Getting no support or respect from close friends

[GaiaGoddess]

A year and a half ago I quit my job (I had an inheritance to fall back on) to focus on finding my passion, which ended up being travel writing/blogging and photography. I have never been happier in my life. Whenever I post on Facebook about my travels, none of my close friends like the posts, and whenever I talk about it with them, they act like they dont care. One friend who has been practically my best friend for 30 years has still not said a single word, or acknowledged anything that I have said about it. Everyone that knows me knows that I have been struggling my entire life to find my purpose, and when I finally found it I barely got any comments from my closest friends about it, online and in person. Even before my life changed, when I was depressed working 65 hours a week in a factory and never going anywhere, my friends didn't seem to care about my life. So you would think they would at least acknowledge my recent news and be happy for me now.

I posted on another forum asking why I am getting more support and respect from acquaintances than from my close friends, and most of them responded with "Nobody likes people who gloat and brag about how awesome their life is and how many places they visit." But these are my most popular posts, it's just that my close friends aren't liking them! I get support from people, just not the ones that matter. So now what am I supposed to do, never post on FB about my life?! Travel writers are supposed to share their trips on Facebook to help build a following, thats just part of their job. I feel like my friends don't care at all that I have finally found my purpose, I feel alone in my journey to living my dream life. One friend asked how I was doing and I said I was doing awesome, I just got back from a camping trip and wrote a bunch of blog posts, and her response was "I've been better, my knee hurts." and then we proceeded to talk about her problems the rest of the night and not another word about my good news. This is a friend I have known for about 13 years.

Another friend who I thought would be supportive, I have known her for 3 years, whenever we get on the subject of my recent news, she says things like (paraphrasing here) "Well you must not be on the right path yet since you are still living in a trailer park." She's one to talk, she has been complaining for 3 years about living in a cheap apartment with no running water and she is afraid to have someone come fix it because there is no path to get to the bathroom because she is a hoarder.

I need support and respect and I am not getting it from any of my close friends, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to stop posting on FB because that is something I need to do for my future career. Any advice?

 

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[Jon L]

I think you need some new friends. Not saying you should dump your old ones, but your old ones will fade out as you pursue your new dreams. People that are stuck where they're at get jealous of people that break out of the old molds. They also don't know how to relate to people like you.

Question for you: how are you going to support yourself with travel writing? Unless you inherited millions / and manage it well, you'll need a full time income at some point.

 

[Solid Snake]

common theme among many folks here who's businesses take off.

it's one of those subconscious un obvious things where your friends don't like how you are progressing because it makes them feel bad about themselves. time to find like minded folks.

 

[Dan_Cardone]

Crabs try and keep everyone else in the bucket.

Get new, highly successful, friends who all have the right mindset.

When I first started my businesses NO ONE believed in me or thought it was possible. I was supposed to either work in a factory or on a corn field my whole life.

Go do you.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I think jealousy is the issue, first the inheritance, second in that you don't have to work.

This is common with folks here as we all strive for purpose and financial independence. The rest of the world is OK mired in mediocrity and a professional football game once a week.

 

[AFMKelvin]

The majority of people just don't care. They're happy living paycheck to paycheck. They are happy bitching about not having enough money.

So when they see you doing all this things to get ahead they think you're just wasting your time. Or they think you're just doing all that for fun. And you're not including them in your fun. Just keep doing what you're doing and make new friends.

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

Do you hope to ultimately form a huge online community of followers for your blog?

 

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[GaiaGoddess]

I think you need some new friends. Not saying you should dump your old ones, but your old ones will fade out as you pursue your new dreams. People that are stuck where they're at get jealous of people that break out of the old molds. They also don't know how to relate to people like you.

Question for you: how are you going to support yourself with travel writing? Unless you inherited millions / and manage it well, you'll need a full time income at some point.

Ugh that sucks though when friends you've had for most of your life (or even half of it) lack the ability to say something simple as "That's awesome!" That is really all I would like from them.

