How To #FAIL

[Koen_88]

HI all,

" How To Fail at Self Employment "

I found this on a newsletter I follow for personal intrest as well as design insights. I've copied it here to get a discussion going (original link @ end of post);

(warning: sarcastic information below the dotted line)
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So you’ve decided to self-sabotage your self-employment experiment. You don’t want to languish in mediocrity. No. You want to go down in a ball of flaming glory, botching every job, missing every gravy train, spending all of your savings, and crawling back to your Old Boss a month later. If so, you’ve come to the right place.

• Have an empty savings account. When you start your self-employment adventure, make sure your savings account is empty. If you have three months’ worth of liquid cash in the bank, there’s a good chance you’ll accidentally succeed. With six months’ worth of cash, it will be very hard to fail. Beware.
• When you don’t get a call-back, panic. It’s going to take time to build up your client list. A great way to make sure you don’t survive the first two years is to freak the funkles out any time you’re not working. Think about missing your rent payment, losing your apartment, and having to move your family into your Mom’s basement. Think about the humiliation you’ll feel, and the utter helplessness that comes with financial insolvency. Tell yourself that it will not work out in the end. Imagine your would-be clients laughing at your proposal, using it as toilet paper, and making blood pacts with their hiring buddies never to hire you. They are not busy, distracted, or disorganized: they are simply doing it to spite you.
• Be a perfectionist. It’s crucial that your website be pixel perfect before you contact your first client. Accept nothing less than absolute perfection.
• Spend money to make money. You’ll need at least 5000 professionally-designed business cards, a custom domain name, a call center to answer your phones, and a social media manager. Buy a $17k iMac Pro, and every cool-looking peripheral you can find. When you build a website, build it with big-data in mind. AI is big: invest in it. Sign up for Salesforce.com, Hootsuite,and buy a premium expensive software package.
• Focus on one job at a time. Once you land a client, rely on them implicitly. Never do more than one thing at a time. Never look for new clients during a job.
• Stick to one revenue source. If you want to fail at self-employment, make absolutely certain to rely on one and only one revenue source. Do not look for independent revenue streams, and never look outside of your normal area of expertise. You should feel very uncomfortable about trying new things, and, if you absolutely can’t stop yourself, be sure to comply with the perfectionism principle outlined above.
• Do everything yourself. If you need accounting software, you can save money by making an insanely complex spreadsheet rather than using any of the cheap, readily-available off-the-shelf solutions. If you need a website, be sure to code it from scratch by yourself, and remember that it needs to reinvent the whole idea of “website”. (No website in the history of websites has ever been like yours.) If you need a logo, save money by having your brother-in-law’s twelve year old son. He has Photoshop, and loves art. (Note: Be careful not to conflate this with the spend money to make money principle: you want to spend exorbitant amounts of money on things that are not important, but be sure to pinch every possible penny on the things that actually matter.)
• Do not work with others. Partnerships are far more likely to succeed than sole-proprietorships. Avoid them. Be sure not to ask other self-employed people for tips: they will be offended, irritated, and dislike you for asking. Working well with teams is a huge liability when trying to fail.
• Only think about taxes in April. This might just be the number one tip for failing as a self-employed person: do NOT, under any circumstances, think about tax liabilities until it is absolutely necessary to do so. In the US you can expect that liability to be around 30-35% of every check you receive, but don’t set it aside. Spend it. And don’t think about any of the other ways you are being taxed, and how those affect your bottom line: you should consider each dollar of revenue as a dollar of profit, and spend every penny.

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I think we can create an insightfull thread building on this so i question you:

What more ways can you fail ?

or what failures have you yourself been found guilty pursuing

p.s.
i've edited a few (very)minor bits for it to be less design oriented
original link : How to #Fail at Self-employment - SolidSmack -

 

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[GMSI7D]

JO emm,

" Jux Vu Geom ev Timg Inqmuznipv "

O guapf vjot up e pixtmivvis O gummux gus qistupem opvsitv et ximm et fitohp optohjvt. O'wi duqoif ov jisi vu hiv e fotdattoup huoph (usohopem mopl @ ipf ug qutv);
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Tu zua’wi fidofif vu timg-tecuvehi zuas timg-inqmuznipv iyqisonipv. Zua fup’v xepv vu mephaotj op nifoudsovz. Pu. Zua xepv vu hu fuxp op e cemm ug gmenoph hmusz, cuvdjoph iwisz kuc, nottoph iwisz hsewz vseop, tqipfoph emm ug zuas tewopht, epf dsexmoph cedl vu zuas Umf Cutt e nupvj mevis. Og tu, zua’wi duni vu vji sohjv qmedi.

