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First COLD EMAIL example (lets impact the lives of millions!!) Over time of course

afrankmore

Contributor
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User Power
Value/Post Ratio
68%
Nov 5, 2020
105
71
38
Central California
Hey Fastlane Team,

I am looking for advice, suggestions, comments, guidance and some direction with the following Cold Email example. How can I improve this?

Subject Line: Encourage U + Drug Court = Long-term Recovery

Dear Dr. SXXXXXXX

My name is Anthony Frankmore and I am the program founder for Encourage U. I am writing to you with the intention of incorporating the Encourage U program with the Drug Court Program, phases 2 and 3. The Encourage U program is an 18-week, 3 workbook program that has been designed to assist participants with changing their lives and providing long-term tools that can be used to develop and maintain a life of sobriety. The Encourage U program is designed with the exact tools that I have personally used in my recovery.

Due to the amount of information and services available to participants, I find that the Encourage U program would be a great addition to the Drug Court structure and would be a valuable asset to communities across the United States.

If you are interested to learn more about the Encourage U program and what we offer, I would be more than happy to send you a follow up email with additional details. Please do not hesitate to request more information, I believe together we can help participants grow, develop, and maintain long-term sobriety.

Thank you for your time in advance,

Anthony Frankmore




__Not a part of the email_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I am beyond ecstatic for reaching this point. I started my fastlane journey around mid 2020. I still have a lot of work to do but creating this LLC has been one of the best decisions I have made. I never realized how much information I have in this head of mine. I still have a long way to go but I am finally making real progress. I appreciate everyone who has replied to all my threads and made comments and suggestions. Without the support from afar, I would still be mudding around in circles. Again thank you and I appreciate each and every one of you. I plan to review, revise and perfect this email because I feel like I will have one shot to make a good lasting impression...
 
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Empires

Silver Contributor
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Jan 12, 2016
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Planet Earth
Great job so far, and congratulations on your sobriety! I love your business name. Encourage U is really creative and memorable.

Regarding your email, you want each paragraph to be short so the email doesn't look like a wall of text, and you want to have a call to action at the end that moves forward the relationship. An email response doesn't move this forward much, you want to get them on the phone to really start discussing the value you believe you could bring them.

You want the email to be short and sweet.

I structure emails like this:
  • Introduction
  • Value proposition
  • Call to action
Here is how I would structure it:

[Introduction]
Dear Dr. SXXXXXXX

My name is Anthony Frankmore and I am the program founder for Encourage U. I am writing to you with the intention of incorporating the Encourage U program with the Drug Court Program, phases 2 and 3.

[Value Propostion]
The Encourage U program is designed with the exact tools that I have personally used in my recovery to change my life and provided me with the tools I needed to maintain a life of sobriety.

I believe that the Encourage U program would be a great addition to the Drug Court structure, and a valuable asset to communities across the United States that would enable thousands of others to achieve sobriety.

[Call to action]
If you are interested in learning more about the Encourage U program, let's set up a 15 minute call next week for a short chat!

Please do not hesitate to request more information, I believe together we can really help participants grow, develop, and maintain long-term sobriety.

Thank you in advance,

Anthony Frankmore
 

afrankmore

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
68%
Nov 5, 2020
105
71
38
Central California
Great job so far, and congratulations on your sobriety! I love your business name. Encourage U is really creative and memorable.

Regarding your email, you want each paragraph to be short so the email doesn't look like a wall of text, and you want to have a call to action at the end that moves forward the relationship. An email response doesn't move this forward much, you want to get them on the phone to really start discussing the value you believe you could bring them.

You want the email to be short and sweet.

I structure emails like this:
  • Introduction
  • Value proposition
  • Call to action
Here is how I would structure it:

[Introduction]
Dear Dr. SXXXXXXX

My name is Anthony Frankmore and I am the program founder for Encourage U. I am writing to you with the intention of incorporating the Encourage U program with the Drug Court Program, phases 2 and 3.

[Value Propostion]
The Encourage U program is designed with the exact tools that I have personally used in my recovery to change my life and provided me with the tools I needed to maintain a life of sobriety.

