Family with a different mindset

[GJVH]

Hi guys,

The problem I want to talk about is having family members with a different mindset than yours.
I come from a family with mom, dad and two older sisters, I am 19 years old atm.
I have decided 2 years ago to quit school and that decision made my life turn upside down.
I'm now reading financial and self improvement books, ( Including TMF ofcourse ) and doing lots of other things to try and create passive income.
So I think you can tell my mindset has totally changed in that 2 years.
I'm now more a Fastlane kinded thinker.
But to get to my problem I wanted to talk about is that my family members didn't go through the process of educating theirselves like I did.
Let's be clear about it; they are slowlaners, ( just like my mindset before quitting school ) but i'm now at the moment in my life where i'm making critical decisions on how I want to spend the rest of my life.
I'm not going to settle for a 9 to 5 job, living paycheck to paycheck, that's not how i'm viewing the rest of my life.
And now i'm going to get to the point I wanted to speak about, this is mostly a problem with me and my dad. My sisters don't live with me and my parents no more so they don't really bother me, it's mostly my dad.
My mom is really supportive and that's what I really love about her, but my dad ehh.. he thinks about it a bit different.
His expectations about me was finishing school, getting a diploma, finding a job, buying a house, starting a family and trading the 5 for 2 with the 9 to 5.
But I took a different path and i'm glad I did, but my dad doesn't understand this lifestyle, he just wants me to live a stable lifestyle, without to many risks.

I hope I can get some advice on how to discuss this problem with my dad, because he is not really trying his best to understand and i'm definitely not going back to school, to get a diploma and find a job to work 9 to 5, just to please him.
I have now stopped working at my recent job and resigned, because I want to focus on starting my own business and my dad wasn't quite happy about that, because again, he like's a stable life without to many risks.
And now i'm going to have a conversation with my dad on how I see my future, and I hope I can get some tips on how to make my dad clear that i'm doing all I can to make the best out of my life, but i'm not going to live the same life he does, and i'm certainly not going to change my whole life all because he wants me to get a more stable life.
My dad take's care of me and I still live under his roof, I really respect him for that, but he needs to stop trying to control my life and learn to let go and let me discover myself, because i'm not going to live the life my dad wants me to life.

So I hope I can get some advice for this conversation i'm going to have with my dad, because I want to make my dad very clear, this what i'm doing now, living an entrepeneurs life and that is what make's me happy.

I hope i've told it clearly enough for you guys to understand, I hope to read some of your tips very soon.

Bye

 

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[Hopeful]

I don't think you can really expect your dad to respect your choices until you move out. Your financial choices affect him directly. If you fail, he pays for it.

I say this as someone who lived with her parents until very recently. And who won't even be paying her own rent until next month (I have a really nice grandmother who's let me stay with her while I've saved up money). So, I get it.

But here's the thing: unless you can prove you can make money the fastlane way, your slowlane parents will not accept your choices.

I've accepted that my parents will be nervous about my life choices until I prove I can make it on my own. The only reason I can disregard their opinions is because they're not paying my expenses. If they were taking care of me, they would have some say in my choices. But they're not, so they don't.

Next month, I'll be leaving the safe little nest of my grandmother's house and flying into the big, scary world. It will be my time to prove I can make good choices and support myself. Because I'm not going to change my parents' minds through words. I'm going to change their minds through actions.

 

[Hopeful]

Just to clarify a couple things:

I am 19 years old atm.

I have decided 2 years ago to quit school

i'm definitely not going back to school, to get a diploma

When I first read this, I thought you had decided not to go to college. But did you drop out of high school?

I have now stopped working at my recent job and resigned

I want to focus on starting my own business

this what i'm doing now, living an entrepeneurs life

Have you made any money from your business?

 

[ZCP]

My dad take's care of me and I still live under his roof........
So I hope I can get some advice for this conversation i'm going to have with my dad........

Follow his rules or quit eating his food.

Shut up and listen to him and his point of view. He has made a life and raised a kid. There is a lot you could learn from him. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

Learn to be humble and give more without asking anything in return.

OR move out, support yourself, and show him your way is better. When you can pay his bills, he will begin to listen to you.

