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I just left my girlfriend of 3 years, for business. Am I a selfish prick?

Richard Espinosa

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Hey everybody, so, as the title says, I left my girlfriend this past weekend, the longest relationship I've ever had, so I can focus 100% on my business, and fully experience my 20's (I'm 20).

I met this girl when I was 17, I had recently gotten over another break up, was working out, dressed well, and felt on top of the world and confident. She was the hottest girl that was ever interested in me. I almost didn't want to jump into another relationship right away, but of course I felt pressured and made it official.

The relationship wasn't bad at all, I loved her (still do), but there were times where I just felt like I wanted my independence. I didn't want to waste time. I wanted to hustle 100% and be free to move across country tomorrow if I wanted to, without having to worry about her (being in college). Not only that, but my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.

Not to say that I didn't do shit in the relationship, I didn't let myself go, I still had my business goals, worked out, read books... I just felt like I could have done A LOT more if I was alone during those 3 years, she was an excuse for me to procrastinate, and just be comfortable and chill out with her. Whenever I visualized moving out of my parents house, I didn't really like the idea of living with her either, I just wanted to be alone and independent and hustling.

I've ALWAYS had a hard time breaking up with someone, even when things are going bad, I've had a problem with attaching too hard. I attempted to break up with her maybe after the 2nd year, but I felt hopeless and got back with her.

Then I read The Rational Male, I don't know why, but the author really spoke to me, and after just a few chapters in, I got the courage, and I broke up with her the next day for good. She did not take it well at all.

I should be feeling good, but I can't help but feel a little down. There's thoughts in my head that are like, "Maybe I COULD have focused 100% while being with her, maybe it was MY issue, maybe I'm the one who made all the excuses, blablabla".

I guess my plans are just to now work on myself and I really have no plans for a relationship for a very, very long time. I'm entering the non-exclusive dating scene now.

My mother obviously doesn't agree with the break up, and thinks I just broke my poor girlfriends heart for no reason.

What do you guys think? Am I a selfish prick for breaking up with her? Or is my future more important, and this may have been the best decision I could have made for myself?
 

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SM Switi

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you have already made your decision and now you want someone to tell you something that would encourage you and make you feel better about it, you want someone to tell you that you have made the exact right choice (I was in that position one day) but the fact is no one can for sure tell you that, none of us have lived your life or witnesses your experience, your choice's probability of being wrong for me is the same probability of being right it depends only on you and only you can figure it out, it can be that she's really getting in your way and blocking your potentials and I would call that a toxic relationship, but also it can be that you are using her as an excuse for your inefficiency and after you have gotten rid of this excuse a million more new ones will suddenly pop out into your life
 

Richard Espinosa

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you have already made your decision and now you want someone to tell you something that would encourage you and make you feel better about it, you want someone to tell you that you have made the exact right choice (I was in that position one day) but the fact is no one can for sure tell you that, none of us have lived your life or witnesses your experience, your choice's probability of being wrong for me is the same probability of being right it depends only on you and only you can figure it out, it can be that she's really getting in your way and blocking your potentials and I would call that a toxic relationship, but also it can be that you are using her as an excuse for your inefficiency and after you have gotten rid of this excuse a million more new ones will suddenly pop out into your life
Damn dude, you're so right. I think ultimately, my gut tells me I would have regrets years down the line. This is my choice and I'm just gonna roll with it.
 

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*Rubs Hands Together*
*Drum Roll*
No.

You are not a selfish prick for doing what is best for you.

You are responsible for your own happiness and relationships, and you recognized that.

If you wanted to have her in your life and still focus entirely on your business and purpose

You could have made it happen, you just needed to communicate that to her. And you still can if that's what YOU want to do, then go for it.

Do not feel bad for being a man, your courage shines like a beacon for other men to see and follow their own paths.

So in the words of Tyler Perry

"You do you Boo-Boo"

:thumbsup:
 

Longinus

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Not only that, but my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.
This may say something about your uncertainty.

A good partner will boost your confidence and make you forget about the other girls around.
 

eliquid

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When I was younger than you, I would have said yes you were selfish in public.

Deep down inside though, I would have secretly thought to myself you were doing what you should for you. I always thought I was selfish on the inside, so I masked that on the outside.