For the moment I am living off an inheritance, I have about another year left til I run out but I plan to get a part time job over the winter so I for sure won't have to work next summer, that is when I do all of my traveling. I don't need to work full time though, my rent is only $300 a month and I have to take a required minimum withdrawal of about $5000 a year from an inherited IRA, which covers my rent and then some.

 

[spreng]

People are very aggressive in the manner which they push mediocrity. Almost like evangelists of mediocre lives.

--------------
"For the moment I am living off an inheritance, I have about another year left til I run out but I plan to get a part time job over the winter so I for sure won't have to work next summer, that is when I do all of my traveling. I don't need to work full time though, my rent is only $300 a month and I have to take a required minimum withdrawal of about $5000 a year from an inherited IRA, which covers my rent and then some. "
-----

What exactly.... why? I'm confused. What are your goals? Have you read the book lol?

 

[Sandholdt]

From what I see in your post, they didn't support your life before. Why does it suddenly matter to you wether they support you or not?

Were those people ever really your friends, or just some people who were cool to hang out with in the sparetime - which you no longer share with them, as you're busy moving on?

 

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[GaiaGoddess]

common theme among many folks here who's businesses take off.

it's one of those subconscious un obvious things where your friends don't like how you are progressing because it makes them feel bad about themselves. time to find like minded folks.

That is very odd in this case because all of my friends have amazing jobs, one works at 3M so he brings home more money than I'll ever dream of making. Another friend has a dream job working from home, and another friend works doing something she loves and often brags about it on Facebook, she also gets to pick her own hours. So it makes no sense that these friends would be jealous of me, I don't even have a job right now, I haven't made any money from this yet because it's a new development in my life.

I do need to find like minded people, I just don't know where around here. I live in a small town where most people get drunk and do drugs.

 

[GaiaGoddess]

Do you hope to ultimately form a huge online community of followers for your blog?

Oh yes, that is the smart thing to do. That is partially why I post things on my Facebook page, I haven't started my blog yet, just written a bunch of posts but I just started a course on it so I haven't gotten to the part yet about picking your blog name.

 

[becks22]

Sometimes you don't let friends go- they let themselves go. Nothing you can do about it. Be happy for yourself. New friends will come. I'm slowly learning the same

 

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[GaiaGoddess]

From what I see in your post, they didn't support your life before. Why does it suddenly matter to you wether they support you or not?

Were those people ever really your friends, or just some people who were cool to hang out with in the sparetime - which you no longer share with them, as you're busy moving on?

Well it doesn't suddenly matter, it has always mattered, but I guess my point is that friends are supposed to support you and now that I found out they don't, it's a harsh reality I have to accept. These are people I have known anywhere from 3-30 years so it's just shocking that they can't even give me a quick "That's awesome!"

I THOUGHT they were real friends...one has been my best friend for 30 years, our families even know each other, we owned a house together before. Another I met online because she lives across the country so we've never met but we have messaged on Facebook for over a decade now. The other friend I have only known for 3 years but we met because of the same festivals we go to which focus on love and peace, so everyone there is "my tribe" (hippies, basically, lol) but I guess even like minded people can lack supportive qualities.

 

[GaiaGoddess]

Sometimes you don't let friends go- they let themselves go. Nothing you can do about it. Be happy for yourself. New friends will come. I'm slowly learning the same

I wish they would let themselves go! I have quit contacting them first but they message me almost every day, I respond because one of them I see all the time at the same events (festivals we both go to, that's how we met), another one I just feel bad if I quit talking to her because I am the only person she tells everything to. I am torn because I don't want to be a bad friend.

 

[TheCj]

Maybe start reaching out to other travel bloggers, can meet up when travel. Talk about each others stories on both of your platforms, build new friendships that align with your new life.

 

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[GaiaGoddess]

Maybe start reaching out to other travel bloggers, can meet up when travel. Talk about each others stories on both of your platforms, build new friendships that align with your new life.