 

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[JimK]

start with gratitude

"Hey dad, I want to say that I'm grateful that you're looking out for me. But I found something that I have to at least try. I don't think I can live with the regret of at least not trying and trying hard. Whether I make it or not, I'll leave on July 1, 2024"

you can edit as necessary.

This will help him achieve his slow lane plans while you get your fast lane ones.

 

[amp0193]

My dad take's care of me and I still live under his roof, I really respect him for that, but he needs to stop trying to control my life and learn to let go and let me discover myself, because i'm not going to live the life my dad wants me to life.

I'd be pissed too if my adult son quit school and quit his job, so that he could read books and dabble around with shit, while I paid all his bills.

because I want to make my dad very clear, this what i'm doing now, living an entrepeneurs life and that is what make's me happy.

Make sure you make it clear about how you're also going to pay for your share of the rent, electricity, water, internet, house repairs, and food, while doing your fair share of the chores and work in the house.

But I'm not sure how you're going to do in the short-term future without a job.


Do you have any regular-occurring income stream from any entrepreneurial venture that you've worked on in the last two years?

 

[minivanman]

I guess the bottom line is..... actions speak louder than words. You live under his roof so within 72 hours if you don't have a business started..... you need to do the ol' 9-5 shuffle. And guess what? That leaves LOTS of time to start your own business. Quit reading those damn books and take some action. I'd probably vote for you to at least get a 9-2 for experience until your business starts making money. Then once your business starts making more than your 9-2.... your dad might see things a lil different and if he doesn't, by that time you can prove yourself.

 

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[GJVH]

Just to clarify a couple things:





When I first read this, I thought you had decided not to go to college. But did you drop out of high school?





Have you made any money from your business?

I live in The Netherlands so the education system is quite different here, I have finished high school and got my diploma, but i've dropped out of college, which is the next step after high school but the most important one to get a job.

Yes, I have made a bit of money with my business, but still not enough to move out and go and live on my own.

 

[GJVH]

Follow his rules or quit eating his food.

Shut up and listen to him and his point of view. He has made a life and raised a kid. There is a lot you could learn from him. You have 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason.

Learn to be humble and give more without asking anything in return.

OR move out, support yourself, and show him your way is better. When you can pay his bills, he will begin to listen to you.

You're right, thank you for your perspective, I didn't think about it that way.

 

[GJVH]

start with gratitude

"Hey dad, I want to say that I'm grateful that you're looking out for me. But I found something that I have to at least try. I don't think I can live with the regret of at least not trying and trying hard. Whether I make it or not, I'll leave on July 1, 2024"

you can edit as necessary.

This will help him achieve his slow lane plans while you get your fast lane ones.

Thank you man, this is really going to help me out, I need to step my shit up and go and work even harder.

 

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[GJVH]

I'd be pissed too if my adult son quit school and quit his job, so that he could read books and dabble around with shit, while I paid all his bills.



Make sure you make it clear about how you're also going to pay for your share of the rent, electricity, water, internet, house repairs, and food, while doing your fair share of the chores and work in the house.

But I'm not sure how you're going to do in the short-term future without a job.


Do you have any regular-occurring income stream from any entrepreneurial venture that you've worked on in the last two years?

No I don't have any other occurring income streams atm, but I did made some money from the business i'm starting, despite that you're absolutely right, I was to ignorant to understand, and i'm going to show him with the conversation we're going to have that I will give my share for the house holden.

 

[GJVH]

Thank you guys for all your opinions, you've really opened my eyes, I think I was to ignorant to understand i'm still not doing enough, I think the best strategy is to show my dad with actions I can do it on my own, so he doesn't have to worry about me anymore and I can live the life i've always wanted. I'm going to do my share in the house holden in return of him looking out for me. I'm new to this forum but I can't tell you guys how many motivation you already gave me to go and work even harder, thank you!

 

[pawon]

If you don't have a job and don't go to school, what do you do all day? How much time do you spend working on your business and how much hanging out with friends?

Your dad might be able to appreciate your choices better if he sees you are working harder now that you would in school or in a regular job. (plus it would be the wise thing to do after dropping out of school at 17).

 

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[GJVH]

I'm working on my business every day, from when I wake up in the morning till I go to sleep at night. I don't hang out with my friends no more like I used to do, because they take up to much of my time, I only go and grab a drink in the evening once a week. I'm definitely working way harder than I did at school, because i'm way happier now then I was before.

