I only watch porn once a day...

[JordanK]

New plan. Go to the gym/cardio 3-5 days a week. Count calories and be in a deficit. Maybe swap in some gym days for MMA/Boxing/Swimming or some other club where you can make good friends. Go to the bar 2-3 nights a week with said friends and talk to women until you lose your virginity. Realize that it's not actually a big deal and break that mental barrier. Then he can focus on the minute stuff.

 

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[Subsonic]

New plan. Go to the gym/cardio 3-5 days a week. Count calories and be in a deficit. Maybe swap in some gym days for MMA/Boxing/Swimming or some other club where you can make good friends. Go to the bar 2-3 nights a week with said friends and talk to women until you lose your virginity. Realize that it's not actually a big deal and break that mental barrier. Then he can focus on the minute stuff.

Why so little ?

I do some form of exercise every day and go to the gym about 6 days a week.
A human doesn't need days without exercise. Ofc using some variance is helpful to avoid excessive stress on tendons and muscles.

 

[JordanK]

Why so little ?

I do some form of exercise every day and go to the gym about 6 days a week.
A human doesn't need days without exercise. Ofc using some variance is helpful to avoid excessive stress on tendons and muscles.

You want someone to stack those early wins in the beginning. Going from very little to 6 days a week is intense. Going from very little to 3-5 days is tough. You have to put yourself in the mindset of a beginner on this journey.

 

[REV5028]

I didnt because his post had 200 reply and he probably wouldnt have seen my reply.

Your comment makes me think of a couple human-psychology things.

First, the bandwagon effect. Not in the sense that you're agreeing with or thinking like the other commenters on that guy's post, but I wonder how many times we all don't make a comment because subconsciously we don't want to go against the "hive mind" and instead we use logical reasoning ("ah, I'm comment 200+, he'll never see this anyway") to keep us safe from potential perceived danger.

Second, the bystander effect. People are significantly less likely to help someone in need when in the presence of others. It doesn't seem like this guy was being cyber-bullied or anything, but was he really getting the help he needed? You had enough to say about this guy's situation to make a post about it on an entirely different forum, so why not offer your different perspective directly to him? Again, totally logical to think he wouldn't even see it or that maybe it wouldn't be what he wanted to hear. But what if he did see it and what if it really did help him to get a little tough love from Subsonic?

Just makes me wonder how much we subconsciously hold ourselves back, to whom are we willing to offer help, when/for what are we willing to offer help? Obviously, we can't help everyone all the time and there are definitely times when I'm in a similar position as you and I don't make the comment for similar reasons. This whole thread just made me think about entrepreneurial spirit and what it means on an individual basis. Anyway...

 

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[Subsonic]

Your comment makes me think of a couple human-psychology things.

First, the bandwagon effect. Not in the sense that you're agreeing with or thinking like the other commenters on that guy's post, but I wonder how many times we all don't make a comment because subconsciously we don't want to go against the "hive mind" and instead we use logical reasoning ("ah, I'm comment 200+, he'll never see this anyway") to keep us safe from potential perceived danger.

Second, the bystander effect. People are significantly less likely to help someone in need when in the presence of others. It doesn't seem like this guy was being cyber-bullied or anything, but was he really getting the help he needed? You had enough to say about this guy's situation to make a post about it on an entirely different forum, so why not offer your different perspective directly to him? Again, totally logical to think he wouldn't even see it or that maybe it wouldn't be what he wanted to hear. But what if he did see it and what if it really did help him to get a little tough love from Subsonic?

Just makes me wonder how much we subconsciously hold ourselves back, to whom are we willing to offer help, when/for what are we willing to offer help? Obviously, we can't help everyone all the time and there are definitely times when I'm in a similar position as you and I don't make the comment for similar reasons. This whole thread just made me think about entrepreneurial spirit and what it means on an individual basis. Anyway...

Interesting angle.

Thanks for sharing

 

[Ing]

edith

 

[Levit]

I will play devil's advocate and say you can and sometimes MUST find balance. A balance that works for you as an individual, that's tailored towards moving towards your goals in the way that you can, and I say that as someone that has a terrible track record of not being at all balanced and a few years ago, I would have agreed with you 100%. The fact is you don't know what people are going through health-wise, either mentally or physically, and you have to have some empathy; I think it's key.

You have to pick your battles sometimes in life. He is clearly doing a lot in the right direction and perhaps just needs a different plan, some guidance and a mindset shift, but he doesn't need to go full-on Jocko Willink/David Goggins to be successful with women or in life.

