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O/T: Health How have you dealt with loneliness/depression?

Discussion in 'Health and Fitness' started by hatzil, Jul 11, 2017.

  1. hatzil
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    hatzil Contributor

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    I am not embarrassed to ask for help; I need to work on a solution.
    My fast lane journey is going great, I am working 9-5 and on my spare time work on my fast lane business.

    The thing is, I just got dropped out of the military a few months ago. In my country, everyone is obligated to serve in the military in my age, but it wasn't for me. Since I am not planning to go to college, it is tough to meet new people.
    I am a friendly person, positive and love to lift up the people around me.

    How have you dealt with loneliness? I would love to hear.
     
  2. Iammelissamoore
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    Iammelissamoore Silver Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    The road to entrepreneurship IS unfortunately a lonely one. Most times this is so, simply because many people in our close circles - family, friends etc., aren't necessarily walking the paths we are, or often times, they do not see the scripted life society presents us as a problem, so, often times, it leads to being lonely.

    There was a particular time in my journey where I felt as if the loneliness was getting the better of me - with a long journey ahead to building the solid, unscripted foundation and the ability to remain focus, I thought I was going crazy; however "Unscripted" (book) came out at the right time, and I came back full-fledged to the FLForum.

    For me, THIS forum IS a Huge help; I/we get the opportunity to recognise that many of the things we are experiencing are similar to what others in this circle is experiencing and we get to bounce off ideas and learn to cope with the realities by sharing and discussing issues together, we get the opportunity to help elevate each other; whenever we feel stuck and we seek advice, we are geared in the right direction.

    Part of the loneliness that I once took on, I've found a way to refocus that energy in building my business by applying the principles of TMF and Unscripted; when I'm not doing that, I'm working on building a better me, I engage in the forum, and I am happily helping overcome obstacles with others towards our Unscripted-ness!
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2017
  3. Alma Zamarly
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    Been there. First thing first, to fight depression and loneliness, you need to do something that calm you down. Meditate, yoga or else. But for me, i always pray to God. Then secondly, you need to go out socialize with others. Find something that can be a good hobby or something you can share the same interest. It is always fun to talk with people that share the same interest.
     
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  4. dudewhat
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    dudewhat Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane

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    Loneliness can be kind of tough. I've dealt with it a lot, but I just tell myself it won't last too long -- and it doesn't. My only advice is to get out of your comfort zone, talk to as many people as possible, and hopefully you'll click with someone soon. Join social groups or clubs. Say yes to invites more often. Usually one friend leads to another because they'll introduce you to their friends and so on.

    Depression? That can be a bitch. Honestly, depression sneaks up on me a lot. Meditating, eating healthy foods, taking a trip somewhere, and exercising helps me. Journaling or counseling, too. You just have to take it one day at a time and try to make yourself grow/get better 1% each day.
     
  5. Mattie
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    Mattie Platinum Contributor Speedway Pass

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    I've always been an only child, without siblings and Introvert. I believe it is difficult for people if they're used to having siblings and become emotionally dependent on other individuals. While we are social creatures, I believe there is a difference between loneliness and walking alone. I believe it's a perception, of how you perceive the experience.

    What is easy for me, may be quite difficult for someone else who has been brought up in a big family. And although I have a big extended family outside the immediate family, I still remain different in between the sub groups of generations.

    Loneliness is holding the belief that you need someone else to have fun, enjoy life, take pleasure in life, and you need someone to stimulate your intellect, give you affection, give you attention, give you validation, approval, acceptance, and being and only kind, I've spent my time in the past experiencing severe loneliness and grief, in the middle of events because I didn't know thyself, and didn't have a good sense of the dynamics of human nature, psychology, and as many Generation X, the first generation to experience the biggest divorce rate with Baby Boomers at the helm.

    Fortunately, it can be very painful, and thoughts can be very distorted because of what people say, do, and how they act in the environment, and can add chaos and confusion.

