Dating as a Fastlaner

[biophase]

This is absolutely great insight. I think the location independent thing is for sure a struggle these days with all the remote work. I too work remotely which allows me the flexibility to move but I do more traveling than physically relocating due to family/personal reasons.

May I ask if you've changed your approach to dating? Has it been successful? Did you need to change your mindset or your dating preferences in order to see a difference?

This may sound odd, but now I'd prefer to date someone that either doesn't have an important career, or is on the tail end of their career and ready to retire. The more tied to their job or business they are, the less I'm interested. But when I was in my 30's and 40's, this wasn't the case.

I think you just need to find the right match for your current situation.

I know a girl in her high 40's who is ready to retire and travel. She met a guy who is a highly paid doctor that wants to work another 20 years. So is she going to wait until her late 60's to live the retired life? If I were her, I wouldn't settle. But alot of people would be thinking, jackpot! You got yourself a doctor!

Someone in another reply to this post (I'm paraphrasing) stated that having two fastlaners or entrepreneurs in a relationship would be challenging as two busy people would never have time for each other. But what about if one is super busy while the other has more "down time" or "available time" (as you've described with dating doctors/lawyers).

The reason I mentioned doctors and lawyers is because they generally work way more than 40 hours a week. They might have one night available per week. And they don't get much vacation time.

I could date someone with a regular 9-5 and doesn't take work home with them.

I think 2 fast laners living together would be fine. Even living apart would be fine because by definition, they control their time. They can find things to do during the day and work weekends.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I haven’t been single in a decade but you fit the profile of someone who I would have dated and found attractive.

For me, I wanted a successful woman in her vocation. The vocation was less important, i just wanted her to be a high achiever in whatever career she was in, and understood the Unscripted philosophy.

I didn’t want to take care of anyone or be someone’s savior.

Hang in there, let your energy and vibrancy attract who you deserve. Don’t settle!

 

[mooney14]

I haven’t been single in a decade but you fit the profile of someone who I would have dated and found attractive.

For me, I wanted a successful woman in her vocation. The vocation was less important, i just wanted her to be a high achiever in whatever career she was in, and understood the Unscripted philosophy.

I didn’t want to take care of anyone or be someone’s savior.

Hang in there, let your energy and vibrancy attract who you deserve. Don’t settle!

Hi MJ -

Appreciate the thoughts

I was not looking for kudos or an opportunity to brag when I posted my initial thoughts, I'm truly interested to see if others are experiencing the same struggle.

However, your reply was extremely refreshing and a bit of an confidence booster! And I completely agree with your perspective.

Thank you!

 

[AceVentures]

Do you want kids? This should be the most important question you answer.

Your dating strategy depends on the answer to this question.

If you don't want kids, then focus on your career or your business, make friends along the way and have fun. No rush. If you meet someone that wants to tag along, then so be it. Just stay healthy, nurture your hobbies and you'll meet someone that vibes with you eventually.

If you want kids, then you must adjust your expectations. You're on a strict biological timer, and at 32, you already don't stand a great chance. In this scenario, your potential partner's fastlane/slowlane mindset is less relevant than whether they also want to form a family with you.

I would say more than half the girls I went to engineering school with that I keep up with today are unmarried and childless. They're your age. They're quickly growing anxious. They spent the past decade propping up their resumes and social lives, travelling, going to music festivals, and devoting themselves to growing as professionals. They're now realizing they likely fumbled their chance at having a family, and the angst is driving them mad.

For all the "Girls in STEM" cheerleading they got, and all the promotions and business trips they were encouraged to go on, there weren't enough people reminding them that their core biological primitive has a time limit.

 

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[Panos Daras]

You'd be surprised how many guys my age want kids! But again, totally fine. That just means we aren't a good match or maybe I haven't met someone that I've wanted to have kids with.... So many possibilities here.

