I am breaking the rule that we all follow to

[Darklight]

The rule is "Don’t talk about what it’s like to be a man who is struggling."

I've been suffering for years, but stuffing it up, hiding, and suppressing this pain, but after introducing myself to a book "Men's Work" everything became clear.

I want to have an honest, brutal, super no bullshit talk about the problems we face as men.

I was afraid because people used me many times after me opening up to them, or helping them with valuable advice, it is my own behaviour that manifested it, but still the burden is here, the fear and insecurity is that you reading this may laugh your a$$ off reading about my absurd problems or receiving an advice that will destroy me or disagreeing, whatever, read it if you want, just be honest with me, even though it may hurt me, make me disagree.

My whole childhood my father abused me, like most men, it was very f*cked up, but my father never worked or did anything valuable his whole life, he manipulated my mother to work on a job to this day and he yelled at me and repressed everything about me with threats after each act of self reliancy, autonomy, argument/opinion, and even word, there comes a fear of disagreeing or talking my opinion, fear of action without an approval of a father figure or authority and little hatred to those whom my projection is casted upon, desire to be better, but fear that makes me bitter, it is this complex and absurd trauma, this shadow of mine that is about to be discussed.

My mentor is a woman, it was online, for a year her name and whether she's male or female was a mystery, she saved my life by giving me four book reccomendations, and by listening to me like nobody listened before, she was a father figure to me for a year, and...
My goal is to meet her one day and simply be loyal friend to her, but without this friendzone shit, because... I'll date other women, and just he honest to them, as my favourite author of this "relationship" books writes, you gotta be very honest, for example if you see a woman you like - approach and tell her what you want or need or what is your intention "You're beautiful, give your number or social media account" and if she didn't reject "I want a short term relationship with you, casual sex and little bit of fun" and that is all, if you're honest you can't be manipulated.

I don't know how to talk about my problems, because practicing this wasn't my priority and it is not my skill, but look...
For a year, I've been making father figure after father figure trying to find a perfect one whom I'll be able to obey and listen like a little dog starving for approval and love, I've been making father figures after father figures: Hamza, Demarco, Gadzhi, Hormozi, Hardy (both Darren and Ben) and a lot of self-help authors, trying to get their approval which is what they told is good and bad in book, but the moment disagreement happened, like...
I was unable to, I felt anxious, when I was 13 I was watching Hamza's video on why videogames are bad and you shouldn't play it, I had some complex PTSD, because with my literal perception he wasn't talking about them, but about both literature, fiction, anime, cartoon, movie, series, manga, comics and music...
I will never agree that these are bad, I know in self-improvement industry people hate what I call "content" but it warms my soul, I am able to balance and I was doing it, I've been watching it independently (movies, anime, series) and only a good and thought provoking ones, but I couldn't disagree, I hate myself to this day for this hilarious and absurd event that somehow triggered trauma, I've been literally...
Feeling anxious, having panic attacks, fearing both content and self-improvement for a whole F*cking year and HIDING it because of shame, because someone is or would laugh, judge, I've been desperate for my father's approval, so much projection and somehow, I met my mentor, she made me work on my shadow, and my beliefs, and my past and reinterpret it, she healed my absurd perception of information when it comes to authority or someone whom I admire, but right now my struggles are...

I am narcissistic, psychopathic, self explanatory, devil lawyer type of piece of F*cking shit with intrusive suicidal and maniacal thoughts from a poor and third world country family with a debt we're unable to pay and with high hope for my future but a constant self sabotage in present.
I've read more books than ever after healing my perception it became extraordinary effective, I didn't ever agree with any author or myself, I just collected information, agreed, saved, then abandoned for further usage, to the point...
Where my intuition became as loud as my overthinking, it started to tell me not only what to do, but how easy it is to do it, how F*cking simple it is to get anything you want or surpass your enemy, how absurd the society is and how absurd your problems are and why anything is possible and why you can and must start now, right now it tells me to simply work on my beliefs once again, heal my trauma through reading about it and performing exercises, approach the girl sitting in front of me, to simply go david goggins but with good information on how to make everything easy (thank you Stephem Guise for your books) and it even tells me to never post this thread, to not overshare, but, I'm going against it, I want to break that motherfucking rule, I'm narcissistic and I think that I'm better than you or anyone in the world, but I reinterpret information so F*cking fast, that I'm able to make any behaviour of mine acceptable to my emotions, I don't know, but it is my emotional immaturity and wounded ego is talking, I'm also very afraid and absurd, I'm afraid of being both wrong or right, it became same for me, I think...
I am both f*cked up and enlightened, I feel like shit, because maybe you'll feel jealous, envious (unconsciously) or even F*cking kinky a$$ motherfucking collective shadow stuff, like, who does he think he is, what the F*ck, I am afraid of criticism, I'm simply hurt, but, I'm able to become better, I'm able to heal, I'm simply doing it because of the book exercise, to open up, to break this motherfucking rule, I need your guidance, I really need it...
I am lost, my inner child is scared of me, I think way too much, I am self sabotaging piece of shit, but, I want to heal it, I want to open up, I'll probably never agree with any advice you send to me, I'll probably never agree to myself.
I am the man who lost any sense of direction, who overthinks and is deadly afraid of being wrong and making ANY mistakes, if you respond to it, I'm afraid it will be both challenging for you and for me, we'll discuss, it is an intellectual challenge, I'm afraid that you'll know more than me or become better than me, but I am F*cking opening the goddamn up, I am doing it, I am opening up, I am glad that you don't know where I live, or who I am or who I'll be, I am so glad for this forum, well, see, the whole post it my overthinking, shit.