    As you stated, you just got out of the Military, and been conditioned in this way, so you're going through adapting back into civilization, and being surrounded by military all my life, I understand when you get out of the service you go through a phase of adjustment and certainly some depression because you're letting go of one lifestyle for gaining another.

    The basic human need is to bond with other individuals, have affection, love, and it is necessary to survive. I was a nurse aide, and I can tell you that often the clients I had were abandoned, rejected, and left alone, and I usually was the last one there to hold their hand, read to them, and be their companion, and some of these were entrepreneurs in my community who had nice houses, materialism, and money, but for whatever reason, I was still the last one standing their in their life.

    Loneliness is something that can be experienced in different forms for different reasons. I don't think there is a person who doesn't experience this at some point in their life time.

    I think you have to evaluate your situation and look within and figure out why you feel loneliness in your experience.

    In the past mine was because one, I didn't know I was an Introvert and didn't understand why I didn't fit in with my relatives and friends who were Extroverts. I just have a unique experience of being brought up among dominate Extroverts that were constantly trying to transform me into a dominate Extrovert, and let me tell you, it's not a good place to be without knowing thyself, psychology, and human nature.

    Now this was what separated me from the rest and so naturally I felt growing pains, because I wasn't like them 100%. Now that I've made inner peace with this fact, and grown and matured, it doesn't bother me as much, and I do my own thing, and find other Introverts to socialize with who are self-actualized, and have the same goals and ambitions.

    The Victim Syndrome in culture will be projected on the reality of the Introvert, and you have to rise above this conditioning of society that the Introvert must submit, be the martyr, and play the victim.

    Frankly, Introverts are not victims, nor are they weak unless they believe they're weak, which a self-fulfilling prophecy of being told this by Extroverts. You really have to take your personal power back, and gain some mental toughness, stand on your own two feet, have courage to be your authentic self, even if other people choose to project you need to be the dominate Extrovert in society. This is social conditioning in some cultures, where in other cultures they are valued and appreciated.

    Whether you're and Introvert or Extrovert really doesn't matter, you can still experience loneliness.

    Extroverts feel more lonely when they're not out socializing and in a group of peers, and love the limelight, so they can't stand being alone at home like the Introvert. It's quite a fascinating dynamic, because I just stated, I had severe loneliness. Yes, there must be a balance of being the Introverted lone wolf, and still socializing with other people.

    Isolation for the Introvert in the dysfunctional state in lower consciousness is not understanding yourself, and escaping the opposition life and that would be Extroverts who usually present conflict to the Introvert. I was the biggest escape artist, for the simple fact, Extroverts can stress you, the Introvert out, cause depression, anxiety, and intensity in dysfunctional homes. Usually lower class and some of the middle class may have bad coping skills, problem solving skills, bad life style habits, and this all plays into the situation. Military is very high strung, intense, competitive, and you should have gained some mental toughness in the experience.

    If someone is at self-actualized, mature, and changed those dynamics, they will not feel lonely as much as the other situation.

    In my case, I'm alone most of the time. I keep myself busy with projects, music, reading, writing, honing my skills as an entrepreneur interaction with many different social groups, study human nature, and fortunately, it's about using your time in a positive way. If you're doing something you enjoy, or not enjoy at times, and move around, than you're not as apt to allow yourself to deep think, over think, and start thinking about being alone. I keep my mind stimulated all the time, and socialize other times.

    If you're just sitting around doing nothing all day productive, your mind may be on auto pilot, and drift off into all the "Why is my life like this?", mentality. The more you think about how shitty everything is, play video games, or escape life, you're wasting time, and of course you will think about how no one is showing up in life, because you are not showing up in life.

    Loneliness can be because you're afraid if you make emotional attachments you will get hurt, and avoid relationships.

    Loneliness can be because you have a lot of anger, bitterness, resentment, and think everyone in the world is your enemy, and they don't understand you. Which is not truth, but you buy into it.