That is total BS. If you want kids you have to decide now! You are 32. Let's take the normal case scenario: To meet someone will take 1 year so 33. To know if you are a good match 35. Fertility has declined already a lot. To decide if you can collaborate, it is good to live together for 2 years approximately, so.. 37. Baby takes approximately 0-2 years to be conceived so 39 + 9 months for delivery.

Get the point? The math does not work!

This is why, back in my days, when I dated women who did not know if they wanted to have kids and were career and money-driven, they went inside the bedroom and out of the window!
No wife material, just for pleasure.

Sorry telling you what you NEED to hear not what you WANT to hear. You want to hear that you are young and have all the time in the world. You are not! You are 6 years to becoming middle-aged! Life expectancy is at 77! Everyone thinks that they will live to 100 for some reason though.

P.S. I am around your age married with one child. Kids are amazing. Everything else has diminishing returns. In the end, You do you. My advice is for me only. Perception = Reality.

 

[Kevin88660]

This post is a little unorthodox for the forum, but I swear it is related. Let me explain why...

I'll start with a little about me. I'm a 32 year old female and I have two fur children (goldendoodles). I'm an engineer, I have a fairly high paying 9-5 that lets me work remotely and have decent flexibility but I still absolutely hate it, and I manage my finances fairly well (no debt or car payment, emergency fund, retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, etc. etc.). I love doing crossfit competitively, snowboarding, hiking, going to the beach, traveling frequently, reading often, and learning as much as I can (working on Spanish right now). Finally, I'm laser focused on retiring by 40. Quite the spectrum, I know

Anyway, onto the main point...

I think we (single people) can all agree that dating in 2023 is absolutely dreadful. Between dating apps and social media, we live in the age of ghosting, gaslighting, and catfishing. On top of all that, being a Fastlaner makes it even harder (in my opinion, at least). Pre-reading The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted , I definitely had my "criteria" that was I looking for in a long term relationship. You know standard stuff: have a "good" job, live a healthy & active lifestyle, not be a serial killer or a catfish or try to steal my identify. All of those things still hold true after reading both books, although now I'm almost too selective.

As I've started my Fastlane journey and I'm executing on my first idea, I've fully immersed myself in the mindset and ideology of getting out of the rat race and living on my own terms. I've found this to be somewhat challenging when dating as most people I've encountered are very much in the Slowlane and have no intentions of doing life any other way. I'm almost immediately turned off by this as I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that just wants to work their 9-5 while I'm working on my exit strategy. What happens when one of my ideas is finally the one? I liquidate and live the rest of my life living without an alarm clock or a "job." I think I'm having an extremely hard time overcoming the difference in mindset. I'm almost subconsciously devaluing the path of the people I go on dates with because I so badly want out of the Fastlane. I'm struggling to bridge the gap in mindset.

I'm not sure if I'm very much overthinking this or there are other Fastlaners that are experiencing similar issues when trying to date? I know this isn't directly related to standard forum talk but I do think having such a dramatic shift in mindset has had a significant impact on what I'm looking for in a partner and what I envision for my life.

Would love to hear thoughts!

I don’t think both parties have to be business loving and risk taking entrepreneurs for a relationship to work well.

As long one side is supportive it could work well. Very often it is good to have one party tipping toes into business to try out ideas while the other partner/spouse works in a stable job.

Admittedly being an entrepreneur will lose some dating opportunities. My perception is that most people view entrepreneurs as cool and sexy but something too risky to get into their personal/financial life. Many people look for traits of stability in a relationship and being a hustler without steady flow of income is often “sexy but not for me/my future partner”.

It is also important not to assume that being in business/entrepreneurship you are somewhat more morally superior to people who don’t.

Most people don’t have aptitude or mindset to be suitable for business and among many who do, few will be very successful, and for those who are successful it often takes years to have significant result.

 

[mooney14]

Do you want kids? This should be the most important question you answer.

Your dating strategy depends on the answer to this question.

If you don't want kids, then focus on your career or your business, make friends along the way and have fun. No rush. If you meet someone that wants to tag along, then so be it. Just stay healthy, nurture your hobbies and you'll meet someone that vibes with you eventually.

