The Entrepreneur Forum | Startups | Entrepreneurship | Starting a Business | Motivation | Success

Do you get discomfort?

Accelerate wealth. Build a business that pays freedom. Join more than 70,000 entrepreneurs and register for the Fastlane Entrepreneur forum. Remove ads? Join the INSIDERS.

SteveO

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jul 24, 2007
3,941
17,301
3,254
How often do we find ourselves in situations where we are bothered by people in our environment? Someone asking direct questions, sprawled against you in a plane, acting incoherent or loud, pushing hard in a negotiation, making judgmental comments, or maybe just staring down their noses at you...

Perhaps we are meeting with an attorney or banker. How do you dress? How do you give the appearance that you know what you are talking about?

Some people are not bothered by these situations or don't feel out of place if they stand out in a crowd. Others can be.

The feelings associated with intimidation can change our disposition, decisions, and choices... Choices are important to us. It may drive us to say "yes" when we mean "no". We may walk away instead of negotiate a deal. We may sit quietly and not say a word. Decisions may not be able to be made since our mind is pre-occupied with fear or discomfort.

We make choices every moment of every day. One of those choices needs to be to let situations go and play out. Letting the feelings go that may lead us to make choices based on reactions rather than desired outcome.

This can feel difficult because emotions come into play. We need to recognize these emotions and let them go. Accept, absorb, and let them go. Ask yourself what you are feeling in order to release the grip.

Growing up in a poor family with a severely mentally disabled mother gave me a warped perspective of myself. The first reactions to whatever came at me was to fight back. It was very difficult to reason with people due to the severe defenses that were raised. I would have a friend make the simplest of phone calls as I was afraid of the interaction.

The feeling that others were superior was especially difficult to overcome.

There was a point in my 30's where a couple of situations really came to light. I had applied for a management position. The hiring manager gave me feedback after the interview process. He told me that I was at the bottom of the list of six candidates. If he had another opening that I should not apply.

Well, I did continue to apply and got hired into another department as a manager of a group of highly skilled technicians.

Another situation found me looking for a four-plex to purchase. There was a realtor in town that did a large amount of small multi-family deals. After meeting with him, he told me that I was not ready to buy.

A person that I knew said that she wanted to learn the business from the real estate side. She told me that she had no experience and was willing to work for me for the learning. I was able to find a purchase a four-plex as a result.

In both of these situations I was very intimidated but continued to push. This was a big part of the learning process. But the basic path of fear remained in place.

As a manager at a large company, there were times that it was necessary to speak in front of groups. I would freeze up and could not even remember what to say. My hands and voice would shake while attempting to follow notes that I had written. Realizing that I was going to remain in this situation, I asked my manager to give me every speaking opportunity that came available.

The big kicker came when I flew across the country to address a group of scientists on a particular issue that the company had been working on. Afterward, one of my subordinates said "why did you tell the group that you were not a scientist during your presentation?". I realized that they would not have known otherwise and that this was coming from a position of weakness.

Never again would that perceived weakness be put forth. In fact, it changed the perception of strength. I knew just as much or more about the problem and the path toward solutions.

One day shortly after I quit my job to pursue real estate investing, I walked into a meeting. In this meeting there were lenders, commercial realtors, and attorneys. I was purchasing a multi-million dollar deal and needed to convince these people to overcome some obstacles to the financing.

I walked in to the meeting wearing shorts and an old tee-shirt. It was obvious that I was working on labor intensive issues. One of the guys in the meeting said "See! I told you he would drive up in his work truck and look like this". Others at the table smiled and nodded in approval. Another said "We can tell who in the room doesn't have a boss". I strolled past all the people in suits, took a seat at the table, and convinced them of how I was going to turn a crap property into a success.

It took years to overcome many of the issues. That does not need to be the case for you. The first step is to recognize the need to let go of the fear. It is our fears and insecurities getting in the way.

This is for you @MetalGear
 
Last edited:

WJK

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Speedway Pass
Oct 9, 2017
1,835
3,993
878
Alaska
How often do we find ourselves in situations where we are bothered by people in our environment? Someone asking direct questions, sprawled against you in a plane, acting incoherent or loud, pushing hard in a negotiation, making judgmental comments, or maybe just staring down their noses at you...

Perhaps we are meeting with an attorney or banker. How do you dress? How do you give the appearance that you know what you are talking about?

