Monogamy. The idea of loving only one woman all your life?

[Brian Suh]

As i said before, you attract people who think like you. Seem like the "innocent intelligent academic beauty" is not that "innocent", she's just "intelligent".

Let’s be real, not all of us want a stunning beauty. I agree with you that we have to demonstrate value to her, of course, but by providing value, you also receive back value from her.

Not everyone dates only because of sex, man. You can't have sex 24/7, or can you?

"As shitty as this sounds girls want the guys who can have every girl but chooses her because of somethin special". Yeah, girls want a high-quality guy, that's right, it's absolutely right, i can't deny. But also she doesn't want that guy to cheat on her. You are associating "good guy" with "low quality", it's not always the case. It's because we see a lot of "high quality" guy acting like "bad guy", doesn't mean we have to act like "bad guy" to be a "high quality" guy. It's a different aspect, man.

I’m not trying to make these girls cheat on me. Often times I really just want to be friends but they come into me! I reject most of them except for the ones I like.

I see it as choosing what you want. If you are monogamous, you do gain a lot from it. A stronger relationship than non-monogamous couples, as well as a lot of time to pursue other things. Of course if you are not monogamous, you gain more experiences with more women too, but the cost is time and typically less strong/deep of a relationship because of the nature of shorter relationships.

Most of the most successful men have many mistresses actually! I think the ideal is one strong main relationship and casual side relationships, however ideally the wife gives permission to have mistresses. If a man wants to deal with mistresses that is, they cost time and money!



Love is not one thing, there are different forms of love and they each have different purposes. However the common thread is to bond and bring humans together, to make humans care about some other humans so they will consider and act in their interest.



Does that not raise any red flags about the image you put off?

im not intentionally putting kff

As i said before, you attract people who think like you. Seem like the "innocent intelligent academic beauty" is not that "innocent", she's just "intelligent".

Let’s be real, not all of us want a stunning beauty. I agree with you that we have to demonstrate value to her, of course, but by providing value, you also receive back value from her.

Not everyone dates only because of sex, man. You can't have sex 24/7, or can you?

"As shitty as this sounds girls want the guys who can have every girl but chooses her because of somethin special". Yeah, girls want a high-quality guy, that's right, it's absolutely right, i can't deny. But also she doesn't want that guy to cheat on her. You are associating "good guy" with "low quality", it's not always the case. It's because we see a lot of "high quality" guy acting like "bad guy", doesn't mean we have to act like "bad guy" to be a "high quality" guy. It's a different aspect, man.

she wants someone who had the capability of getting any girl he wants but stays with her. Girls pick “loser” guys to make themselves feel better. Hence the popularity of the dad bods. When I got more In shape average to cute girl started HaTING me while the attractive beautiful woman gave me more attention. The same with getting rich. Once you have money people you thought were your friends will begin to despise you. Most girls will discourage you from being successful because that means other girls will want you. This isn’t paranoia but the dark side of human nature

 

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[Tourmaline]

This isn’t paranoia but the dark side of human nature

Said every Nice Guy ever

 

[Spicymemer45]

People don't cheat as much as you think, divorce is actually in decline, especially for younger generations, I mean really, if 50 percent or more people cheated can you imagine the social instability, there'd be a lot of violence too lol, every dude out there duking it, plus cheating is regarded by like 80 percent of the population as always wrong.

I think the people that do cheat are simply, weak.

 

[ChrisV]

We often associate "good guy" with "low quality", it's not always the case. It's because we see a lot of "high quality" guy acting like "bad guy", doesn't mean we have to act like "bad guy" to be a "high quality" guy. It's a different aspect. Strive to be "high quality" but also strive to be "good".

I think that women just despise wimps. Good guys are great. But a lot of those guys who consider themselves 'nice' are really just doormat wet spaghetti noodles with strawberry jello for spines. Women love guys who are genuinely good guys. But the guy who's just a doormat and doesn't value himself? Totally unattractive.