If you want kids, then you must adjust your expectations. You're on a strict biological timer, and at 32, you already don't stand a great chance. In this scenario, your potential partner's fastlane/slowlane mindset is less relevant than whether they also want to form a family with you.

I would say more than half the girls I went to engineering school with that I keep up with today are unmarried and childless. They're your age. They're quickly growing anxious. They spent the past decade propping up their resumes and social lives, travelling, going to music festivals, and devoting themselves to growing as professionals. They're now realizing they likely fumbled their chance at having a family, and the angst is driving them mad.

For all the "Girls in STEM" cheerleading they got, and all the promotions and business trips they were encouraged to go on, there weren't enough people reminding them that their core biological primitive has a time limit.

Hi there, appreciate the reply.

I did state previously that I don't want kids. It is not something that I see for my future. I have nephews and I think that is close as I want to get to parenthood. Which is completely fine.

But extremely valid point to bring up. Not wanting kids is probably why I'm more focused on Fastlane/Slowlane mindset because it is top of the list for things I'm looking for.

Great insight.

 

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[mooney14]

That is total BS. If you want kids you have to decide now! You are 32. Let's take the normal case scenario: To meet someone will take 1 year so 33. To know if you are a good match 35. Fertility has declined already a lot. To decide if you can collaborate, it is good to live together for 2 years approximately, so.. 37. Baby takes approximately 0-2 years to be conceived so 39 + 9 months for delivery.

Get the point? The math does not work!

This is why, back in my days, when I dated women who did not know if they wanted to have kids and were career and money-driven, they went inside the bedroom and out of the window!
No wife material, just for pleasure.

Sorry telling you what you NEED to hear not what you WANT to hear. You want to hear that you are young and have all the time in the world. You are not! You are 6 years to becoming middle-aged! Life expectancy is at 77! Everyone thinks that they will live to 100 for some reason though.

P.S. I am around your age married with one child. Kids are amazing. Everything else has diminishing returns. In the end, You do you. My advice is for me only. Perception = Reality.

Hi There -

I appreciate the thorough reply regarding the process of having a child. However, my initial statement was that I don't want kids. That is just not something I see for my future nor do I have plans for children. I do understand the math and I'm very aware that it takes 9 months to have a child, but I don't want children....

Also, I am going to have to respectfully and wholeheartedly disagree with your statement that a woman that does not want children is "not wife material." Not that this post is even remotely related to having children or sexism but if a male didn't want children he would not be deemed "not husband material." This just doesn't make sense to me.

I do believe, however, that a woman that does not want children is "not wife material" for a man that wants children. It simply means they are not a good match and that is OK.

I would much prefer a female to stick to her decision to not have children vs. only have children because it is what society, her family, her friends, or anyone besides her, thinks she should do. Bringing a child into this world is probably the biggest decision any human can ever make. Doing so for the wrong reasons, is the worst mistake, especially for the sake of that poor, innocent child. With divorce rate still at an alarmingly high rate and couples having children to "save their marriage," I honestly believe choosing to not having children may be the smarter decision right now. If someone told me they didn't want to have children, I would applaud their decision to know what they want vs. telling them they are essentially damaged for their choice.

I mean no offense when I say this but, the initial post was about mindset. It was about ME being hyper selective with a partner not about my inability to find one because I don't want children. I believe the question I posed to the forum has been slightly skewed along the way and I'd like to bring us back to the topic of Fastlane vs. Slowlane mindset. Not about my choice to not have children.

Thanks.

 

[mooney14]

Admittedly being an entrepreneur will lose some dating opportunities. My perception is that most people view entrepreneurs as cool and sexy but something too risky to get into their personal/financial life. Many people look for traits of stability in a relationship and being a hustler without steady flow of income is often “sexy but not for me/my future partner”.

This is a very interesting and valid point. I definitely didn't think about this but an awesome perception. People like the idea but are afraid of the risk so they like the stability of their jobs, which is of course their choice and that is totally fine. But glad you called that out.

