Hello Guys! Can You give me a feedback on my First Article? Thanks

[DavidePaco00]

Hi guys ! I'm very excited to have published my first article on my blog.

The blog has my

Can You guys give me a feedback about the website and the article?

I still have some things to translate from italian to english, and I also need to build the mailing list, all things that I'm going to do today. à

Let me know what do You think!

Davide

The Consequence of Change

” Someday I’ll. ” This is what most people say when they’re not happy with their life. ” When I’ll graduate for college, then I am going to do this or that&#8221…

davidepachetti.com

 

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[Artiom O]

I like it. The article is good and authentic. Do you plan to present it in both Italian and English?

 

[DavidePaco00]

I like it. The article is good and authentic. Do you plan to present it in both Italian and English?

Hello!

First and foremost, thank You very much for the feedback and the support. I saw that You subscribed to my blog.

As for the languagge of the content goes, right now I'm planning to write in english only.

You see, english is much more fluid than italian, english is the language in wich I expose my ideas better too.

I post once a week for now.

Cheers

 

[Johnny boy]

Lazy site design. Looks bad. The logo background square is a different color than the rest of the site, like it was an accident. Spacing is off.

Bad headline. What about "the consequence of change" makes me want to read it? You should learn how to write things people will click on.

It's full of typos and sentences that make little sense.

It's all about you. I don't care about your situation. If you're going to say anything about yourself, it better be a damn good story.

Overall, I think you are a bad writer. Like 2.5/10.

Your redeeming quality is that you write in simple words, with short lines, and make statements.

If you wrote long verbose passages and said "It seems, I feel, etc." all the time, then you'd be at a 1/10.




Your article seemed to be missing an obvious point, but it seems like you could've made the point something like talking about the fear of death.

If I was going to write an article with the same "point(s)", here's how I would do it...

Headline: How to conquer the fear of death

That's readable as F*ck. I'd click on that. Everyone is a scared little pussy and wants to be less of a coward. Either way you know you're in for a ride when you see a headline like that. When you write, you need to work backwards. There needs to be a point and it needs to flow towards that point and offer something of value, whether it's helpful information, or a different way of looking at things. This article would be about looking at things differently. The reader should step away thinking "damn"... because they've changed their mind, their emotional state, or they learned something. You need to learn to make your words punch like Mike Tyson.

Example intro off the top of my head:

"How to conquer the fear of death"



Hey friend.

I've got bad news.

You're going to die. You've got no choice.

Does that scare you?

Actually, it probably doesn't.

That's because it's not real.

We only care about things right in front of us. The gun at our head. The fire under our a$$. The sword hanging right over us.

Your whole life you've been like this.

And when something finally happens, and death comes knocking, you will be shitting your pants, sputtering, crying and begging for a second chance.

And you'll be terrified, but it'll be too late.

Just like for everyone else.

But, some people will not react that way. Some men will not be scared at all. It will be as if they've experienced it a hundred times before.

Would you like to know why?

When you realize the secret, you will be able to conquer all fears, not just of death. You will look at cowards and become confused. "How can they be afraid? It makes no sense".

Here is the great secret...

You see, some men will be fearless and act like they've met death a hundred times before....because they have.

When you think about death, you expose your mind to it. And when you expose yourself to something, you lose your fear of it.

Men who are fearless expose their mind to the things other people fear.

When you think of death, you expose yourself to reality. The illusion of safety is a lie. When you live in reality, you prepare for reality. That's why people have "reality checks" and they're snapped out of the lie. When you prepare for reality, you do not have regrets. When you are well aware of your imminent death, and you choose to confront that reality often, you will live your life accordingly.

The choice to be brave is not found in the moments when a gun is at your head, it is found in the moments when you could've prepared, when there was no gun pointed at you.

Conquering the fear of death is done by confronting death on a regular basis.

If you were going to die in 5 years, what would you do?

If you died today, what would you regret?

Who knows, you just might.

 

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[Matt Lee]

"How to conquer the fear of death"

Sign me up for your upcoming book, seminar, speaking event. I'm sold. LOL.

Man you just wrote an experience.

 

[NeoDialectic]

Lazy site design. Looks bad. The logo background square is a different color than the rest of the site, like it was an accident. Spacing is off.

Bad headline. What about "the consequence of change" makes me want to read it? You should learn how to write things people will click on.
...................................