Some people are not bothered by these situations or don't feel out of place if they stand out in a crowd. Others can be.
I totally understand your self-image mountain. Been there, bought the T-shirt and own that ticket stub. After you scale that mountain, there's very few people that you bother to impress. Things and trappings become unimportant. Personally, my daily uniform is overalls. They're perfect for our cold climate and they have a pocket for everything I need to carry around. But, there was a day when I wore business suits with high heels to work. I'm sure glad those days are over. Today my life is much more comfortable.
 

MetalGear

Gold Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jan 24, 2017
579
1,506
485
Narnia
This is so timely @SteveO.

I am getting flack from some of my peers at work, funny enough right after I performed well on a project.
The holidays have also been stressful since relatives can be just as critical.
I fully recognize that I should let go of the feeling that I need to belong, especially as a budding entrepreneur.

I have taken steps to get out of my head. Exercise and meditation have helped a lot.
Hoping to get to your level zero f*cks given soon. :smile:
 

Iammelissamoore

Silver Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Sep 23, 2014
357
820
317
Trinidad and Tobago
This was once me full blast, in between I do have my days where I go through it, but when I look at the bigger picture, it helps me to step out of the boundaries. One thing the fastlane journey taught me is that we never know everything AND it isn't always necessary to know everything in order to get ahead.

I didn't follow the route of pursuing a college degree, I worked the corporate job and now I have my own business. Everyone thought I was stupid for walking away from my job to pursue business, needless to say, I failed miserably in the beginning - Badly - but, because I allowed myself the opportunity to walk away from the known and venture into the unknown, it created a foundation of lessons from the failures and helped build my perspective on how to move ahead in business.

There are economic issues in my country - which country doesn't have economic issues right? I'm seeing some of the most well-educated individuals being let off from their jobs due to the economic challenges at hand, some are looking at going into business, others are looking around for other jobs, some are looking at migrating and searching out better opportunities, the thing about it is building the ability to own your path and to do what you know is necessary to stand on a solid foundation as you continue to push through to your fastlane. Many people will NOT understand and that is fine, they're not meant to, what happens though is there comes a time when you've hit that fastlane journey (whatever it may be for you) and everyone is wondering what you did to get there, the important thing is that YOU know what YOU did, the sacrifices you made and the lengthy days you invested to get there and from there, you still continue to grow and enjoy the journey.
 

SteveO

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jul 24, 2007
3,941
17,301
3,254
I fully recognize that I should let go of the feeling that I need to belong, especially as a budding entrepreneur.
We all want to belong to some degree. Most people will get crap from others in one form or another. You are correct that the benefit will come when the brain processes that it does not matter.
 

InspireHD

Gold Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Dec 9, 2014
492
1,188
369
38
This is happening to me currently. Trying to get a web design business started and I'm so full of doubt, fear, and anxiety. It's fun to code up HTML and CSS and watch a white screen come to life, but when it comes to emails and phone calls, the brakes come on and I can't get myself to push and push and push. I barely take any action because I'm so full of doubt and then tell myself, "it's not working for me!" It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy that I go into thinking it won't work for me and then when it comes to doing the things that make it work, I self-sabotage myself so I can validate that it's not working for me.

I made a cold call last week and messed up what I wanted to say and the guy said he wasn't interested. He said a few other things, but the phone call was breaking up a bit so I have no idea what he said. I was intimidated. My anxiety-filled brain is telling me that the guy said, "and don't call here again." I have no idea if he said that, but that's what my brain is telling me. I feel that intimidation with everything because I don't believe in myself. It feels so intrusive to be out there asking for money and so I give up at the first sign of resistance.

It's frustrating and disappointing because throughout this entire year I feel like I have made zero progress toward what I really want in my life.
 

SteveO

Legendary Contributor
EPIC CONTRIBUTOR
FASTLANE INSIDER
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Jul 24, 2007
3,941
17,301
3,254
This is happening to me currently. Trying to get a web design business started and I'm so full of doubt, fear, and anxiety. It's fun to code up HTML and CSS and watch a white screen come to life, but when it comes to emails and phone calls, the brakes come on and I can't get myself to push and push and push. I barely take any action because I'm so full of doubt and then tell myself, "it's not working for me!" It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy that I go into thinking it won't work for me and then when it comes to doing the things that make it work, I self-sabotage myself so I can validate that it's not working for me.

