Once you "make it", how do you get rid of the immature "look at me now" thoughts?

[Coalission]

I've dealt with this more recently, I was fired last August, and I still remember like it was yesterday how my boss told me as he was walking me out, "What are you gonna do bro, don't you only have your GED?" and now I basically make what he makes yearly every month, profit not gross. 99% of the time I'm thinking of scaling and how I can grow my business, the whole "wolf don't concern themselves with the thoughts of sheep" type of thing, but every so often, I just hope to come across him so I could rub it in his smug smartass face.

It's definitely a waste of energy, and I don't waste much time on it, but it comes up sometimes, like I want everyone that ever doubted me or slighted me to know that I'm successful. Sounds petty and it really is, but I can't be the only one. How did you eventually get over it?

 

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[jon.a]

I've dealt with this more recently, I was fired last August, and I still remember like it was yesterday how my boss told me as he was walking me out, "What are you gonna do bro, don't you only have your GED?" and now I basically make what he makes yearly every month, profit not gross. 99% of the time I'm thinking of scaling and how I can grow my business, the whole "wolf don't concern themselves with the thoughts of sheep" type of thin, but every so often, I just hope to come across him so I could rub it in his smug smartass face.

It's definitely a waste of energy, and I don't waste much time on it, but it comes up sometimes, like I want everyone that ever doubted me or slighted me to know that I'm successful. Sounds petty and it really is, but I can't be the only one. How did you eventually get over it?

When you're lengthening your lead, don't look in the rear view mirror.

 

[Red]

I want everyone that ever doubted me or slighted me to know that I'm successful.

I know exactly how you feel. Been there. Didn't do that... but sure as hell wanted to...

To get to the bottom of it, you have to start breaking things down. Your ex-boss' words obviously made you angry. He was discounting & dismissing you as a human being. Literally saying, you have no worth, no value, therefore you have no options & are f*cked. Why did it make you angry? Because a part of you believed him. If your boss had said, "I don't believe in gravity!" you would have shrugged yours shoulders & went, whatever man. Because you know better. You know how it really is. His comments made you angry because they made you question yourself & your worth. It pissed you off that he sees you how you see you.

Why would someone make a comment like that? Because they feel worthless themselves. When you know your value & have come out of some shit, people typically want to lift each other up, to help. When you have someone tearing others down, it gives away their true beliefs about themselves. He probably thinks he's f*cked, that's the only thing he can see, so it must apply to you as well (because if it didn't, he would be forced to examine himself & see where he's lacking & most people don't want to do that, as it's uncomfortable). It's much easier & feels better to tear each other down.

So how do you get past wanting to rub someone's face in it? You start to realize your own value. And it's not what you make in net profits. It has nothing to do with that. You have to actively find your own value & worth & believe it with the quiet respect that you acknowledge & live by the laws of gravity. You then start to see your former boss for who he is. Someone who's frustrated with himself, his situation & probably walking through life with a "the world owes me" mentality that always ends in bitterness & disappointment. He may never get out of that hamster wheel. But you did.

The question here isn't, how do I fight human nature & wanting to scream from the rooftops I TOLD YOU F*CKERS SO, the question is why you don't see your own worth outside of the opinions of others?

 

[Mattie]

Red Danger Zone. Nice answer.

 

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[Nadia]

Red Danger Zone gets my vote on this one.

 

[RogueInnovation]

I told you so.

You ain't the only one.
But personally I'd replace the I told you so ICE with a bit of warmth and consideration (what he lacked with you). The warmth isn't for him, its so you remove his contageous disease of sourness, by restoring balance to your dealings with all people rather than letting him get away with pushing it out of you and getting a reaction based response (validating him).

You doubted yourself, he didn't give a shit and was about himself, as such he doesn't deserve your time and advice.

Thing about succeeding more is you have time to break down what worries you and worry less.
That is the true power, not the mula.
Mula just buys good food, a nice few drinks, a walk on the beach and some cool night air. Priceless things, that others do appreciate but only through working like a douche the other parts of the day.

Be glad you had the backbone to suggest a life for yourself and control your own destiny and paycheck.

 

[IceCreamKid]

It's definitely a waste of energy, and I don't waste much time on it, but it comes up sometimes, like I want everyone that ever doubted me or slighted me to know that I'm successful. Sounds petty and it really is, but I can't be the only one. How did you eventually get over it?