Sometimes life will force you to have some balance. I have a chronic pain condition which demands I devote time to treating it, so I can't be running 30 miles every morning with a backpack on while downing alpha brain, but I can integrate what I need to do into my routine, exercise in a way that's adjusted for my specific situation and work towards my most valued goals every day and never stop trying to improve that situation doing everything I can conceive of -- but the point is I can see that someone that's totally healthy and doesn't get that might look at me and think, this guy could be doing more.

That said, I agree that the crabs in a bucket mentality is far too prevalent. I've had a LOT of people in my life tell me just to give up and accept my chronic pain for instance and stop pushing to make it better...how crazy is that?

I suppose the point I want to arrive at is you should be careful not to waste your own time trying to elevate yourself above others like this guy when you will never really know what it's like to be him. Even if he is just lazy or trapped in a poor mindset right now, it's going down the wrong path to start judging that too harshly without taking more time to really understand. No one wants to be a loser.

Even from a purely selfish point of view, look at it like this. People like this guy have problems. You need empathy to understand them. If you can understand them, maybe you can solve them. If you can solve them, you might become very wealthy doing so.

 

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[Kevin88660]

I will play devil's advocate and say you can and sometimes MUST find balance. A balance that works for you as an individual, that's tailored towards moving towards your goals in the way that you can, and I say that as someone that has a terrible track record of not being at all balanced and a few years ago, I would have agreed with you 100%. The fact is you don't know what people are going through health-wise, either mentally or physically, and you have to have some empathy; I think it's key.

You have to pick your battles sometimes in life. He is clearly doing a lot in the right direction and perhaps just needs a different plan, some guidance and a mindset shift, but he doesn't need to go full-on Jocko Willink/David Goggins to be successful with women or in life.

Sometimes life will force you to have some balance. I have a chronic pain condition which demands I devote time to treating it, so I can't be running 30 miles every morning with a backpack on while downing alpha brain, but I can integrate what I need to do into my routine, exercise in a way that's adjusted for my specific situation and work towards my most valued goals every day and never stop trying to improve that situation doing everything I can conceive of -- but the point is I can see that someone that's totally healthy and doesn't get that might look at me and think, this guy could be doing more.

That said, I agree that the crabs in a bucket mentality is far too prevalent. I've had a LOT of people in my life tell me just to give up and accept my chronic pain for instance and stop pushing to make it better...how crazy is that?

I suppose the point I want to arrive at is you should be careful not to waste your own time trying to elevate yourself above others like this guy when you will never really know what it's like to be him. Even if he is just lazy or trapped in a poor mindset right now, it's going down the wrong path to start judging that too harshly without taking more time to really understand. No one wants to be a loser.

Even from a purely selfish point of view, look at it like this. People like this guy have problems. You need empathy to understand them. If you can understand them, maybe you can solve them. If you can solve them, you might become very wealthy doing so.

The problem with “balance” is that it is very subjective.

We need objective standards to plan better.

Why do we need balance? We do not want physical, mental and health breakdown which does more harm then good in any medium to long term horizon.

The true balance point is determined by your personal biology.

You don’t need “pornography” to survive or avoid mental or physical health breakdown.

On the other hand if he is a recovering porn addict on his way to reduce to porn watching frequency, or else he will lose focus and not do a thing then it is a valid progress, even though not the final destination.

The only valid argument for balance is physiology related. Anything else is just excuse imo.

The same argument can be applied to fatigue and rest. You want to be “long term greedy” to extract as much productivity from your body over a long term sustainably.

 

[Levit]

The problem with “balance” is that it is very subjective.

We need objective standards to plan better.

Why do we need balance? We do not want physical, mental and health breakdown which does more harm then good in any medium to long term horizon.

The true balance point is determined by your personal biology.

You don’t need “pornography” to survive or avoid mental or physical health breakdown.

On the other hand if he is a recovering porn addict on his way to reduce to porn watching frequency, or else he will lose focus and not do a thing then it is a valid progress, even though not the final destination.

The only valid argument for balance is physiology related. Anything else is just excuse imo.

The same argument can be applied to fatigue and rest. You want to be “long term greedy” to extract as much productivity from your body over a long term sustainably.

How can you apply an objective standard to people when they have such a high variability across so many vectors?
What makes you think the psychological isn't rooted in the physiological? By what mystical magical means does the mind work if not based on something physical? If you have clinical depression or if you have something like autism and you are obsessive-compulsive, that's more similar to a physical malady than it is to a temporary emotional state you can correct.