It is also important not to assume that being in business/entrepreneurship you are somewhat more morally superior to people who don’t.

This is another great point. I think my passion (hated) for my job does make me subconscious wonder why other people are just so ok with their jobs. But hey, they may enjoy it. Could be exactly what they want to be doing and they love the life they are living. Another fantastic point. I love this.

Thank you for sharing - lots to think about in a short little post.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Tagging @Red who sounds a bit like you, who also went through a similar struggle with similar constraints.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

I would much prefer a female to stick to her decision to not have children vs. only have children because it is what society, her family, her friends, or anyone besides her, thinks she should do. Bringing a child into this world is probably the biggest decision any human can ever make. Doing so for the wrong reasons, is the worst mistake, especially for the sake of that poor, innocent child. With divorce rate still at an alarmingly high rate and couples having children to "save their marriage," I honestly believe choosing to not having children may be the smarter decision right now. If someone told me they didn't want to have children, I would applaud their decision to know what they want vs. telling them they are essentially damaged for their choice.

You sound incredibly reasoned, a breathe of fresh air in a deteriorating culture. So many normies like to say that the decision not to have kids is "selfish" -- those people need to be punched in the face, lol.

 

[Trismigistus]

Tagging @Red who sounds a bit like you, who also went through a similar struggle with similar constraints.

MJ the match maker, niiiice haha.

 

[mooney14]

You sound incredibly reasoned, a breathe of fresh air in a deteriorating culture. So many normies like to say that the decision not to have kids is "selfish" -- those people need to be punched in the face, lol.

I honestly think that is my "problem." I'm extremely logical & data driven in my thought process and decision making. And there are so many stereotypes (specifically for women) that I just don't fit, at all. Started with engineering, now I lift weights, drive a big truck, have insanely high personal and professional expectations, and don't want children. I check all the "red flag" boxes......maybe they are all just jealous.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

MJ the match maker, niiiice haha.

Naw... Red is a high-achieving, motorcycle-driving woman who also mentioned here that she didn't want children.

 

[Trismigistus]

Naw... Red is a high-achieving, motorcycle-driving woman who also mentioned here that she didn't want children.

Epic fail on my part haha

 

[mooney14]

Naw... Red is a high-achieving, motorcycle-driving woman who also mentioned here that she didn't want children.

She sounds pretty freaking awesome to me!

 

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[Red]

Tagging @Red who sounds a bit like you, who also went through a similar struggle with similar constraints.

haha I've been reading this thread, debating on whether to offer comment before it devolves into men telling me about my biological clock, what I truly want, & being damaged psychologically for not wanting children.... XD

MJ the match maker, niiiice haha.

not exactly, kiddo.

I'm almost subconsciously devaluing the path of the people I go on dates with because I so badly want out of the Fastlane. I'm struggling to bridge the gap in mindset.

It's good that you're aware of this, to what degree you judge can either protect you or cause you to miss out -it just depends on the person on the receiving end & your potential compatibility. But you know this, you're a smart woman.

And there's no simple answer.... it's hard, girl. Dating is hard. I've got a few years on you here, but I was sitting in your same spot at the same age.... I didn't meet the man who would become my husband until I was 33. By then, I solidly knew that I wanted freedom over my own schedule & life and was actively working on making it happen. I had a business or two under my belt (and the ensuing wisdom from lessons learned in failure.... ugh). I was actively pursuing my own freedom.

So I had all your same "red flags" hahahahaaaaa.



Only my husband loved every. single. one. of them.

Don't want kids? He was raised in a big family & knew early on that kids was a big HELL NO for him.

Making decent money? He had an ex wife who spent money out from under him & didn't understand basic accounting or how much money that your time is worth.

Fit & active? He loved that I had my own life, took care of my physical health, had my own friends and ended up joining up with my softball team.