As I have grown older, I've learned to trust my "inside voice" more and more and lead me to the right choices in life.

Turns out it's not selfishness.

You did the best thing for her and yourself, even though it hurts both of you ( maybe you ).

She needs someone that can meet her needs and demands, and you are just not that person right now.

You need space and time to meet your needs and demands.

I don't like to discipline my kids and see them fail. It hurts me and them at that point in time for right then and there. However, it's what they need and is the best thing for both of us.

I wish I was 20 or 17 doing what I knew I should have done from my inside voice, instead of worrying about what people told me to do and how to act and behave.. afraid of my inside voice that I finally let out much older in life.

You're making the right choices.

How do I know? they're always the ones that are hard and you question yourself over about, again and again.

.
 

Richard Espinosa

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When I was younger than you, I would have said yes you were selfish in public.

Deep down inside though, I would have secretly thought to myself you were doing what you should for you. I always thought I was selfish on the inside, so I masked that on the outside.

As I have grown older, I've learned to trust my "inside voice" more and more and lead me to the right choices in life.

Turns out it's not selfishness.

You did the best thing for her and yourself, even though it hurts both of you ( maybe you ).

She needs someone that can meet her needs and demands, and you are just not that person right now.

You need space and time to meet your needs and demands.

I don't like to discipline my kids and see them fail. It hurts me and them at that point in time for right then and there. However, it's what they need and is the best thing for both of us.

I wish I was 20 or 17 doing what I knew I should have done from my inside voice, instead of worrying about what people told me to do and how to act and behave.. afraid of my inside voice that I finally let out much older in life.

You're making the right choices.

How do I know? they're always the ones that are hard and you question yourself over about, again and again.

.
This really spoke to me man, thank you. It is hard but I feel like this really is the start of big things for me. I've been struggling with this decision for a long time..

I even regretted getting into the relationship so it would have all been easier for me, but I've learned a lot and now I'm grateful to be making this choice.

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk
 

eliquid

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This really spoke to me man, thank you. It is hard but I feel like this really is the start of big things for me. I've been struggling with this decision for a long time..

I even regretted getting into the relationship so it would have all been easier for me, but I've learned a lot and now I'm grateful to be making this choice.

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk
I wasn't going to share this, but I actually broke off a relationship for the same exact thing.

I was working a full-time job, trying to start my own business on the side, had this girlfriend, debt for school loans and debt on a flashy convertible, etc...

Problem was she lived far away, like an hours drive from me. We saw each other like 2-3 a week maybe because of my job and the drive.

I was starting a business in web design/marketing/running my own web design business and it was stressing me out trying to get it off the ground plus work a job and see her...

One weekend I came up to see her and crashed on her bed and fell asleep. When I woke up she wanted to drive back into town ( where I just came from ) to watch some parade and I made up 20 reasons why not to. It was then I knew I shouldn't be in this relationship because I was holding her back and not doing what I wanted.

It was really hard on me. Same on her. I didn't want to string her along and hurt her more.

.
 

Richard Espinosa

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This may say something about your uncertainty.

A good partner will boost your confidence and make you forget about the other girls around.
It's my belief now, that a 20 year old is too young to accept if someone is gonna be with them for the rest of their life.

Too young and inexperienced, you don't even know if you're with a quality women because you have nothing to COMPARE it to.

A 20 year old doesn't even know what his standards are himself. You're far too willing to overlook character flaws, because "this is my first long term relationship", and "I love her, I'm used to her", and end up regretting it down the line.

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk
 

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AgainstAllOdds

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When I was younger than you, I would have said yes you were selfish in public.

Deep down inside though, I would have secretly thought to myself you were doing what you should for you. I always thought I was selfish on the inside, so I masked that on the outside.

As I have grown older, I've learned to trust my "inside voice" more and more and lead me to the right choices in life.

Turns out it's not selfishness.

You did the best thing for her and yourself, even though it hurts both of you ( maybe you ).

She needs someone that can meet her needs and demands, and you are just not that person right now.

You need space and time to meet your needs and demands.

I don't like to discipline my kids and see them fail. It hurts me and them at that point in time for right then and there. However, it's what they need and is the best thing for both of us.