I f---in love this post:

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

You're going to hate hearing this. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.

www.cracked.com

I read it once every year.

Girls want the guy who's a 'nice' knight in shining armor. They want the guy who's going to go out and slay the dragon and bring home food for the family. Women want to know that when the shit hits the fan, are you going to be able to man up and save the princess:



Even in this day and age of female empowerment, women still want the guy who's going to save the dy if he needs to.

Be loyal to a partner doesn't mean we are limited of option. If we have option, we do have many chances to choose what cakes we like. But will we choose cakes that are delicious, and spend our whole life on the journey looking for the most delicious cake which will never end, or will we choose the cakes that are beneficial to our healths.

I don't see it as running out of options. I think of it like buying a car. Imagine you could test drive every car in the world. You had unlimited test drives. There was no limit to the different cars you could drive. Well regardless of how many options you have, you're eventually going to want to just settle down and pick your favorite car. Like you want to pick the one you really like, and settle down, and be able to keep your stuff in the trunk, and tune the radio stations the way you want them, and be familiar and completely comfortable with all the nuances of how the car drives rather than having to figure out a new car every day, and just have it be yours. After test driving many cars, you're gonna have a favorite. And you'll appreciate that stability.

 

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[Kevin88660]

I'm not talking about option, if your option is limited, of course you have to go with what you have. But let's say if you have options, will you go with as many delicious cakes as you want or you go with the cakes that are most beneficial to you health?

Let's be real, not all of us have a background like Trump and Tiger Woods do, right? They decided to choose that lifestyle, but why don't you question if they've chosen a different lifestyle, in this case i would say monogamy, their life would have been better.

I think it's not just about morality, it's about finding the best outcome possible. And i absolutely agree with you, we have to offer value first, it's the absolutely right thing.

Assuming having the options, Trump demonstrated that it is possible to have a serious relationship as a priority (good family and kids) and meanwhile without giving up his side hobby of womanizing. For him it was not this vs that.

I suspect that for many men monogamy is a result of resources scarcity.
-need to have a stable family and kids
-wife is not going to tolerate any nonsense
-soul crushing slow lane job that when you go home you just want to sleep. Forget about dealing the hustle of multiple women.

So for normal men the option is quite clear cut most of the time. Stay monogamous if interested to have a family and kids.

 

[DeletedUser0287]

I’d be nothing without my wife.

Come'on mang. That's dependency. Dependency is weakness. You should get to the point where you say "I don't need my wife in my life, but she adds to mine."

Level 1 Dependent
Level 2 Independence
Level 3 Interdependent - Ability to stand on your own, but realize if the right person is found that two minds are stronger than one.

 

[csalvato]

Come'on mang. That's dependency. Dependency is weakness. You should get to the point where you say "I don't need my wife in my life, but she adds to mine."

Level 1 Dependent
Level 2 Independence
Level 3 Interdependent - Ability to stand on your own, but realize if the right person is found that two minds are stronger than one.

you dont get it

/shrug

 

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[S.Y.]

23. That's the common thread. 30 year old women don't act anything like 23 year old women. Neither do the men.

You might be surprised...

Well you're also 22. That's appropriate when you're 22. When you start pushing 30+ and you're still hitting up bars and Tinder it just gets lame imo.

No need for tinder or bars to hit up.

Am over 30. Not in a monogamous relationship. Not in a relationship at all.

Have a few women in my life with whom I have sex often. Each of them is aware that they are others. Am not doing the pua shit. Am not gaming. I have been transparent from the get go.

Two of them are over 30s, one is over 40.

Am not bragging or whatever... This is my situation. Some women enjoy this kinda relations.

Age has nothing to do with certain Behaviors.

I actually think that without society judging women with multiple partners as sluts, many more will have those kinda relations.

 

[Spicymemer45]

You might be surprised...



No need for tinder or bars to hit up.

Am over 30. Not in a monogamous relationship. Not in a relationship at all.

