Need advice on approaching a woman...

[BaraQueenbee]

Hate to break it to you, there is no right way (but MANY wrong ways) to approach a women.

If we're keeping it in the circles, it's just like business. Read about it, talk about it, get knowledge about it (and I suggest you do that, even if it's to broaden your perspective and horizon), but in the end. GET MOVING and just do it.

No amount of ideas or solutions is going to he be right and only one.
Sincerity. (<--you want to take her out on a date)
True to yourself (<-- don't pretend you like something or take her out on something just because she might like it, and you'll end up all feeling bad)
a bit of romance (<-- enough to find about this. The cliches, a rose, a little extra effort, or even something you made up yourself. Get creative! Instead of turning in a check, make her write down her number)
Chance (<-- We are all humans, we have good and bad days. I truly hope for you, she says yes if you ask her out. And if she doesn't, get out there and get in touch with people in general again. Remember, rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it just wasn't the right match)

As far as that, good luck and dont forget to enjoy too

 

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[Supa]

"people will forget what you said, but people will never forget how you made them feel" it doesn't matter what you say to her in your convo, it's about what you make her feel. You are on a good way if a woman has to smile when she thinks back to a convo with you. There are no magic words that you can say to her while approaching her, a simple 'hi, how's it going?' said with a confident smile is 10,000x better than any learned sentence. Oh and look in her eyes, don't act like a boring guy that is too afraid to say something wrong.

 

[BaraQueenbee]

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

If a guy tells me the "I think youre fun to talk to and sexy", do you want to go on a date. BIG NO.
Compliment, yes. But the sexy/hot, comes off as shallow and like one intents to go just for the big hit.

 

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[JasonR]

What are you actually asking?

Are you wondering how to approach women/get dates?

If so, these three books have been awesome for me. Read and devour them - and I'd be happy to chat with you.

Models by Mark Manson: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

The Charsima Myth: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1591845947/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

Always Talk to Strangers: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OCXFYW/?tag=tff-amazonparser-20

 

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[BaraQueenbee]

Additional: I shall look into the books mentioned here.

There are alot of *good* pick up artists out there with valid knowledge, and just as I was talking about it with @AndrewNC , it's funny how these "succesful" people share the same thought and behaviour patterns as for example successful businessmen. It really seems to be a general mind set.

 

[Freedom61]

Well the day finally arrived! Yesterday (Friday) I went to the bank around 5:30pm, rolled up to the drive up and she wasn't working at the drive up, before I press the button to open up door to the sending device, I took a look over into the lobby and I saw her! Thankfully there were 2 other cars there at that time, so the girl working the drive up was preoccupied when I just drove straight through and back into the parking lot. I parked and endorsed the check I had and wrote on a sticky note...

Let's go out sometime
777-777-7777

and in I walked with the check. As I walked from the lobby, she was over at the counter where you fill out deposit slips organizing things since they were closing soon and as I was walking towards her she greeted me saying "hey, haven't seen you for a while!" and I handed her my check & replied back "Yeah... I've been pretty busy with my other business, I have a product I'm launching soon so I've been stressed and working all day and night" as we walked towards the counters/computers. She asked what my business was (I haven an acct there for it but primarily use PayPal) and I told her about it (for those that don't know it's an internet company - teaching people how to start businesses in the industry I'm in in via eBooks/vid courses/biz management doc pkges), and she said back, "oh cool, I recently started a web design business with my dad and it's been really interesting".

I'm pretty sure she said like that, but once I had walked up to the counter my heart rate probably shot to 200 bpm (it was seriously beating harder than I've every experienced - I've raced motocross since I was 8 years old, a truly anaerobic sport where your heart rate hovers around your max the entire duration of a race, and more than any high intensity interval workout I've done) and I kinda lost track of everything and I somehow was able to say something (after she mentioned that) along the lines of "what do you have planned for this weekend?" She replied back "Well tonight I'm probably going to bed because I'm just exhausted but tomorrow I have a bunch of homework..." and I fumbled through my words and I'm pretty sure I said (and not in a calm, cool, confident manner as I should have because I was so nervous) "Well, let's do something, here's my number if you ..." and I practially flicked the sticky note from my sweatshirt's pocket to right in front of her on the counter and she immediately said "oh, I'm seeing someone already" and I was mid-sentence then said something like "... want to do something just casual.." which didn't make an ounce of sense to me and her, then I quickly said, "oh, it's cool.." and she turned the convo around and asked "is there anything else I can help you out with today" as she handed me my receipt and I just asked for the last name that was on my check (so I can write the name down to record the payment in my accting software) and then we said our goodbyes.