I wish I was 20 or 17 doing what I knew I should have done from my inside voice, instead of worrying about what people told me to do and how to act and behave.. afraid of my inside voice that I finally let out much older in life.

You're making the right choices.

How do I know? they're always the ones that are hard and you question yourself over about, again and again.

.
+Rep. Amazing post.
 

Xhulio Tusha

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Absolutely not, listen here... I'm about the same age as you so we can relate. I was in a relationship earlier this year and I had to cut her off because I was losing myself. I became so hung up in my relationship I forgot what life truly was and was miserable and hated it. Maybe you didn't hate the relationship but from my experience I've gotten on track with a lot and have became so much more successful and truly more happy. What you did wasn't selfish and you should 100% follow your goals and not let a girl take over your life with a relationship. Establish yourself first, then look for love. Trust me it was worth it and give it some time and you'll truly see everything you've missed out on. The best advice I can give you is just start doing something. Don't wait, just start. If you have a plan just start following it. It's gonna be hard at first because I promise the first few weeks all you'll be doing is thinking about her but I promise you if you start engaging in a venture or just start doing something you're gonna get way above her and forget her. GOOD LUCK FAM
 

ThirtyOne

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What do you guys think? Am I a selfish prick for breaking up with her? Or is my future more important, and this may have been the best decision I could have made for myself?
Zero chance of us to know the answer to this question. We barely know you. Others have shared some solid wisdom here, particularly @eliquid and @SM Switi .

However,
my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.
Though normal, this could become a problem in the future if it ends up being a mindset thing. Bear with me as I get a little philosophical.

We are complicated creatures, both instinctive/animal and self-aware/man.

Years from now, you could be married to the love of your life. You could be at the beach and an attractive girl in barely anything walks by. Your animal side is going to recognize that she's hot. Nothing wrong with that.

However, is she and the potentially huge market of attractive girls out there (millions of em) worth the cost of throwing away what you have built with your spouse? Hell no. < That's man's ability to see above instinct and make wise choices.
 
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Iammelissamoore

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I often boil it down to one main thing - What are your priorities? Relationships require huge investments - time, money etc. Sometimes people see relationships as being attracted to someone and spending the rest of our lives with this one person and while this seems so beautiful, it is not the only aspect of a relationship.

While 20 is young, it's not too young to be in a relationship/married, neither is it too young to decide to set your priorities straight by building your successful businesses, which is why I began my post by stating what your priorities are? A lot of people on the forum will tell you, "you can lose lots of money chasing women, but you'll NEVER lose women chasing money." That being said, because you broke up with your girlfriend due to seeking out your priorities, it doesn't mean that maybe ya'll may not have a future together at a later time.

While it is 100% possible, as many people prove daily, genuine relationships/marriages ride out the test of time whether there are money problems or any other problems, it places strains on the relationship/marriage, but where both are willing to team up and make a lot of changes to push ahead, it becomes 100% attainable. You are young and you have a great opportunity to create your pathway in business, so go all the way in for it, and no, you are not selfish for doing so.

In my colloquial tongue, we simply say - 'yuh cya make love on ah hungry belly.' To top that off, I'll leave you with a popular calypso from my country.


"Ivy pack up she clothes to leave
Because John was down and out
All alone he was left to grieve
She had a next man in South
She said openly
I really love you Johnny
But you ain't have no money
So what will my future be
Even though you love me?

We can't love without money
We can't make love on hungry belly
Johhny you'll be the only one I'm dreaming of
You're my turtle dove
But no money no love

If you hear how he plead with she to get she to understand
Listen, mister, she tell Johnny
Leggo me blasted hand
And make up your mind
We got to break up this lime
She said poverty is a crime
You got no money Still you tanglin' me all the blinkin' time

Gentleman let me tell you plain
She say I don't want to make a scene
But if you only touch me again
The police will intervene
You ain't got a cent I couldn't even pay me rent I had to give up me apartment
You give me nothing to eat
Now you want me to sleep on the pavement?"
 

Spicymemer45

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Melissa's comment reminded me of this.



Conor and Dee.