I made a cold call last week and messed up what I wanted to say and the guy said he wasn't interested. He said a few other things, but the phone call was breaking up a bit so I have no idea what he said. I was intimidated. My anxiety-filled brain is telling me that the guy said, "and don't call here again." I have no idea if he said that, but that's what my brain is telling me. I feel that intimidation with everything because I don't believe in myself. It feels so intrusive to be out there asking for money and so I give up at the first sign of resistance.

It's frustrating and disappointing because throughout this entire year I feel like I have made zero progress toward what I really want in my life.
Well, you can see the issue. How do you do something about it. Listen to your words that you put into this post. "I can't get myself to push and push and push". That is perception. Your mindset is telling you that it is difficult. In reality it is not. You are placing the barrier. But, you know that already.

I know how you feel. The thing is that it is NOT difficult. Rejection is part of this game. The thing is that if you are good at your service, people will come to you. The initial hump is the challenge. What does it hurt to have rejection? What does it hurt to hear "No"? These phone calls and emails will get easier as you move forward. How do you get the self doubt and fear out of the equation?

Your next steps should be to figure out how to get comfortable with conversation and to keep practicing. Be genuine in your conversations.

Of course your goal is to provide a service. Make sure you listen as much as you talk.
 

killa_graham

Contributor
Read Millionaire Fastlane
Summit Attendee
Speedway Pass
Oct 25, 2014
35
67
124
Texas
How often do we find ourselves in situations where we are bothered by people in our environment? Someone asking direct questions, sprawled against you in a plane, acting incoherent or loud, pushing hard in a negotiation, making judgmental comments, or maybe just staring down their noses at you...

Perhaps we are meeting with an attorney or banker. How do you dress? How do you give the appearance that you know what you are talking about?

Some people are not bothered by these situations or don't feel out of place if they stand out in a crowd. Others can be.

The feelings associated with intimidation can change our disposition, decisions, and choices... Choices are important to us. It may drive us to say "yes" when we mean "no". We may walk away instead of negotiate a deal. We may sit quietly and not say a word. Decisions may not be able to be made since our mind is pre-occupied with fear or discomfort.

We make choices every moment of every day. One of those choices needs to be to let situations go and play out. Letting the feelings go that may lead us to make choices based on reactions rather than desired outcome.

This can feel difficult because emotions come into play. We need to recognize these emotions and let them go. Accept, absorb, and let them go. Ask yourself what you are feeling in order to release the grip.

Growing up in a poor family with a severely mentally disabled mother gave me a warped perspective of myself. The first reactions to whatever came at me was to fight back. It was very difficult to reason with people due to the severe defenses that were raised. I would have a friend make the simplest of phone calls as I was afraid of the interaction.

The feeling that others were superior was especially difficult to overcome.

There was a point in my 30's where a couple of situations really came to light. I had applied for a management position. The hiring manager gave me feedback after the interview process. He told me that I was at the bottom of the list of six candidates. If he had another opening that I should not apply.

Well, I did continue to apply and got hired into another department as a manager of a group of highly skilled technicians.

Another situation found me looking for a four-plex to purchase. There was a realtor in town that did a large amount of small multi-family deals. After meeting with him, he told me that I was not ready to buy.

A person that I knew said that she wanted to learn the business from the real estate side. She told me that she had no experience and was willing to work for me for the learning. I was able to find a purchase a four-plex as a result.

In both of these situations I was very intimidated but continued to push. This was a big part of the learning process. But the basic path of fear remained in place.

As a manager at a large company, there were times that it was necessary to speak in front of groups. I would freeze up and could not even remember what to say. My hands and voice would shake while attempting to follow notes that I had written. Realizing that I was going to remain in this situation, I asked my manager to give me every speaking opportunity that came available.

The big kicker came when I flew across the country to address a group of scientists on a particular issue that the company had been working on. Afterward, one of my subordinates said "why did you tell the group that you were not a scientist during your presentation?". I realized that they would not have known otherwise and that this was coming from a position of weakness.

Never again would that perceived weakness be put forth. In fact, it changed the perception of strength. I knew just as much or more about the problem and the path toward solutions.

One day shortly after I quit my job to pursue real estate investing, I walked into a meeting. In this meeting there were lenders, commercial realtors, and attorneys. I was purchasing a multi-million dollar deal and needed to convince these people to overcome some obstacles to the financing.