    There's a balance of you deciding to be lonely, and it's a choice to dwell on things, think you're separated from the rest of humanity, or you can join in humanity and take part in relationships. Usually what happens is people can bounce back and forth, because we want to be self-reliant, independent, self-confident, and be authentic. We don't want to lose identity in relationships. On the other end we want to relate with others, fit in a social group, be needed, wanted, loved, respected, and bond with others. This is where we have to find our boundaries, and what's acceptable or not acceptable in relating with self and other individuals.

    I stand alone, because I'm a leader, and it's necessary to be self-reliant and interdependent. I can't really tell you why you feel loneliness, or what you need to do, because I'm not in your experience. And this is why you have to answer your own questions and find your own answers.

    I can point out these few things from my experience. In my experience human nature is self-absorbed, and we all tend to do this, focus on our individual world, and project it on to other individuals. And the trick is to stop projecting a negative experience with negative outcomes.

    Loneliness to me amounts to isolating one's self from the world, and closing off interactions with others. This can be for Individuation for a time, and than entering back into society. This is where you break out of the herd mentality, and decide to live your authentic truth, instead of what you're conditioned to believe and do, versus what you choose to create for your future.

    In your experience you're breaking out of the Military Social Group and entering into the main population where there is not as much structure, control, rigid thinking, and demand.

    I think I just showed you there are different phases of loneliness and just a few reasons why someone would feel loneliness in their experience.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2018
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  6. AnkeLuft
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    The things that i can say, do not make the depression or loneliness keep haunting you. One day if you cannot control yourself, you brain or your thoughts cannot function very well and likely you will do something stupid that will hurt your mental or physical.

    We are human or creatures that born to be socialized.. so if you cannot find ones in real life (like you said above due to your situation), just hop in the online world maybe you can find someone that you can talk or share the same interest.
     
  7. Blaise84
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    Blaise84 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Two books have helped me tremendously:

    • Autobiography of a Yogi
    • The Untethered Soul
     
  8. S.Y.
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    S.Y. Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    • Meditations by Marcus - Marcus Aurelius (Hays translation)
    • Letters from a Stoic - Seneca
    They helped me go through some dark times. That and good nutrition. Nutrition is often overlooked. That thing can mess with you big time.

    For loneliness remember, you are not alone. Many people are going through the same thing. Try things, find things YOU love. Not what society or your family think you should enjoy. Push yourself to try new things. Challenge yourself. Focus on what you can change. It helps at times to not fight the feeling. Accept it. "This, too, shall pass"

    Help people. (And thank you for your post. Right now, without knowing, you helped me)

    I have never dealt with depression. People around me have. I don't know how it is to go through that. I do know however that it is a b*tch and you should not minimize it. You are already asking for help, and never stop doing that. If needed, ask for professional help.

    Hope it helps.

    cheers.
     
  9. JohnnyAppleseed
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    JohnnyAppleseed Amish Cornhead Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    I find that being physically active is the best solution whenever I feel down.
     
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  10. juggler619
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    juggler619 Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    Work out does help a lot. I can't explain how. But it does ! Even if its for 40 mins .
     
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  11. jasoncuellar123
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    jasoncuellar123 I’m probably awake. Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Pets

    Have something that relies on you, and you’ll never feel alone again.
     
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  12. Restless8
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    Restless8 New Contributor

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    Guys, I feel your pain. You are fired from your job sorry to hear about that. However, this is natural and might be happened for everyone life. Loneliness isn't expected. I even can't keep myself separate from other people. Human needs company for better and happy life. However, I read a good article about mental depression Smart Pills - Boost Your Brain with Best Brain Enhancement Pills. This might be helpful for you guy.

    Thank you so much!
     
  13. Xeon
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    Xeon Nessuna macchina per me se non una Pagani Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED FASTLANE INSIDER Speedway Pass

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    Join a group leisure class that has lessons several times a week, each lasting one hour or so. This way you can be in a social setting 2 - 4 times per week, and you've something to look forward to daily. For me, I join those dance classes for amateurs and it helps to cure majority of the loneliness (you get both exercise + women in such classes = win)

    Now you may say, why not use those hours to work on the Fastlane instead? Well, I personally believe in working on the FL 85% of the available time you have and the other 15% for leisure. Keeps your mental health strong so that you've more fuel to run the FL marathon.

