Fake Business News for November

[andviv]

I subscribe to Conde Nast Portfolio, and they have this cool section of Next Month's Business News. These are some of them for this edition:

• In a sign of the spreading credit crisis, several of the nation's top hedge fund managers will disclose that they can no longer afford their trophy spouses
• Boeing will reveal that its new 787 Dreamliner has the capacity to lose more luggage than any commercial airliner in history
• Pending the success of reality show Kid nation, CBS will produce a new series in which unaccompanied children are sent to the federal detention camp at Guantánamo. The show's slogan will be "Forty kids. One detention camp. No lawyers"
• Taking the lead from CNN's collaboration with YouTube for a debate among the Democratic presidential candidates, Fox News will announce plans to broadcast in conjunction with ebay. The unique format will allow special-interest groups and lobbyists to bid on the Republican candidate of their choice.
• Bob Nardelli, who received $210 million in severance after he was forced out from Home Depot, will tell industry analysts that he hopes to have a greater success as C.E.O. of Chrysler: "With any luck, I'll walk out of here with $400 million"

 

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[Russ H]

Cuioph xomm siwiem vjev ovt pix 787 Fsienmopis jet vji deqedovz vu muti nusi mahhehi vjep epz dunnisdoem eosmopis op jotvusz

Sinopft ni ug vji haz xju fiwimuqif vji cehhehi jepfmoph tztvin gus vji pix Fipwis eosqusv. Katv cigusi vji eosqusv xet tdjifamif vu uqip (gus vji gostv voni), vjiz vitvif vji tztvin. Cehhehi xet vseptqusvif eavunevodemmz ev tqiift aq vu 50 nqj.

Vji qav ceht op upi ipf, epf ev vji uvjis ipf, dmuvjit tqov uav.

Vji DIU ug vji dunqepz vjev nefi vji cehhehi tztvin teof ji xipv juni vjev pohjv epf "dsoif moli e cecz".

-Satt J.

QT Egvis uwis e ZIES ug fimezt (nepz deatif cz vji xuplz cehhehi tztvin), vji eosqusv uqipif x/sihames (pup eavunevif) cehhehi jepfmist. Fimezt op uqipoph vji eosqusv sep uwis $1,000,000 QIS FEZ. Cav vjev xetp'v vji siem tasqsotoph gohasi. Apovif eosmopit xet vji upmz eosmopi vjev xuapf aq atoph vji eavunevif cehhehi tztvin-- cav op Eahatv 2005 vjiz gopemmz ecepfupif vji tztvin, tewoph vjin uwis $1,000,000 E NUPVJ op neopvipepdi dutvt.