Going towards the Fastlane but sometimes feel ashamed. Why?

[spidey983]

2 years ago I started a company that provides writing services to various business entities and individual.

My annual income for the previous year was around $ 80 000. Spend on average 20 hours per week on my business.

My friends who are my age (29 yo) are all employed and works 35-40 hours a week, making around $60 000 a year.

My business is expanding. In comparison to my peers, I make more money and have a lot of freedom. I am proud of myself and I should be.

But problem is, I hide from friends and relatives because of my fear of being judged. I could not walk out of my house with my head held high. I panic everytime someone asked me what I do for a living. Needless to say that most people I know are huge fans of the Slowlane. To them, I should have been a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer.

5 years ago I almost did not manage to complete my business degree because of my entrepreneurial pursuits. After graduation, I was employed as a financial analyst but I quit after 3 months.

To others, I am an idiot. What do I say to these people? It is very difficult to explain to others who refuse to understand.

Sometimes I feel like taking out a car loan and buy a Porsche. If someone ask me what I do for a living, I can say 'shut the F*ck up and look at my car'.

But buying an expensive car that way and for that reason would be silly. Or perhaps not?

 

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[damien275x]

1. You have a safe, secure source of income
2. You are free.
3. Screw what anyone else says
4. If you really care- Lie. Say you do Finance. People will go to sleep and you will be off the hook.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

My business is expanding. In comparison to my peers, I make more money and have a lot of freedom. I am proud of myself and I should be.

Congrats.

I hide from friends and relatives because of my fear of being judged.

This seems strange. Why would they judge you for pursuing dreams? Are you Asian? I remember in Tony Hsieh's book (Delivering Happiness) he said in Asian culture entrepreneurship is considered "abnormal" while Slowlane pursuits are considered noble.

My advice to you is this: Screw what other people think of you. You, and only you, are responsible for your happiness. Sounds like you are doing a great job; paying the bills, freedom, expanding business etc.

If you really care- Lie. Say you do Finance.

Don't necessarily lie, but say you are "an author" or "a writer" or "An editor" -- then you won't be lying because it describes your business. Pick out a title in your business, then that could be your profession.

 

[spidey983]

Yes, that's what I do when I am in social situations. I lie.

But don't you think there is something wrong with that? I run an honest business that provide low cost and high quality service for various magazines, web developers etc..

Although my income is reasonably stable and growing and I have lots of freedom BUT I went through a lot putting it together.

I want a bit of respect and I do not want to be judged for taking the road less travelled.

Sometimes I say I am an entrepreneur/businessman and from people's reaction, I can tell what they are saying in their mind "you're unemployed".

Anyway, 'ashamed' is a strong word. I guess I am just uncomfortable with what people think of me.

 

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[Iqen]

I don't know anyone who looks down on business owners. Not saying they aren't out there, but I'm guessing your real demons are internal.

 

[spidey983]

This seems strange. Why would they judge you for pursuing dreams? Are you Asian? I remember in Tony Hsieh's book (Delivering Happiness) he said in Asian culture entrepreneurship is considered "abnormal" while Slowlane pursuits are considered noble.

Hi MJ. Your book is great and will serve as my guide for the rest of my life.

Yes I am Asian.

Thanks for the great advice. Yes, will pick out a title in my business. I think that would would give myself a bit of an 'identity'.

 

[spidey983]

I don't know anyone who looks down on business owners. Not saying they aren't out there, but I'm guessing your real demons are internal.

Yea, i probably need a psychiatrist more than anything else. I guess I really have to convice myself 100% that my path towards the fastlane is the right path.

 

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[IceCreamKid]

As an Asian myself, I had very similar experiences in which people would seem to rate my value based on title. It was tough for me going to social functions and be asked the standard, "So what do you do? What have you been up to?" questions.

I formerly would decline to say what I was up to, but quickly found that people would assume that I was either unemployed or a generally shady person for being unwilling to share. If I told someone that I was an entrepreneur then I was often met with instant criticism.

I now do what MJ suggests about picking a title in my business and calling it my profession. Keeps things simple!

 

[Sasha]

I was going to question why you felt the need for people to assign status/importance to you in such a way but it now makes sense.

If I were in your shoes I'd go with picking a job title that conveys status and relates to your business... Editor in Chief at <company name> comes to mind or, if titles relating to literary positions won't go over well, try CFO at <company name>.

 

[spidey983]

I was going to question why you felt the need for people to assign status/importance to you in such a way but it now makes sense.

It's not that I need status/importance assigned to myself. It's just that I didn't want people to think that I am unemployed/can't find a job/doing something shady etc. I chose not to be in employment.

I formerly would decline to say what I was up to, but quickly found that people would assume that I was either unemployed or a generally shady person for being unwilling to share. If I told someone that I was an entrepreneur then I was often met with instant criticism.

In a way, I am glad that I am not alone with this problem.

Even if I don't mind explaining what I do for a living, it is very difficult to explain and often tiring. Every business at the start up phase is confusing and full of uncertainty.