I am king with no crown, I think I'm best, but I probably masturbate daily, and I waste my time reading books and being wantrepeneur, overthinking, over-reading, and being extremely unstable, I have hooded eyes, I'm 16 years old, I have anterior pelvic tilt, I can't fight, can't defend myself, still traumatised, I wanna kill people who in my opinion wanna kill me, paranoia, I can't F*cking afford therapist, I feel like shit, I feel good, I am UNABLE to be committed to any opinion, I'm strangely ENTP who is F*cking hating any personalities, I feel like some mad sigma psycho from all these movies, I have megalomania, I don't know guys, haha, save me please, Lord, God, Allah, Universe, I just want you to save me from me, save people from me, save me from people, this whole post is... F*cking... a F*ckin joke!

I'm imagining how you're laughing or simply...

I need your advice...
I desperately want to belong...
I just... I'm lost... I'm a F*cking kid... I'm a F*cking teenager, I'm F*cking... I'm done...
I even attempted suicide recently, I don't feel guilty or shame because it is just a way of getting approval and control...

Okay, my intuition told me - I'm done, thank you for reading, subscribe to my channel, press like button, do the hard work especially when you don't feel like it.
Forgive me.

 

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[Jobless]

I'd recommend creating some art, music or shifting your writing to creative writing or poetry. Creative expression is a good outlet through which to channel your feelings. Some think it's healing for the soul.

 

[Kevin88660]

The rule is "Don’t talk about what it’s like to be a man who is struggling."

I've been suffering for years, but stuffing it up, hiding, and suppressing this pain, but after introducing myself to a book "Men's Work" everything became clear.

I want to have an honest, brutal, super no bullshit talk about the problems we face as men.

I was afraid because people used me many times after me opening up to them, or helping them with valuable advice, it is my own behaviour that manifested it, but still the burden is here, the fear and insecurity is that you reading this may laugh your a$$ off reading about my absurd problems or receiving an advice that will destroy me or disagreeing, whatever, read it if you want, just be honest with me, even though it may hurt me, make me disagree.

My whole childhood my father abused me, like most men, it was very f*cked up, but my father never worked or did anything valuable his whole life, he manipulated my mother to work on a job to this day and he yelled at me and repressed everything about me with threats after each act of self reliancy, autonomy, argument/opinion, and even word, there comes a fear of disagreeing or talking my opinion, fear of action without an approval of a father figure or authority and little hatred to those whom my projection is casted upon, desire to be better, but fear that makes me bitter, it is this complex and absurd trauma, this shadow of mine that is about to be discussed.

My mentor is a woman, it was online, for a year her name and whether she's male or female was a mystery, she saved my life by giving me four book reccomendations, and by listening to me like nobody listened before, she was a father figure to me for a year, and...
My goal is to meet her one day and simply be loyal friend to her, but without this friendzone shit, because... I'll date other women, and just he honest to them, as my favourite author of this "relationship" books writes, you gotta be very honest, for example if you see a woman you like - approach and tell her what you want or need or what is your intention "You're beautiful, give your number or social media account" and if she didn't reject "I want a short term relationship with you, casual sex and little bit of fun" and that is all, if you're honest you can't be manipulated.

I don't know how to talk about my problems, because practicing this wasn't my priority and it is not my skill, but look...
For a year, I've been making father figure after father figure trying to find a perfect one whom I'll be able to obey and listen like a little dog starving for approval and love, I've been making father figures after father figures: Hamza, Demarco, Gadzhi, Hormozi, Hardy (both Darren and Ben) and a lot of self-help authors, trying to get their approval which is what they told is good and bad in book, but the moment disagreement happened, like...
I was unable to, I felt anxious, when I was 13 I was watching Hamza's video on why videogames are bad and you shouldn't play it, I had some complex PTSD, because with my literal perception he wasn't talking about them, but about both literature, fiction, anime, cartoon, movie, series, manga, comics and music...
I will never agree that these are bad, I know in self-improvement industry people hate what I call "content" but it warms my soul, I am able to balance and I was doing it, I've been watching it independently (movies, anime, series) and only a good and thought provoking ones, but I couldn't disagree, I hate myself to this day for this hilarious and absurd event that somehow triggered trauma, I've been literally...
Feeling anxious, having panic attacks, fearing both content and self-improvement for a whole F*cking year and HIDING it because of shame, because someone is or would laugh, judge, I've been desperate for my father's approval, so much projection and somehow, I met my mentor, she made me work on my shadow, and my beliefs, and my past and reinterpret it, she healed my absurd perception of information when it comes to authority or someone whom I admire, but right now my struggles are...