I got over it the moment I realized that the people who hate to see you successful are usually those who aren't happy with their own life. They're prisoners of their own mind. There's a lot of power in developing the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

I prefer to chill with happy people. They're neat.

 

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[Vigilante]

 

[Vagabond 007]

I got over it the moment I realized that the people who hate to see you successful are usually those who aren't happy with their own life. They're prisoners of their own mind.

This.

Insecure people say things like your ex-boss said. If anything, you should feel bad for him. Because people like him make themselves feel better by making others feel worse.

Best thing to do is let it go. It's been almost a year and it's still on your mind. That's not good. Think of it this way, you're letting someone you don't like frustrate you. And the worst part of it, he probably hasn't wasted a second of his life since that day in August thinking about you in any way, shape, or form. You're allowing him to rent space in your mind AND he doesn't even know it!

The best way to "get back at him" is to be as successful as possible.

 

[IAmTheJeff]

And the worst part of it, he probably hasn't wasted a second of his life since that day in August thinking about you in any way, shape, or form. You're allowing him to rent space in your mind AND he doesn't even know it!

The best way to "get back at him" is to be as successful as possible.

First and second things, respectively, I thought as soon as I read the OP. Let the past stay where it is, until you can buy the DeLorean with a flux capacitor.

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

Yes! What Red Said

Plus...

When I have experienced this, I realized with time that getting past this feeling was related to forgiveness. I couldn't get past this feeling of revenge (it is a feeling of revenge, isn't it?) until I was able to first:

1) Realize that the person was doing the best they could do with what they had. (and maybe what they had was a sad story of their own)
2) Grace, or forgiveness, means that you realize that it is important to let go of the past. It happened, and there is nothing you can do to change the past, but you can learn to let go of it...

How do you do that?

Cultivate understanding and compassion AND.... practice living in the moment, rather than living in the past. When you are thinking of this individual and what he/she said, you are living in the past, which brings on feelings of resentment. When you are noticing that you are thinking about that, have compassion for yourself.... laugh it off.... then, take some deep breaths and enjoy the present moment. Appreciate where you are, and appreciate the fact that you able to cultivate compassion (and eventually forgiveness).

 

[jon.a]

In the divorce world, indifference is far worse than hate, anger, etc. Let it go.

 

[Guest3722A]

I was fired last August

Be cool with him - offer to take him out to lunch and thank him for pissing you off enough to take action. Maybe there's something your biz can sell him on down the road?

 

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[Strive]

Red, what a phenomenal post. Thanks for taking the time to write that

 

[EN_VY]

Who cares. You're winning, he's not. Move on.

 

[liquidglass]

I'm with AroundtheWorld and Red on this one.

Forgive him, once you've consciously forgiven him it'll allow you to see past his words imbued with insecurity and see him for the struggling and unsure man that he is. It'll allow you to form compassion for him and from then on out you'll only hope that he can achieve more in his life and grow as a person, because living in self misery like that must the worst punishment in the world he could ever receive.

Thank him at least in your head for the opportunity he created for you. Without that kick in the a$$ you wouldn't have had the motivation to do something new and different. In my experience the people that have done things that hurt my business or life are really just great teachers and opportunity providers. Without them taking selfish action I wouldn't have been able to grow our business to where it is today.

Be grateful for what you have and the fact that you won't be sitting in his chair one day, that should elevate you plenty!

 

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[Operation_OPM]

So you're making 25-45k+ a month and the thought that you dare let take..even a small... precedence in your mental real estate is showing off at some hourly/salaried sidewalker.

I know people who net 5-10k a month and PLAY damn near everyday...I'm in Florida so I'm talking...living on the beach, sunbathing, para-sailing, boating, hiking, camping, snorkeling, scuba diving, skydiving, flying cessna's, alligator wresting, canoeing, hunting ect.ect.ect. EVERYDAY....jet skis...JET SKIS!!

The higher profit earner's are on top of the world literally in the penthouse of some hotel/condo tower CONSTANTLY traveling!! Why aren't you at the top of the Burj Al Arab Hotel with two model's about to take a helicopter ride over the gulf!!

No time to think about sidewalker's when you're riding waves and racing dolphins!

Now imagine doing all of that with family and friends!