Yeah, I've joined a few travel blogging groups so hopefully I can network with some people in there!

 

[csalvato]

I get support from people, just not the ones that matter

why do they matter?

 

[Entre Eyes]

You really hit on a reality check for "Digital Nomads." We are not the dreaded Instagram Rich Kids with the $100 champagne bottles but people put us in that category.

When you leave the nest and leave friends and family stuck in 9 to 5s that they do not like they tend not to send that same love they used to...
.

Look at your scenario now imagine if you had a Financial Challenge and sent them a Distress Flare? It ain't pretty. But we understand it.

I always try to see others perspectives even if is is not a pleasant one.

I have made Internet Marketing Friends that I consider family now....a few have saved my hide and I saved a few along the way as well.

But what I would do is reach out and offer them advice on how to do what you are doing and you would help them every step of the way, if they are not interested what can you do? Give value as much as you can and let that be your love.

Also you have a product in you to be where you are now the full journey that others could leverage. Go for it.

 

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[GaiaGoddess]

why do they matter?

Because they are my closest friends...I dont know how else to explain it, I have known them for years, one of them for 30 years, another one for like 11 or 12 years at least. These are the people I talk to every day and spend time with.

 

[csalvato]

Because they are my closest friends...I dont know how else to explain it, I have known them for years, one of them for 30 years, another one for like 11 or 12 years at least. These are the people I talk to every day and spend time with.

To reframe, what’s the criteria for someone’s opinion to matter to you?

That you know them a while? That they share your genes?

Then, what SHOULD your criteria be?

That their actions show they care about you? That they give you unconditional positive regard? That they challenge you? That they add something to your life?

My hypothesis is that you’re going through something very common for people who are self-aware: realizing the people who you thought mattered don’t actually matter when you start to examine why people SHOULD matter.

And the next step after that, to truly transcend, is to realize no one‘s opinions matter for your own journey aside from your own opinions.

Once you get there, whatever these people are doing (or not doing) will not bother you at all. They can do them, and you can do you.

 

[foodiepersecond]

I kinda am in the same boat. I also started a blog. Shared on Facebook. Asked everyone to check it out and sign up for the email list.

0.

And I usually get likes in the 20-30 range almost every post I make. Its just one of those weird things. I've had more visitors to my page from IG and here than my FB friends. Not sure if the lack of friend participation is due to jealousy or just pure laziness. I would just go get it where the getting is good. If it ain't your friends, then whoever else is willing to help. You can always still have them if they mean a lot to you and add value to your life but just keep hustling and getting whoever is willing.

Also add it here or PM me and I will definitely check it out myself and definitely post it on the Sell-Me-Saturday thread on Saturday.

 

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[luniac]

A year and a half ago I quit my job (I had an inheritance to fall back on) to focus on finding my passion, which ended up being travel writing/blogging and photography. I have never been happier in my life. Whenever I post on Facebook about my travels, none of my close friends like the posts, and whenever I talk about it with them, they act like they dont care. One friend who has been practically my best friend for 30 years has still not said a single word, or acknowledged anything that I have said about it. Everyone that knows me knows that I have been struggling my entire life to find my purpose, and when I finally found it I barely got any comments from my closest friends about it, online and in person. Even before my life changed, when I was depressed working 65 hours a week in a factory and never going anywhere, my friends didn't seem to care about my life. So you would think they would at least acknowledge my recent news and be happy for me now.

I posted on another forum asking why I am getting more support and respect from acquaintances than from my close friends, and most of them responded with "Nobody likes people who gloat and brag about how awesome their life is and how many places they visit." But these are my most popular posts, it's just that my close friends aren't liking them! I get support from people, just not the ones that matter. So now what am I supposed to do, never post on FB about my life?! Travel writers are supposed to share their trips on Facebook to help build a following, thats just part of their job. I feel like my friends don't care at all that I have finally found my purpose, I feel alone in my journey to living my dream life. One friend asked how I was doing and I said I was doing awesome, I just got back from a camping trip and wrote a bunch of blog posts, and her response was "I've been better, my knee hurts." and then we proceeded to talk about her problems the rest of the night and not another word about my good news. This is a friend I have known for about 13 years.