I am narcissistic, psychopathic, self explanatory, devil lawyer type of piece of F*cking shit with intrusive suicidal and maniacal thoughts from a poor and third world country family with a debt we're unable to pay and with high hope for my future but a constant self sabotage in present.
I've read more books than ever after healing my perception it became extraordinary effective, I didn't ever agree with any author or myself, I just collected information, agreed, saved, then abandoned for further usage, to the point...
Where my intuition became as loud as my overthinking, it started to tell me not only what to do, but how easy it is to do it, how F*cking simple it is to get anything you want or surpass your enemy, how absurd the society is and how absurd your problems are and why anything is possible and why you can and must start now, right now it tells me to simply work on my beliefs once again, heal my trauma through reading about it and performing exercises, approach the girl sitting in front of me, to simply go david goggins but with good information on how to make everything easy (thank you Stephem Guise for your books) and it even tells me to never post this thread, to not overshare, but, I'm going against it, I want to break that motherfucking rule, I'm narcissistic and I think that I'm better than you or anyone in the world, but I reinterpret information so F*cking fast, that I'm able to make any behaviour of mine acceptable to my emotions, I don't know, but it is my emotional immaturity and wounded ego is talking, I'm also very afraid and absurd, I'm afraid of being both wrong or right, it became same for me, I think...
I am both f*cked up and enlightened, I feel like shit, because maybe you'll feel jealous, envious (unconsciously) or even F*cking kinky a$$ motherfucking collective shadow stuff, like, who does he think he is, what the F*ck, I am afraid of criticism, I'm simply hurt, but, I'm able to become better, I'm able to heal, I'm simply doing it because of the book exercise, to open up, to break this motherfucking rule, I need your guidance, I really need it...
I am lost, my inner child is scared of me, I think way too much, I am self sabotaging piece of shit, but, I want to heal it, I want to open up, I'll probably never agree with any advice you send to me, I'll probably never agree to myself.
I am the man who lost any sense of direction, who overthinks and is deadly afraid of being wrong and making ANY mistakes, if you respond to it, I'm afraid it will be both challenging for you and for me, we'll discuss, it is an intellectual challenge, I'm afraid that you'll know more than me or become better than me, but I am F*cking opening the goddamn up, I am doing it, I am opening up, I am glad that you don't know where I live, or who I am or who I'll be, I am so glad for this forum, well, see, the whole post it my overthinking, shit.

I am king with no crown, I think I'm best, but I probably masturbate daily, and I waste my time reading books and being wantrepeneur, overthinking, over-reading, and being extremely unstable, I have hooded eyes, I'm 16 years old, I have anterior pelvic tilt, I can't fight, can't defend myself, still traumatised, I wanna kill people who in my opinion wanna kill me, paranoia, I can't F*cking afford therapist, I feel like shit, I feel good, I am UNABLE to be committed to any opinion, I'm strangely ENTP who is F*cking hating any personalities, I feel like some mad sigma psycho from all these movies, I have megalomania, I don't know guys, haha, save me please, Lord, God, Allah, Universe, I just want you to save me from me, save people from me, save me from people, this whole post is... F*cking... a F*ckin joke!

I'm imagining how you're laughing or simply...

I need your advice...
I desperately want to belong...
I just... I'm lost... I'm a F*cking kid... I'm a F*cking teenager, I'm F*cking... I'm done...
I even attempted suicide recently, I don't feel guilty or shame because it is just a way of getting approval and control...

Okay, my intuition told me - I'm done, thank you for reading, subscribe to my channel, press like button, do the hard work especially when you don't feel like it.
Forgive me.

Pretty impressive for a 16 year old as you can quote so many self-help authors and business gurus.

I know none of the names when I was 16.

My role model was never “my father” ya he is nice and good but it just didn’t occur to me why many people seek fathers as role models.

When I was a teenager my role models were other teenagers.

Because we were in schools we spent most of the time in schools.

There was a legend who always tops in the cohort and it was rumored that he never stays awake past 10pm. We never felt he could be a role model because that was too god like.

There are two crazy dudes who are in the top tier. One blogs about stabbing himself after caffeine fades off after 2am. The other dude has a fearsome reputation of drinking insane amount of water and holding urine to keep himself awake during study.

 

[Bounce Back]

This response is to my self if I had wrote what you did - it is not to anyone else directly but I feel it has to be responded to in a personal opinion way so please don't take this as some authority figure. Note: The world will tell you this disclaimer: seek professional help/experts, yadda yadda.

I couldn't get through it all I apologize but I didn't read every word. I am just not on this wavelength and its too uncomfortable for me to read while I have to stay positive myself. My sincere and humble opinion from what I did read is that you seem to have been over-exposed to the internet and its fear-porn in not just your formative years but in years of trial. I also daresay you fit a certain mold which I find often in posts like this that I will summarize as: "I'm so messed up and I know everything about it perfectly enough to pick and choose which help is good and not". Man if this was true would you be in the shape you are?

With that being said it isn't to blame you. Up until now you have faced hardship but if you can compartmentalize that as years you didn't have control over and the future the ones you have **some** control over then if I was you knowing what I know now I would fast from the internet for at least 2 years cold turkey ( and remove any other negative/sad/pity inducing media in all forms), start working out every other day (nothing crazy, start small), try to eat cleaner foods, **regular** sleep schedule of roughly 8 hours, and read the Bible (start with Genesis then Proverbs and then go to the full New Testament from there I'd personally read cover to cover) and then maybe some stoics.

If that feels like too much change start with one at a time but you cannot expect to change if you cling to old habits. Even if you can justify them its best to remove everything because it just ain't working.

Self-help gurus in my opinion won't go to the root of this they will only help you wear more masks and then feel guilty when you are the same person seemingly not following their advice. Their answers need to be sifted with truth but you don't yet have a compass to determine truth so how will you pick what you follow? Even if you did feel you could - they don't have any answers that you would be ready to absorb in my opinion. You need milk first.

 

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[Fox]

You have soooo much time yet to find yourself and figure stuff out.

Keep trying to make progress - sure. But don't beat yourself up as much.

Maybe a good mindset is to try think like someone who was hired to look after you.

Would you talk to someone else like this? Probably not.

So go easy, give yourself time, and just stick in there - a lot can change in 1-3 years. A LOT.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I would suggest reading Michael Singer's The Untethered Soul and Tolle's The Power of Now.