That is why I feel it is critical to teach/reach DOWN...other adults will hate you for having that lifestyle...EVEN THOUGH IS THE ONE THEY DESIRE....kids and younger relatives will appreciate you being able to enrich their lives and do thing's for them more than any adult in your life will. Now you can afford to take all your little bro's/sister's/cousins/neices/nephew's ect. to Disney world, universal studio's or Atlantis and forever change the way they perceive life, family and their childhood.

 

[Coalission]

So many great posts, wow.

Why would someone make a comment like that? Because they feel worthless themselves. When you know your value & have come out of some shit, people typically want to lift each other up, to help. When you have someone tearing others down, it gives away their true beliefs about themselves.

Yeah a part of me knows this, he was always bitter about how the people under him can make more than he does and supposedly not work as hard (we were in sales). I used to date what some people thought was the best looking woman there, and he used to "joke" about how I got lucky, and wondering why she'd bother with me. He was that kind of guy.

Thing about succeeding more is you have time to break down what worries you and worry less.

This is so true, I find myself now just kind of reflecting on every aspect of my life and how to improve upon it.

So you're making 25-45k+ a month and the thought that you dare let take..even a small... precedence in your mental real estate is showing off at some hourly/salaried sidewalker.

Closer to 60-90k+, but yeah, like someone mentioned before, when you have so much free time you just kind of start remembering random things. Most of the time I'm always pushing for more, I'm happy I make what I make and all, but on a grander scale it's peanuts. I think about the people who pay what I make in taxes. I think about the people who may not even notice if the amount I make in a year is missing from their bank account. That's really what keeps me motivated to keep pushing, but every so often I just think back like "Heh, it would be funny if I bumped into XYZ".

We definitely play as well, funny you mentioned the Burj Al Arab because we've been thinking of going to Dubai soon, but it won't be with two models, it'll be with my girlfriend

 

[RogueInnovation]

This is so true, I find myself now just kind of reflecting on every aspect of my life and how to improve upon it.

Maybe that is what this post is. You are making sense of truly enjoying that new freedom and learning how to settle the grumble it leaves in your gut.
I'm still struggling with it a bit, but... Considering people has given me more strength than leaving them to burn in my wake.

Slow down the panic, stand up for yourself appropriately, take your space.
He WAS an a**hole to you. He was a condecending, self righteous prick. Ok, so now what?

I dunno either XD

I've just kinda fallen in love for my passion for living life without the restraints. I feel a twang of cruel sympathy for people, but it is there choices, their failures as businessmen, and it is what has always and will always hold them back.

Thankfully it doesn't hold you back, not anymore.
Thats petty badass that you've reached that level of confidence.
Sometimes I have home made buffets and little parties to celebrate. Just being able to do that is liberating to me, cuz before I neither had the time or the cash or the reason do that and appreciate it, now I do.

Learn to savor the finer points of life right


I just take in my view, pour a glass of wine and have a little smile as I off handedly scetch a few thoughts. Daaaamn, only a few ways to make that better.
Getting all my head stuff sorted is one of em, so still workin on it.

 

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[Mattie]

One thing I've learned is you really don't have to say anything. Their mind kind of plays tricks on them. Theyfeel guilty and shameful about their actions, and become angry because they were wrong. They judge themselves and punish themselves if they haven't done their inner personal development. If they have they just find out how arrogant they can be. One thing people don't like doing is being wrong. They have to be right and sometimes at all costs to prove their point.

 

[Nadia]

People talk (not just here but everywhere..) like forgiveness is easy. Like shit, you sit down and say "It doesn't hurt anymore. It's cool." Personally, I've always had a problem with forgiveness. Not that anything is wrong with it, it is beautiful BUT if it comes (never mind in it's own time). Alternatively, I don't keep grudges either.

I believe in indifference. It destroys someone. What your boss said to you is VERY emotionally wounding and people have said things to me decades back and they STILL hurt. It's OKAY to say that it hurt you, it made you mad and dented you in someway.

I DEFINTELY agree wth @jon.a when it comes to indifference. Sometimes people say such vile, mean and evil things to us, we cannot let them go no matter how much they shouldn't. Congratulations that you have done so well for yourself, may many MORE successes come to you!

An ex of mine challenged me years back that I couldn't open a spa. That I was too young, too naive, too inexperienced, too hasty--too, everything. He caused me so much pain, I went on to write my first published title and open my spa. I called him after and invited him to the launch. He made some excuse about being out of town because he couldn't believe how HARD my success had bitch-slapped him.