 

[amp0193]

I was to ignorant to understand, and i'm going to show him with the conversation we're going to have that I will give my share for the house holden.

It’s a sign of maturity to be able to accept highly critical feedback, admit you were wrong, and make a change.

Keep that humble attitude and you will go far.

Also, it is a limiting belief that you have, that you can’t start a business while also working a job.

Many of us here started our business while working full-time salaried positions. I actually recommend this to people, because then your job can pay your bills and you don’t have to support yourself out of the business’s capital for a long time.

If you’re paying the bills out of the business revenue, it really inhibits the growth of the business.

 

[GJVH]

It’s a sign of maturity to be able to accept highly critical feedback, admit you were wrong, and make a change.

Keep that humble attitude and you will go far.

Also, it is a limiting belief that you have, that you can’t start a business while also working a job.

Many of us here started our business while working full-time salaried positions. I actually recommend this to people, because then your job can pay your bills and you don’t have to support yourself out of the business’s capital for a long time.

If you’re paying the bills out of the business revenue, it really inhibits the growth of the business.

Thank you for your advice and feedback, I will definitely put it to use. I'm already taking action for combining a job with starting up my business.

 

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[Brewmacker]

Goede Middag Kerel! (Good afternoon dude - in Dutch)

I agree with all the aforementioned advice and even though it was somewhat harsh at times haha, you took it like a man and appear to have absorbed it well.

I am Irish but have lived in the Netherlands for 10 years and worked here professionally the whole time. Therefore I can understand your culture and how pragmatic the Dutch are.

Before I worked as an Engineer is was a cook for 8 years from the age of 16 and I was obsessed with the industry. When I was 27 i had still the dream of opening my own restaurant. I liked my corporate job, but i loved working in the horeca (service industry) so I had persuaded myself to go for it. I eventually pitched this idea to my parents who are both successful Entrepreneurs and who in fact lived have an unscripted life for many years before retiring < 60 years old equipped with a fantastic passive income for the rest of their lives. When I pitched the idea they got angry at me & over that whole weekend systematically shattered my dream and ambition (yes boo hoo haha). Maybe they were right & maybe they were wrong but the point is they knocked me of my entrepreneurial pedestal in favor of a fixed income and good old pension & that is on me.
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID, do not give up on your ambition.

I have learned a lot these first few weeks on this forum and one of the most important things I've picked up (and this also applies to Natural Game for the ladies) is to LISTEN! Your father is telling you exactly what he wants you to tell him so he can be reassured that you will see this through to the end. You need to reflect on all your old conversations and come up with a sales pitch for why his investment (you) will come to fruition.

What also might help is to share your detailed action plan & bring him into the idea. Maybe he can advise you or teach you, and more importantly then he will be investing in you in such a way money cannot. Also give him a fixed date where you expect to see results and stick to it, meet that date and exceed expectations.

He will invest his money when you go to college therefore you need to get smart about this, show him what he is investing in and don't give any resistance without a full and justified answer. Even if you have to take time to formulate this answer.

Reading other people stories nearly everyone has a job(s) and sometimes families when first becoming an entrepreneur. So go get a part-time Job(preferably in a role that will help you on your journey) and negotiate a set rental agreement with your father and stick to it. Show him that you are a man who will work your butt off to achieve your goal whilst giving him the full respect that he deserves.

I wish you luck!

 

[HackVenture]

You've not mentioned what business you are doing so I assume you either have nothing in place yet or you are not willing to share on this forum (which is fine) but what I would suggest is to finally get your direction straight, whatever you want to do.

Dropshipping, freelance, whatever and when you are able to start sharing with your dad oh yea last week was not bad, I finally clinched one small client, not enough to brag about but yeah I made money dad, this week is tough, I sent out 20 proposals, nobody signed up with me as I had no experience dad, but slolwly but surely I will get there.

This would convince him way more than anything you could "tell" or "say".

And make sure you're not living the "fastlane lifestyle" working 2 hours a day and spending the rest of your day with friends wondering why your "slowlane dad" doesn't understand you.

I would be pissed too if I were your dad if that was the case.

I'm asian so I feel for you, just work hard and I'm sure things would get better.