I've always loved cars & motorcycles... so that was a given for good conversation & a shared interest. (again, his ex hated his sport bikes.... he was ecstatic to find a woman who not only liked them, but rode as well -which he honestly didn't know existed)


But the BIG thing is: he wasn't intimidated by any of me or my world BECAUSE he was comfortable with who he was & what he brought to the table. And that is hard to find in this world. He didn't have anything to prove, he was just living his life, looking for a compatible partner with shared interests and suddenly, things that other men called red flags in me were a perfect fit for him.

And vice versa -things he had been told were unattractive characteristics or desires lined right up with what I wanted in a partner.


And because he was comfortable in himself, he had no problem being 100% supportive of me & my endeavors.




So @mooney14 , that all was a very long winded way to say:

Compatibility is challenging to find, we're such complex creatures.... and it's even harder when you've got a unique set of features yourself that are scarce. It definitely ups the standards -I mean, I'm a catch, right?! Of course I'm also looking for a catch, duh.

It's also hard to hear people tell you that you've got unrealistic expectations & you need to lower them. Yeah.... no. I'll be alone forever before I tether myself to someone who I think has an expiration date -not signing up for that.

Hang in there. Just keep doing the things you do & putting yourself out there. I know it can be tiring & discouraging. But you can do hard things, girl, you've already proved this in life. It may take a bit more time than "normal" but we both know that most people settle in this department, so does it really take longer if you give up quicker?


It's 100% worth the effort & wait. I would do it all over again if I had to.
So let's just hope I die first.

 

[mooney14]

It's good that you're aware of this, to what degree you judge can either protect you or cause you to miss out -it just depends on the person on the receiving end & your potential compatibility. But you know this, you're a smart woman.

I'm doing my best. This is all so new to me lol. I finished read TMF in May and I've already started my first business venture, making a complete 180 in thought process. I wanted to reality check myself and make sure I wasn't completely out of touch.

So I had all your same "red flags" hahahahaaaaa.



Only my husband loved every. single. one. of them.

Love this!

But the BIG thing is: he wasn't intimidated by any of me or my world BECAUSE he was comfortable with who he was & what he brought to the table. And that is hard to find in this world. He didn't have anything to prove, he was just living his life, looking for a compatible partner with shared interests and suddenly, things that other men called red flags in me were a perfect fit for him.

And vice versa -things he had been told were unattractive characteristics or desires lined right up with what I wanted in a partner.


And because he was comfortable in himself, he had no problem being 100% supportive of me & my endeavors.

This is for sure where a lot of the problem is (in my opinion) stemming from. It seems like there are a lot of men that are looking for a relationship for an ego boost, not because its the right step or the right person for them. Women seem to have more ability to say you're not my person (even if they get some backlash for it) but I believe we are more secure in what we want and are less likely to settle (women being single later in life recently).

You husband sounds like the example lots of other guys should be using when evaluating how they view themselves and what they want.

It's also hard to hear people tell you that you've got unrealistic expectations & you need to lower them. Yeah.... no. I'll be alone forever before I tether myself to someone who I think has an expiration date -not signing up for that.

Hang in there. Just keep doing the things you do & putting yourself out there. I know it can be tiring & discouraging. But you can do hard things, girl, you've already proved this in life. It may take a bit more time than "normal" but we both know that most people settle in this department, so does it really take longer if you give up quicker?

I've definitely heard that once or twice. The "you may need to date down" advice. Very much would rather continue living life with myself and my doodles than do that, but again - wanted to reality check myself to make sure I wasn't being extremely unrealistic with expectations.

Being with the wrong person is way more effort and more expensive than being single until its the right time. For now, my focus is getting my first business venture off the ground and seeing how big of an impact I can truly make. The expectations are high for what I'm looking for in a partner but even more so for myself.

I truly appreciate your insight and words of encouragement. It sounds like you're doing absolutely amazing so keep crushing life!

 

[emavery176]

I’m a 31-year-old woman on a fast-lane journey and dating.

Plenty of men are interested in women who are “go-getters” and entrepreneurial.
Do not let this forum rain on your parade. I meet the best guys in person - not on the dating apps. I noticed ambitious people are less likely to use social media and dating apps.