So, success is the only way to get back at someone. Never lose that fire, never lose that edge. People like your pathetic ex boss made you who you are today!

 

[Mattie]

Forgiveness isn't easy by all means. Forgiveness is a life lesson you have to master like anything else. It's not for the sake of another person, but to let it go and move on with your life. If you never forgive and let go of the offense it only leads to anger, bitterness, resentment, and eats you alive. It helps you heal. It is a process. It does take time. Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget what has been done. You just acknowledge it's their issue, and problem. They aren't mindful. They aren't aware. They are harmful emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, or sexually. It's hard to let it go, because you know in most cases it will happen again. Therefore, you know not to be in their presence or do the same things again. It depends on what has been done or said. There are small things and major things. Emotional and mental abuse wounds people more than the physical. This is where people get stuck in the past. They focus on the pain and suffering that has been caused. Without forgiveness they are not able to let it go and move on.

Indifference: Is lack of concern. Sure it plays a part in ignoring what people say. You still have the feelings, hurt emotions, and still it bothers you. You can brush it off. You can sweep it under the rug. You can let it pile to the ceiling. Still you must come to terms with the injustice that has been done. It still gets and grabs your emotions and mentality. You learn to stay neutral and not allow it to effect you. You learn it's not about you. You're the observer. It's garbage and other people's trash. You still have to take it out every day.

 

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[IceCreamKid]

People talk (not just here but everywhere..) like forgiveness is easy. Like shit, you sit down and say "It doesn't hurt anymore. It's cool." Personally, I've always had a problem with forgiveness. Not that anything is wrong with it, it is beautiful BUT if it comes (never mind in it's own time). Alternatively, I don't keep grudges either.

I held a grudge against my very first girlfriend for YEARS because she cheated on me. Since it was my first relationship, it molded my perception of love for quite a while. What helped me forgive her was the realization that most people's intentions come from a good place. People are generally doing the best that they can with the lessons and education they've been given in life.

I highly doubt that she told herself, "I want to make my bf miserable by cheating on him". If anything, she probably felt like something was missing in her own life so she decided to get whatever it was that she needed. On the outside, her action looks totally wrong...but to her, it was fine and came with good intentions(for herself).

 

[Vagabond 007]

I seem to be a lot less emotional than most people. So for me, I can move on from things pretty damn easily, and fast. I literally don't care about a lot of things, it's so "bad" that I even question it sometimes. I'll sometimes think I'm an emotionless bastard.

So because of that, part of me wants to tell people who have a hard time with forgiveness and moving on to just suck it up and do it. But I know that isn't really helpful advice.

I just don't understand why people become so attached to people and things. It's as if they are basing their happiness off of external things.

2.5 years ago I broke off my engagement 7 months before the wedding. Sure, I was sad. But 2 weeks later I was dating again and living life. A month after I drove to FL (from PA) for a week to visit my sister and her kids. I had the time of my life. To this day I still think back to that trip and just smile.

Couple weeks after that I met a woman who is now my girlfriend.

If I was busy sulking and being pissed at my ex for screwing things up I would have never enjoyed my trip to FL and would have never met my current gf, who is incredible.

You can't fully appreciate things and be open to change when you are holding grudges. When you are mad at someone because you think they "screwed you over" the only person that is hurting is you. Being pissed at someone and not forgiving them isn't doing you any good whatsoever.

And nobody owes you anything. I don't care how bad they may have screwed you over. Let. It. Go.

My ex really screwed me over. But so what, better that she did it before the marriage. I learned she wasn't a good fit for me. Doesn't necessarily make her a bad person.

There is literally zero benefit to holding on to grudges and not forgiving people. Take a few days or whatever to be sad and be pissed, but after you give yourself a little time to deal with it, get over it and move on. The faster the better.

I'll end with something I heard Joe Polish say, but he got it from Dan Sullivan. It's this..."Forgiveness is giving up the hope that one day you're going to have a better past."

Joe followed that up with..."The only usefulness of the past is raw material for you building the future."

Powerful stuff. We all know the past can't change. So make friends with it and move forward with your life.

 

[liquidglass]

@Vagabond 007

Don't worry you're not alone on the "emotionless" ride. I've had to work on mine over the years to become a more personable to others. There are still only a small number of things (business etc) or people I am emotionally involved with, thankfully I made sure all these people were success minded or at the very least positive.

