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If you had only one year left to live, would you want to be doing what you're doing right now?

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sknowles

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I've had my foot on the brakes for some time.
Not where I want to be in my life in any area at the moment.
This thought popped into my head this morning while I was engaging in a treasonous choice I've been trying to cut out of my life (smoking, btw). Clearly, not trying hard enough because I've been continuously making that conscious (and sometimes subconscious) choice.

I suppose this is more of a rant-style post but I did want to put it out there and contribute in some way to this forum and if anyone else may be going through the same thing at all.

I want to make strides to improve my health and actually make it my top priority. My actions have proven that it isn't so I want to change that. I've got to work to help my family (borderline poverty - home falling apart but in a good neighborhood, mum is the sole breadwinner (dad passed in '06) and takes care of the mortgage and all else although I do contribute (it's NEVER enough) - if she falls ill (God forbid) my younger brother and I are completely f**ked - a serious wakeup call that I try to numb myself to).

Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest. I'm slowly coming to the reality of possibly having to give up the hope of having a family of my own, if I could just get things together, retire my family, retire myself, perhaps that will be enough.

went off on a tangent. absolutely frustrated and feeling stuck, also feeling like something is looming over my shoulder.
 

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PapaGang

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The wolf is at the door.
There are several people on this very forum that provide classes that quickly help you build skills and start making money in as little as 90 days. Mostly digital services.

In 2008 I lost my job and I spent my first two months learning Joomla and Wordpress. I made 6,000 in the first 60 days. In two years, I had several employees. If I did it, anyone can. Take a look around and see if you can pick up some skills, and find people who need those skills and are willing to pay you for them.

My suggestion: start here.

Also, take it easy. You have plenty of time. You can get rich in less than 10 years. Leaves plenty of time for starting your own family, etc. Don't underestimate what you can do in 5-10 years.
 

WJK

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I've had my foot on the brakes for some time.
Not where I want to be in my life in any area at the moment.
This thought popped into my head this morning while I was engaging in a treasonous choice I've been trying to cut out of my life (smoking, btw). Clearly, not trying hard enough because I've been continuously making that conscious (and sometimes subconscious) choice.

I suppose this is more of a rant-style post but I did want to put it out there and contribute in some way to this forum and if anyone else may be going through the same thing at all.

I want to make strides to improve my health and actually make it my top priority. My actions have proven that it isn't so I want to change that. I've got to work to help my family (borderline poverty - home falling apart but in a good neighborhood, mum is the sole breadwinner (dad passed in '06) and takes care of the mortgage and all else although I do contribute (it's NEVER enough) - if she falls ill (God forbid) my younger brother and I are completely f**ked - a serious wakeup call that I try to numb myself to).

Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest. I'm slowly coming to the reality of possibly having to give up the hope of having a family of my own, if I could just get things together, retire my family, retire myself, perhaps that will be enough.

went off on a tangent. absolutely frustrated and feeling stuck, also feeling like something is looming over my shoulder.
Ask yourself -- what can I do at this moment to improve my situation?

You might start by working on your work skills? There's a lot of free or almost free stuff out there.
How about helping your mom by fixing up the house? A lot of chores are cheap or free.
If you can afford to smoke and you quit, you'd be amazed how much money you are spending on that habit. You can't smoke them if you don't buy them...
 

Sandy Dives

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I've had my foot on the brakes for some time.
Not where I want to be in my life in any area at the moment.
This thought popped into my head this morning while I was engaging in a treasonous choice I've been trying to cut out of my life (smoking, btw). Clearly, not trying hard enough because I've been continuously making that conscious (and sometimes subconscious) choice.

I suppose this is more of a rant-style post but I did want to put it out there and contribute in some way to this forum and if anyone else may be going through the same thing at all.

I want to make strides to improve my health and actually make it my top priority. My actions have proven that it isn't so I want to change that. I've got to work to help my family (borderline poverty - home falling apart but in a good neighborhood, mum is the sole breadwinner (dad passed in '06) and takes care of the mortgage and all else although I do contribute (it's NEVER enough) - if she falls ill (God forbid) my younger brother and I are completely f**ked - a serious wakeup call that I try to numb myself to).

Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest. I'm slowly coming to the reality of possibly having to give up the hope of having a family of my own, if I could just get things together, retire my family, retire myself, perhaps that will be enough.

went off on a tangent. absolutely frustrated and feeling stuck, also feeling like something is looming over my shoulder.
I would suggest you quit smoking and any other addicting bad habit. It's hard to do, but being in complete control of your mind is very powerful. Also try to catch yourself when you have bad thoughts or feel down, ask yourself questions to figure out why you feel what you feel.

Yesterday when I was in the shower I was suddenly feeling a little down and I was like "Wait, what? I have just worked out and eaten a healthy meal, why do I feel this way?" and I figured out that I was feeling a little down because I had thought about some recent stuff that I'm insecure about and understood that it's no big deal and I just have to work on my confidence really.

Also on the business/ money side, are you feeling down or stuck because you haven't gone anywhere? Have you even tried at all? Sometimes I feel that way to, but I then realize that I haven't even really tried anything.

There are tons of options out there where you can excel, you just have to put yourself out there. I mean, if you want to make money quick just pick up some window washing equipment or a lawn mower and approach houses 24/7. I know there are a lot of people on this forum making bank just washing windows, pressure washing or mowing lawns.
 

Andy Black

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You’ll be surprised how creative our brains are when we ask it questions.


You asked:

“If you had only one year left to live, would you want to be doing what you're doing right now?”

I don’t think that’s the right question to ask yourself given what you said in your post.

What are better questions to ask yourself?
 

Andy Black

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Koji

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I've had my foot on the brakes for some time.
Not where I want to be in my life in any area at the moment.
This thought popped into my head this morning while I was engaging in a treasonous choice I've been trying to cut out of my life (smoking, btw). Clearly, not trying hard enough because I've been continuously making that conscious (and sometimes subconscious) choice.

I suppose this is more of a rant-style post but I did want to put it out there and contribute in some way to this forum and if anyone else may be going through the same thing at all.

I want to make strides to improve my health and actually make it my top priority. My actions have proven that it isn't so I want to change that. I've got to work to help my family (borderline poverty - home falling apart but in a good neighborhood, mum is the sole breadwinner (dad passed in '06) and takes care of the mortgage and all else although I do contribute (it's NEVER enough) - if she falls ill (God forbid) my younger brother and I are completely f**ked - a serious wakeup call that I try to numb myself to).

Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest. I'm slowly coming to the reality of possibly having to give up the hope of having a family of my own, if I could just get things together, retire my family, retire myself, perhaps that will be enough.

went off on a tangent. absolutely frustrated and feeling stuck, also feeling like something is looming over my should
Breaking addictions is also a process and not an event. I've had my on share or better still, i am still in the process of breaking my own addictions.

I try to take it one day at a time and if i go a day without my addictions, i celebrate. There is light at the end of the tunnel but you need to keep moving towards the light consistently even if you commit same addictions over and over again... YOU NEED TO KEEP MOVING TOWARDS THE LIGHT (A place/mindset where you conquer the addiction).
 

WJK

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Breaking addictions is also a process and not an event. I've had my on share or better still, i am still in the process of breaking my own addictions.

I try to take it one day at a time and if i go a day without my addictions, i celebrate. There is light at the end of the tunnel but you need to keep moving towards the light consistently even if you commit same addictions over and over again... YOU NEED TO KEEP MOVING TOWARDS THE LIGHT (A place/mindset where you conquer the addiction).
Rather than trying to stop an addiction -- think of it as a habit that needs to be replaced with a healthier habit. By concentrating on the new habit, you rob the old habit of its power.
 

PapaGang

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Rather than trying to stop an addiction -- think of it as a habit that needs to be replaced with a healthier habit. By concentrating on the new habit, you rob the old habit of its power.
That Charles Duhigg book is really great for transforming habits. Highly recommend it. I believe it's called "The Power of Habit"
 

MJ DeMarco

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I think a more important question to ask is, would you have regrets in you were to die in the next 6 hours? 6 weeks? 6 months? 6 years?