I walked out, got into my truck and my heart was still beating a million mph. My mind was just racing and I was definitely not happy with myself for somewhat screwing it up by not saying things in a confident manner. I called up my buddy I had told about this whole thing and told him what happened as I was on my way home. After, when I was driving, I was thinking, "wow, what do I do now? I straight up thought she was into me and I had this". I knew there was no way I could go back home and continue working on my project because my mind was so focused on that, so I went to the gym and worked as hard as I have in months because I wanted to forget about the entire experience. I wear a Polar HR Monitor and even though I maxed out on some reps/lifts, I still don't think my HR was near what it was when I was standing at that counter.

After some time ticked by, later in the night I talked on the phone with my younger bro's gf about it (the ones I'm moving in with in about 1.5 months) and was finally able to calm down. I've since figured out that in a way it was a big weight off my back, because now I know I can leave my current town (where I've lived my entire life) and I don't have any baggage or relationships, etc. that's still here when I move up to Fargo shortly after Christmas. If she would have said yes, and the time comes when for me to leave my current living situation (parents) to pursue my FL biz, the decision would be a mess.

Now that I have the first time experience and am ready to do this again! I know I need to not think about the situation/task at hand and relax A LOT more and things will go better.

 

[JAJT]

Whatever you do, be yourself.

Add confidence and show the best version of yourself, but be yourself.

If you try to be funny, and you aren't a funny person, it won't work. If you try to be "suave", and you aren't naturally like that, don't do that.

What do your closest friends like about you? What are you "known for"? Be that guy, with a big smile and confidence.

 

[FastNAwesome]

Lots of great advice in this thread, and some I don't agree with either.

But a recommendation to the OP:

Before you dive into all this theory...I'd recommend you ask this girl out BEFORE reading books/websites recommended here or doing anything regarding "self improvement".

This particular girl, according to your description, plain and simple likes you. You can go and plain and simple ask her out. The same way you'd invite some of your friends to go grab a coffee. You can literally say "BRO, let's go grab a beer", and I think she'd still go for it, and have a cool cool laugh, after all those uptight people she sees daily who act all important, or give her cheesy compliments.

24 - you're at the perfect age - Young enough and Old enough for whatever you want from life. Plus you've figured it out. You're a businessman already, switching from slowlane to fastlane, but in the driver's seat nevertheless. You're a driver. You're a rider. You're a winner. Even in a dating game, you're way ahead of most by even contemplating to ask her out, and looking out for advice since you're not experienced yet.

She hollered at you. Holla back, ask her out. That's all there is to it

 

[Mattie]

Older video, advice still rings true today..

Very true. That's the problem with men that always talked to me. They would say, hey babe, hey sweetheart, and some stupid line that indicated sex. And I was like, "See you."

 

[shubham525]

Simple !
Would you like to try that new restaurant sometime ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[JasonR]

I liked David DeAngelo's 'Attraction isn't a Choice' got some deep insights into the psychology behind women/men behaviour.

Haha David Deida! Probably the worst "pick up artist" with the best marketing. I remember being on his email list. He's made millions off the pick up scene. Smart dude...he's doing business and entrepreneur coaching now.

 

[Supa]

Additional: I shall look into the books mentioned here.

There are alot of *good* pick up artists out there with valid knowledge, and just as I was talking about it with @AndrewNC , it's funny how these "succesful" people share the same thought and behaviour patterns as for example successful businessmen. It really seems to be a general mind set.

One common pattern that can be found is that everything starts in your head. Imagine how you get rejected and your body language will tell that you think you will get rejected - and therefore you most likely get rejected.

Most people don't really think about the psychology behind our actions. Most men think that women think the same as they do, and most women probably think the same of men. As soon as you get some knowledge about the different ways of thinking and feeling between men and women, based on evolution, you see that comparing men and women is pretty much nonsense.

 

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[Boozoon]

Sorry for anyone suggesting pick up stuff, but they are all pretty lame compared to Chris Deudes ->

goodlookingloser.com

Picking up girls is part of a lifestyle, a lifestyle where you strive to be the best at what you do and Chris drills it really hard. The best thing about Chris is that he makes you realize it's a numbers game when it comes to women. The one in the bank might say no, but with the right mindset you will approach ten more. It's really liberating I have to say and one of the best findings I ever made when it comes to PUA (Models is a second close).

 

[Nicko]

She works in a bank right ? Here's a line that I guarantee can't fail:

"Hi baby. I'd like to 'invest' my heart with YOU. My love yields high returns so let's do this"

Or not

 

[Andrewski]

Some of my friends are into the whole pick up artist thing to get girls but its all bull shit. I'm about the same as them in attractiveness and i get LOADS more girls than them.