These books will help you get out of your head.

You are not your thoughts.

And you are plenty young to switch gears and live the life you want.

 

[ZackerySprague]

I would suggest reading Michael Singer's The Untethered Soul and Tolle's The Power of Now.

These books will help you get out of your head.

You are not your thoughts.

And you are plenty young to switch gears and live the life you want.

The Untethered Soul is really good. Made me very angry on some parts. Power of Now is really good!

 

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[JophMax]

This response is to my self if I had wrote what you did - it is not to anyone else directly but I feel it has to be responded to in a personal opinion way so please don't take this as some authority figure. Note: The world will tell you this disclaimer: seek professional help/experts, yadda yadda.

I couldn't get through it all I apologize but I didn't read every word. I am just not on this wavelength and its too uncomfortable for me to read while I have to stay positive myself. My sincere and humble opinion from what I did read is that you seem to have been over-exposed to the internet and its fear-porn in not just your formative years but in years of trial. I also daresay you fit a certain mold which I find often in posts like this that I will summarize as: "I'm so messed up and I know everything about it perfectly enough to pick and choose which help is good and not". Man if this was true would you be in the shape you are?

With that being said it isn't to blame you. Up until now you have faced hardship but if you can compartmentalize that as years you didn't have control over and the future the ones you have **some** control over then if I was you knowing what I know now I would fast from the internet for at least 2 years cold turkey ( and remove any other negative/sad/pity inducing media in all forms), start working out every other day (nothing crazy, start small), try to eat cleaner foods, **regular** sleep schedule of roughly 8 hours, and read the Bible (start with Genesis then Proverbs and then go to the full New Testament from there I'd personally read cover to cover) and then maybe some stoics.

If that feels like too much change start with one at a time but you cannot expect to change if you cling to old habits. Even if you can justify them its best to remove everything because it just ain't working.

Self-help gurus in my opinion won't go to the root of this they will only help you wear more masks and then feel guilty when you are the same person seemingly not following their advice. Their answers need to be sifted with truth but you don't yet have a compass to determine truth so how will you pick what you follow? Even if you did feel you could - they don't have any answers that you would be ready to absorb in my opinion. You need milk first.

I agree with the leaving social media advice (At least from the point of view of consuming content)

Left Facebook, Instagram and everything except for YouTube, Discord and Whatsapp 4 years ago and I couldn't be happier about that choice.

 

[Darklight]

I would suggest reading Michael Singer's The Untethered Soul and Tolle's The Power of Now.

These books will help you get out of your head.

You are not your thoughts.

And you are plenty young to switch gears and live the life you want.

I really appreciate it.

 

[EternalStudent]

Sounds like the self talk I had as a teenager. Are you the oldest son too? Most of my issues resolved when I got a girlfriend. You need to socialise more to clean up your perspective - you arent as smart as you think you are.

 

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[Darklight]

You have soooo much time yet to find yourself and figure stuff out.

Keep trying to make progress - sure. But don't beat yourself up as much.

Maybe a good mindset is to try think like someone who was hired to look after you.

Would you talk to someone else like this? Probably not.

So go easy, give yourself time, and just stick in there - a lot can change in 1-3 years. A LOT.

Probably the best advice in the comment section.

 

[Darklight]

Sounds like the self talk I had as a teenager. Are you the oldest son too? Most of my issues resolved when I got a girlfriend. You need to socialise more to clean up your perspective - you arent as smart as you think you are.

I am very conscious about me being wrong and you being wrong all the time about everything we think is right it is wrong, even this comment and my opinion is wrong, even the word "smart" is stupid
I am about to heal it, only trust is... for my own desires... and this ultimate desire is to heal... simply heal myself...
I am socializing right now cause of the book that eventually lead me to writing a real and honest post about my struggles,
I am blessed and cursed to be eternally wrong, wrong, wrong about everything, anything and maybe something will seem right, but it will never actually be.

 

[Darklight]

I

Sounds like the self talk I had as a teenager. Are you the oldest son too? Most of my issues resolved when I got a girlfriend. You need to socialise more to clean up your perspective - you arent as smart as you think you are.

I'm the oldest son too, yeah,
I like your username by the way, eternal student seems just right to me

 

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[EternalStudent]

I am very conscious about me being wrong and you being wrong all the time about everything we think is right it is wrong, even this comment and my opinion is wrong, even the word "smart" is stupid
I am about to heal it, only trust is... for my own desires... and this ultimate desire is to heal... simply heal myself...
I am socializing right now cause of the book that eventually lead me to writing a real and honest post about my struggles,
I am blessed and cursed to be eternally wrong, wrong, wrong about everything, anything and maybe something will seem right, but it will never actually be.

Believe it or not it does take brains to come up with such a bleak worldview .I know you know that already. I used to think the only people dumber than me were the ones having fun, cos they didn't see how pointless and miserable everything is.
By socializing, I mean leaving the house and doing it in the real world.
Our brains are complex but our bodies are simple. There are universal truths , physical truths outside your mind that you can build a healthier worldview out of. But you have to get out into the world to discover them . Get a girlfriend too. Not a casual fling but a girlfriend.
Find a chick who will make giving up the weed or "content" or jerking off worth it.

 

[Fox]

3-5 good years can change everything about you.

A lot of successful people on this forum would be unrecognisable to their younger self.

Keep going, don't listen to the negative talk, and trust your actions - focus on what you can do.

 

[Mindsetmary]

The rule is "Don’t talk about what it’s like to be a man who is struggling."

