Miguel Pedrosa
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Warning: This is going to be a LONG post! I speak English decently, but to facilitate your reading I wrote in my native language and translated, so some sentences may look a bit weird. If you just want to know how I spend 70 000 euros just scroll until you find the blue letters.
Hello good folks, lurkers, fastlaners and future fastlaners. My name is Miguel Pedrosa, I am a 20 years old Portuguese and I live in Leiria region, Portugal (Europe). The following text briefly tells my life path, but I will focus on the last 3 years that led to a failed online business; wasting my dad inheritance on bad investments, trading and gambling; dropping out of university; having a depression with suicidal toughts; assuming these failures to my family and close friends and how all that led me to this forum...again.
Fast forward they had 3 boys ( my dad was the youngest), 6 grandkids ( I m the 5th) and now 3 great grandkids and a net worth between 2 and 3 million euros, mostly tied to real estate. In other words, they are the portuguese version of the millionaire next door. And yes, my grandfather is still making some business with almost 90 years old!
Unfortunately to us, my dad would get diagnosed with brain tumor in 2010 and would end up dying in 2011 with 44 years old. I was 9 and my brother 6. This would alter all the plans to everyone in my family. My parents were saving money to build an house, but my mom end up deciding not going forward and split the money between the 3. So in 2011, I got about 30 000 euros from my dad health insurance and savings. And we end up getting the house that I live today (inheritance) and a nice plot of land that my parents bought to build their house.
My country (Portugal) was also one of the most affected countries in the European debt crisis and we were going to a bailout period. It was scary to say the least, and it looked even more scary without my dad. But my mom managed to raise us with help of my grandmothers. In terms of lifestyle, my life stayed quite the same.
Besides that around 2012, my grandfathers decided to start anticipating some inheritances ( the early dad of my father kinda forced to that), so all the grandkids received each a 3 bedroom apartament to start. My older cousins are all Millenials, so only me and my brother were minors when that happen. My mother was responsible to manage those 2 apartments until we become adults ( reaching 18 years old). Some of my cousins lived in those apartments to save some money others rented. My mother rented those apartements and all the money was going to my savings account compounding.
So with about 12 years old I had some 30 000 euros in cash and already an apartment, making my net worth about 6 figures. I knew it was good, but to me this was "sad money", I only had it because my dad was dead. But I didnt like to complain, others kids had it worse or so it seems...
Around 15 years old I started get more interested in business,sales, economy etc.. Finishing 9th grade all the kids need to decide what to study in high school. I remember I was interested in 3 paths: Humanities to follow Law ( to become a lawyer,judge,diplomat etc..) , something like sports ( to follow a career in the Army or Police) or Economics/Business. With the help of the school psychologist and interest tests, the results were very conclusive. I was going to a professional course, in portuguese "Curso Profissional Técnico de Gestão" which translates to "Professional Technical Management Course".
I surprise everyone to be honest, professional courses at the moment still have the reputation of being the path where only poor/dumb/lazy kids follow. Not a single teacher support me, even my mom was quite surprise. The curriculum had Accounting, Economy, Management, Math, etc...subjects that people associate with numbers...and well I hate Math..lets just say I use the calculator to confirm 2+2 is 4 sometimes... But I wanted to follow anyway.
It was also around this time that I discover the FastLane Forum, but my English was not that good at the time and I end up bookmarking the website and forgetting it about it.
On the second year I went to a business consulting company, and I was there for less than 2 months. And it was awsome! All the main businesses and entrepreneurs in my village and surroundings were clients there, because I was a 16 year old kid, some of the clients would mess with me and give some nuggets of knowledge along the way. The biggest lesson I learned in that internship is dont judge a book by its cover, like some of the clients had not much formal education but they owned successful businesses, the common theme was they knew about people!
The course also demanded to us to create a final project to get our certification, in my course we needed to create a business plan. I created a barbershop. You can bet I m proud of that project!
In this period I was also figuring out all the "self-improvement philosophy" and "hustler mindset". And for this 3 years, I was going to the gym, reading and learning, getting the best grades and I had a girlfriend (my high school sweethearth). If you saw me, well you would say I had a great future in front me. I even had some plans and notebooks about how to be best version of myself during highschool.
But... unfortunately most of my classmates didnt share the same drive, goals or ambition with me. So for 3 years, 5 days a week I would go to school eager to learn but mad that I had to go to a class where some students didnt want to learn and did not allow others to learn. Put in other way, I loved my job but I hated the corporate enviroment. My closest friends went to others schools and the ones who stay were in other classes so we couldnt talk much really.