When I date, I’m unapologetically myself, and I’ll break up with a man who feels intimidated or jealous of me. Envy has no place in friendships or romance.

It also helps to be open to a slightly older man who has already achieved some of his accomplishments. In my experience, they are less likely to feel threatened by their girlfriend/wife’s success.

Also, be careful around men who preach about “fit feminine and friendly” BS. Those ideologies are rooted in red pill doctrines - which are misogynistic.

 

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[socaldude]

Dating these days is very hard.

People are addicted to social media, are lazy, are way too asleep and can't even listen to somebody.

You will find somebody if you refuse to settle and stick to your values.

As a man, I always ask myself who do I need to become in order for a woman to be content with me?

 

[Trismigistus]

I’m a 31-year-old woman on a fast-lane journey and dating.

Plenty of men are interested in women who are “go-getters” and entrepreneurial.
Do not let this forum rain on your parade. I meet the best guys in person - not on the dating apps. I noticed ambitious people are less likely to use social media and dating apps.

When I date, I’m unapologetically myself, and I’ll break up with a man who feels intimidated or jealous of me. Envy has no place in friendships or romance.

It also helps to be open to a slightly older man who has already achieved some of his accomplishments. In my experience, they are less likely to feel threatened by their girlfriend/wife’s success.

Also, be careful around men who preach about “fit feminine and friendly” BS. Those ideologies are rooted in red pill doctrines - which are misogynistic.

Didnt come here to bash anyone but since you decided to call me out, what is wrong with a man wanting a fit woman? What is wrong with a man wanting a friendly woman? What is wrong with a man wanting a feminine woman? This is the "hitler had a dog argument." Assholes can want fit feminine and friendly, nice people can also want fit feminine friendly.

 

[emavery176]

Didnt come here to bash anyone but since you decided to call me out, what is wrong with a man wanting a fit woman? What is wrong with a man wanting a friendly woman? What is wrong with a man wanting a feminine woman?

it’s a redpill dog whistle. that term was coined by Kevin Samuels and he was deeply misogynistic.

his entire criteria was originally fit, feminine friendly, cooperative and submissive. marriage is a team sport - we submit to each other (and maybe God, if your religious).

it’s akin to a woman saying she doesn’t date broke men or she’s hypergamous. those are gold-digger dog whistles.

 

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[Trismigistus]

it’s a redpill dog whistle. that term was coined by Kevin Samuels and he was deeply misogynistic.

his entire criteria was originally fit, feminine friendly, cooperative and submissive. marriage is a team sport - we submit to each other (and maybe God, if your religious).

Still didnt answer my question. Youre throwing all this other bs in there. Thanks for the insults.

 

[emavery176]

Still didnt answer my question. Youre throwing all this other bs in there. Thanks for the insults.

if a man is attracted to a feminine, fit and friendly women - there’s nothing wrong with that but there is more to a woman that just those criteria. you can be fit feminine and friendly with your own thoughts/opinions and be ambitious.

btw, in my original comment, i wasn’t “calling anyone out”. i’m speaking from my own personal experiences as a woman - there are some men out there who use the “fit,feminine and friendly” retortic as misogyny in disguise.

if that’s not your mentality then my comment doesn’t apply to you.

 

[Edoardo]

there weren't enough people reminding them that their core biological primitive has a time limit.

Super based

 

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[Simon Angel]

As a man, I always ask myself who do I need to become in order for a woman to be content with me?

Hopefully, you also ask yourself what women you will be content with.

 

[Awakened2022]

This post is a little unorthodox for the forum, but I swear it is related. Let me explain why...

I'll start with a little about me. I'm a 32 year old female and I have two fur children (goldendoodles). I'm an engineer, I have a fairly high paying 9-5 that lets me work remotely and have decent flexibility but I still absolutely hate it, and I manage my finances fairly well (no debt or car payment, emergency fund, retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, etc. etc.). I love doing crossfit competitively, snowboarding, hiking, going to the beach, traveling frequently, reading often, and learning as much as I can (working on Spanish right now). Finally, I'm laser focused on retiring by 40. Quite the spectrum, I know

Anyway, onto the main point...