I've been suffering for years, but stuffing it up, hiding, and suppressing this pain, but after introducing myself to a book "Men's Work" everything became clear.

I want to have an honest, brutal, super no bullshit talk about the problems we face as men.

I was afraid because people used me many times after me opening up to them, or helping them with valuable advice, it is my own behaviour that manifested it, but still the burden is here, the fear and insecurity is that you reading this may laugh your a$$ off reading about my absurd problems or receiving an advice that will destroy me or disagreeing, whatever, read it if you want, just be honest with me, even though it may hurt me, make me disagree.

My whole childhood my father abused me, like most men, it was very f*cked up, but my father never worked or did anything valuable his whole life, he manipulated my mother to work on a job to this day and he yelled at me and repressed everything about me with threats after each act of self reliancy, autonomy, argument/opinion, and even word, there comes a fear of disagreeing or talking my opinion, fear of action without an approval of a father figure or authority and little hatred to those whom my projection is casted upon, desire to be better, but fear that makes me bitter, it is this complex and absurd trauma, this shadow of mine that is about to be discussed.

My mentor is a woman, it was online, for a year her name and whether she's male or female was a mystery, she saved my life by giving me four book reccomendations, and by listening to me like nobody listened before, she was a father figure to me for a year, and...
My goal is to meet her one day and simply be loyal friend to her, but without this friendzone shit, because... I'll date other women, and just he honest to them, as my favourite author of this "relationship" books writes, you gotta be very honest, for example if you see a woman you like - approach and tell her what you want or need or what is your intention "You're beautiful, give your number or social media account" and if she didn't reject "I want a short term relationship with you, casual sex and little bit of fun" and that is all, if you're honest you can't be manipulated.

I don't know how to talk about my problems, because practicing this wasn't my priority and it is not my skill, but look...
For a year, I've been making father figure after father figure trying to find a perfect one whom I'll be able to obey and listen like a little dog starving for approval and love, I've been making father figures after father figures: Hamza, Demarco, Gadzhi, Hormozi, Hardy (both Darren and Ben) and a lot of self-help authors, trying to get their approval which is what they told is good and bad in book, but the moment disagreement happened, like...
I was unable to, I felt anxious, when I was 13 I was watching Hamza's video on why videogames are bad and you shouldn't play it, I had some complex PTSD, because with my literal perception he wasn't talking about them, but about both literature, fiction, anime, cartoon, movie, series, manga, comics and music...
I will never agree that these are bad, I know in self-improvement industry people hate what I call "content" but it warms my soul, I am able to balance and I was doing it, I've been watching it independently (movies, anime, series) and only a good and thought provoking ones, but I couldn't disagree, I hate myself to this day for this hilarious and absurd event that somehow triggered trauma, I've been literally...
Feeling anxious, having panic attacks, fearing both content and self-improvement for a whole F*cking year and HIDING it because of shame, because someone is or would laugh, judge, I've been desperate for my father's approval, so much projection and somehow, I met my mentor, she made me work on my shadow, and my beliefs, and my past and reinterpret it, she healed my absurd perception of information when it comes to authority or someone whom I admire, but right now my struggles are...

I am narcissistic, psychopathic, self explanatory, devil lawyer type of piece of F*cking shit with intrusive suicidal and maniacal thoughts from a poor and third world country family with a debt we're unable to pay and with high hope for my future but a constant self sabotage in present.
I've read more books than ever after healing my perception it became extraordinary effective, I didn't ever agree with any author or myself, I just collected information, agreed, saved, then abandoned for further usage, to the point...
Where my intuition became as loud as my overthinking, it started to tell me not only what to do, but how easy it is to do it, how F*cking simple it is to get anything you want or surpass your enemy, how absurd the society is and how absurd your problems are and why anything is possible and why you can and must start now, right now it tells me to simply work on my beliefs once again, heal my trauma through reading about it and performing exercises, approach the girl sitting in front of me, to simply go david goggins but with good information on how to make everything easy (thank you Stephem Guise for your books) and it even tells me to never post this thread, to not overshare, but, I'm going against it, I want to break that motherfucking rule, I'm narcissistic and I think that I'm better than you or anyone in the world, but I reinterpret information so F*cking fast, that I'm able to make any behaviour of mine acceptable to my emotions, I don't know, but it is my emotional immaturity and wounded ego is talking, I'm also very afraid and absurd, I'm afraid of being both wrong or right, it became same for me, I think...
I am both f*cked up and enlightened, I feel like shit, because maybe you'll feel jealous, envious (unconsciously) or even F*cking kinky a$$ motherfucking collective shadow stuff, like, who does he think he is, what the F*ck, I am afraid of criticism, I'm simply hurt, but, I'm able to become better, I'm able to heal, I'm simply doing it because of the book exercise, to open up, to break this motherfucking rule, I need your guidance, I really need it...
I am lost, my inner child is scared of me, I think way too much, I am self sabotaging piece of shit, but, I want to heal it, I want to open up, I'll probably never agree with any advice you send to me, I'll probably never agree to myself.
I am the man who lost any sense of direction, who overthinks and is deadly afraid of being wrong and making ANY mistakes, if you respond to it, I'm afraid it will be both challenging for you and for me, we'll discuss, it is an intellectual challenge, I'm afraid that you'll know more than me or become better than me, but I am F*cking opening the goddamn up, I am doing it, I am opening up, I am glad that you don't know where I live, or who I am or who I'll be, I am so glad for this forum, well, see, the whole post it my overthinking, shit.