I m a introvert but I m not a lone wolf, and as the time passed I felt more isolated and I felt I didnt belong to any "tribe". I didnt identified with my class so I would spend some time with my girlfriend class but… they didnt understand me and in some cases would belittle my academic achievements. Comments like "Do you guys really study?"; "Shut up dumb" etc... In 2018 things got so bad I was about to quit and change from school. Some how I manage, but I went almost full "alone mode". I basically spend most of my time with my girlfriend and one or two classmates. In my free time I would walk to my house and just go back when the bell ringed. Looking back I m very proud of myself in that period, only the Universe knows how many times I was close to punch someone.
Because 2020 was the year I would become an adult, I started writing in a notebook in January where I would write my plans, ambitions, finances and businesses ideas to help putting my toughs in order and help my net worth grow... And I m 80% certain I got this idea from this forum ( yes I was lurker my friends) .I also had no idea this notebook would end up helping saving my life. Some of the text in here is copied from that notebook
Fast forward, C0VlD-19 pandemic hits the world, on my 18 year old birthday my country goes on lock down like the rest of Europe. The high school prom was canceled and also the Erasmus trip to Spain. I got my high school diploma, said goodbye to the class and teachers and congratulations, I am now an adult fully responsible for myself according to the portuguese law. During a few weeks I felt awesome and free, played videogames, no homework to do etc...
And then it was about time to decide if I would go to university. Who I am kidding...It was not even open for debate. And so I applied and got accepted in my first option- "Instituto Superior de Contabilidade e Administração de Coimbra" a.k.a "Coimbra Business School", my degree was "Gestão de Empresas" a.k.a "Management of Companies" and had a duration of 3 years and then probably a masters of 2 years. The curriculum was very similar to my professional course and it was in Coimbra city, a city with a proud tradition of academic parties and some prestige in my country.
I m not gona lie, I was NOT excited to go to university, I already kinda knew what I was about to learn and I was just tired of studying and doing papers that in the real world nobody cares. But I saw the advantages of more certifications and because it was a business school, I could finally meet my "tribe". So although the semesters were going to be online because of the pandemic I went anyway and rented a nice room.
The following list is what happen after I rented that room, the bullet points came from my notebook.
September 2020
Now dear reader, if you are still reading I want to THANK YOU. But in case you are still wondering why I m writing this post. Well here are the reasons.
I wish everyone around here an Happy New Year. And a big hug from Portugal!
If you have any questions, I will be more than glad to answer.
May the cod spirit be with you!
Hello good folks, lurkers, fastlaners and future fastlaners. My name is Miguel Pedrosa, I am a 20 years old Portuguese and I live in Leiria region, Portugal (Europe). The following text briefly tells my life path, but I will focus on the last 3 years that led to a failed online business; wasting my dad inheritance on bad investments, trading and gambling; dropping out of university; having a depression with suicidal toughts; assuming these failures to my family and close friends and how all that led me to this forum...again.
Backstory
I was born in 2002, in Leiria region, Portugal. Both sides of my family have been in this region for at least 6 to 4 generations, my family tree is quite common and at the same time diverse in backgrounds. My ancestors were peasants, artisans, small business owners, factory workers just like 98% of my countrymen, and yes all were baptized as Catholic.Father Side
My grandparents (Silent Generation) were from humble familys like everyone in their village (where I live now), but they had some ambition and starting in their mid-20s they set up some small business ventures: a restaurant, a tavern, a small grocery shop ( my grandmother work there for 60 years) and my grandfather will set up a small factory that made furniture and other stuff, in his hay days he would employee around 15 to 20 people. Later in life, they would start investing in real estate, where they made a good money.Fast forward they had 3 boys ( my dad was the youngest), 6 grandkids ( I m the 5th) and now 3 great grandkids and a net worth between 2 and 3 million euros, mostly tied to real estate. In other words, they are the portuguese version of the millionaire next door. And yes, my grandfather is still making some business with almost 90 years old!
