One of the things that struck me in Unscripted was MJ's suggestion about keeping your business personal and not looking like a corporate monolyth. He pointed to the Stur drink enhancers story and how their "about us" page told a story and made consumers feel like they could relate to these entrepreneurs.
As I get closer to officially launching my first website business I am trying to adhere to that mantra. Part of my business idea includes giving back to a specific community that has given me and my family a lot of value. I completely developed my "about us" page around that concept. I would appreciate any feedback on this:
"Hi. My name is Rob Dxxxxxxx. I am the founder and owner of xxxxxxx.com. I started this company out of the love for my daughter, passion for watching her play the game, and wanting to give back to a community that gave us so much.
My daughter has played volleyball for more than seven years through middle school, high school, and several years of high level select/club ball. She is also fortunate enough to be on her way to play at the college level. I couldn’t be more proud of her. I also couldn’t be more appreciative of the role the sport and those we have been involved with have played in her life.
Her mom passed away when she was four years old. Being a single father, I found few other ways to relate to raising a daughter alone and tried to get her involved in almost every sport or activity available to us. I tried T-ball/softball, soccer, ballet/tap dance, and gymnastics. It wasn’t until she found volleyball at the age of 10 that she found a sport that not only did she enjoy but excelled at. Being part of a team sport like volleyball taught her the value of hard work and staying determined in working towards her goals.
She has learned how to be a team player, get along well with others, give something her all even if she didn’t feel her best, how to face a challenge and accept constructive criticism. She learned how to handle success while being humble, the importance of working hard towards a goal, how to be resilient in the face of failure, how to teach and support others, and most importantly how to be coachable. These lessons have benefited her academic and social lives and help make her a strong well rounded young woman.
I know her growth and success as an athlete and all around good human being will continue at the collegiate level and I feel strongly that the opportunities afforded her through volleyball are a big part of who she has become.
We, at xxxxxxx.com feel every young athlete should be so fortunate. That is why we commit 20 percent of our global profits to multiple scholarship/financial awards at both the collegiate and club levels.
We thank you for your patronage and support. Without customers like you we wouldn’t be able to make such an amazing impact in the lives of others. You help make dreams become reality.
Warmest Regards,"
“Signature”
As I get closer to officially launching my first website business I am trying to adhere to that mantra. Part of my business idea includes giving back to a specific community that has given me and my family a lot of value. I completely developed my "about us" page around that concept. I would appreciate any feedback on this:
"Hi. My name is Rob Dxxxxxxx. I am the founder and owner of xxxxxxx.com. I started this company out of the love for my daughter, passion for watching her play the game, and wanting to give back to a community that gave us so much.
My daughter has played volleyball for more than seven years through middle school, high school, and several years of high level select/club ball. She is also fortunate enough to be on her way to play at the college level. I couldn’t be more proud of her. I also couldn’t be more appreciative of the role the sport and those we have been involved with have played in her life.
Her mom passed away when she was four years old. Being a single father, I found few other ways to relate to raising a daughter alone and tried to get her involved in almost every sport or activity available to us. I tried T-ball/softball, soccer, ballet/tap dance, and gymnastics. It wasn’t until she found volleyball at the age of 10 that she found a sport that not only did she enjoy but excelled at. Being part of a team sport like volleyball taught her the value of hard work and staying determined in working towards her goals.
She has learned how to be a team player, get along well with others, give something her all even if she didn’t feel her best, how to face a challenge and accept constructive criticism. She learned how to handle success while being humble, the importance of working hard towards a goal, how to be resilient in the face of failure, how to teach and support others, and most importantly how to be coachable. These lessons have benefited her academic and social lives and help make her a strong well rounded young woman.
I know her growth and success as an athlete and all around good human being will continue at the collegiate level and I feel strongly that the opportunities afforded her through volleyball are a big part of who she has become.
We, at xxxxxxx.com feel every young athlete should be so fortunate. That is why we commit 20 percent of our global profits to multiple scholarship/financial awards at both the collegiate and club levels.
We thank you for your patronage and support. Without customers like you we wouldn’t be able to make such an amazing impact in the lives of others. You help make dreams become reality.
Warmest Regards,"
“Signature”
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