I am king with no crown, I think I'm best, but I probably masturbate daily, and I waste my time reading books and being wantrepeneur, overthinking, over-reading, and being extremely unstable, I have hooded eyes, I'm 16 years old, I have anterior pelvic tilt, I can't fight, can't defend myself, still traumatised, I wanna kill people who in my opinion wanna kill me, paranoia, I can't F*cking afford therapist, I feel like shit, I feel good, I am UNABLE to be committed to any opinion, I'm strangely ENTP who is F*cking hating any personalities, I feel like some mad sigma psycho from all these movies, I have megalomania, I don't know guys, haha, save me please, Lord, God, Allah, Universe, I just want you to save me from me, save people from me, save me from people, this whole post is... F*cking... a F*ckin joke!

I'm imagining how you're laughing or simply...

I need your advice...
I desperately want to belong...
I just... I'm lost... I'm a F*cking kid... I'm a F*cking teenager, I'm F*cking... I'm done...
I even attempted suicide recently, I don't feel guilty or shame because it is just a way of getting approval and control...

Okay, my intuition told me - I'm done, thank you for reading, subscribe to my channel, press like button, do the hard work especially when you don't feel like it.
Forgive me.

I know it must have taken a lot of courage for you to write this post, if you're committed to doing the inner work with someone that you trust that can help you overcome your pain and trauma, you will get on the other side of this.

So many young men are struggling with negative thoughts/emotions around self-acceptance, self-love, and self-worth, you certainly are not alone. But the fact that you've reached out for help in this forum speaks volumes about your hope and desire for healing. You're actively seeking answers and guidance, which is a significant step that many hesitate to take so I hope you can at least acknowledge yourself.

You are here for a reason, I am happy to have a call with you and help guide you in helping you find the support you need, please feel free to reach out, people do care! Sending you lots of love and light. Mary

 

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[JordanK]

I felt awful at 16. So much of your life is about decision making without much information on how those decisions will play out. You lack control in your life but you read and see all these great people doing so well and taking charge of their existence. You are also changing physically and emotionally.

I'm 26 now and while I don't have everything figured out its definitely a decade where you take more control of your life and move things in the right direction. Fox is right, a few good years and you'll look back wondering what all the fuss was about. Don't get too caught up in the moment right now, it is natural to feel this way at times during life but especially at 16.

Edit: After writing this it actually flooded back so many memories. I had a similar conversation with Fox on this forum almost a decade ago to the day. "Joined - Feb 18, 2014" , today is Feb 21, 2024. I was living at my parents house in a rural Irish village, in school with nothing going for me in life and Fox was a few years older living as a digital nomad in Colombia just starting his online business after being unexpectedly let go from his well paid job when the oil price crashed. Now he's back in Europe with a massively successful business, married and a family. I have a property business in a city in Ireland, travel a lot and a nice girlfriend. Life can get so much better with time and effort. You are just beginning your journey. Everyone goes through this.

 

[Darklight]

I realized that my persona, thoughts and emotions and any form is created, there is someone behind it all that is real me.

It led me to vanish and destoy all the symptoms from the previous post full of overthinking and megalomaniac ego poems, but to make it right, here is a problem, now very real, it is trauma and it stored in my body, very curious insight, and my goal right now ultimately is to heal it.

Because of my toxic, abusive and manipulative father and daily emotional neglection to this day (still dependent on parents due to underage thing) my perception of information/thinking, emotional intelligence and disciplined action, which are three pillars of anything great were broken, thus almost three years of my life spent in anxiety, shame, panic attacks, overthinking and megalomaniac ups with suicidal downs, once my perception was healthy due to the help of my mentor and her book reccomendations.

In my house where my body remembered all the trauma events, everything freezes, today was the best day of this month, until coming to my house.
I was working on my business for two or three hours, playing billiard, hanging out with my friends after school, and deciding to continue working on my business in my house because it is online, but suddenly, everything freezed, my new found and reclaimed mindfullness was okay, but still my body decided to do nothing, it was paralyzed, stuffed up, tight.

I would kill myself with my overthinking, paranoia and self blame, but now everything is different, devil, here is my real power, you motherfcker, my energy dropped down by 10x from previous, then it became hard to focus, tiredness kicked in, every goddamn excuse to not work on my goals became my truth, my previous self would go all in addictions and uhealthy coping, but now it is different.

I started meta witnessing as if watching from above what is happening, it was a very curious experience, my body didn't even listen to myself, it was hard to move, to make myself do anything, only effortless activities were reading and watching something, and it is happening to this point, right now momentum is slowly started to carry me into writing this, guys, what the actual hell happening to me?

I know it is my persona and problem is nonexistent, but my body doesn't listen to me, is that a goddamn trauma or something, how to heal it, do you have any advice or similar experience, can you recommend practices or books or my mind deceived myself and making it up once again and because of my arrogance it was easy for me too fool in, my biggest problem is my body doesn't listen to me which maybe some kinda another absurd issue or trauma, and my emotional immaturity, and wounded ego which is healing right now.

You can think "Look, he's overthinking and lying to himself, too much text, unenlightened piece of shit"
I am simply using my thinking and favourite style of writing (natural, overthinking, journaling and raw one) to seek help, share my experiences in this post it isn't, after writing this everything will become quiet, no thinking, emotions and thoughts will pass by,mindfullness skill attained, BUT how to heal my body or my trauma or whatever you call it?
Once again, sorry for disturbing you with all this stuff, if you're really pissed off by someone's "whining" then come by.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I realized that my persona, thoughts and emotions and any form is created, there is someone behind it all that is real me.