    Generally speaking, folks who join leisure classes tend to be more of the positive, go-getter type, so that's another plus. You're basking in their positive aura and pick up the good habits from them.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2018
  14. alexMG
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    For me, meditation. Short-term pain (to get into it properly) for a long-term solution. Being alone doesn't mean being lonely.

    I would recommend reading : Turning the Mind into an Ally by Sakyong Mipham and Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond by Ajahn Brahm (anything by this guy really, there's a TON of free podcasts from him at Buddhist Society of Western Australia • Perth WA - probably some directly addressing the issue of loneliness)

    Edit : Loneliness | by Ajahn Brahmavamso
     
  15. ch3wy
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    I hope you're feeling better since you posted this!

    I have definitely felt that loneliness before. I was a music major in college and I got to collaborate with all sorts of awesome adults. After graduating, I went to work at music schools and private schools. Sure, I still had conversations with people, but for the most part, it was with kids who couldn't stop talking about Paw Patrol and other Disney related stuff. What really helped me get through it was doing community service. You listen to and potentially solve people's problems and you get to interact with other people who are just as passionate in helping out their community. For entrepreneurs like us, that's a double win!

    Depression though...oh man. That's one silent killer. In college, I was playing challenging piano pieces like Beethoven Sonatas and Chopin Etudes...and working with preschool kids reduced me to playing simple songs like "Mary Had a Little Lamb" or "Hokey Pokey" on the piano. It was definitely a sad first couple months on the job. But I started to realize that I needed to put my ego aside since my job was to inspire the next generation of kids through live interaction with music, not make me feel like a good pianist. I started to look for ways to challenge myself while playing, which ended up with me trying to jazz up all the pieces.

    I also teach kids piano and nothing makes me realize what a crappy job I do when I work with children who always come back week after week with the same mistakes and I fail to motivate them. I'm aware that sometimes, it's not even my fault since some of them are so darn overbooked to the point that they don't have time to practice. Typing this out, I guess I'm starting to see why it hurts even more for me - these kids put in the time and effort for their other school activities, but they won't do the same for music. There are so many times where I feel helpless and depressed that my mind is just automatically in that state without me realizing it. But for those moments when I am aware, I usually just workout, watch some funny stuff, or read something. The release of the endorphins from doing a workout from hell, laughing at someone else's misery, or having a book take you on some sort of journey helps you take your mind off all the terrible things that you deal with.

    Hopefully that helps! Feel free to reach out to a brother when you want someone to talk to!
     
  16. EasternCrane
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    EasternCrane Sit in the gap not the choice Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED Speedway Pass

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    You're alone not lonely.

    Understand this and the world is your oyster.
     
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  17. Dami-B
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    Dami-B Bronze Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane Speedway Pass

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    For depression - Just focus on gratitude for all that you have. There's always something good about your life you can point to and you're better than you think. Focus on gratitude and you won't suppress yourself.

    For loneliness - help others, focus on others and you would have so much on your hands to do. When your productive in helping others you become more comfortable with being alone (not lonely) and it's more time for reflection and quiet thought. I value my alone time.
     
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  18. ClaverCasley
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    ClaverCasley Contributor Read Millionaire Fastlane I've Read UNSCRIPTED

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    I believe that the mind triumphs over matter. As I think I shall become.

    Every time loneliness creeps in I always thought that I am far above than I ever been before. It's like climbing Everest faster than the others.

    The peak of Everest is your goal (Fastlane context).

    The late night hustle/spare time is the climbing of Everest itself.

    Actually we are the ones who made ourselves lonely and depressed at the first place.

    Why took the trodden path of entrepreneurship when being a wage slave is easier (no grinding, no hustles, no sacrifices etc.)?

    We made the choice and its consequences : loneliness/depression is crucial.