This is my winning at life trick for OP and all other people in this thread.

1. Walk up to girl and say Hi, How are you?
2. Who cares how she responds, ask open ended questions to spark a conversation, anything like What kind of books do you read? Where have you traveled to? Do not let conversation stop and get awkward even if its boring.
3. Blah Blah Blah 10-20 minutes later (2-5 minutes for OP because hes already talked to her a bunch and shes at work busy) drop this bomb on her.

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

4. Go for the kiss afterwards and about 46% of the time they will make out with you on the spot. If not drop another open ended question and just go back to normal conversation like it was no big deal you nuked her like that. If she has a boy friend or isn't interested she will find a way to escape asap. If she keeps hanging around you that means your in just have to work at it longer and get to know her more. OP don't go for the kiss cause it's inappropriate at work, ask her out instead.

 

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[AustinS28]

She's a person, you're a person. You've made friends before so you know how to hold a conversation...some people will be your friends, some people won't...some girls will want to date you, others won't...The more wrapped up you get about all this...the less likely you'll come off genuine. Be yourself. Girls are just as nervous as you and want to be asked out on dates.

I met the girl I've been in a LTR with at 23 and I'm 25 now...My first "real girlfriend," I simply made things way too complicated before her which only bit me in the a$$.

Focus on your fast lane projects, keep the dating fun, don't become obsessed with having a girlfriend. Keep your personal hobbies and interests at your forefront especially in the initial stages of dating and you'll come off more attractive.

 

[Supercar Ace]

No need to be nervous. Know your value and be direct. also, don't put all your eggs in 1 basket. Get out and talk to other women. Don't set yourself up to be in a position where one person controls your romantic fate. Make yourself the priority and focus on your goals...you seem busy and have lots to do, so remember you are doing her the favor of inviting her into your world. PM me for a more detailed response, as I cold write on this for pages.

 

[Shdreams]

Women. I've always had it fairly easy to get there attention with the blue eyes. Keeping there attention I've learned to be a bit more difficult. But for me Ive learned short and sweet in the beginning works best. If your in person and want a date. Just ask. She knew the second she saw you if the immediate attraction was there. If you make it to the texting/phone convo short and interesting is important. If she's a hottie she's already tired of "beggers" unfortunately you kinda have to play it off like you don't need her. Weird rite? But its true. Women have a tendency to chase what they can't have. Don't believe me? Her Instagram is full of proof! Haha. Anyway just ask man. If she seems interested she probably is. Life's to Short to not try.

 

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[GuestUser305]

Watch their stuff and you will get a feeling for that That way I got my current girlfriend as well. Just don't give a shit, have fun!, talk about what ever you want, be alpha and when the conversation is at its best, get her number to leave with the best impression. If you need practice, try it on several ugly girls before

 

[FastNAwesome]

I'm thinking if this girl said that compliment, she's probably into me and I wouldn't mind getting to know her, so why not ask her out?

Good thinking on your part, and exactly what you should do.

The worst thing that could happen is she says "no" or "I'm seeing someone", etc.

Exactly. And since she's obviously outgoing and extroverted, my assumption is:

1. She will say yes with a smile on her face
2. Even if it's no, she'll do it in a tactful and polite manner and you'll feel just fine (and even then it's not necessarily over - maybe she's taken now, but will be available some time in the future - too many guys take a girl's "yes" or "no" as a be-all end-all and a validation of their worth - don't be that guy, be a playa

And technically, the worst scenario is you not asking her out at all, and then beating yourself up over it for weeks or months to come.

Be an optimist, focus on option 1

As you're already a successful businessman, you certainly know that it's better to be confident, optimistic and focusing on closing the deal, rather than "what's the worst thing that could happen".

I want to get out of my comfort zone and try it out!

You do that. I would say don't overthink this one or overcomplicate. This is a situation clear as a day, and should be kept simple:

This girl likes you.

The next time you go to the bank, approach her, greet her (you can add a smile too)

You can get straight to the point and say something to the effect of "let's go grab a coffee after work/tonite". You'll see right away if she's receptive to it, and then you just iron out the details. You can set a time and place right away, or you can give her your number and tell her to call you after work.

Notes:

- Not a native English speaker so my wording probably sucks - adjust as needed. But am a dating coach, and have had multiple girlfriends that I met at the bank exactly like you will meet this girl. It's that simple

- Keep in mind this is her workplace. Vary the above approach as needed to keep her out of unpleasant situations.