Even if this doesn't explicitly apply to you or this thread, Conor McGregor and Dee Devlin are to me, a stark figure of loyalty and love

Conor was just a teen when they met and she stayed to live with him when they were dirt F*cking poor and living off of a few hundred bucks.

Conor speaks very often of the love he shares for Dee and how she is his biggest supporter and he still puts boxing first.

Conor's just a F*cking man in general, smooth talker and all, a very masculine figure.

I personally would feel at the most deep and profound levels of my heart, immense joy and almost nostalgia if during the peak of one the hardest hurdles in my life (And deciding to move forward) a woman like Dee stood by my side and kissed and spoke to me like that.

Another example

Cinderella Man is a movie that is set in place during the Great Depression after WWI and Russel Crowe plays the famed boxer James J Braddock and the movie has a predictable buildup and it all comes down to Braddock fighting the champ.

The wife of James J Braddock (Mae) spoke to him,in this clip James is about to go out and fight the champ (A Champ who had accidentally killed men in the ring)

Enough of my rambling, just enjoy this beautiful clip.


I don't know about you, but if my girlfriend/wife spoke words like this to me, I'd know that I am a man who's on his own path and truly owning his desires and mission, and I would cherish her for such love and blessing.

So maybe this breakup is the sign of you nearing the mountaintop @Richard Espinosa

Hopefully one day you'll find a cheerleader like that!

Cheers- G​
 
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Richard Espinosa

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It's gonna be hard at first because I promise the first few weeks all you'll be doing is thinking about her but I promise you if you start engaging in a venture or just start doing something you're gonna get way above her and forget her. GOOD LUCK FAM
You're right on this dude... I was so confident when I broke up with her, but 2 days later, I'm now starting to feel the sense of loss, god it sucks...
Hopefully it passes soon.
 

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Hey everybody, so, as the title says, I left my girlfriend this past weekend, the longest relationship I've ever had, so I can focus 100% on my business, and fully experience my 20's (I'm 20).


wtf !!





i don't really understand your behaviour

do you really think that Steve Jobs stopped partying and getting laid while building his business in his garage ?

come on


what you are saying is the same thing than this :" i stopped sleeping , eating and going to the toilet so i can focus on my business "
 

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I met this girl when I was 17
There's your answer. I don't mean to be a dick, but like... it really doesn't matter lmao

If you didn't see yourself marrying her AND you think you should look for women who are more compatible with your lifestyle, then you did nothing wrong. Sure, you hurt her feelings and she'll probably remember you as a dick for life, but that's the way it goes with relationships.

You're 20. Go live your life.

Granted, I did the opposite of what you did and don't regret it, but everyone's life is different.
 

Longinus

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You're right on this dude... I was so confident when I broke up with her, but 2 days later, I'm now starting to feel the sense of loss, god it sucks...
Hopefully it passes soon.
I didn't read you were only 17 when you started. While for some people this works out, that's very young indeed to settle with a lifetime partner. I saw many couples like that break up later while having kids and stuff.

What you feel now it totally normal. You will get over this in a couple of days/weeks. Just avoid contact to avoid complications and don't feel pity. You will later realize it was the best choice you made. Hold on to it.
 

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I sacrificed half my 20's at my 9-5 and pursuing the fastlane.
I can't say I "experienced" my 20's as most would have.

Good luck with your endeavors.
 

Satvik Gupta

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I am just 17, and I just finished reading your whole thread including the replies.

My 2 cents? Take a deep breath and try to understand that right now, you are seeking validation from an online community of "entrepreneurs" who most likely are going to SUPPORT your decision as most of us are 'business focused'. However, try asking this question on a girly forum and see how they will wish that you rot in hell for breaking her heart. But my point isn't that, my point is everyone is different and they will give you different advises/opinions.

So what should you do? Answer this 1 question.
1. Am I happy with the decision?

Because when you are happy, your whole F*cking business can roll! And in the end, your happiness matters. It doesn't matter what's right or wrong, but YOUR happiness does surely.

Good luck with your future endeavors, I can sense that you'll reach great heights.
 

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As with most things in life, if it's not a "F*ck yeah" then it's a no. If she was the one you saw yourself with forever, you would've found a way to make it work. You didn't, so you ended it.