If you were going to die in 5 years, what would you do?

If you died today, what would you regret?

Who knows, you just might.

BRUTAL

 

[DavidePaco00]

Lazy site design. Looks bad. The logo background square is a different color than the rest of the site, like it was an accident. Spacing is off.

Bad headline. What about "the consequence of change" makes me want to read it? You should learn how to write things people will click on.

It's full of typos and sentences that make little sense.

It's all about you. I don't care about your situation. If you're going to say anything about yourself, it better be a damn good story.

Overall, I think you are a bad writer. Like 2.5/10.

Your redeeming quality is that you write in simple words, with short lines, and make statements.

If you wrote long verbose passages and said "It seems, I feel, etc." all the time, then you'd be at a 1/10.




Your article seemed to be missing an obvious point, but it seems like you could've made the point something like talking about the fear of death.

If I was going to write an article with the same "point(s)", here's how I would do it...

Headline: How to conquer the fear of death

That's readable as F*ck. I'd click on that. Everyone is a scared little pussy and wants to be less of a coward. Either way you know you're in for a ride when you see a headline like that. When you write, you need to work backwards. There needs to be a point and it needs to flow towards that point and offer something of value, whether it's helpful information, or a different way of looking at things. This article would be about looking at things differently. The reader should step away thinking "damn"... because they've changed their mind, their emotional state, or they learned something. You need to learn to make your words punch like Mike Tyson.

Example intro off the top of my head:

"How to conquer the fear of death"

View attachment 44784

Hey friend.

I've got bad news.

You're going to die. You've got no choice.

Does that scare you?

Actually, it probably doesn't.

That's because it's not real.

We only care about things right in front of us. The gun at our head. The fire under our a$$. The sword hanging right over us.

Your whole life you've been like this.

And when something finally happens, and death comes knocking, you will be shitting your pants, sputtering, crying and begging for a second chance.

And you'll be terrified, but it'll be too late.

Just like for everyone else.

But, some people will not react that way. Some men will not be scared at all. It will be as if they've experienced it a hundred times before.

Would you like to know why?

When you realize the secret, you will be able to conquer all fears, not just of death. You will look at cowards and become confused. "How can they be afraid? It makes no sense".

Here is the great secret...

You see, some men will be fearless and act like they've met death a hundred times before....because they have.

When you think about death, you expose your mind to it. And when you expose yourself to something, you lose your fear of it.

Men who are fearless expose their mind to the things other people fear.

When you think of death, you expose yourself to reality. The illusion of safety is a lie. When you live in reality, you prepare for reality. That's why people have "reality checks" and they're snapped out of the lie. When you prepare for reality, you do not have regrets. When you are well aware of your imminent death, and you choose to confront that reality often, you will live your life accordingly.

The choice to be brave is not found in the moments when a gun is at your head, it is found in the moments when you could've prepared, when there was no gun pointed at you.

Conquering the fear of death is done by confronting death on a regular basis.

If you were going to die in 5 years, what would you do?

If you died today, what would you regret?

Who knows, you just might.

Man , thank You so much for the feedback!

I really appreciate it.

You gave me an authentic, constructive criticism,

You also gave me insight about things to work after.

As for the website design goes, I'm working on it. I'm going to purchase a professional theme for wordpress and desin it professionally and Yeah, it's true , in this article i talked almost excusively about my self.

Of course I know that the best thing to become a great writer is to actually write

Practice makes You perfect.

I was wondering tho where I could find recources like books , or courses , to learn anything I can about copywriting.

I want to be a writer so I'm willing lo learn and do anything needed to improve.

Thank You very much for Your support, You've just become the catalyst for my improvment.

Much love and respect from Livorno, Italy,

Davide

 

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[James007Hill]

Man , thank You so much for the feedback!

I really appreciate it.

You gave me an authentic, constructive criticism,

You also gave me insight about things to work after.

As for the website design goes, I'm working on it. I'm going to purchase a professional theme for wordpress and desin it professionally and Yeah, it's true , in this article i talked almost excusively about my self.

Of course I know that the best thing to become a great writer is to actually write

Practice makes You perfect.

I was wondering tho where I could find recources like books , or courses , to learn anything I can about copywriting.

I want to be a writer so I'm willing lo learn and do anything needed to improve.

Thank You very much for Your support, You've just become the catalyst for my improvment.