If everyone operated from a "I could be dead tomorrow" perspective, society would cease to function.

However, a more optimal approach is to tackle life from a "no regrets" perspective -- to set a course to make your life meaningful and fulfilled so when your time does come, you die at peace and with no regrets.

If you were transformed to 85 years old and had hours to live, what would you regret?

Think about this question TODAY and you won't have to face those regrets when time has left you.
 

Johnny boy

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Judging yourself is a wonderful way to get nothing done AND lower your self esteem in the process.

The key to stopping smoking is to not smoke again. Ouch. Too simple...

Self judgement is the easiest type of action faking and it gets the best of us sometimes.

When you are afraid of something happening, or afraid of a hypothesis you fear to be true...very often it really does happen. And when it does, you realize that you'll just have to be tougher, move on, and keep going.

I gained some weight during quarantine. I didn't start losing it until I stopped looking for it to be easy and painless. Now I eat hard boiled eggs and chicken breast and workout at 5am. I just won't accept being a fatass.

I have lots of problems with my business. I didn't start making real progress until I stopped looking for it to be easy. I put in 12 hours today and worked 7 days last week. I just won't accept being a broke loser who stays small.

I could go on and on. The point is that you get in life what you tolerate. At some point, you have to feel like your back is up against a wall and you're going to win, or die trying. That's what winners do. The losers face adversity and just give up.

The one thing I can say is that as I get older (24 now), I get thicker and thicker skin. I do things now that would make my past self break down and cry. At some point you have to recognize that you're just going to have to be tougher, smarter, meaner and leaner if you want to get what you want out of life.
 

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WJK

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When you are afraid of something happening, or afraid of a hypothesis you fear to be true...very often it really does happen. And when it does, you realize that you'll just have to be tougher, move on, and keep going.
I agree. Whatever you concentrate on -- happens. You attract it like a magnet. It's one of the laws of the Universe -- like gravity.

The one thing I can say is that as I get older (24 now), I get thicker and thicker skin. I do things now that would make my past self break down and cry. At some point you have to recognize that you're just going to have to be tougher, smarter, meaner and leaner if you want to get what you want out of life.
Johnny boy is right. People who are successful do stuff that other people simply won't do. They work long, smarter, and harder than others around them. They will do any chore that needs to be done to further their goals -- regardless of that chore's yucky character. And they do it cheerfully, even when the people around them are telling them how stupid they are.
Yes, you must have thick skin. This is especially true for the skin on your back. You are going to draw a lot of friendly fire from the most unexpected people. Some will tell you, for your own good, that you must work less. Others will tell how they could do it better, while they sit on their couch munching out and watching flick after flick. You can't expect a lot of support from those who aren't following a similar path. Just expect the responses and move on...
 

Jeffrey Smith

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Jun 10, 2016
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I've had my foot on the brakes for some time.
Not where I want to be in my life in any area at the moment.
This thought popped into my head this morning while I was engaging in a treasonous choice I've been trying to cut out of my life (smoking, btw). Clearly, not trying hard enough because I've been continuously making that conscious (and sometimes subconscious) choice.

I suppose this is more of a rant-style post but I did want to put it out there and contribute in some way to this forum and if anyone else may be going through the same thing at all.

I want to make strides to improve my health and actually make it my top priority. My actions have proven that it isn't so I want to change that. I've got to work to help my family (borderline poverty - home falling apart but in a good neighborhood, mum is the sole breadwinner (dad passed in '06) and takes care of the mortgage and all else although I do contribute (it's NEVER enough) - if she falls ill (God forbid) my younger brother and I are completely f**ked - a serious wakeup call that I try to numb myself to).

Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest. I'm slowly coming to the reality of possibly having to give up the hope of having a family of my own, if I could just get things together, retire my family, retire myself, perhaps that will be enough.

went off on a tangent. absolutely frustrated and feeling stuck, also feeling like something is looming over my shoulder.
You seem to be blue pill right now, so I suggest learning as much as you can about the red pill worldview. For many reasons that are not yet apparent to you, there is no need for you to create a family. That urge is merely an obsolete remnant of ancient biological evolution through natural selection, and political indoctrination. The full explanation is TL;DR, so good luck to you.
 

Zahida A. Khan

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Jun 11, 2020
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I've had my foot on the brakes for some time.

I want to make strides to improve my health and actually make it my top priority. My actions have proven that it isn't so I want to change that. I've got to work to help my family (borderline poverty - home falling apart but in a good neighborhood, mum is the sole breadwinner (dad passed in '06) and takes care of the mortgage and all else although I do contribute (it's NEVER enough) - if she falls ill (God forbid) my younger brother and I are completely f**ked - a serious wakeup call that I try to numb myself to).

Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest.
Hi @sknowles, first off, I congratulate you for "acknowledging" that change is needed to move forward - not many can face reality, but you are!!

All fantastic advice from everyone and here's my $0.02 Rupees:

* YOU NEED A BIG "WHY"

** Having a BIG WHY you want to accomplish your dreams will fuel you into action

Eg. WHY -->> "I need to be successful to take care of my family. I'm the eldest and one day my mom may not be able to work. I need to be an example for my younger brother."

1. The 'current version' of your self will not achieve the goals of your future. You need to shed the current self and transform into your future self

2. Make a list of all the things you need to shed from your current self

3. Make a list of all the things you need to be to step into your future self

4. Reading helps - someone suggested The Power of Habits - Charles Duhigg which is great. I will recommend The Atomic Habit - James Clear

5. Learn about the mind as you'll need a mindset shift to step into the future you in order to accomplish your goals

6. Find something that you enjoy and you're good at it - is there a hungry market that needs your services?

7. You can also ask others to mentor you - this is perhaps the fastest way to achieve your goal

I trust that this is the beginning of the new you and if you start your day with a BIG WHY you want to be successful - you will succeed

Here's to your success,
Cheers, Z'da
 

MarkSabier89

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If I had only one year left to live, I would definitely quit my job. I would sell my house and travel around the earth (only now there are travel problems due to COVID-19).
 

WJK

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If I had only one year left to live, I would definitely quit my job. I would sell my house and travel around the earth (only now there are travel problems due to COVID-19).
What I learned when I was very ill was that none of your plans meant a thing to me. Oh, I had to close my business at that time because I couldn't work or really enjoy anything.

When I was laying in that bed, the only thing that had meaning was my loved ones -- the people who visited me -- the things I had done with those people -- the people who loved me... After that first year in bed, and then later another 6 months in bed, I survived. I've lived a very long life. BUT, I've never forgotten that lesson. I live every day as though it was last. I plan for the future, but my head is in the here and now. And my life is built around the people who I love.

Edit -- And to add a thought -- what if you unexpectedly live past that year -- like me -- and you've blown up your life? I thought the hard part would be the illness itself. Instead, I found out the hard was building a new life when I got out of bed. Nothing was left!
 
Last edited:

MTF

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When I was laying in that bed, the only thing that had meaning was my loved ones -- the people who visited me -- the things I had done with those people -- the people who loved me... After that first year in bed, and then later another 6 months in bed, I survived. I've lived a very long life. BUT, I've never forgotten that lesson. I live every day as though it was last. I plan for the future, but my head is in the here and now. And my life is built around the people who I love.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Michael A. Singer said in one of his talks:

You wake up in the morning, and the minute you wake up in the morning, the mind goes, "I’m back!" Not, "Oh Sh**" Excuse me! "I’m back! I wonder what will happen today? I got a bonus day! Not everyone gets another day. I got another one!" Whatever you want it to say. Wouldn’t it be nicer if it said that? It can say whatever you want; they’re your thoughts. There’s no laws. There’s no rules. They have not made rules about your thoughts.