You did the right thing.

Stop looking at this as "I broke her heart" & more like "I am freeing her up to find what she truly wants -someone who wants to be with her as much as she, them." Sometimes we have to make hard decisions because of the position we put ourselves in. You've done the best thing for her AND yourself. Don't F*ck it up now. Feel the hurt (a relationship has ended, after all), examine why you did what you did (languished in a relationship that wasn't right for you both for so long), move on & make better choices in the future. You got this.


- someone who has done this same exact thing. Repeatedly. Finally figured her shit out & stopped doing it. At 30. *sigh....
 

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As with most things in life, if it's not a "F*ck yeah" then it's a no.
This^^^^

To be fair, I didn't fully understand the concept until I met my wife. Like @Red I was knocking on 30 by the time I did.

If you don't want her more than _____ you don't really want her, and that's ok.

Best thing for everyone involved is to just mercy kill the relationship and move on. I almost straight up married a girl basically because I didn't want to break her heart. Time and age have allowed me to see how totally F*cked that is.
 

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You chose one of two selfish options. Yes. You are selfish.
(as are all humans)

Are you a prick? That has yet to be determined.
So far it doesn't seem like it.
 

Richard Espinosa

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@Red @G-Man @SinisterLex @Longinus @Satvik Gupta @luniac @The-J @GMSI7D

I really, really appreciate all your responses. I do feel like I've made the right choice. Yesterday I was kind of freaking out towards the end of the day, after work, felt alone. Today I feel calmer.

I'm confident it only gets better from here.
 

Van Halen

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I sacrificed half my 20's at my 9-5 and pursuing the fastlane.
I can't say I "experienced" my 20's as most would have.

Good luck with your endeavors.
Do you regret it?

Whats your take on the right attitude to have in that age bracket? (20-25)
 

Iammelissamoore

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Melissa's comment reminded me of this.



Conor and Dee.

Even if this doesn't explicitly apply to you or this thread, Conor McGregor and Dee Devlin are to me, a stark figure of loyalty and love

Conor was just a teen when they met and she stayed to live with him when they were dirt F*cking poor and living off of a few hundred bucks.

Conor speaks very often of the love he shares for Dee and how she is his biggest supporter and he still puts boxing first.

Conor's just a F*cking man in general, smooth talker and all, a very masculine figure.

I personally would feel at the most deep and profound levels of my heart, immense joy and almost nostalgia if during the peak of one the hardest hurdles in my life (And deciding to move forward) a woman like Dee stood by my side and kissed and spoke to me like that.

Another example

Cinderella Man is a movie that is set in place during the Great Depression after WWI and Russel Crowe plays the famed boxer James J Braddock and the movie has a predictable buildup and it all comes down to Braddock fighting the champ.

The wife of James J Braddock (Mae) spoke to him,in this clip James is about to go out and fight the champ (A Champ who had accidentally killed men in the ring)

Enough of my rambling, just enjoy this beautiful clip.


I don't know about you, but if my girlfriend/wife spoke words like this to me, I'd know that I am a man who's on his own path and truly owning his desires and mission, and I would cherish her for such love and blessing.

So maybe this breakup is the sign of you nearing the mountaintop @Richard Espinosa

Hopefully one day you'll find a cheerleader like that!

Cheers- G​
Love your post, and indeed you are correct. IMO - the saying is true - "teamwork makes the dream work." As indeed, being in a relationship isn't a bad thing ONCE you are Both willing to and overstand there will be many sacrifices, including the intimacy of that relationship, but, once moving as a team and forging ahead with building that successful biz, then the relationship will indeed become stronger. There are so many Fastlaners who are married, surely, their marraiges experienced the full sacrifices of building their businesses, but their marraiges stood the test of time because they, along with their spouses were on the same page, no matter how difficult things became.

The moment a couple isn't willing to make the sacrifice together, or the moment they are at two completely and unrelated pages in the journey, there will be a huge strain that can lead to separation etc. That being said, we gotta recognise what our priorities are, both individually and where relationships/marriages are concerned, the priorities gotta be clear where the team of two are concerned. love your post @Spicymemer45
 

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You did both of you a favor. But it does not seem to me your focus is business - with all the other stuff in your message. IF this is about business, then focus on the business - if I were 20 again I'd spend the next 4-5 years buried in business (just as MJ recommends) THEN worry about relationships.
All business, no fun in your early twenties will save you a boat-load of money, heart-ache and possible STDs - and boy will you be more attractive when you are independently wealthy before you are 30.
 