Much love and respect from Livorno, Italy,

Davide

Based on your response to the feedback, I predict you are going to be a success one day, whether it's writing or something else.

 

[DavidePaco00]

Based on your response to the feedback, I predict you are going to be a success one day, whether it's writing or something else.

I've just started but I'm doing baby steps everyday... looking to improve.

 

[DavidePaco00]

Based on your response to the feedback, I predict you are going to be a success one day, whether it's writing or something else.

Based on your response to the feedback, I predict you are going to be a success one day, whether it's writing or something else.

May I ask you what are You working towards to?

Thanks,

Davide

 

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[James007Hill]

May I ask you what are You working towards to?

Thanks,

Davide

Yes of course, though it's probably easier to direct you to my recently started execution thread for those details.

I was on my way to financial freedom in my mid to early twenties when unfortunately I went down the dark path of trading and then outright gambling on the financial markets. Cost me everything and a lot of time, but it is what it is and I like to focus now on what I gained from the experience (such as resilience) and what I can do NOW to make my life better day by day.

 

[DavidePaco00]

Yes of course, though it's probably easier to direct you to my recently started execution thread for those details.

I was on my way to financial freedom in my mid to early twenties when unfortunately I went down the dark path of trading and then outright gambling on the financial markets. Cost me everything and a lot of time, but it is what it is and I like to focus now on what I gained from the experience (such as resilience) and what I can do NOW to make my life better day by day.

How old are You now?

 

[James007Hill]

How old are You now?

42

 

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[Niptuck MD]

I want to be a writer so I'm willing lo learn and do anything needed to improve.

Learn proper copy. Read boron letters ans other books recommended by @Lex DeVille hell just hire him and or Read all his threads and keep trying and adjusting your prose

 

[Joejordan95]

Lazy site design. Looks bad. The logo background square is a different color than the rest of the site, like it was an accident. Spacing is off.

Bad headline. What about "the consequence of change" makes me want to read it? You should learn how to write things people will click on.

It's full of typos and sentences that make little sense.

It's all about you. I don't care about your situation. If you're going to say anything about yourself, it better be a damn good story.

Overall, I think you are a bad writer. Like 2.5/10.

Your redeeming quality is that you write in simple words, with short lines, and make statements.

If you wrote long verbose passages and said "It seems, I feel, etc." all the time, then you'd be at a 1/10.




Your article seemed to be missing an obvious point, but it seems like you could've made the point something like talking about the fear of death.

If I was going to write an article with the same "point(s)", here's how I would do it...

Headline: How to conquer the fear of death

That's readable as F*ck. I'd click on that. Everyone is a scared little pussy and wants to be less of a coward. Either way you know you're in for a ride when you see a headline like that. When you write, you need to work backwards. There needs to be a point and it needs to flow towards that point and offer something of value, whether it's helpful information, or a different way of looking at things. This article would be about looking at things differently. The reader should step away thinking "damn"... because they've changed their mind, their emotional state, or they learned something. You need to learn to make your words punch like Mike Tyson.

Example intro off the top of my head:

"How to conquer the fear of death"

View attachment 44784

Hey friend.

I've got bad news.

You're going to die. You've got no choice.

Does that scare you?

Actually, it probably doesn't.

That's because it's not real.

We only care about things right in front of us. The gun at our head. The fire under our a$$. The sword hanging right over us.

Your whole life you've been like this.

And when something finally happens, and death comes knocking, you will be shitting your pants, sputtering, crying and begging for a second chance.

And you'll be terrified, but it'll be too late.

Just like for everyone else.

But, some people will not react that way. Some men will not be scared at all. It will be as if they've experienced it a hundred times before.

Would you like to know why?

When you realize the secret, you will be able to conquer all fears, not just of death. You will look at cowards and become confused. "How can they be afraid? It makes no sense".

Here is the great secret...

You see, some men will be fearless and act like they've met death a hundred times before....because they have.

When you think about death, you expose your mind to it. And when you expose yourself to something, you lose your fear of it.

Men who are fearless expose their mind to the things other people fear.

When you think of death, you expose yourself to reality. The illusion of safety is a lie. When you live in reality, you prepare for reality. That's why people have "reality checks" and they're snapped out of the lie. When you prepare for reality, you do not have regrets. When you are well aware of your imminent death, and you choose to confront that reality often, you will live your life accordingly.

