if I moved in tomorrow? I'd still do the same things. I don't have to wait until moving out to start taking action, because I already do.
 
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Abrodos

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Also living with my parents, also studying for a slowlane job, and with my business on halt.

I'd say let your earnings speak for themselves. If you're not earning enough, keep aquiring knowledge and trying stuff until you can. If you can earn more than them as slowlaners, youll be in a good position to try to educate them, and they'll probably be in a better predisposition to listen to you. Until then, every fastlane project you might have is just smoke.
Keep in mind that trying to run a business is tough and energy consuming and you might want to change to their mindset if you're unsuccessful for a few years.

And always try to be grateful for what they are doing for you. It'll help you not focus on the worldviews you might not share with them.

If you feel that you don't need that mentality/advice, try as a first step going without their money. Keep in mind that their mentality is what is paying for your expenses right now.

That being said, gifts can potentially be toxic, even if the giver does them out of true love, because they also generate an emotional indebtment with the giver. And such a big gift as taking care of your expenses has a big potential to do that.

Good luck!!! And hope you do better in business than me :)
 

S.Y.

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So basically you haven't done anything REAL except think about a lot of stuff. While you could have taken advantage of the time you've already been at your grandparents..... you tried something.... it didn't work..... you slept, ate, slept, ate, slept, ate..... How many days have you been at your grandparents that you haven't really done anything? ...... Since this might not be clear for you, what makes you think you will do anything different if you move out on your own? You've had all these days and haven't really busted a grape and you've had FREE room, board & food! I'm not busting your chops.... I did the same thing when I was young.... just wondering what would be different tomorrow if you moved out?

This +1.

Results speak for themselves. If their comments upset you, show them otherwise.

For your poll, why one or the other? why not both? Be patient, stay where you are, AND make a living for yourself.

Build the habits you need while you have a cushion. The I-struggle-to-make-a-living entrepreneur is overrated.

Change the way you view things:
- how can you make the most of your situation?
- how can you show them a better way of seeing things?
- What can you create now while being with them?

And family is important. Enjoy the time you have with them. If this year has shown me one thing, is that life can change in an instant.
 
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