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I started with entrepreneurship because of rejection. And it was the best motivator!
But I just can't do it anymore. Let me explain.
Ever since I was in kindergarden, I was always the kid that everyone was mocking and making fun of.
In school, every time I had a friend, he then used something I told him against me, and soon the whole school was making fun of me.
I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I was naively trying to make more friends for a few more years, until I learnt not to trust anybody.
Rejection, everywhere I went.
It was the same story in high school, but I met a guy there who had his own business and was making quite a lot of money.
He got accepted socially thanks to his money. I though "This has to be it!"
For the next 6 years till now, I worked restlessly to build a business, so that one day I could be a valuable part of the society.
I didn't have to make any sacriices, since I didn't have any friends.
I just wanted to show up in a Ferrari, so that everyone would understand.
"Oh, so that's why he was so awkward and insecure! He was working on his goal to become a millionaire!"
A year ago, I joined a club of people who want to improve their social skills. I got a lot better, learnt to like myself a bit more, had a few girlfriends, and made a lot of new friends.
I am still overthinking the most basic things, like how to reply to my friend invivting me to a party. But it's a lot better - for example, I'm finally not afraid to post this post here on the forum and potentially lose all respect - I wouldn't mind if that happened, if it meant I would get some advice
Now when I understand this social life a lot more, I realised: Why am I still working on that dream to become rich? I already have that validation - I don't need the money to explain myself!
I realised, that entrepreneurship is such a great part of me now - I learnt to love the process of making money (and I finally had some success now). I can't go get a job and live a normal life.
But I would love that!! I would love to go every morning to job where I would be accepted, chat with my colleagues, maybe go to the cinema in the evening. Be happy.
I would love to not have to think about my business all the time, and how I'm going to win and be better than my firends, or constantly think about if I'm awkward right now. I HATE this.
I can't get a job and be normal, because business is such a big part of who I am. It's my identity. Getting a job would mean I failed. Everyone around me would think I failed, and I would think I failed.
Even if it meant I would ultimately be happy.
All of this thinking makes me mad already.
I would love to... just chill. Not have to prove anything to anyone.
Does anyone feel the same? I'll be happy for any feedback.
TLDR: Wanted to be successful because I was rejected everywhere I went. Wanted to prove my worth.
Now I have a few friends, and I know that I don't need millions to be valuable. I have no motivation to continue with entrepreneurship,
but I learnt to love the proccess, and it's such a big part of my identity that I can't stop.
But I just can't do it anymore. Let me explain.
Ever since I was in kindergarden, I was always the kid that everyone was mocking and making fun of.
In school, every time I had a friend, he then used something I told him against me, and soon the whole school was making fun of me.
I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I was naively trying to make more friends for a few more years, until I learnt not to trust anybody.
Rejection, everywhere I went.
It was the same story in high school, but I met a guy there who had his own business and was making quite a lot of money.
He got accepted socially thanks to his money. I though "This has to be it!"
For the next 6 years till now, I worked restlessly to build a business, so that one day I could be a valuable part of the society.
I didn't have to make any sacriices, since I didn't have any friends.
I just wanted to show up in a Ferrari, so that everyone would understand.
"Oh, so that's why he was so awkward and insecure! He was working on his goal to become a millionaire!"
A year ago, I joined a club of people who want to improve their social skills. I got a lot better, learnt to like myself a bit more, had a few girlfriends, and made a lot of new friends.
I am still overthinking the most basic things, like how to reply to my friend invivting me to a party. But it's a lot better - for example, I'm finally not afraid to post this post here on the forum and potentially lose all respect - I wouldn't mind if that happened, if it meant I would get some advice
Now when I understand this social life a lot more, I realised: Why am I still working on that dream to become rich? I already have that validation - I don't need the money to explain myself!
I realised, that entrepreneurship is such a great part of me now - I learnt to love the process of making money (and I finally had some success now). I can't go get a job and live a normal life.
But I would love that!! I would love to go every morning to job where I would be accepted, chat with my colleagues, maybe go to the cinema in the evening. Be happy.
I would love to not have to think about my business all the time, and how I'm going to win and be better than my firends, or constantly think about if I'm awkward right now. I HATE this.
I can't get a job and be normal, because business is such a big part of who I am. It's my identity. Getting a job would mean I failed. Everyone around me would think I failed, and I would think I failed.
Even if it meant I would ultimately be happy.
All of this thinking makes me mad already.
I would love to... just chill. Not have to prove anything to anyone.
Does anyone feel the same? I'll be happy for any feedback.
TLDR: Wanted to be successful because I was rejected everywhere I went. Wanted to prove my worth.
Now I have a few friends, and I know that I don't need millions to be valuable. I have no motivation to continue with entrepreneurship,
but I learnt to love the proccess, and it's such a big part of my identity that I can't stop.
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