Have a few women in my life with whom I have sex often. Each of them is aware that they are others. Am not doing the pua shit. Am not gaming. I have been transparent from the get go.

Two of them are over 30s, one is over 40.

Am not bragging or whatever... This is my situation. Some women enjoy this kinda relations.

Age has nothing to do with certain Behaviors.

I actually think that without society judging women with multiple partners as sluts, many more will have those kinda relations.

I think it all lies in that transparency but the bias behind people is they assume if you are having non-monogamous relations that there has to be some manipulation involved.

Even if there isn't

 

[DeletedUser0287]

you dont get it

/shrug

Right...

 

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[Brian Suh]

I see it as choosing what you want. If you are monogamous, you do gain a lot from it. A stronger relationship than non-monogamous couples, as well as a lot of time to pursue other things. Of course if you are not monogamous, you gain more experiences with more women too, but the cost is time and typically less strong/deep of a relationship because of the nature of shorter relationships.

Most of the most successful men have many mistresses actually! I think the ideal is one strong main relationship and casual side relationships, however ideally the wife gives permission to have mistresses. If a man wants to deal with mistresses that is, they cost time and money!



Love is not one thing, there are different forms of love and they each have different purposes. However the common thread is to bond and bring humans together, to make humans care about some other humans so they will consider and act in their interest.



Does that not raise any red flags about the image you put off?

I’m a young guy having a blast with women and honestly not giving a F*ck. It’s the life I choose and honestly the best life to live IMO. I was the lovey dovey boyfriend type and girls were repulsed with me. When I decided to have FUN and share but not give my power with women they like it more and appreciate me more. I also have there true friendship even if I ditch them the next day lol

 

[Spicymemer45]

I’m a young guy having a blast with women and honestly not giving a F*ck. It’s the life I choose and honestly the best life to live IMO. I was the lovey dovey boyfriend type and girls were repulsed with me. When I decided to have FUN and share but not give my power with women they like it more and appreciate me more. I also have there true friendship even if I ditch them the next day lol

I'm extremely affectionate with my girlfriend but I also meet my own needs independently and have a social life and school and I get hit on by other women but I find more meaning in the truth and bonding I get with her.

Call me prude but I find relationships based solely off of sex and having fun every now and then to be rather empty and baseless, because it's too easy to just leave.

Having an issue with a fwb? Just bang someone else tonight, how the F*ck are you going to "share power" with someone if it's based off just having fun, it seems to me, impulsive and has too much potential to go astray.

 

[Tourmaline]

I see this time and time again, men and women ending up with people they knew before they were 18.

Why is that?

I think because the connection is deeper than almost any other relationship possible.

One can be both romantic, and not a pushover. One can be loving, and know they could find another woman that would genuinely want them.

--

It is easy to have short term relationships. Extremely easy. Whenever things start to get tough, whenever you need to actually be able to communicate well, the relationship can be let go and you get a new relationship.

Keeping a relationship going for over a decade however is an entirely different game with much greater rewards.

That said, people can grow apart too, so there is nothing wrong with a long relationship ending even after a decade if it was better for both.

 

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[Tourmaline]

Having an issue with a fwb? Just bang someone else tonight, how the F*ck are you going to "share power" with someone if it's based off just having fun, it seems to me, impulsive and has too much potential to go astray.

It's hilarious to see men boys talk about giving up their power

 

[Spicymemer45]

I see this time and time again, men and women ending up with people they knew before they were 18.

Why is that?

I think because the connection is deeper than almost any other relationship possible.

One can be both romantic, and not a pushover. One can be loving, and know they could find another woman that would genuinely want them.

--

It is easy to have short term relationships. Extremely easy. Whenever things start to get tough, whenever you need to actually be able to communicate well, the relationship can be let go and you get a new relationship.

Keeping a relationship going for over a decade however is an entirely different game with much greater rewards.