Mother side
On the other hand, my grandparents (Baby Boomers) from my mother side grew up in a blue collar town, known for his glass industry and you guess it...communists underground cells.They had several blue collar jobs, but they would meet in a cardboard factory where my grandfather was working. After my grandfather return from his military service ( colonial war was happening and there was a draft), he married my grandmother. They worked in the cardboard factory almost all their life, saved money, builted their house ( some sections with their own hands), had 2 kids ( my mom is the eldest) and 3 grandkids ( I m the eldest). Put in other words, they have a nice middle-class life.Me
Now we gona get in the part that matters the most to you dear readers, how I end up in this forum!2002-2011
I was born, my mother is a English teacher in a public school and my father worked mostly in the grocery shop with my grandmother and would help with the other businesses of the family, like his older brothers. I have a younger brother born in 2005. My childhood was great , I grew up with much love, in a middle class lifestyle, close to my parents and grandparents.Unfortunately to us, my dad would get diagnosed with brain tumor in 2010 and would end up dying in 2011 with 44 years old. I was 9 and my brother 6. This would alter all the plans to everyone in my family. My parents were saving money to build an house, but my mom end up deciding not going forward and split the money between the 3. So in 2011, I got about 30 000 euros from my dad health insurance and savings. And we end up getting the house that I live today (inheritance) and a nice plot of land that my parents bought to build their house.
My country (Portugal) was also one of the most affected countries in the European debt crisis and we were going to a bailout period. It was scary to say the least, and it looked even more scary without my dad. But my mom managed to raise us with help of my grandmothers. In terms of lifestyle, my life stayed quite the same.
2011-2017
In this years, I grew up from a kid to teenager. From 4th to 9th grade my life was not very different from the other kids. I would get good grades, chase girls, get in some fights with other kids ( because of girls) etc.... The only main differences were that I was one of the few kids in school that already lost a parent.Besides that around 2012, my grandfathers decided to start anticipating some inheritances ( the early dad of my father kinda forced to that), so all the grandkids received each a 3 bedroom apartament to start. My older cousins are all Millenials, so only me and my brother were minors when that happen. My mother was responsible to manage those 2 apartments until we become adults ( reaching 18 years old). Some of my cousins lived in those apartments to save some money others rented. My mother rented those apartements and all the money was going to my savings account compounding.
So with about 12 years old I had some 30 000 euros in cash and already an apartment, making my net worth about 6 figures. I knew it was good, but to me this was "sad money", I only had it because my dad was dead. But I didnt like to complain, others kids had it worse or so it seems...
Around 15 years old I started get more interested in business,sales, economy etc.. Finishing 9th grade all the kids need to decide what to study in high school. I remember I was interested in 3 paths: Humanities to follow Law ( to become a lawyer,judge,diplomat etc..) , something like sports ( to follow a career in the Army or Police) or Economics/Business. With the help of the school psychologist and interest tests, the results were very conclusive. I was going to a professional course, in portuguese "Curso Profissional Técnico de Gestão" which translates to "Professional Technical Management Course".
I surprise everyone to be honest, professional courses at the moment still have the reputation of being the path where only poor/dumb/lazy kids follow. Not a single teacher support me, even my mom was quite surprise. The curriculum had Accounting, Economy, Management, Math, etc...subjects that people associate with numbers...and well I hate Math..lets just say I use the calculator to confirm 2+2 is 4 sometimes... But I wanted to follow anyway.
It was also around this time that I discover the FastLane Forum, but my English was not that good at the time and I end up bookmarking the website and forgetting it about it.
2017- mid-2020
With 15 years old I started high school, I was really excited, with was the same school, but a new class and I could study things that I finaly thought were usefull. And for the first year with was, I had awsome teachers of Accounting, Management, Business Law, English etc... I study harder than ever before, I devour every piece of knowledge. I finally could understand how the business world kinda worked, suddenly I was asking my grandfather for old balance sheets and cash flow statements to practice. We also had internships in each year, where we could gain experience on job.On the second year I went to a business consulting company, and I was there for less than 2 months. And it was awsome! All the main businesses and entrepreneurs in my village and surroundings were clients there, because I was a 16 year old kid, some of the clients would mess with me and give some nuggets of knowledge along the way. The biggest lesson I learned in that internship is dont judge a book by its cover, like some of the clients had not much formal education but they owned successful businesses, the common theme was they knew about people!
The course also demanded to us to create a final project to get our certification, in my course we needed to create a business plan. I created a barbershop. You can bet I m proud of that project!
In this period I was also figuring out all the "self-improvement philosophy" and "hustler mindset". And for this 3 years, I was going to the gym, reading and learning, getting the best grades and I had a girlfriend (my high school sweethearth). If you saw me, well you would say I had a great future in front me. I even had some plans and notebooks about how to be best version of myself during highschool.