Another friend who I thought would be supportive, I have known her for 3 years, whenever we get on the subject of my recent news, she says things like (paraphrasing here) "Well you must not be on the right path yet since you are still living in a trailer park." She's one to talk, she has been complaining for 3 years about living in a cheap apartment with no running water and she is afraid to have someone come fix it because there is no path to get to the bathroom because she is a hoarder.

I need support and respect and I am not getting it from any of my close friends, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to stop posting on FB because that is something I need to do for my future career. Any advice?

Gonna be devil's advocate here.
When you worked your 65 hour factory job, would you really give a shit if some friend of yours posted yet another glowing photograph of their wonderful passionate life, especially one that you got at least partially due to a lucky inheritance.
Maybe your friends are just miserable with their lives too.
Don't take it personal, find some new friends who are in a good place in life but don't hate or feel betrayed by your old friends. It is what it is.

 

[Roli]

For the moment I am living off an inheritance, I have about another year left til I run out but I plan to get a part time job over the winter so I for sure won't have to work next summer, that is when I do all of my traveling. I don't need to work full time though, my rent is only $300 a month and I have to take a required minimum withdrawal of about $5000 a year from an inherited IRA, which covers my rent and then some.

I am a little confused when I read the above statement, because the title of the post led me to believe you are making money from your travel writing, or at the very least you're on your way to doing that. However it sounds like you're not even that bothered if your travel writing funds your lifestyle, more so that visiting places and experiencing new things is your passion.

You said that one of your friends said something along the lines of; "you haven't found your path yet".
I can see why she would say something like that, because from your above statement it seems like you are just drifting around waiting for something to happen.

Maybe the problem is you haven't actually articulated that you want to be a successful travel writer, and perhaps you haven't done that because you don't actually want to... I get it though, you would like some kind of validation and for your friends to be happy about your new situation.

Maybe they are happy for you, just not constantly. Plus what do you say to someone who has inherited a load of money and is now travelling around the world having a laugh; well done?

Also have you considered the fact that even though you're loaded now, they just want to treat you the same as they always have.

I also have very wealthy friends whom have inherited wealth, but that's by the by, I don't want them to think I'm just interested in them for their money.

Anyways, you're going to get a lot more info talking to them than us. Just straight up tell them that you're not feeling supported/loved.

Good luck in your travels.

 

[AmbitiousInstinc]

Jealousy. They would rather not say anything because they're pissed of themselves that they didn't do what you did and follow their dream, therefore there lies resentment. F*ck them, find new friends who support and encourage you and your goals. They ain't friends.

 

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[Bertram]

Some of your remarks are confusing and scary.
Are you living off the inheritance for your lifetime or until the money runs out?
Why aren't you using your pile of cash to build your money system?

Ugh that sucks though when friends you've had for most of your life (or even half of it) lack the ability to say something simple as "That's awesome!" That is really all I would like from them.

For the moment I am living off an inheritance, I have about another year left til I run out but I plan to get a part time job over the winter so I for sure won't have to work next summer, that is when I do all of my traveling. I don't need to work full time though, my rent is only $300 a month and I have to take a required minimum withdrawal of about $5000 a year from an inherited IRA, which covers my rent and then some.

Wait, what?
Some of your remarks are confusing and downright scary.
Are you living off the inheritance until the money runs out?
That's crazy. You're in your forties. What are your plans to take care of Old Gaia Goddess?
Why aren't you using your pile of cash to build your money system right now?
You need to read MJ DeMarco's books RIGHT NOW. This forum is not for passion pursuits as much as it is for people who don't want slow or chaotic (like you) sources of income. You need help with developing self-reliance, my bae.
You haven't published the blog yet? You haven't earned income from it so far? You're in a fantasy land. Maybe that is why folks don't know what to say.
Get to work.
You know why you're focusing on this problem with friends? You're avoiding the real pain, how to get your life together. And the hard work involved.
Your mindset is set on self-destruct. Right? Where's your blog?