It led me to vanish and destoy all the symptoms from the previous post full of overthinking and megalomaniac ego poems, but to make it right, here is a problem, now very real, it is trauma and it stored in my body, very curious insight, and my goal right now ultimately is to heal it.

Because of my toxic, abusive and manipulative father and daily emotional neglection to this day (still dependent on parents due to underage thing) my perception of information/thinking, emotional intelligence and disciplined action, which are three pillars of anything great were broken, thus almost three years of my life spent in anxiety, shame, panic attacks, overthinking and megalomaniac ups with suicidal downs, once my perception was healthy due to the help of my mentor and her book reccomendations.

In my house where my body remembered all the trauma events, everything freezes, today was the best day of this month, until coming to my house.
I was working on my business for two or three hours, playing billiard, hanging out with my friends after school, and deciding to continue working on my business in my house because it is online, but suddenly, everything freezed, my new found and reclaimed mindfullness was okay, but still my body decided to do nothing, it was paralyzed, stuffed up, tight.

I would kill myself with my overthinking, paranoia and self blame, but now everything is different, devil, here is my real power, you motherfcker, my energy dropped down by 10x from previous, then it became hard to focus, tiredness kicked in, every goddamn excuse to not work on my goals became my truth, my previous self would go all in addictions and uhealthy coping, but now it is different.

I started meta witnessing as if watching from above what is happening, it was a very curious experience, my body didn't even listen to myself, it was hard to move, to make myself do anything, only effortless activities were reading and watching something, and it is happening to this point, right now momentum is slowly started to carry me into writing this, guys, what the actual hell happening to me?

I know it is my persona and problem is nonexistent, but my body doesn't listen to me, is that a goddamn trauma or something, how to heal it, do you have any advice or similar experience, can you recommend practices or books or my mind deceived myself and making it up once again and because of my arrogance it was easy for me too fool in, my biggest problem is my body doesn't listen to me which maybe some kinda another absurd issue or trauma, and my emotional immaturity, and wounded ego which is healing right now.

You can think "Look, he's overthinking and lying to himself, too much text, unenlightened piece of shit"
I am simply using my thinking and favourite style of writing (natural, overthinking, journaling and raw one) to seek help, share my experiences in this post it isn't, after writing this everything will become quiet, no thinking, emotions and thoughts will pass by,mindfullness skill attained, BUT how to heal my body or my trauma or whatever you call it?
Once again, sorry for disturbing you with all this stuff, if you're really pissed off by someone's "whining" then come by.

I moved this to your existing thread. The forum isn't a personal blog, although you are welcome to echo your thoughts in your original thread like a progress journal.

can you recommend practices or books or my mind deceived myself and making it up once again and because of my arrogance it was easy for me too fool in, my biggest problem is my body doesn't listen to me which maybe some kinda another absurd issue or trauma, and my emotional immaturity, and wounded ego which is healing right now.

I recommended two books but I'm guessing you didn't read them unless you are some type of speed reader.

 

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[Darklight]

I moved this to your existing thread. The forum isn't a personal blog, although you are welcome to echo your thoughts in your original thread like a progress journal.



I recommended two books but I'm guessing you didn't read them unless you are some type of speed reader.

I am actually reading both of them, and they literally healed me, this is the reason that my experience turned to "meta" and as if I'm watching it all from behind, but look, trauma does exist and it is in our body, maybe answers will come if I read them till the end,

 

[Darklight]

The rule is "Don’t talk about what it’s like to be a man who is struggling."

I've been suffering for years, but stuffing it up, hiding, and suppressing this pain, but after introducing myself to a book "Men's Work" everything became clear.

I want to have an honest, brutal, super no bullshit talk about the problems we face as men.

I was afraid because people used me many times after me opening up to them, or helping them with valuable advice, it is my own behaviour that manifested it, but still the burden is here, the fear and insecurity is that you reading this may laugh your a$$ off reading about my absurd problems or receiving an advice that will destroy me or disagreeing, whatever, read it if you want, just be honest with me, even though it may hurt me, make me disagree.

My whole childhood my father abused me, like most men, it was very f*cked up, but my father never worked or did anything valuable his whole life, he manipulated my mother to work on a job to this day and he yelled at me and repressed everything about me with threats after each act of self reliancy, autonomy, argument/opinion, and even word, there comes a fear of disagreeing or talking my opinion, fear of action without an approval of a father figure or authority and little hatred to those whom my projection is casted upon, desire to be better, but fear that makes me bitter, it is this complex and absurd trauma, this shadow of mine that is about to be discussed.

My mentor is a woman, it was online, for a year her name and whether she's male or female was a mystery, she saved my life by giving me four book reccomendations, and by listening to me like nobody listened before, she was a father figure to me for a year, and...
My goal is to meet her one day and simply be loyal friend to her, but without this friendzone shit, because... I'll date other women, and just he honest to them, as my favourite author of this "relationship" books writes, you gotta be very honest, for example if you see a woman you like - approach and tell her what you want or need or what is your intention "You're beautiful, give your number or social media account" and if she didn't reject "I want a short term relationship with you, casual sex and little bit of fun" and that is all, if you're honest you can't be manipulated.