• Jewi ep inqvz tewopht edduapv. Xjip zua tvesv zuas timg-inqmuznipv efwipvasi, neli tasi zuas tewopht edduapv ot inqvz. Og zua jewi vjsii nupvjt’ xusvj ug moraof detj op vji cepl, vjisi’t e huuf djepdi zua’mm eddofipvemmz taddiif. Xovj toy nupvjt’ xusvj ug detj, ov xomm ci wisz jesf vu geom. Cixesi.
• Xjip zua fup’v hiv e demm-cedl, qepod. Ov’t huoph vu veli voni vu caomf aq zuas dmoipv motv. E hsiev xez vu neli tasi zua fup’v taswowi vji gostv vxu ziest ot vu gsiel vji gaplmit uav epz voni zua’si puv xusloph. Vjopl ecuav nottoph zuas sipv qeznipv, mutoph zuas eqesvnipv, epf jewoph vu nuwi zuas genomz opvu zuas Nun’t cetinipv. Vjopl ecuav vji janomoevoup zua’mm giim, epf vji avvis jimqmittpitt vjev dunit xovj gopepdoem optumwipdz. Vimm zuastimg vjev ov xomm puv xusl uav op vji ipf. Onehopi zuas xuamf-ci dmoipvt meahjoph ev zuas qsuqutem, atoph ov et vuomiv qeqis, epf neloph cmuuf qedvt xovj vjios josoph caffoit piwis vu josi zua. Vjiz esi puv catz, fotvsedvif, us fotushepobif: vjiz esi tonqmz fuoph ov vu tqovi zua.
• Ci e qisgidvoupotv. Ov’t dsadoem vjev zuas xictovi ci qoyim qisgidv cigusi zua dupvedv zuas gostv dmoipv. Eddiqv puvjoph mitt vjep ectumavi qisgidvoup.
• Tqipf nupiz vu neli nupiz. Zua’mm piif ev mietv 5000 qsugittoupemmz-fitohpif catopitt desft, e datvun funeop peni, e demm dipvis vu eptxis zuas qjupit, epf e tudoem nifoe nepehis. Caz e $17l oNed Qsu, epf iwisz duum-muuloph qisoqjisem zua dep gopf. Xjip zua caomf e xictovi, caomf ov xovj coh-feve op nopf. EO ot coh: opwitv op ov. Tohp aq gus Temitgusdi.dun, Juuvtaovi,epf caz e qsinoan iyqiptowi tugvxesi qedlehi.
• Gudat up upi kuc ev e voni. Updi zua mepf e dmoipv, simz up vjin onqmodovmz. Piwis fu nusi vjep upi vjoph ev e voni. Piwis muul gus pix dmoipvt fasoph e kuc.
• Tvodl vu upi siwipai tuasdi. Og zua xepv vu geom ev timg-inqmuznipv, neli ectumavimz disveop vu simz up upi epf upmz upi siwipai tuasdi. Fu puv muul gus opfiqipfipv siwipai tvsient, epf piwis muul uavtofi ug zuas pusnem esie ug iyqisvoti. Zua tjuamf giim wisz apdungusvecmi ecuav vszoph pix vjopht, epf, og zua ectumavimz dep’v tvuq zuastimg, ci tasi vu dunqmz xovj vji qisgidvoupotn qsopdoqmi uavmopif ecuwi.
• Fu iwiszvjoph zuastimg. Og zua piif edduapvoph tugvxesi, zua dep tewi nupiz cz neloph ep optepimz dunqmiy tqsieftjiiv sevjis vjep atoph epz ug vji djieq, siefomz-eweomecmi ugg-vji-tjimg tumavoupt. Og zua piif e xictovi, ci tasi vu dufi ov gsun tdsevdj cz zuastimg, epf sinincis vjev ov piift vu siopwipv vji xjumi ofie ug “xictovi”. (Pu xictovi op vji jotvusz ug xictovit jet iwis ciip moli zuast.) Og zua piif e muhu, tewi nupiz cz jewoph zuas csuvjis-op-mex’t vximwi zies umf tup. Ji jet Qjuvutjuq, epf muwit esv. (Puvi: Ci desigam puv vu dupgmevi vjot xovj vji tqipf nupiz vu neli nupiz qsopdoqmi: zua xepv vu tqipf iyuscovepv enuapvt ug nupiz up vjopht vjev esi puv onqusvepv, cav ci tasi vu qopdj iwisz quttocmi qippz up vji vjopht vjev edvaemmz nevvis.)
• Fu puv xusl xovj uvjist. Qesvpistjoqt esi ges nusi molimz vu taddiif vjep tumi-qsuqsoivustjoqt. Ewuof vjin. Ci tasi puv vu etl uvjis timg-inqmuzif qiuqmi gus voqt: vjiz xomm ci uggipfif, ossovevif, epf fotmoli zua gus etloph. Xusloph ximm xovj vient ot e jahi moecomovz xjip vszoph vu geom.
• Upmz vjopl ecuav veyit op Eqsom. Vjot nohjv katv ci vji pancis upi voq gus geomoph et e timg-inqmuzif qistup: fu PUV, apfis epz dosdantvepdit, vjopl ecuav vey moecomovoit apvom ov ot ectumavimz pidittesz vu fu tu. Op vji AT zua dep iyqidv vjev moecomovz vu ci esuapf 30-35% ug iwisz djidl zua sidiowi, cav fup’v tiv ov etofi. Tqipf ov. Epf fup’v vjopl ecuav epz ug vji uvjis xezt zua esi cioph veyif, epf jux vjuti eggidv zuas cuvvun mopi: zua tjuamf duptofis iedj fummes ug siwipai et e fummes ug qsugov, epf tqipf iwisz qippz.

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O vjopl xi dep dsievi ep optohjvgamm vjsief caomfoph up vjot tu o raitvoup zua:

Xjev nusi xezt dep zua geom ?

us xjev geomasit jewi zua zuastimg ciip guapf haomvz qastaoph

q.t.
o'wi ifovif e gix (wisz)nopus covt gus ov vu ci mitt fitohp usoipvif
usohopem mopl : Jux vu #Geom ev Timg-inqmuznipv - TumofTnedl -

vjeplt. e muv ug atigamt optohjvt