But I find it's still something I can "switch off" and become entirely detached from something or someone if the need for that arises so it's good and bad. But you did bring up a good point.

In my post if I made it seem as if forgiveness was easy I apologize to the OP, I know it's not, it's just easier for some people than others. But you can get there!

Also you reminded me of another favorite quote: "hating someone is like drinking poison yourself and hoping the other person dies"

 

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[Mattie]

Woman are more emotional creatures to begin with. I used to be very emotional. This is one of the things most people are never taught emotional development. It was something I learned the last few years. This is the truth we form emotional and mental attachments to objects and things. I did notice my family was very high strung, anxious, and worries about everything. They blow everything out of proportion. Draw conclusions and make assumptions without facts or evidence. I noticed this once I learned to stay neutral about my emotions. People like this expect you to react this way, because they do it. lol Now they believe I'm selfish and heartless. I'm sure I will be the Villain more and more as I succeed.

 

[Temerity]

I've dealt with this more recently, I was fired last August, and I still remember like it was yesterday how my boss told me as he was walking me out, "What are you gonna do bro, don't you only have your GED?" and now I basically make what he makes yearly every month, profit not gross. 99% of the time I'm thinking of scaling and how I can grow my business, the whole "wolf don't concern themselves with the thoughts of sheep" type of thing, but every so often, I just hope to come across him so I could rub it in his smug smartass face.

It's definitely a waste of energy, and I don't waste much time on it, but it comes up sometimes, like I want everyone that ever doubted me or slighted me to know that I'm successful. Sounds petty and it really is, but I can't be the only one. How did you eventually get over it?

Hey man,

Expectations are a bitch, aren't they? Believe me, I know, and so do millions of others. They lead to disappointment, resentment, all sorts of mental anguish on various levels.

It sounds like you have an expectation that they should notice your success. Can you see that it is that "expectation" that is hurting you and not them failing to acknowledge or appreciate you?

I think we all have these kinds of social fantasies and most of them arise from expectations that develop in childhood. "That's not fair!" is a huge one.

Some people "expect" all of their lives and emotionally-driven wrecks. Ask my father. The number of grudges he has is exactly equal to the volume of expectation he holds. And he suffers for it. He doesn't talk to anyone in the family anymore, and I truly believe his asthma is a manifestation of that deep need for false control. That's all an expectation is - a false construct of how things SHOULD be rather than how they ARE.

How to use this: take some private time, get yourself alone, turn off the computer. Have a real talk with yourself. I do this all of the time. It's like self-therapy and it works very well. Just sit down, release all judgment of yourself, and commune with the wiser part of you. Converse as if you are your own counselor, therapist, sage. Look at how your feeling and how your behaving and see if it's really worth it to weigh it in your mind for even one second longer.

You will experience some relief.

After you are done with that, roll up in your new ferrari and tell them all to screw off.

 

[AroundTheWorld]

People talk (not just here but everywhere..) like forgiveness is easy. Like shit, you sit down and say "It doesn't hurt anymore. It's cool."

Forgiveness isn't easy by all means. Forgiveness is a life lesson you have to master like anything else.

Yes, for years I struggled with forgiveness too. At the time, I thought it was something that would just happen. I think I was even just passively waiting around for the feeling of forgiveness to come to me. Of course, it never did. I even knew intellectually that forgiveness was important for my own mental well being, that my lack of forgiveness was not hurting the other person, and that it was silly not to forgive.... and yet... the feeling wouldn't come to me.

Over time, I learned that forgiveness is a choice and it is a process. If you want to cultivate forgiveness, you have to actively work on the process of forgiveness. The doorway into that process is compassion. The person behaved the way they did for a reason. Maybe it is low self esteem. Maybe it was a bad childhood or a traumatic experience. Maybe they didn't have the knowledge, support, or tools they needed to deal with that circumstance in a healthy way. Maybe they struggle with a mental illness. Sit silently and think about that person from a compassionate point of view. Your heart will start to soften toward them.

Now... forgiveness isn't... "forgive and forget." I'm not advocating that you allow things to continue on in the same way. Just because you find compassion for the other person, doesn't mean you allow the negative behavior to continue in your own life. You can have compassion for the other person and still have boundaries for the sake of your own health and happiness.

 

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[Vigilante]

 

[RogueInnovation]

You never wanted to be his b#tch anyways
Good riddance

His acceptance only extends to petty stuff he can control
You see it all the time