    Sent from my Z130 using Tapatalk
     
  19. WaterWerks
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    WaterWerks Contributor

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    im always alone, but never lonely.

    better alone than with bad company.
    use the time wisely, time waits for no man. learning something, reading, working out, meditation, can all be things done to help.

    for me, its always thinking of a way to become better. i can focus more when im alone
     
  20. WJK
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    WJK Gold Contributor Speedway Pass

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    Loneliness comes in a couple way for me.
    I have found that I work and work and work. Then one day, when I have a minute, I look around and everyone is gone. They've drifted away while I wasn't paying attention. Usually they're mad and they feel left out.
    Another way is when I out-distance the people around me. This is very common with upward mobile people. My old friends don't want anything to do with me when they realize that I'm several steps in front of them. No one wants to be left in the dust, or have a friend show them up. That's why people warn you that it is lonely at the top. Very few people make it that far, so there's a lot less people at the top of the heap.

    How do I deal with it? I try to fill my life with meaningful activities.

    Exercise helps. This afternoon, I'm meeting a friend and we're going for walk out in my woods. (Yes, the dog gets to go along to keep us safe from our neighborhood moose. The bears are still asleep.)

    I keep a "grateful journal" in which I count my blessings. I read it when I feel down. I have a lot for which to be grateful.

    I use a lot of "self talk". You can write and re-write your own history -- your story -- and put a different spin on it. If you dwell on your mistakes and misfortunes, you'll be depressed. If you consider your life to be a "hero's journey" then you will tell yourself that story and see yourself in that fashion.

    I'm not talking about a Pollyanna type of self talk. I'm talking about accepting the bad with the good. I talking about forgiving yourself for your failings, mistakes and stumbles. They are the stuff of learning and part of living.

    When I'm lonely, I let myself feel what I'm feeling for a moment or two. Then I move on. Little monsters become big monsters when you lock them in the closet of your mind. Bring those feelings out into the light of day. Examine them. Honor that they are trying to tell you something that you need to know. Frame that acquired information, and then re-fame it into something useful.

    I hope this helps. Get to feeling better. Remember, there's always someone who is worse off than you are...
     
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  21. Claude Roy
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    Claude Roy Bronze Contributor Speedway Pass

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    I can totally relate to that. In fact, over 1 month and a half ago, that's probably the moments that I felt the loneliest in my whole entire life and I always thought that there was something wrong with me for feeling that way, but we humans, are social animals and we need human interactions. I was stuck in my head thinking that I would be "wasting time" if I wasn't working on my fastlane journey outside of my work, but the truth is that the core of your fastlane is us so we have to take good care of us. Here are a couple tips that REALLY massively helped me to feel a ton better.

    1. Put the body over the mind instead of the mind over the body: Do some kind of physical exercise even if you might not feel like to at first, it releases chemicals that make you happy. If you really can't get yourself to go out to run, swim, bike, train in the gym, do martial arts or anything else that you like I would suggest you sign up to an even that would be a goal for you so it gives you more motivation and tell your family and friends so you can't back up.

    2. Serve others: Take 1 or 2 hours to volunteer somewhere where you would enjoy yourself, it could be anything from walking dogs to help pack food for donations or anything else that makes you forget about yourself and focus on others. You can find opportunities here: VolunteerMatch - Where Volunteering Begins

    3. Meet new people: Go to activities a couple times a week, that you either find on facebook groups that you love or on meetup.com

    4. Don't beat yourself up and forgive yourself: This might be the one that helped me the most. Sometimes, we try to be grateful, but even though we know we have so much to be grateful for, we just don't feel it and we can start beating ourselves up for feeling that way even though we have so much to be grateful for, but if you stop beating yourself up and just being really kind to yourself exactly how you would treat others, it will make you feel less pressure and you'll be able to start taking steps toward feeling better.

    I genuinely hope that this helps you along your journey, that's exactly what I would've needed a month ago. Thank you for sharing this, I think like you saw, you're not alone on that loneliness boat, we've all felt it at some point and still do sometimes. Feel free to reach out anytime you need help. Sending you lots of love from Florida my friend!

    Sincerely,

    Claude
     

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