OK now get to work and keep in touch.
Get "The Millionaire Fastlane ." Immediately, GG.
You're in trouble. We're here. S'ya.

 

[100k]

Dump, Dump, Dump.

If those are your friends, then you'd be better off without them.

 

[GaiaGoddess]

To reframe, what’s the criteria for someone’s opinion to matter to you?

That you know them a while? That they share your genes?

Then, what SHOULD your criteria be?

That their actions show they care about you? That they give you unconditional positive regard? That they challenge you? That they add something to your life?

My hypothesis is that you’re going through something very common for people who are self-aware: realizing the people who you thought mattered don’t actually matter when you start to examine why people SHOULD matter.

And the next step after that, to truly transcend, is to realize no one‘s opinions matter for your own journey aside from your own opinions.

Once you get there, whatever these people are doing (or not doing) will not bother you at all. They can do them, and you can do you.

I guess to answer your questions, my criteria would be knowing someone for at least a few years, plus spending a lot of time with them, talking about everything about your life together, helping each other out when you need it, etc. And all of these friends have fulfilled all my criteria at some point, just not much anymore. In the place of support and equal give and take, now I get no support, and they take way more than they give. So it's hard to let go of these friendships when at some point they did fulfill my need for close friendships. I keep thinking it's a fluke and they really do care but get mixed signals about them now. I think people just put their best face forward in the beginning, and their true self comes out after you get to know them a while. And by then you have a hard time walking away.

 

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[GaiaGoddess]

I kinda am in the same boat. I also started a blog. Shared on Facebook. Asked everyone to check it out and sign up for the email list.

0.

And I usually get likes in the 20-30 range almost every post I make. Its just one of those weird things. I've had more visitors to my page from IG and here than my FB friends. Not sure if the lack of friend participation is due to jealousy or just pure laziness. I would just go get it where the getting is good. If it ain't your friends, then whoever else is willing to help. You can always still have them if they mean a lot to you and add value to your life but just keep hustling and getting whoever is willing.

Also add it here or PM me and I will definitely check it out myself and definitely post it on the Sell-Me-Saturday thread on Saturday.

I'm sorry you got no likes from your friends! 0 is pretty harsh. But you are right, we have to go where the support is and if it isn't with friends, find where it is. That is why I came to this forum with this issue, I knew I would get support. In the other forum where I posted about this problem, people are still attacking my personal beliefs, behaviors, and goals. I guess I am learning a valuable lesson that it really matters who you talk to, it makes all the difference!

I don't have my blog started yet, I just started a course on how to create one (Nomadic Matt's course, I'm sure some people in here have heard of him!) so I will be sure to share the link when I get it up and running! I just wrote a bunch of articles for it last weekend while I was camping so that when I get it started, I will already have content for it.

 

[GaiaGoddess]

Gonna be devil's advocate here.
When you worked your 65 hour factory job, would you really give a shit if some friend of yours posted yet another glowing photograph of their wonderful passionate life, especially one that you got at least partially due to a lucky inheritance.
Maybe your friends are just miserable with their lives too.
Don't take it personal, find some new friends who are in a good place in life but don't hate or feel betrayed by your old friends. It is what it is.

I have never been jealous (in a bad way) of other people's success. To me, those posts are inspiring and give me ideas for how I want my life to look. In fact I started following travelers and bloggers long before I even had a camper, about ten years before. It helped me dream and create the life I wanted. But I can see where someone would get jealous in a bad way if they are unable to change their life. The confusing thing is though that all of my friends talk about how awesome their jobs are and how happy they are at them. They also post stuff all over FB about their vacations and good news, so that part confuses me, how can they expect me to like their posts but they don't like mine when they are so similar.