But... unfortunately most of my classmates didnt share the same drive, goals or ambition with me. So for 3 years, 5 days a week I would go to school eager to learn but mad that I had to go to a class where some students didnt want to learn and did not allow others to learn. Put in other way, I loved my job but I hated the corporate enviroment. My closest friends went to others schools and the ones who stay were in other classes so we couldnt talk much really.
I m a introvert but I m not a lone wolf, and as the time passed I felt more isolated and I felt I didnt belong to any "tribe". I didnt identified with my class so I would spend some time with my girlfriend class but… they didnt understand me and in some cases would belittle my academic achievements. Comments like "Do you guys really study?"; "Shut up dumb" etc... In 2018 things got so bad I was about to quit and change from school. Some how I manage, but I went almost full "alone mode". I basically spend most of my time with my girlfriend and one or two classmates. In my free time I would walk to my house and just go back when the bell ringed. Looking back I m very proud of myself in that period, only the Universe knows how many times I was close to punch someone.
Mid-2020-2022
Now this is the period that I consider was the process that led to my "F*ck This Event", which led to me going back to this forum and writing this post!Because 2020 was the year I would become an adult, I started writing in a notebook in January where I would write my plans, ambitions, finances and businesses ideas to help putting my toughs in order and help my net worth grow... And I m 80% certain I got this idea from this forum ( yes I was lurker my friends) .I also had no idea this notebook would end up helping saving my life. Some of the text in here is copied from that notebook
Fast forward, C0VlD-19 pandemic hits the world, on my 18 year old birthday my country goes on lock down like the rest of Europe. The high school prom was canceled and also the Erasmus trip to Spain. I got my high school diploma, said goodbye to the class and teachers and congratulations, I am now an adult fully responsible for myself according to the portuguese law. During a few weeks I felt awesome and free, played videogames, no homework to do etc...
And then it was about time to decide if I would go to university. Who I am kidding...It was not even open for debate. And so I applied and got accepted in my first option- "Instituto Superior de Contabilidade e Administração de Coimbra" a.k.a "Coimbra Business School", my degree was "Gestão de Empresas" a.k.a "Management of Companies" and had a duration of 3 years and then probably a masters of 2 years. The curriculum was very similar to my professional course and it was in Coimbra city, a city with a proud tradition of academic parties and some prestige in my country.
I m not gona lie, I was NOT excited to go to university, I already kinda knew what I was about to learn and I was just tired of studying and doing papers that in the real world nobody cares. But I saw the advantages of more certifications and because it was a business school, I could finally meet my "tribe". So although the semesters were going to be online because of the pandemic I went anyway and rented a nice room.
The following list is what happen after I rented that room, the bullet points came from my notebook.
September 2020
- My net worth was all intact. Around 70 000 euros in savings and my apartment still rented.
- I already had some signs of anxiety and fatigue which would be diagnosed as an burnout.
- I already had dropout of university.
- My burnout would led to a deep depression with suicidal toughs.
- I was getting support from psychologist and psychiatrist, I was on medication.
- Tired of reading about how to manage a business, I created my first online business.
- Phoenix E-commerce LLC was born, located in Wyoming State in USA, the goal was to create online drop shipping stores and sell them. My first and only store was Hikkman.com. I learned everything online and did everything remote straight from bedroom in Portugal.
- Also around this time I started gambling....I mean trading on financial markets with ALL my savings. Spoiler alert: Not a good idea while you have a depression and you are a emotional train wreck.
- I got my first paid job, stocking shelves in a supermarket. I was fired 3 weeks later...
- The papers of my LLC were going forward, I was building website etc...however due to Covid some documents got delayed...
- I was making some hundreds of euros on my bets in the financial markets.
- My depression and emotional state were "stable".
- I was now 19 years old and found a new job as a cashier in a pawn job in Leiria city. I was getting minium wage but at least I was wearing a suit, had a nice office with air conditioner and took the public bus which allow me lots of time with my suicidal toughs.
- My girlfriend broke up with me...No wonder, I was just a zombie at this point, living thanks to meds, financial gambling and hopes to have a successful business and prove myself I was not a wantrepneur and a loser.
- I was ready to starting selling my products online but I needed my employer identification number to start receiving payments.
- My financial bets were kinda paying off. I had made about 15 000 euros in profit...until it was not. In about 3 months I lost 90% of my capital joining the 90% of traders who lose it. 70 000 euros down the drain... All the profit, the savings, the compounds...gone.
- I had to assume all these failures to my mother, brother, grandmothers and doctors. And lets just say...it was ugly.