I think we (single people) can all agree that dating in 2023 is absolutely dreadful. Between dating apps and social media, we live in the age of ghosting, gaslighting, and catfishing. On top of all that, being a Fastlaner makes it even harder (in my opinion, at least). Pre-reading The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted , I definitely had my "criteria" that was I looking for in a long term relationship. You know standard stuff: have a "good" job, live a healthy & active lifestyle, not be a serial killer or a catfish or try to steal my identify. All of those things still hold true after reading both books, although now I'm almost too selective.

As I've started my Fastlane journey and I'm executing on my first idea, I've fully immersed myself in the mindset and ideology of getting out of the rat race and living on my own terms. I've found this to be somewhat challenging when dating as most people I've encountered are very much in the Slowlane and have no intentions of doing life any other way. I'm almost immediately turned off by this as I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that just wants to work their 9-5 while I'm working on my exit strategy. What happens when one of my ideas is finally the one? I liquidate and live the rest of my life living without an alarm clock or a "job." I think I'm having an extremely hard time overcoming the difference in mindset. I'm almost subconsciously devaluing the path of the people I go on dates with because I so badly want out of the Fastlane. I'm struggling to bridge the gap in mindset.

I'm not sure if I'm very much overthinking this or there are other Fastlaners that are experiencing similar issues when trying to date? I know this isn't directly related to standard forum talk but I do think having such a dramatic shift in mindset has had a significant impact on what I'm looking for in a partner and what I envision for my life.

Would love to hear thoughts!

I greatly admire your courage in reaching out where many might have chosen to "suffer" in silence.

Your post and the ensuing replies have given me more ideas for a book I have been procrastinating about writing.

I got married close to eighteen years ago after two years of dating. We have had a roller coaster of a marriage, full of ups and significant downs. What has held us together, though, I believe is me!

Young though I was at the time of marriage, I had a few things that I was looking for, about which I could not negotiate:

He had to be catholic.
He had to be dark-skinned.
He had to be tall(I am one tall chic).
He had to come from a big family(They are fifteen, same mother, same father.)
He had to have an interest in reading. And he had to want kids.

Where did I look?
In church gatherings. In fellowships. In Literature seminars.

Being catholic has kept us together since for us it is "till death do us part."

The kids are a bridge because they are his pulse.
Hence, we stick out the lows and embrace the highs.

Other issues, we compromise as the need arises.

My take?

When you know what you want, you don't waste time kissing unnecessary frogs.

 

[SkyLake]

Not much I can say, but it's great to see you're actively trying to work this out.

Ignore the normies/NPCs here who're like 'you have a biological clock blah blah blah', this is not 1950 - you can have your eggs frozen, which is only possible if you have some money, which is only possible if you have a successful career/business.

As far as dating goes.. I just broke with my first girlfriend in years because she lived 50 miles away, which was too much for me. I just didn't have the time to see her even once a week if it meant I had to sacrifice 3-4 hours just to travel. I just broke up with the potential love of my life and future mother of my kids for that shitty reason.

It reminded me how dark entrepreneurship actually is. The lengths I'm willing to go at. So I don't blame you at all for not 'settling'. If you choose entrepreneurship, you are choosing to play life on hard mode. The normies/NPCs would never understand.

 

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[Simon Angel]

Not much I can say, but it's great to see you're actively trying to work this out.

Ignore the normies/NPCs here who're like 'you have a biological clock blah blah blah', this is not 1950 - you can have your eggs frozen, which is only possible if you have some money, which is only possible if you have a successful career/business.

As far as dating goes.. I just broke with my first girlfriend in years because she lived 50 miles away, which was too much for me. I just didn't have the time to see her even once a week if it meant I had to sacrifice 3-4 hours just to travel. I just broke up with the potential love of my life and future mother of my kids for that shitty reason.