If others are far enough from you that she can feel comfortable setting a date with you, then do that.

If it's a crowded place, long lines, her colleagues too nearby - simply after you're done with the banking part, give her a note with your number and name and discretely say (almost whisper), so only she can hear it: "let's meet sometime, call me up". Optionally follow with a wink and a smile;-)

Your mindset for all approaches should be positive and optimistic, as if you're a bearer of good news (because you are), as if you're bringing them gifts (because you are). You're a young and successful guy who gives her the gift of getting to know you, and having a chance for a romance.

Any anxiety you might feel, just embrace it and overcome it with a deep breath.

Get inspired by good music

If you can't make yourself approach her/If you simply want to make her day and make her feel like a movie star - you can send her some flowers that you think she'll like, with a note attached with something like "If you're for a new friendship..." or "If you'd like to meet..." or whatever, you can even just write a compliment - followed with your phone #, and signed as

"Guy with a cool haircut"

You can expect the "thank you" text with a the same day, and then you have her number and you two can take it from there. If she doesn't reply the same day, you can consider it as no, and just move on, that's cool too.

 

[Sheps]

Ok, first things first. A bank teller is what we call a hired gun, just like a waitress or really anyone working. They are paid to be nice to you.

With this in mind, here's all you can really do without going out and getting some experience.

Maintain good posture, shoulders back head up. Speak easily, relaxed and with confidence (not arrogance and not creepy). Smile and make good eye contact (not staring). Talk to her in person, gauge how the conversation is going and then if it feels good you simply ask if she would like to get a drink. If she's hot she'll likely have a boyfriend, if she does and says so do NOT let it change the tempo and feel of the conversation. Move naturally on to the next mundane thing as if you ask hot girls out all the time and her saying no is similar to her not making the work paintball weekend. No. Big. Deal.
With a smiley and good eye contact "oh that's too bad. Maybe another time. How is X"

Relationships end all the time, how you handle her telling you she's in one now can set you up for when it finishes.

Now, if she handles the question badly that is a whole different matter and depends completely on your personality. Remember you asked her out to coffee not for a blow job, don't let her put you down.


Other than that all I can say is good luck. Without tuition or experience you are an unknown.
I've known and worked with some exceptional puas and no one has 100% success.

 

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[Mattie]

Treat it kind of like your business.

Dress your best best look good and smell good.
Be polite and positive.
If you say you're going to do something follow through. Be on time. Call when you say you will.
If you make promises keep them. Be a man of your word. Walk your walk and talk your talk.
Lead by example.
Treat her the way you'd like to be treated.
Be honest. Skip the manipulation, control, and mind games.
Build trust
Save the seduction, woman hate being manipulated. They love being sensual and sexual. There's a difference.
Active listening is the greatest thing if you pay attention and hear what she's saying.
Invest in a relationship like you're investing in entrepreneurship. Have the right mindset.
Learn what kind of interests and activities she enjoys. When it comes to women it's like earning a masters degree.
Take interest in her, and she will automatically do the same.
Be emotionally available.

 

[marklov]

Honestly this will change your life my friend.

Get Bang by Roosh which is pretty much the only resource you need.

Despite the name it reinforces that getting better with women is a process vs pick up lines and gimmicks.

Instead of pickup lines to spin and gimmicks like mysterious/good/bad boy rubbish it provides you with a framework that you can refine and polish to mastery that's unique to you.
All you have to do is supply the effort to go out and interact with women.

 

[ddzc]

Tons of great advice in this thread.

There's all sorts of books and pua communities, but to be honest, just go out with a bunch of buddies and have fun. Approach everyone, it's a numbers game. Don't be afraid of rejection, just keep at it. With all of the technology out there, it's not very difficult lining up a date. Just go on tinder, pof, instant dates every night of the week while you sit on your a$$ at home...BUT, if you want to improve on your approach anxiety, get off the online stuff and get out there. I've known guys who did hundreds, thousands of approaches in a week just to improve on their game and get over their fears!

Best of luck

 

[BlakeIC]

If there is 2 things you take from this thread it should be these

1)x does not equal y, dont treat these types of situations/situations in general like math as such, otherwise youll be unhappy and fail (maybe not?)

2) make sure you have a positive self image, know that your are good enough for her, visualize you being successful with asking her out (i am not talking about the law of attraction) look up psycho cybernetics by maxwell maltz to understand what i mean

Also if i was you , i would have give 1 more visit to the bank to gauge her reaction when you see her again to get a better idea of what her intentions are


EDIT: Also with number 2, that is being confident, if you are confident in yourself it will show

I say to especially remember #2, because all the posts saying "just be confident" is bs (no offense intended) because it is just like someone going to the doctor because they are unable to fall asleep and the doctors only response is "well just go to sleep", see what i am saying?