I guess I blew this out of propotion. Can't worry too much about what others think.

 

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[Sasha]

I suppose since you mentioned people viewing you as an idiot, thinking you were unemployed, and even joked about buying a Porsche I got the impression that it was deeper than simply letting others know that you have a means to support yourself.

Idk, I personally couldn't care less if someone thought I was unemployed but I'm a woman and from a more western society so there's a different set of values.

Have you decided on what you're going to do yet? What's your title going to be?

 

[spidey983]

Have you decided on what you're going to do yet? What's your title going to be?

After the discussion here, I decided not to worry too much about what others think and focus on developing my business. Generate more sales, recruit, and automate some of the business processes to give myself more freedom.

 

[winch]

2 years ago I started a company that provides writing services to various business entities and individual.

My annual income for the previous year was around $ 80 000. Spend on average 20 hours per week on my business.

My friends who are my age (29 yo) are all employed and works 35-40 hours a week, making around $60 000 a year.

My business is expanding. In comparison to my peers, I make more money and have a lot of freedom. I am proud of myself and I should be.

But problem is, I hide from friends and relatives because of my fear of being judged. I could not walk out of my house with my head held high. I panic everytime someone asked me what I do for a living. Needless to say that most people I know are huge fans of the Slowlane. To them, I should have been a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer.

I'm having trouble connecting the dots. Why are you ashamed? Is there something inherently embarrassing (to YOU, not in and of itself) about the writing being done?

Sometimes I feel like taking out a car loan and buy a Porsche. If someone ask me what I do for a living, I can say 'shut the F*ck up and look at my car'.

Wouldn't go that route. I'd think you'd just sound like you're dealing drugs or some other shady venture. Or you're just an a$$. Or both. They're not mutually exclusive, after all.

Good luck with sorting this out.

 

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[Vigilante]

My kids have difficulty describing what I do.

"My Dad's a police officer."

"Well, my Dad is works at McDonalds."

"What does your dad do?"

- pause -

"Um... he manufactures money."

"He WHAT?"

"Um... never mind."

 

[BrucetonGuy]

First off, congrats on your success and growing your business. Secondly, I would love to be in your shoes. You have built what seems to be a thriving business and you are successful at it. Finally, I wouldn't worry about what people think. When someone asks you what you do for a living, I can't help but to remember the scene from The SocialNetwork where Mark opens up the box of business cards and it reads....."I'm CEO B*$CH" That should be your response.

 

[AnthonyKrese]

Maybe it's the way you are saying it. Just say,

"I own a business." or "I own my own business."

They want more info...

"It's an article writing service. We supply articles for magazines,
websites, and so on."

If anyone has a problem with this, they've got a screw loose.
It's their problem, not yours. Seriously.

 

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[GuyJeb]

After the discussion here, I decided not to worry too much about what others think and focus on developing my business. Generate more sales, recruit, and automate some of the business processes to give myself more freedom.

I can understand this. Whenever I speak about something very awesome and fulfilling, they either try to crush it or stand in awe asking for more info. Over time, I just want to lie so I dont have to deal with it anymore.

But if you are feeling judged, just end every conversation with "I feel so fulfilld making more money that I ever did before while not having a job."

That will usually give them the B*tch slap you would hope to give with a New Porche. Unless a Proche is what you want, it's just an indentured time maker. That's not really a great way to "prove it"

 

[Vhwin]

I think you should be proud of yourself, your results speak alot louder than words. I had a friend that started up and ran an adult toy business, things could be more awkard at social and family gatherings heh

Victor

 

[mrhahn]

Maybe it's the way you are saying it. Just say,

"I own a business." or "I own my own business."

They want more info...

"It's an article writing service. We supply articles for magazines,
websites, and so on."

If anyone has a problem with this, they've got a screw loose.
It's their problem, not yours. Seriously.

This. I suspect it's how you conduct yourself. If you're going into a conversation with a pre-conceived notion that your path of work is looked down upon, it's going to show in the conversation with the person.

What's wrong with saying you're a founder, etc of a very successful business? Whoever has a problem with that definitely has something wrong with them. You can basically say anything you want. You've learned to market your business to your clients, it should be cake to market yourself.

 

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[spidey983]

Thanks for the response guys. Appreciate them.

First of all, 'ashamed' is a strong word and I regretted using it. I hope I can modify the title. I am proud of my own accomplishments when I am with like-minded people like us.

But we are the minority. The majority believes that having a normal job is good and the opposite is bad. These people often put me in situations where it is very difficult for me to feel proud.

I believe slowlaners serve their purpose in our society and I respect that. But it is very hard to make them see things from our perspectives. MJ need an entire book to explain the Fastlane concept.

I was just in the bank yesterday

Bank manager: How do you like running your own business?

Me: Just trying to make a living.

Bank manager: Must be tough. I heard all you guys work 24/7. When you're not working, you're worrying.