Richard Espinosa

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You did both of you a favor. But it does not seem to me your focus is business - with all the other stuff in your message. IF this is about business, then focus on the business - if I were 20 again I'd spend the next 4-5 years buried in business (just as MJ recommends) THEN worry about relationships.
All business, no fun in your early twenties will save you a boat-load of money, heart-ache and possible STDs - and boy will you be more attractive when you are independently wealthy before you are 30.
The fact of the matter is, being in a long term relationship appealed to my laziness.

Now if I don't want to feel like a loser with my wang in my hand watching PH, I'm gonna have to actually put in some effort.

This means making myself a man of value. This means constant work on myself and business. I already feel more motivated, I feel like I can concentrate better and really focus.
The sex drive is a very strong force my friend, if you're young, tapping into it is one of the best things you can do.

This does NOT mean I'm gonna spend all my time chasing women of course..
 

GenYJourney

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Just came across this quote from Napoleon Hill's "Outwitting the Devil" and thought it has some application here.

"No human being owes another any degree of duty which robs him of his privilege of building thought-habits in a positive environment. On the other hand, every human being is duty bound to himself to remove from his environment every influence which even remotely tends to develop negative thought-habits."

Interpret that as you like, good luck!
 

G-Man

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LOL guys... how much longer are we gonna have to keep dealing with Tanisha, new account, after new account. It's hilarious.
@MJ DeMarco @Mods
It's not even true, either. I'm old and fat and people love my fat old a$$.
 

G-Man

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@Andy Black I don't know the exchange rate between rep dollars and Euros, but I'll gladly pay you in rep dollars for a shiny ban hammer.
 

StevieB

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Getting out of a long term relationship always feels lonely especially in the coming days and even months. It will pass. Focus on your goals.

Also remember achieving goals and working on yourself will always in the long run attract a better mate. That's one thing that takes men (at least myself) a long time to realize. A lot of men complain about how women don't want to talk to them, or the high value ones just ignore them.

Not chasing after them but bettering yourself, achieving your goals, and candidates that are a better fit for you when the time comes and when you are ready to put yourself out there and meet them they will naturally be more attracted to you. As opposed to complaining and trying again and again when you haven't first made yourself a better candidate.

Don't chase the cat, put out the tuna.

For now you decided the time wasn't right. Focus on your goals. Mold a better you. In the future when your ready and the time is right put yourself out there again and you'll eventually find a better fit for you. Relationships are stepping stones and experiences. One day you will just know you're with the right person.
 

Richard Espinosa

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Getting out of a long term relationship always feels lonely especially in the coming days and even months. It will pass. Focus on your goals.

Also remember achieving goals and working on yourself will always in the long run attract a better mate. That's one thing that takes men (at least myself) a long time to realize. A lot of men complain about how women don't want to talk to them, or the high value ones just ignore them.

Not chasing after them but bettering yourself, achieving your goals, and candidates that are a better fit for you when the time comes and when you are ready to put yourself out there and meet them they will naturally be more attracted to you. As opposed to complaining and trying again and again when you haven't first made yourself a better candidate.

Don't chase the cat, put out the tuna.

For now you decided the time wasn't right. Focus on your goals. Mold a better you. In the future when your ready and the time is right put yourself out there again and you'll eventually find a better fit for you. Relationships are stepping stones and experiences. One day you will just know you're with the right person.
Incredibly valuable post... I really appreciate the time you took to write this.
 

luniac

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Do you regret it?

Whats your take on the right attitude to have in that age bracket? (20-25)
I don't regret it but I'm also still not financially free.
I don't know how i'll feel if I'm 30 and still poor.

All I know for sure is I don't want a "normal" 9-5 life.
At least I won't regret not trying on my deathbed.
 

MTF

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I'm sorry, but I need to give some tough love here.