I walked in to the meeting wearing shorts and an old tee-shirt. It was obvious that I was working on labor intensive issues. One of the guys in the meeting said "See! I told you he would drive up in his work truck and look like this". Others at the table smiled and nodded in approval. Another said "We can tell who in the room doesn't have a boss". I strolled past all the people in suits, took a seat at the table, and convinced them of how I was going to turn a crap property into a success.

It took years to overcome many of the issues. That does not need to be the case for you. The first step is to recognize the need to let go of the fear. It is our fears and insecurities getting in the way.

This is for you @MetalGear
Huge lesson here. Took me a long time to understand and still learning it through process execution every day.

Thanks @SteveO
 

ZF Lee

Platinum Contributor
FASTLANE INSIDER
Read Millionaire Fastlane
I've Read UNSCRIPTED
Speedway Pass
Jul 27, 2016
2,505
4,411
1,026
22
Malaysia
This is so timely @SteveO.

I am getting flack from some of my peers at work, funny enough right after I performed well on a project.
The holidays have also been stressful since relatives can be just as critical.
I fully recognize that I should let go of the feeling that I need to belong, especially as a budding entrepreneur.

I have taken steps to get out of my head. Exercise and meditation have helped a lot.
Hoping to get to your level zero f*cks given soon. :smile:
The holidays stress is not alien to me.
Never have I been so uncomfortable with relatives who assume that they have better reins than me.

The old mantra, 'This, too, will pass.' seems like the best daily reminder to keep cool.

Something personal to share with Fastlaners today...

I nearly got to blows at a recent Messenger call for a class reunion at the end of this month. My old high school friends are collecting phone numbers for further communication of meetup details.

Everyone on the Messenger was pretty excited and it got above the roof, despite the group having like 30 people. The flurry of texts was overwhelming.

I too decided to say hello and chime in, but one of the more unscrupulous geeks accused me of spamming, when I wasn't even the first to initiate it. He even blocked me from the group, until others pulled me back in.

I am not sure why he decided to single me out, when others might be 'spamming' as well. He could have been more understanding that we all want to meet up and cannot wait to enjoy each other's company.

I fell a bit sad when I looked at the contrasting banter and delight in the Fastlane Summit meeting threads. Entrepreneurs and Fastlaners were actually being very civil and courteous, even keeping the jabber to the minimum civilly so that others can get the details.

Even they exchanged lots of good tips on travel, hotels, side trips and many good tricks on enjoying the Summit.

In that messenger group, I only got brash hostility.

I think my high school friends just don't know what it means to have so little time or opportunities to meet with good people. Fastlaners are usually busy with their lives and work, so a good event such as the Summit is a rare treat.

Presently, I am considering moving on by linking up with more entrepreneurs (one good event is a business school open day, never know what you can find) and discounting hat meetup as a waste of my time.

I might be harsh, but I am not going to allow people to SCRIPT me. At least, people who appreciate my presence can agree with exchanges of info or experiences.
 

Sponsored Offers

MARKETPLACE Fox Web School "Legend" Group Coaching Program 2021
Any update? Hey bud! When I can squeeze out the time to work, it's been going pretty well...
MARKETPLACE Not sure how to start? This free book will teach you how to build a successful web design business
Hi Fox. Starting the book and got through the introduction. Had a conversation with Andy Black...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE NEW: The Best School for Going Fastlane (Now open for summer enrollment)
For any web designers struggling to sell it is hardly ever about competition with other web...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE You Are One Call Away From Living Your Dream Life - LightHouse’s Accountability Program ⚡
Chris is super sharp and is aware of many facets of entrepreneurship and can help get your...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Lex DeVille's - Advanced Freelance Udemy Courses!
This month's promo code is MINDCONTROL Those who are subscribed to my new Youtube channel will...
  • Sticky
MARKETPLACE Entrepreneur's Toolbox: Company Formation, Virtual Mailbox, Registered Agent, Remote Online Notary
Appreciating the transparency and lack of hidden fees. The website is very up-front and user...
Introducing MJ's Personal Unscripted Network, Join Now for FREE!
Any chance to make it available outside of US? It has been available outside of the US on...

Forum Sponsor

Learn Fastlane Business Skills & Get Profitable Within 30 Days...

Get Started Now

New Topics

Fastlane Insiders

View the forum AD FREE.
Private, unindexed content
Detailed process/execution threads
Ideas needing execution, more!

Join Fastlane Insiders.

Top Bottom