Me: Yea. (I didn't bother saying I only work 20 hours a week on average and probably making more money than the 40 yo bank manager when I am only 29)

Bank manager: And probably drive you nuts when you didn't know when your next pay check will come.

Me: Yea yea..

My kids have difficulty describing what I do.

I'll probably have the same problem when I have kids.

First off, congrats on your success and growing your business. Secondly, I would love to be in your shoes. You have built what seems to be a thriving business and you are successful at it. Finally, I wouldn't worry about what people think. When someone asks you what you do for a living, I can't help but to remember the scene from The SocialNetwork where Mark opens up the box of business cards and it reads....."I'm CEO B*$CH" That should be your response.

That is what I am going to say in the future. Perhaps without the B*$CH.

That movie reminds me of a scene that sums up our situation

Girl: What do you do..?

Sean Parker: I am an entrepreneur..

Girl: So you're unemployed..



The way i see it, there are only 2 solutions:
1. We stop caring what others think
OR 2. We make millions of dollars doing what we do

 

[GuyJeb]

Spidey,
I hope one day I can have that conversation with my bank manager :groove:

MJ talks about people like the bank manager, who assumes and believes your life is worse than their 'expected check' lifestyle. Honestly, this may be selfish of me, but I hope the general population never finds out how much better it is. But for friends and family, it seems that the more I teach and explain to them what I'm doing, the more they tend to oppose it. Luckily my wife is fully supportive of it. I guess shes looking forward to all that cash or something, lol.

In any rate, I enjoyed this discussion since it's more on entrepreneur mindset and relationships with slow-laners. I think your 2 solutions are excellent options, and nothing wrong with choosing both!

Regards

 

[Kung Fu Steve]

I have to come on the forum at least once a day to hear ANYBODY that has the same mindset. Most days I think the world is insane so I can completely agree with you spidey.

Try telling people you own a martial arts school... if they don't say "you wanna fight!?" they put up their fists and shake them... people just aren't that bright... haha!

So now when someone asks me an annoying question like "what do you do?" I answer with another annoying question "what do you THINK I do? what would you take me as?" it became fun to get the answers back.

Otherwise I just say I'm a professional dancer.

 

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[AsherS]

First of all, congratulations on starting, owning and growing a successful business! I'm afraid the judgment people are putting on what you do will probably continue as long as your successful.

Aristotle said: "There is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing."

That being said, it sounds to me that you are doing it right. If nobody is slinging a little mud your way, then you might consider changing some things. However, the fact that you are catching some criticism tells me your winning! Keep going!

-Asher-

 

[Harli87]

I definitely think that the fact you make a substantial amount of money speaks for itself. Giving yourself a title such as "I work in finance" or whatever is a good way to stop people probing any deeper, I agree!

May I ask, if you were starting up and didn't have that income, would that make any difference? Could you still use the same terminology to shrug people off?

 

[H. Palmer]

Hello Spidey.

Don't waste your time pursueing the respect of others. Getting respect is something that is out of your control. The more time you spend trying to earn respect, the more frustrated you will get.

Do good to other people but expect nothing in result.

Congratulations with starting and growing your own business. And focus on expanding it further.

 

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[CommonCents]

It's pretty simple.

They aren't your real friends. They are jealous acquaintences.

You will gravitate towards like minded people and develop new friends that appreciate your hard work and ambition.

as far as family, you only get one set of those, just smile and tellem you love them

 

[BrucetonGuy]

That is what I am going to say in the future. Perhaps without the B*$CH.

That movie reminds me of a scene that sums up our situation

Girl: What do you do..?

Sean Parker: I am an entrepreneur..

Girl: So you're unemployed..

I think the B*$CH just puts emphasis on the fact...

 

[JEdwards]

The problem I see is every guy who details cars, does mlm thinks they are a business owner (which I guess they are to a certain extent), so when you say you are a business owner most people think oh, like Amway.

Sad.

I also believe most people ask what you do for a living to size you up or try to sell you something.

I never ask. There are people who I have known for years and people ask hey jack what does Paul do for a living, I say I have no idea, cause I don't.

 

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[mrhahn]

These people often put me in situations where it is very difficult for me to feel proud.

Bank manager: Must be tough. I heard all you guys work 24/7. When you're not working, you're worrying.

Me: Yea. (I didn't bother saying I only work 20 hours a week on average and probably making more money than the 40 yo bank manager when I am only 29)

I don't understand, why wouldn't you be proud to say that you work less? Tired of mentioning it so many times already?

 

[cilaes]

I used to be in the same boat. Close friends, relatives, and women are all ready to jump the gun to tell you that you "should" get a real job or "should" go to school to get a degree. Even AFTER they realize that I bring in plenty of money working for myself.

I just quit talking about work, and avoid the conversation. It gives me this secret squirrel vibe, close friends think I'm just crazy, relatives think I deal drugs, and women don't really give a damn where it comes from anyways as long as it's there. It's fun, to me.