I like the way he talks about getting a "bonus day." Ever since I've heard it, I try to remember to tell myself every morning that I got a bonus day. Because the truth is that each day can be the last. So we can consider each day a gift, a bonus, and make our lives 100x better just by acknowledging this fact.
 

WJK

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Thank you for sharing your story.

Michael A. Singer said in one of his talks:

You wake up in the morning, and the minute you wake up in the morning, the mind goes, "I’m back!" Not, "Oh Sh**" Excuse me! "I’m back! I wonder what will happen today? I got a bonus day! Not everyone gets another day. I got another one!" Whatever you want it to say. Wouldn’t it be nicer if it said that? It can say whatever you want; they’re your thoughts. There’s no laws. There’s no rules. They have not made rules about your thoughts.

I like the way he talks about getting a "bonus day." Ever since I've heard it, I try to remember to tell myself every morning that I got a bonus day. Because the truth is that each day can be the last. So we can consider each day a gift, a bonus, and make our lives 100x better just by acknowledging this fact.
Thanks for your wonderful post.

My biggest goal is to make the world around me better than when I got here. Every day I get to start over. Some days it's as small as making someone smile. I really put my shoulder into that goal.

Yesterday I mentored a young lady who is raising her 3 kids and her sister's 3 kids. She's disabled with a very serious heart condition. I'm teaching her how to cook for herself and her 6 kids. And I helped a woman get her paperwork together to get things settled. She lost her husband 3 weeks ago. Both are my tenants.

Today we got up at 4 AM so my husband can start plowing our roads making it possible for our tenants to go to work this morning. We got almost a foot of new snow last night. I'm making calls and checking on people to make sure they're OK after all of this snow. Oh, I'm running my businesses...
 

Rabby

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Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest. I'm slowly coming to the reality of possibly having to give up the hope of having a family of my own, if I could just get things together, retire my family, retire myself, perhaps that will be enough.

Why are you the only one who has to save everyone? Are they incapable of helping themselves, or helping others? Maybe some people are born for the purpose of having many dependents, while others are born to have someone figure it all out for them?

I wonder if you dropped that whole train of thought, if you would actually be able to do more for these people. In the paragraph above, you're associating success with reluctant obligation, regretful sacrifice, pain, and loss. If you think it's so painful, and deprives you of family and wellbeing, why do it at all? Honest question, why?

Think about this. You will do things that make you feel happy, relieved, and fulfilled. You'll hesitate forever around things that are painful, but that you feel obligated toward. This is just how people are wired. Sort out this idea of success that's mixed up with regret, obligation, and slavery to the people around you. It won't help them and it won't help you; it will likely do the opposite.

On the flip side, if you can seek success on your own terms for your own good, you'll gain the power to help whoever you want.
 

WJK

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Why are you the only one who has to save everyone? Are they incapable of helping themselves, or helping others? Maybe some people are born for the purpose of having many dependents, while others are born to have someone figure it all out for them?

I wonder if you dropped that whole train of thought, if you would actually be able to do more for these people. In the paragraph above, you're associating success with reluctant obligation, regretful sacrifice, pain, and loss. If you think it's so painful, and deprives you of family and wellbeing, why do it at all? Honest question, why?

Think about this. You will do things that make you feel happy, relieved, and fulfilled. You'll hesitate forever around things that are painful, but that you feel obligated toward. This is just how people are wired. Sort out this idea of success that's mixed up with regret, obligation, and slavery to the people around you. It won't help them and it won't help you; it will likely do the opposite.

On the flip side, if you can seek success on your own terms for your own good, you'll gain the power to help whoever you want.
To build on your idea, he can also choose his own timing. Creating a successful business is a lot of pressure. To try to be a hero at the same time could be too big of a burden. Maybe the hero part will have to wait for him to create a reasonable level of success first. But, to do that would take time and personal space. The usual track to create a successful business has a bunch of starts and stops peppered with failures.

His problem could also be based on cultural norms. I have seen a lot of situations where the successful members of a family are expected to share everything they make with the others. A lot of times it is based upon the person's birth order and sex. A lot of expectations are predetermined and difficult to change.
 

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