 

[Mattie]

You're really fun to talk to and i think you're sexy.

Your complimenting her personality which is important to girls and by telling her YOU think shes sexy your telling her YOU think shes really attractive and want to bang her. Plenty of times hot girls have responded with, "You think i'm sexy?" Because they have low self confidence and don't believe they are attractive.

lol I blew off every guy that told me I was sexy. Fortunately, it sends the message you're all about sex. Many woman have the same perspective, especially if they're online a lot, they get smart, and recognize it offline.

 

[Supa]

If a guy tells me the "I think youre fun to talk to and sexy", do you want to go on a date. BIG NO.
Compliment, yes. But the sexy/hot, comes off as shallow and like one intents to go just for the big hit.

that sentence sounds like something out of a movie for me. The goal of it is to hope that the girl has low self esteem.. The woman OP is talking about works in a bank, like in every customer service based job, I can only imagine how many guys and colleagues try to hit on her with some cheapy things like that EVERY DAY.

Another example of comparing men/women.. Most men are not used to be starred at by a woman, so they probably would love it if it happens. Now get into a subway and sit there watching how many of the guys sitting there too check out the attractive girl sitting at the other end of the subway.

Just because we as men would enjoy it, doesn't mean that women do too, it's more likely that a girl gets pretty annoyed by it, since it happens day after day. Now if you tell her she is sexy.. How big do you think are your chances of her saying "oh, thanks! Finally someone to tell me that!" or is it more likely that she will think about you as just another guy like all those on the subway on her way to work?

 

[Mattie]

The goal of it is to hope that the girl has low self esteem.

This is what is mess up in our society. This is more seductive thinking, manipulating a woman's emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Seduction techniques and pick up artist theories lead to one thing. Sex and not an emotionally available person who is wounded. Great sex, but not a long lasting relationship. Some people want this, but most of the woman and men I've talked to are looking for honesty, trust, intimacy, and a connection. A relationship that is stable and long lasting. Sure seduction can pick up a woman. You can trick a woman into anything. Fortunately, they'll figure it out and give you the boot. So, if all you were trying to achieve is sex and a good time, that's about all you will get.

You would have to be emotionally available, and be able to experience intimacy to have a relationship that lasts. The average man doesn't want to do the inner work to have a relationship. They just want sex, beer, and pornography. That's a lower consciousness relationship with a woman. I sit on my but, play video games, drink some beer, flirt with every woman, look at some porn, pick up chicks all the time, and have a good time on the weekend.

Businessmen can be divided. Skip the relationships entirely. Ha ha, one man on another forum asked me advice about picking up women on craig's list. And if I thought it was a good idea to pay a woman etc. Like pretty woman. Now people have their own ideas about dating and relationships, but fortunately as many woman and men I talk to they seem to agree seduction, manipulation, and lies is not fun on both parts. There's some bad advice out there in books, blogs, and podcasts.

Fortunately, learning persuasion, copy writing, etc. too. I notice it can be a problem when you're using it on woman. Yes, this is your idea. I hope they aren't higher consciousness, because I can't get away with it than. And then they wonder why women are so harsh, critical, and emotional. lol "I didn't do anything.", you might say. Well, yes, you did. You lied, manipulated, and talked someone into having a relationship, not honest and truthful about your intentions and motives. Manipulation and control tactics are all over relationships, and it's because society used them in the past to keep woman in their place through the centuries.

No matter what class, men can be pick up artists and seduce others. And I suppose that is where women get smart, learn there part of the problem, and start blocking, and ignoring all the pick up lines. We do read, listen to podcasts, and probably study relationships more than men. I think men on some sites think we don't watch the advice they're giving. Pretty much today, with information, you're screwed, because women aren't going to be stupid anymore.

 

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[AlexanderSuper]

I don't think you should jump the gun and think she likes you just because of that compliment.

Hey, don't mess with the guy
No, I really think the compliment is a great hint, that is, as it has been already written, if she is not an haircut freak or the cut was astonishing.
Very very few ladies do chat with men in the workplace. If they're cute, there's no point in them doing so, as they alrady get hit on tens of times per day.. so risking being unprofessional and reprimanded for no reasonis not an option they consider.
Let's not forget that in slowlane people have bosses.

 

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[contract]

Older video, advice still rings true today..

More on my channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/NextLuxuryVideo/videos

 

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