Hey everybody, so, as the title says, I left my girlfriend this past weekend, the longest relationship I've ever had, so I can focus 100% on my business, and fully experience my 20's (I'm 20)
This is contradictory. Do you want to focus 100% on your business or your 20's?

I call it BS. Nobody ever focuses 100% on their businesses or anything else for that matter, with the exception of geniuses like Elon Musk.

When I was focused on getting my business off the ground, I still had time for my girlfriend, still hanged out with friends, practiced sports, and enjoyed my life. And I still managed to build a high six-figure business.

Don't fall victim to the myth of an overworked entrepreneur. If you don't have time for anything else but your business, it means that you don't know how to organize your time and be productive.

The relationship wasn't bad at all, I loved her (still do), but there were times where I just felt like I wanted my independence. I didn't want to waste time. I wanted to hustle 100% and be free to move across country tomorrow if I wanted to, without having to worry about her (being in college).

...

Not to say that I didn't do shit in the relationship, I didn't let myself go, I still had my business goals, worked out, read books... I just felt like I could have done A LOT more if I was alone during those 3 years, she was an excuse for me to procrastinate, and just be comfortable and chill out with her.
You're making excuses. Your girlfriend didn't limit your independence or made you waste time. You need to realize this now while you're still so young. If not, you'll always blame your partner for your own shortcomings.

Maybe she wasn't the right person for you, but don't blame her for your procrastination. If you were on a diet and somebody put a slice of pizza in your hand, would it be their fault that you cheated? Ultimately, it's your decision to eat it or throw it away. Granted, it's better not to have such people around (particularly if they're doing it because they want you to fail), but you are being a dick if you blame them for your own lack of self-discipline.

The person you are with, unless they're literally keeping you chained somewhere in a basement, aren't limiting your independence - particularly if like in your case, it's a person you love who seems to support you. Obviously, this would be different if they were unsupportive and didn't want the best for you but I assume that wasn't the case. @Spicymemer45 gave a good example in this thread. Hundreds of thousands of women would do all kinds of nasty things with Conor, but he understands that nothing will ever match the loyalty and support coming from Dee.

As for moving across the country, it looks like a purely hypothetical situation just to make an excuse. If you wanted to move, there would be time to worry about the impact of this decision on your relationship and possible solutions.

Whenever I visualized moving out of my parents house, I didn't really like the idea of living with her either, I just wanted to be alone and independent and hustling.
You're 20. There's no wonder that you're afraid of commitment. Moving in together is a big commitment, no matter how much you love the other person. It's not about her, it's about you not being ready for it - and there's nothing wrong in it. Anyway, you didn't have to live with her, you could have gotten your own place and invited her from time to time.

Not only that, but my call to the Sexual Marketplace has been increasing over time, I couldn't help feeling like I was losing out whenever I saw an attractive girl in public, and not being able to do anything. Not just losing out on sex potential either, but losing out on building confidence, the art of talking to people, and just growing in general.
This one is the biggest excuse in the entire thread.

You're a male. You will always feel like you're losing out when seeing an attractive girl, no matter how attractive your girlfriend is. Don't fool yourself this feeling will ever disappear (okay, actually it will, probably somewhere around your 70s or 80s). A grown-up male will acknowledge the beauty of the stranger and exert his self-control to realize that the brief, ultimately meaningless satisfaction of his primal urges isn't worth losing his long-term partner.

If you want to be 100% focused on your business, don't fool yourself that you'll be able to do so if you're constantly chasing meaningless sex with strangers. This is much more time-consuming and energy-sapping than being in a relationship.

Decide what you want in life: to build a successful business that will make you free or to let your primal urges enslave you. I don't know about you, but to me the feeling of freedom upon reaching financial independence is worth soooooo much more than having sex with hundreds of women. Personally, if I had to choose, I'd rather be wealthy and asexual than be a broke womanizer whose life is controlled by a stupid boss.

As for the second part about building confidence, etc. - nothing prevents you from doing so in a relationship. Yes, you won't be able to improve your pick-up skills if you want to stay faithful, but it's only one way of building confidence. You can get into sales, learn public speaking, volunteer, join social clubs, and do all kinds of other things to improve your social skills and grow. Then there's also immense personal growth you get from being in a relationship which IMO is much more valuable than the ability to chat up a drunk girl in a nightclub and make her go home with you.