I don't know how to talk about my problems, because practicing this wasn't my priority and it is not my skill, but look...
For a year, I've been making father figure after father figure trying to find a perfect one whom I'll be able to obey and listen like a little dog starving for approval and love, I've been making father figures after father figures: Hamza, Demarco, Gadzhi, Hormozi, Hardy (both Darren and Ben) and a lot of self-help authors, trying to get their approval which is what they told is good and bad in book, but the moment disagreement happened, like...
I was unable to, I felt anxious, when I was 13 I was watching Hamza's video on why videogames are bad and you shouldn't play it, I had some complex PTSD, because with my literal perception he wasn't talking about them, but about both literature, fiction, anime, cartoon, movie, series, manga, comics and music...
I will never agree that these are bad, I know in self-improvement industry people hate what I call "content" but it warms my soul, I am able to balance and I was doing it, I've been watching it independently (movies, anime, series) and only a good and thought provoking ones, but I couldn't disagree, I hate myself to this day for this hilarious and absurd event that somehow triggered trauma, I've been literally...
Feeling anxious, having panic attacks, fearing both content and self-improvement for a whole F*cking year and HIDING it because of shame, because someone is or would laugh, judge, I've been desperate for my father's approval, so much projection and somehow, I met my mentor, she made me work on my shadow, and my beliefs, and my past and reinterpret it, she healed my absurd perception of information when it comes to authority or someone whom I admire, but right now my struggles are...

I am narcissistic, psychopathic, self explanatory, devil lawyer type of piece of F*cking shit with intrusive suicidal and maniacal thoughts from a poor and third world country family with a debt we're unable to pay and with high hope for my future but a constant self sabotage in present.
I've read more books than ever after healing my perception it became extraordinary effective, I didn't ever agree with any author or myself, I just collected information, agreed, saved, then abandoned for further usage, to the point...
Where my intuition became as loud as my overthinking, it started to tell me not only what to do, but how easy it is to do it, how F*cking simple it is to get anything you want or surpass your enemy, how absurd the society is and how absurd your problems are and why anything is possible and why you can and must start now, right now it tells me to simply work on my beliefs once again, heal my trauma through reading about it and performing exercises, approach the girl sitting in front of me, to simply go david goggins but with good information on how to make everything easy (thank you Stephem Guise for your books) and it even tells me to never post this thread, to not overshare, but, I'm going against it, I want to break that motherfucking rule, I'm narcissistic and I think that I'm better than you or anyone in the world, but I reinterpret information so F*cking fast, that I'm able to make any behaviour of mine acceptable to my emotions, I don't know, but it is my emotional immaturity and wounded ego is talking, I'm also very afraid and absurd, I'm afraid of being both wrong or right, it became same for me, I think...
I am both f*cked up and enlightened, I feel like shit, because maybe you'll feel jealous, envious (unconsciously) or even F*cking kinky a$$ motherfucking collective shadow stuff, like, who does he think he is, what the F*ck, I am afraid of criticism, I'm simply hurt, but, I'm able to become better, I'm able to heal, I'm simply doing it because of the book exercise, to open up, to break this motherfucking rule, I need your guidance, I really need it...
I am lost, my inner child is scared of me, I think way too much, I am self sabotaging piece of shit, but, I want to heal it, I want to open up, I'll probably never agree with any advice you send to me, I'll probably never agree to myself.
I am the man who lost any sense of direction, who overthinks and is deadly afraid of being wrong and making ANY mistakes, if you respond to it, I'm afraid it will be both challenging for you and for me, we'll discuss, it is an intellectual challenge, I'm afraid that you'll know more than me or become better than me, but I am F*cking opening the goddamn up, I am doing it, I am opening up, I am glad that you don't know where I live, or who I am or who I'll be, I am so glad for this forum, well, see, the whole post it my overthinking, shit.

I am king with no crown, I think I'm best, but I probably masturbate daily, and I waste my time reading books and being wantrepeneur, overthinking, over-reading, and being extremely unstable, I have hooded eyes, I'm 16 years old, I have anterior pelvic tilt, I can't fight, can't defend myself, still traumatised, I wanna kill people who in my opinion wanna kill me, paranoia, I can't F*cking afford therapist, I feel like shit, I feel good, I am UNABLE to be committed to any opinion, I'm strangely ENTP who is F*cking hating any personalities, I feel like some mad sigma psycho from all these movies, I have megalomania, I don't know guys, haha, save me please, Lord, God, Allah, Universe, I just want you to save me from me, save people from me, save me from people, this whole post is... F*cking... a F*ckin joke!

I'm imagining how you're laughing or simply...

I need your advice...
I desperately want to belong...
I just... I'm lost... I'm a F*cking kid... I'm a F*cking teenager, I'm F*cking... I'm done...
I even attempted suicide recently, I don't feel guilty or shame because it is just a way of getting approval and control...

Okay, my intuition told me - I'm done, thank you for reading, subscribe to my channel, press like button, do the hard work especially when you don't feel like it.
Forgive me.

I've read it right now and right here.

I moved this to your existing thread. The forum isn't a personal blog, although you are welcome to echo your thoughts in your original thread like a progress journal.



I recommended two books but I'm guessing you didn't read them unless you are some type of speed reader.

First time in my life book is leaving me speechless.
It is a pure masterpiece, every word healed every wound of my heart.
I feel eternal gratitude for you reccomending me this one, it humbled and nurtured my soul, forever grateful

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I've read it right now and right here.

First time in my life book is leaving me speechless.
It is a pure masterpiece, every word healed every wound of my heart.
I feel eternal gratitude for you reccomending me this one, it humbled and nurtured my soul, forever grateful

YES! So awesome to hear this. This is a book you listen to OVER and OVER.

It is not a one-time read.

 

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