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O/T: FUNNY Fake Business News for November

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andviv

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I subscribe to Conde Nast Portfolio, and they have this cool section of Next Month's Business News. These are some of them for this edition:

  • In a sign of the spreading credit crisis, several of the nation's top hedge fund managers will disclose that they can no longer afford their trophy spouses
  • Boeing will reveal that its new 787 Dreamliner has the capacity to lose more luggage than any commercial airliner in history
  • Pending the success of reality show Kid nation, CBS will produce a new series in which unaccompanied children are sent to the federal detention camp at Guantánamo. The show's slogan will be "Forty kids. One detention camp. No lawyers"
  • Taking the lead from CNN's collaboration with YouTube for a debate among the Democratic presidential candidates, Fox News will announce plans to broadcast in conjunction with ebay. The unique format will allow special-interest groups and lobbyists to bid on the Republican candidate of their choice.
  • Bob Nardelli, who received $210 million in severance after he was forced out from Home Depot, will tell industry analysts that he hopes to have a greater success as C.E.O. of Chrysler: "With any luck, I'll walk out of here with $400 million"
 

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Russ H

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Boeing will reveal that its new 787 Dreamliner has the capacity to lose more luggage than any commercial airliner in history

Reminds me of the guy who developed the baggage handling system for the new Denver airport. Just before the airport was scheduled to open (for the first time), they tested the system. Baggage was transported automatically at speeds up to 50 mph.

The put bags in one end, and at the other end, clothes spit out.

The CEO of the company that made the baggage system said he went home that night and "cried like a baby".

-Russ H.

PS After over a YEAR of delays (many caused by the wonky baggage system), the airport opened w/regular (non automated) baggage handlers. Delays in opening the airport ran over $1,000,000 PER DAY. But that wasn't the real surprising figure. United airlines was the only airline that wound up using the automated baggage system-- but in August 2005 they finally abandoned the system, saving them over $1,000,000 A MONTH in maintenance costs.
 

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