I believe that the Encourage U program would be a great addition to the Drug Court structure, and a valuable asset to communities across the United States that would enable thousands of others to achieve sobriety.

[Call to action]
If you are interested in learning more about the Encourage U program, let's set up a 15 minute call next week for a short chat!

Please do not hesitate to request more information, I believe together we can really help participants grow, develop, and maintain long-term sobriety.

Thank you in advance,

Anthony Frankmore
Thank you for the guidance, I will take this into consideration. I feel like I had good content and you organized it professionally. Thank you. Would you happen to have any suggestions on where I can learn this technique more in depth?
 

afrankmore

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
68%
Nov 5, 2020
105
71
38
Central California
Great job so far, and congratulations on your sobriety! I love your business name. Encourage U is really creative and memorable.

Regarding your email, you want each paragraph to be short so the email doesn't look like a wall of text, and you want to have a call to action at the end that moves forward the relationship. An email response doesn't move this forward much, you want to get them on the phone to really start discussing the value you believe you could bring them.

You want the email to be short and sweet.

I structure emails like this:
  • Introduction
  • Value proposition
  • Call to action
Here is how I would structure it:

[Introduction]
Dear Dr. SXXXXXXX

My name is Anthony Frankmore and I am the program founder for Encourage U. I am writing to you with the intention of incorporating the Encourage U program with the Drug Court Program, phases 2 and 3.

[Value Propostion]
The Encourage U program is designed with the exact tools that I have personally used in my recovery to change my life and provided me with the tools I needed to maintain a life of sobriety.

I believe that the Encourage U program would be a great addition to the Drug Court structure, and a valuable asset to communities across the United States that would enable thousands of others to achieve sobriety.

[Call to action]
If you are interested in learning more about the Encourage U program, let's set up a 15 minute call next week for a short chat!

Please do not hesitate to request more information, I believe together we can really help participants grow, develop, and maintain long-term sobriety.

Thank you in advance,

Anthony Frankmore
Also thank you for the congrats on sobriety... I celebrated 8 years in January
 
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Empires

Silver Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Read Unscripted!
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
265%
Jan 12, 2016
341
903
28
Planet Earth
Thank you for the guidance, I will take this into consideration. I feel like I had good content and you organized it professionally. Thank you. Would you happen to have any suggestions on where I can learn this technique more in depth?
Not really, I learned it here on the forum. I believe it was a post from @amp0193 where he mentioned his emails are only a few sentences long and he wrote a basic template out and explained it a bit.

I used this template (introduction, value prop, call to action) to land a meeting with a VP of a company with thousands of locations and never looked back. It has continued to get me responses.
 

MattL

Bronze Contributor
Read Fastlane!
Speedway Pass
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
211%
Jan 31, 2014
83
175
32
Finland
I'd recommend adding a personalized first paragraph that you add for each recipient. These will also be seen in the preview text on mobile (and maybe some desktop apps as well, haven't checked).

So to build on @Empires script:

Dear Dr. SXXXXXXX

Congrats on [something positive that happened in their life that they're proud of]. It must be a great feeling to [continue on whatever positive thing happened].

My name is Anthony Frankmore and ....

---

This requires you to spend 1-2 minutes on social media to see what's going on in that person's life. If you can't find anything, praise their website or something.
 

afrankmore

Contributor
Read Fastlane!
User Power
Value/Post Ratio
68%
Nov 5, 2020
105
71
38
Central California
I'd recommend adding a personalized first paragraph that you add for each recipient. These will also be seen in the preview text on mobile (and maybe some desktop apps as well, haven't checked).

So to build on @Empires script:

Dear Dr. SXXXXXXX

Congrats on [something positive that happened in their life that they're proud of]. It must be a great feeling to [continue on whatever positive thing happened].

My name is Anthony Frankmore and ....

---

This requires you to spend 1-2 minutes on social media to see what's going on in that person's life. If you can't find anything, praise their website or something.
I understand exactly what you're saying. Maybe they just received a promotion or celebrated 25 yrs.. Thank you for that, I will also keep that in mind as I work through my email.
 
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