That said, people can grow apart too, so there is nothing wrong with a long relationship ending even after a decade if it was better for both.

My man, Jesus. Thanks for articulating my thoughts, people throw out

It's hilarious to see men boys talk about giving up their power

You articulated my thoughts completely, like yeah man more power to you if you want to have casual sex and you’re being honest about it with women, but we’re deeply social creatures and life is relationships for us, and I’m just aware from our evolution and statistics that serial monogamy is the most practical solution for physical, emotional and financial (divorce be damned) across the board. It takes all the responsibility out of it, and perhaps there’s something to be said about that.

 

[ChrisV]

this thread:

 

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[Brian Suh]

I'm extremely affectionate with my girlfriend but I also meet my own needs independently and have a social life and school and I get hit on by other women but I find more meaning in the truth and bonding I get with her.

Call me prude but I find relationships based solely off of sex and having fun every now and then to be rather empty and baseless, because it's too easy to just leave.

Having an issue with a fwb? Just bang someone else tonight, how the F*ck are you going to "share power" with someone if it's based off just having fun, it seems to me, impulsive and has too much potential to go astray.

Call me a misogynist but that “meaning” you have with woman won’t mean much if (hopefully not) she’s with another man. Woman adopt (if he is a strong man) a man’s habits, mannerisms, goals, dreams, and personality. This is where the saying “she is my mirror” comes from. When a woman breaks up with a guy and goes with another guy she will adopt his mannerisms. A woman’s nature is reflective. Men change their clothes to match their lifestyle whereas women change their lifestyle to match their clothes

 

[ChrisV]

come on guys... this was a good thread... let's stop filling it with dumb shit

 

[Brian Suh]

My man, Jesus. Thanks for articulating my thoughts, people throw out


You articulated my thoughts completely, like yeah man more power to you if you want to have casual sex and you’re being honest about it with women, but we’re deeply social creatures and life is relationships for us, and I’m just aware from our evolution and statistics that serial monogamy is the most practical solution for physical, emotional and financial (divorce be damned) across the board. It takes all the responsibility out of it, and perhaps there’s something to be said about that.

Intimacy is important sure but so Is status. I have lost status and no matter how intimate the relationship was they lose interest. When you have status, intimacy and connection is easier to get. I’d rather have status and importance over intimacy and connection as I’ll alwys have the power to CHOOSE if I want to proceed with the connection and intimacy. Having options is having power.

I’ve seen guys walking with girlfriends and when they see me walking towards them (I’m pretty jacked and good looking) I see them cling tightly to their girlfriends and their girlfriends see this neediness and let go of them and condescendingly put them down (patting them on the head or berating him). Happened to me at the gym today. Pretty pathetic. I’m sure they have a good connection but status is everything IMO in keeping a girl interested

 

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[DeletedUser0287]

come on guys... this was a good thread... let's stop filling it with dumb shit

People just don’t want to hear the truth. They want to hear the classic fairy tale story. Live together till you old in the rocking chair gig

 

[Kevin88660]

People just don’t want to hear the truth. They want to hear the classic fairy tale story. Live together till you old in the rocking chair gig

Divorce rate has been falling substantially. So there is somewhat elements of truth.

 

[Ninjakid]

You should get to the point where you say "I don't need my wife in my life, but she adds to mine."

Literally no woman wants to marry a guy like this.

 

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[Ninjakid]

It's blatantly obvious that most guy posting here just read blogs about how to attract women, but don't actually interact with any in real life.

 

[DeletedUser0287]

Literally no woman wants to marry a guy like this.

Ok man, @csalvato said he would be nothing without his wife. I mean, hypothetically if she left, Would he just lose all purpose in life? That is the problem I see.

 

[Ninjakid]

Ok man, @csalvato said he would be nothing without his wife. I mean, hypothetically if she left, Would he just lose all purpose in life? That is the problem I see.