Even put that aside and consider simple emotional regulation. If you go through a terrible breakup, lose a family member, or have trauma you're working through, that will force you to deviate from this objective standard.
Look at the porn usage, for instance. That could be a number of things, like a coping mechanism for anxiety or a quick hit of some kind of good feeling because he's not getting that anywhere else. That is the symptom of a larger set of problems, not just one dip in a standard that needs to be upheld.

I'm just not sure how you can have such certainty on things like this. If someone is mentally unable to accomplish something to a particular standard, they may as well be physically unable to. The exact reason makes little difference.

How can castigating people like that really do any good?

It would be nice to think we could have some perfect objective standard for achieving an ideal life for everyone, but I don't think that's possible. We need to plan around ourselves, it's pointless planning around others.

 

[Kevin88660]

How can you apply an objective standard to people when they have such a high variability across so many vectors?
What makes you think the psychological isn't rooted in the physiological? By what mystical magical means does the mind work if not based on something physical? If you have clinical depression or if you have something like autism and you are obsessive-compulsive, that's more similar to a physical malady than it is to a temporary emotional state you can correct.

Even put that aside and consider simple emotional regulation. If you go through a terrible breakup, lose a family member, or have trauma you're working through, that will force you to deviate from this objective standard.
Look at the porn usage, for instance. That could be a number of things, like a coping mechanism for anxiety or a quick hit of some kind of good feeling because he's not getting that anywhere else. That is the symptom of a larger set of problems, not just one dip in a standard that needs to be upheld.

I'm just not sure how you can have such certainty on things like this. If someone is mentally unable to accomplish something to a particular standard, they may as well be physically unable to. The exact reason makes little difference.

How can castigating people like that really do any good?

It would be nice to think we could have some perfect objective standard for achieving an ideal life for everyone, but I don't think that's possible. We need to plan around ourselves, it's pointless planning around others.

If he has mental issues as serious as depression he should see a psychologist for proper treatment.

No one has break up and losing family events on a daily basis.

The whole idea of mine is that we should strive to eliminate non-biologically rooted non-productivity as much as possible. It is a goal to aim for.

Someone can function fine with 5-6 hours of sleep. Someone cannot function at all with less than 8 hours of sleep.

There is an issue of “can” and there is an “issue” of should.

Can you finish more work in a day without sleep and a lot of coffee. Yes you can. Should you do so? No you should not. It compromises health and long term productivity when you calculate the catch up sleep you need and loss of productivity later.

When it comes to emotional need such as watching porn or surfing social media they are largely self-control problems that can be solved. It is not a biological limiting factor that you cannot get around.

Self-control is easier said than done. But you need to “mentally deconstruct” it first as a non-essential item which you can get rid of. This is the first step you do to yourself for success, literally stop yourself to accept BS.

It is the start of the internal dialogue to yourself. “I need essential nutrient and sleep to function as a biological organism”-Fact.
“I need porn and social media as a reward for hard work or emotional healing for frustrations in life”-BS.

This is not some tough love tough talk to yourself. I am also equally skeptical of hustling culture promoted by some guru who claim to work 16 hours day. Either they are lying or they have super genetics or they are on their way to immunity collapse/body function failure.

 

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[Levit]

If he has mental issues as serious as depression he should see a psychologist for proper treatment.

No one has break up and losing family events on a daily basis.

The whole idea of mine is that we should strive to eliminate non-biologically rooted non-productivity as much as possible. It is a goal to aim for.

Someone can function fine with 5-6 hours of sleep. Someone cannot function at all with less than 8 hours of sleep.

There is an issue of “can” and there is an “issue” of should.

Can you finish more work in a day without sleep and a lot of coffee. Yes you can. Should you do so? No you should not. It compromises health and long term productivity when you calculate the catch up sleep you need and loss of productivity later.

When it comes to emotional need such as watching porn or surfing social media they are largely self-control problems that can be solved. It is not a biological limiting factor that you cannot get around.

Self-control is easier said than done. But you need to “mentally deconstruct” it first as a non-essential item which you can get rid of. This is the first step you do to yourself for success, literally stop yourself to accept BS.

It is the start of the internal dialogue to yourself. “I need essential nutrient and sleep to function as a biological organism”-Fact.
“I need porn and social media as a reward for hard work or emotional healing for frustrations in life”-BS.

That's reasonable. I have no disagreement with that.