The choice to be brave is not found in the moments when a gun is at your head, it is found in the moments when you could've prepared, when there was no gun pointed at you.

Conquering the fear of death is done by confronting death on a regular basis.

If you were going to die in 5 years, what would you do?

If you died today, what would you regret?

Who knows, you just might.

Making this thread feel like fight club now @Johnny boy . Sorry, I mean Tyler Durden

 

[fastlane_dad]

Hi guys ! I'm very excited to have published my first article on my blog.

The blog has my

Can You guys give me a feedback about the website and the article?

I still have some things to translate from italian to english, and I also need to build the mailing list, all things that I'm going to do today. à

Let me know what do You think!

Davide

The Consequence of Change

” Someday I’ll. ” This is what most people say when they’re not happy with their life. ” When I’ll graduate for college, then I am going to do this or that&#8221…

davidepachetti.com

Good for you for starting. Many times that's the hardest battle. The second hardest thing is to keep going.

Few notes !!

1 - What is the point of this blog / post etc? Where are you headed with all this? Unless your vision is SOMEWHAT clear, it will be much easier to stop or retreat when you just 'don't feel like it'.

Think about questions such as ...

Are you trying to build an audience - and who IS this audience ?
What category are you writing for? Self Help?
How will you monetize it (if that's the goal)
Where and how will you promote this
Where do you hope this gets to in 1 year? in 5 years?
Are you interested in acquiring or building the skills that you face on this journey (writing, building an audience, promoting, doing research / backing up posts, etc) ?

2 - It reads a bit more like your personal journal, then you addressing the audience with knowledge, wisdom or philosophy. It's OK to have a personal journal, but the tone and narrative is different for that then for work you should put into the wild for consumption. If you do include personal info / stories make sure to tie it to a LESSON of sorts, or how you grew from that experience (and how you can help others cope with the same).

3 - It is a bit scattered. You have too many ideas popping out left and right in that post. Try to stick to one topic or be more narrowly focused (unless you dedicate yourself to publishing a LONGER work).

4 - Most important - don't forget to keep refining, and putting out content.

5 - Don't worry about how the site / posts look just yet. You can always tweak that later with a mouseclick or two.

Good Luck !!

 

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[DavidePaco00]

Good for you for starting. Many times that's the hardest battle. The second hardest thing is to keep going.

Few notes !!

1 - What is the point of this blog / post etc? Where are you headed with all this? Unless your vision is SOMEWHAT clear, it will be much easier to stop or retreat when you just 'don't feel like it'.

Think about questions such as ...

Are you trying to build an audience - and who IS this audience ?
What category are you writing for? Self Help?
How will you monetize it (if that's the goal)
Where and how will you promote this
Where do you hope this gets to in 1 year? in 5 years?
Are you interested in acquiring or building the skills that you face on this journey (writing, building an audience, promoting, doing research / backing up posts, etc) ?

2 - It reads a bit more like your personal journal, then you addressing the audience with knowledge, wisdom or philosophy. It's OK to have a personal journal, but the tone and narrative is different for that then for work you should put into the wild for consumption. If you do include personal info / stories make sure to tie it to a LESSON of sorts, or how you grew from that experience (and how you can help others cope with the same).

3 - It is a bit scattered. You have too many ideas popping out left and right in that post. Try to stick to one topic or be more narrowly focused (unless you dedicate yourself to publishing a LONGER work).

4 - Most important - don't forget to keep refining, and putting out content.

5 - Don't worry about how the site / posts look just yet. You can always tweak that later with a mouseclick or two.

Good Luck !!

Hello!

Thank You very much for Your feedback!

As far as my goals are, my blog is my personal brand. I talk about self improvment , fitness and phylosophy.

I manage to express my self better with world rather than video or podcast.

I took Jonnhy Boy and Your tips very seriously, so I'm writing articles that are heading toward a clearer direction.

I've just hired a friend of mine to take care of the design of the website, and another one to build the funnel and the email list.

My goal is reaching 1000 followers in one year.

I publish two articles a week , using the writer's momentum.

As far as business does, I offer coaching services and , once I've built an audiece, I'll figure out with survey or by directly asking them what product can I offer them.

At that point I'll create an high end Video Course with a facebook gropu included.

I want to create a forum too where my followers can share their insight.

This is one of my two business at the moment , the other one is the ecommerce.

Cheers

Davide