I don't know @csalvato and have no idea what his marriage is like. Have you ever seen a healthy marriage? If you have then you probably understand what he was saying. If not, then life experience can probably clarify it better than I can online.

 

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[ljb7]

Good women actually exist. When you find one, you hold onto them.
But you'll only truly believe this if you meet the right one.

While I assess relationships quite critically, I can't help but notice every so often those older couples who are still oozing love and respect for one another. As far as I'm concerned, if I get to 70 and am the same way, I've succeeded.

 

[S.Y.]

My man, Jesus. Thanks for articulating my thoughts, people throw out


You articulated my thoughts completely, like yeah man more power to you if you want to have casual sex and you’re being honest about it with women, but we’re deeply social creatures and life is relationships for us, and I’m just aware from our evolution and statistics that serial monogamy is the most practical solution for physical, emotional and financial (divorce be damned) across the board. It takes all the responsibility out of it, and perhaps there’s something to be said about that.

If you are implying that you need serial monogamy to be physically and emotionally connected; I won't agree with that. Part of the script.

I have known the women "I am with" for a long time. We share a physical and emotional connection & intimacy. It is just not the typical traditional way.

I am not interested in pure casual sex. If there is not more to than that. Am not interested. If there is lying to your partner am not interested neither. It has to be more than just meeting to have sex.

I am not going out actively hitting on women neither. I am not doing it for status/power, because I want to be alpha, to game or to be not needy... Or whatever crappy reasons.

I am doing it right now because I enjoy the multiple intimacies and connections. I enjoy their companies.

At the same time, I have been in monogamous in the past. I have close friends who are in right now. And my parents have been married for 50+ years. All of them are happy, oozing love.

Mono vs poly amorous? Not one is better than the other for me. Just be in a type of relations that works for you and your partner(s).

 

[kkoasdfawfqwe2]

I don't understand why there is a right or wrong here.

If you love your girlfriend/wife/significant other and you want to stay with them till the day you die, then do exactly that.

If you and your partner mutually agree its okay to have sex with other people while you are together, then do that if you feel.

If you don't feel being with one person brings you the satisfaction you are seeking then don't be with that person.

Why overcomplicate things?

Feel yourself as to what makes you happy and then go with that.

I have a girlfriend currently and we've been together for 3 years.

I'm overall happy with her so I decide to stay with her - very simple.

Can we fight? Yes of course

Can I think other girls crossing my path are beautiful or cute? Yes of course

I just ask myself "Do the upsides outweigh the downsides of being with my girlfriend?"

And that answer is yes, so I live with the downsides.

Thats just life, nothing is perfect.

If we for any reason will stop enjoying each other and can't seem to fix it, then we will separate and I will have to feel again what I need in my life in terms of relationships.

I try not to overcomplicate it, even though emotions are not always that simple.

 

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[MoneyHacker]

I don't see it as running out of options. I think of it like buying a car. Imagine you could test drive every car in the world. You had unlimited test drives. There was no limit to the different cars you could drive. Well regardless of how many options you have, you're eventually going to want to just settle down and pick your favorite car. Like you want to pick the one you really like, and settle down, and be able to keep your stuff in the trunk, and tune the radio stations the way you want them, and be familiar and completely comfortable with all the nuances of how the car drives rather than having to figure out a new car every day, and just have it be yours. After test driving many cars, you're gonna have a favorite. And you'll appreciate that stability.

I can not agree more. But seem like this monogamy matter comes down to our nature. One appreciates the stability and one appreciates the change. Like two sides of a coin. Maybe it's the interesting thing about our society.

 

[MoneyHacker]

I’m a young guy having a blast with women and honestly not giving a F*ck. It’s the life I choose and honestly the best life to live IMO. I was the lovey dovey boyfriend type and girls were repulsed with me. When I decided to have FUN and share but not give my power with women they like it more and appreciate me more. I also have there true friendship even if I ditch them the next day lol

Please do me a favor, try to answer this question: After all of those relationships, what's left with you?