- The sad irony was, my grandfather decided to give another apartment to each the grandkids. I felt the Universe was mocking with me...I didnt deserve such blessing, I was not worth of my daily time rations.
- I hit my lowest point.
- The money I still had I give it to my mother, which was humiliating but necessary...
- All my close friends were either working or in university.
- My ex-girlfriend had move on.
- My family lost the trust in me ( I dont blame them really).
- I increased the meds, but to no avail. I quit my job and stayed in my home.
- The suicidal toughs were stronger and stronger, as a introvert person my favorite place is my head. Well lets just say I was scary to be in my head, a first time in my life.
- Tired and without resources I end up closing my LLC, without even advertising. R.I.P my first business...
- I couldnt leave my bedroom really, if I went outside I would bump with a family member or a friend and had to explain everthing over and over... I could only see dark, I hated everything and everyone. But the World would every day remember how good I had it. "There are people who have it worse,stop complaining", "Quit dreaming about becoming rich", "You already have an house, I m still paying my mortgage". Yes, I was surrounded by SlowLaners and Sidewalkers, some of them very envious and others quite happy of me failing.
- I went from 70 kilos to 88 kilos. I got fat so fast that I got body marks. I felt disgust for myself really...
- And for the first time in my life, I felt completely alone my life it seem it had no meaning anymore.
- After the birth of a cousin, I decided to end my life. I had all planed, the place to tie the rope, some letters with my last words and a small will. Somehow I didnt do it, the closest I was I end up dialing the number of the suicide help support.
- This is where my notebook saved my life, I had avoided it because I couldnt read my broken promises. But writing my toughs allow me to face my fears and starting getting back on my feet.
- Still in depression, I would occupy my time building trading algorithms and trying Prop Trading Firms challenges, failure after failure. I hated still losing money but it give me a reason to leave my bed.
- I would started slowly getting back on my feet.
- I started reading and question more and more stuff. Looking for a purpose in my life again.
- I was still on meds, but tired of no progress. I voluntary quit and stop going to the doctors.
- Worked a few days in a small construction company to get some cash and occupy my time, but I quit I couldn't bare the noise.
- I was still searching for a path to follow in my life again.
- I end up deciding to stay in my home and things started to get better little by little.
- I had finally cure my depression, I could finally think with a straight head and no more suicidal toughs.
- I was off the meds for good.
- I started losing weight.
- Getting my daily time rations felt great again.
- Started quitting negative habits that I had adquire.
- And I finally order The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted .
- I read the books like an maniac and order the third.
- I cleaned my bedroom, I slept for 4 nights on the couch. But it got perfect, remembering 20 years of memoirs was also great.
- Then I did the same with my smartphone and computer.
- After that I started calling one by one family members and friends. The ones who were there for me in my darkest moments. I swallowed my pride and kill my ego. Lots of tears from both sides but it was necessary. I also called my ex girlfriend and make peace it her, I also sent some chocolates to my doctors to thanks them for everything. And also sent some emails to my old teachers to thanks them for being great. The more I talked about my failures the more light I felt, those mental chains were being cut one by one.
- During this month I also started closing other chapters for good in my life. I stooped with the toxic self-talk and make peace with myself. And started to acept fully all my "identities", "social constructs" whatever you want to call it. Some of them I cannot change others I can change.
- I also deleted social media, contacts of long gone people, and accepted the fact no matter what I do someone is gona envy of what I have or what I do. F*ck them!
- I also started to stop comparing to others for good, I m still working on it but is becoming easier and easier.
- Finally decided for good to join the forum and decided to follow a entrepreneurship lifestyle.
- Face my mom and told her I m bissexual and I do not want to go back to university and I will study online. Yes my friends, she stills love me. Love you too mom !
- And I wrote this long post.
Now dear reader, if you are still reading I want to THANK YOU. But in case you are still wondering why I m writing this post. Well here are the reasons.
- I wanted to introduce myself to the community.
- I also wanted to THANK EVERYONE in here for everything.
- I m a introvert and writing this, in a gigantic internet forum makes me nervous, but is alright I know this a safe place and it helps me grow.
- I wanted to share my failures because I think is the best way to provide value around here and also the more you give the more you get.
- Writing here shows a compromise to myself and to others.
- I also saw some post of others portuguese citizens and I wanted to help them in anyway I can.
- Yes, I still want to be rich.
- I can practice my English around here.
I wish everyone around here an Happy New Year. And a big hug from Portugal!
If you have any questions, I will be more than glad to answer.
May the cod spirit be with you!
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