It reminded me how dark entrepreneurship actually is. The lengths I'm willing to go at. So I don't blame you at all for not 'settling'. If you choose entrepreneurship, you are choosing to play life on hard mode. The normies/NPCs would never understand.

She dodged a bullet imo

 

[Anna13]

This post is a little unorthodox for the forum, but I swear it is related. Let me explain why...

I'll start with a little about me. I'm a 32 year old female and I have two fur children (goldendoodles). I'm an engineer, I have a fairly high paying 9-5 that lets me work remotely and have decent flexibility but I still absolutely hate it, and I manage my finances fairly well (no debt or car payment, emergency fund, retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, etc. etc.). I love doing crossfit competitively, snowboarding, hiking, going to the beach, traveling frequently, reading often, and learning as much as I can (working on Spanish right now). Finally, I'm laser focused on retiring by 40. Quite the spectrum, I know

Anyway, onto the main point...

I think we (single people) can all agree that dating in 2023 is absolutely dreadful. Between dating apps and social media, we live in the age of ghosting, gaslighting, and catfishing. On top of all that, being a Fastlaner makes it even harder (in my opinion, at least). Pre-reading The Millionaire Fastlane and Unscripted , I definitely had my "criteria" that was I looking for in a long term relationship. You know standard stuff: have a "good" job, live a healthy & active lifestyle, not be a serial killer or a catfish or try to steal my identify. All of those things still hold true after reading both books, although now I'm almost too selective.

As I've started my Fastlane journey and I'm executing on my first idea, I've fully immersed myself in the mindset and ideology of getting out of the rat race and living on my own terms. I've found this to be somewhat challenging when dating as most people I've encountered are very much in the Slowlane and have no intentions of doing life any other way. I'm almost immediately turned off by this as I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone that just wants to work their 9-5 while I'm working on my exit strategy. What happens when one of my ideas is finally the one? I liquidate and live the rest of my life living without an alarm clock or a "job." I think I'm having an extremely hard time overcoming the difference in mindset. I'm almost subconsciously devaluing the path of the people I go on dates with because I so badly want out of the Fastlane. I'm struggling to bridge the gap in mindset.

I'm not sure if I'm very much overthinking this or there are other Fastlaners that are experiencing similar issues when trying to date? I know this isn't directly related to standard forum talk but I do think having such a dramatic shift in mindset has had a significant impact on what I'm looking for in a partner and what I envision for my life.

Would love to hear thoughts!

Hi! I think your post is very interesting and it resonates with me.

First: I have deep respect for women like you (I'm female, too) for participating in today's dating world and still not giving up. I'd be completely lost. I hear stories about ghosting and narcissistic behaviour from men on these dating apps like all the time.

Second: I totally understand you being almost turned off by a slowlane lifestyle. I think people with a fastlane mindset have had it since a long time actually, it has to do with life goals, values and personality - and with personal growth, too. I could not imagine having a slowlane/sidewalk partner. It's like going in complete different directions. My partner has a fastlane mindset and our relationship feels like we're running towards the same goal. And that is the most important thing to me. Because, let's face it, if you get together with someone who doesn't have the same goals/values, it's just a matter of time until you separate. And then you'd have to start over with dating.

We are work focused, yes, but it's such a great feeling that the other one understands, why this work is important >>> to get out of the rat race and have more quality time like being able to afford traveling together, instead of watching Netflix together every day. Our relationship is great, because we understand what we want and why we want it. We have much time for each other, because we don't work 9 to 5, and we talk about fastlane themes like money, business, clients. It's exciting! He's my soulmate and we are still very much in love after so many years together.

I can't imagine a slowlaner understand why I prefer to work on a weekend instead of going out. Or why I want independence and wealth so much more than being content with what I have and work for somebody else.

I wish you all the best, and you will find somebody, who will jump on the fastlane with you, because you want it. There are many men out there, who love women, who know what they want and who are annoyed by women, who don't know what they want. So, I'm wishing you success!
Anna