I should be feeling good, but I can't help but feel a little down. There's thoughts in my head that are like, "Maybe I COULD have focused 100% while being with her, maybe it was MY issue, maybe I'm the one who made all the excuses, blablabla".
I think that the thoughts in your head are right. But it's no use crying over spilled milk. Even if it wasn't an entirely good decision (in the end, only you can judge it), you can learn from it and make better choices in the future.
 

Longinus

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I'm sorry, but I need to give some tough love here.



This is contradictory. Do you want to focus 100% on your business or your 20's?

I call it BS. Nobody ever focuses 100% on their businesses or anything else for that matter, with the exception of geniuses like Elon Musk.

When I was focused on getting my business off the ground, I still had time for my girlfriend, still hanged out with friends, practiced sports, and enjoyed my life. And I still managed to build a high six-figure business.

Don't fall victim to the myth of an overworked entrepreneur. If you don't have time for anything else but your business, it means that you don't know how to organize your time and be productive.



You're making excuses. Your girlfriend didn't limit your independence or made you waste time. You need to realize this now while you're still so young. If not, you'll always blame your partner for your own shortcomings.

Maybe she wasn't the right person for you, but don't blame her for your procrastination. If you were on a diet and somebody put a slice of pizza in your hand, would it be their fault that you cheated? Ultimately, it's your decision to eat it or throw it away. Granted, it's better not to have such people around (particularly if they're doing it because they want you to fail), but you are being a dick if you blame them for your own lack of self-discipline.

The person you are with, unless they're literally keeping you chained somewhere in a basement, aren't limiting your independence - particularly if like in your case, it's a person you love who seems to support you. Obviously, this would be different if they were unsupportive and didn't want the best for you but I assume that wasn't the case. @Spicymemer45 gave a good example in this thread. Hundreds of thousands of women would do all kinds of nasty things with Conor, but he understands that nothing will ever match the loyalty and support coming from Dee.

As for moving across the country, it looks like a purely hypothetical situation just to make an excuse. If you wanted to move, there would be time to worry about the impact of this decision on your relationship and possible solutions.



You're 20. There's no wonder that you're afraid of commitment. Moving in together is a big commitment, no matter how much you love the other person. It's not about her, it's about you not being ready for it - and there's nothing wrong in it. Anyway, you didn't have to live with her, you could have gotten your own place and invited her from time to time.



This one is the biggest excuse in the entire thread.

You're a male. You will always feel like you're losing out when seeing an attractive girl, no matter how attractive your girlfriend is. Don't fool yourself this feeling will ever disappear (okay, actually it will, probably somewhere around your 70s or 80s). A grown-up male will acknowledge the beauty of the stranger and exert his self-control to realize that the brief, ultimately meaningless satisfaction of his primal urges isn't worth losing his long-term partner.

If you want to be 100% focused on your business, don't fool yourself that you'll be able to do so if you're constantly chasing meaningless sex with strangers. This is much more time-consuming and energy-sapping than being in a relationship.

Decide what you want in life: to build a successful business that will make you free or to let your primal urges enslave you. I don't know about you, but to me the feeling of freedom upon reaching financial independence is worth soooooo much more than having sex with hundreds of women. Personally, if I had to choose, I'd rather be wealthy and asexual than be a broke womanizer whose life is controlled by a stupid boss.

As for the second part about building confidence, etc. - nothing prevents you from doing so in a relationship. Yes, you won't be able to improve your pick-up skills if you want to stay faithful, but it's only one way of building confidence. You can get into sales, learn public speaking, volunteer, join social clubs, and do all kinds of other things to improve your social skills and grow. Then there's also immense personal growth you get from being in a relationship which IMO is much more valuable than the ability to chat up a drunk girl in a nightclub and make her go home with you.



I think that the thoughts in your head are right. But it's no use crying over spilled milk. Even if it wasn't an entirely good decision (in the end, only you can judge it), you can learn from it and make better choices in the future.

While I do agree with everything you say, let's not forget he's only 20 years old and started his relation when he was 17. I guess it's totally normal you want a broader experience on that age.
 

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