Critique my NEW sales page

[GuestUser116]

Update!!!

Added a video intro. Check it out!

Going to start my ad campaign tomorrow and make bank

 

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[Charnell]

Update!!!

Added a video intro. Check it out!

Going to start my ad campaign tomorrow and make bank

Man, if you have time, you should try to create a whole new landing with all the advice you've disregarded in the thread and see how that goes. Have them both up at the same time, split advertising down the middle, and see which one does better.

I've never created a landing page, but to be completely honest, your page looks like an old goecities page. Have you looked at examples of other landing pages? I think if you found a professional looking template you could make conversions.

 

[GuestUser116]

Man, if you have time, you should try to create a whole new landing with all the advice you've disregarded in the thread and see how that goes. Have them both up at the same time, split advertising down the middle, and see which one does better.

I've never created a landing page, but to be completely honest, your page looks like an old goecities page. Have you looked at examples of other landing pages? I think if you found a professional looking template you could make conversions.

I did try to make a few different ones and this is the best one I got. Already tested it without video and it got no conversions.

Now I want to see how it converts with an autoplay video at the beginning of the page.

 

[Charnell]

I did try to make a few different ones and this is the best one I got. Already tested it without video and it got no conversions.

Now I want to see how it converts with an autoplay video at the beginning of the page.

I watched the video, nice visuals but the voice-over is so monotone. Honestly if I stumbled upon that through a search engine I would probably leave based on that. He doesn't even sound excited about the product he's promoting.

 

[hestati]

I know nothing about landing pages, I know only about copy. I also will not touch the subject of ethical-non-ethical

Your copy is not bad. Sort of...

Your headline is good. Could be better, but let's say it is not a problem.

Testimonials. The fact that you have them is great.

But overall structure is a mess, video here, picture there, more pictures, blocks of unrelated, but somewhat well written text.

you do a good job explaining why this is a goo idea to try calisthenics, but you haven't explain why anyone should buy your product.

remember, no one cares about you, we care about our body, so "my results" should be replaced with "results you can expect"

but the main main main problem is... People do not believe you. They don't think you product will deliver. You MUST offer money back, 100% unconditional money back for as long as you can afford. You can even think about conditional 200% money back, like "show me a video of you doing 30 pull ups and still being skinny and get double your money back". Offer FREE Skype consultations to anyone who bought your product.

You need to work on trust, especially in this industry.

 

[Durete]

While I agree with almost every point hestati said.

I would not literally take this one "Conditional 200% money back, show a video of me doing 30 pull ups and being skinny"
When I was a teenager I would so be able to abuse it. Was able to do 50 strict pull-ups and I was probably the skinniest guy you've ever met


Also with fitness I would not do a 200% money back (while 100% is the norm with any fitness product) as fitness is very varied, the skinniest guys are usually pound-for-pound the strongest. (Take me for example, I'm skinny, but I'm able to deadlift 2.7 times my weight, one arm pushups and the like. if you did a 200% conditional money back promo on size, I would most likely be able to abuse every single condition that you could think of, and if I can, there will be more people that can.)

 

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[GuestUser116]

While I agree with almost every point hestati said.

I would not literally take this one "Conditional 200% money back, show a video of me doing 30 pull ups and being skinny"
When I was a teenager I would so be able to abuse it. Was able to do 50 strict pull-ups and I was probably the skinniest guy you've ever met


Also with fitness I would not do a 200% money back (while 100% is the norm with any fitness product) as fitness is very varied, the skinniest guys are usually pound-for-pound the strongest. (Take me for example, I'm skinny, but I'm able to deadlift 2.7 times my weight, one arm pushups and the like. if you did a 200% conditional money back promo on size, I would most likely be able to abuse every single condition that you could think of, and if I can, there will be more people that can.)

Ye I know, I wasn't going to do that.

The skinnier you are in bf the easier it is to do calisthenics. You don't see bulked up bodybuilders doing pistol squats and muscle ups haha.

 

[hestati]

Well my example on 200% was just an example. There maybe a way to do it, but for now try with just 100% like you did and see if you get more sales.

Good luck in new year

 

[GuestUser116]

Ye so 3rd split test in, last $50 out and no F*cking conversions. Got around 20-30 clicks on this last campaign and now it just feels like a $$$ disposal.

Unless I outsource a top notch sales page which I can't afford I don't see any success in this.

I'm just about ready to say F*ck it and move on.

 

[piesandak47]

I'm just about ready to say F*ck it and move on.

You seemed to have ignored what everyone is saying in this thread: the copy...to put it kindly is not good.

Your headline "Never Touch A Weight Again To Become Ripped, Vigorous, And Confident"

... is pretty much as generic as it gets when it comes to fitness products. You need a better angle and a better looking sales page. And not to sound like a douche, but your month 1, 2, 3 progress pics look VERY VERY similar. It looks like a pic of your body taken from slightly different angles.

 

[GuestUser116]

... is pretty much as generic as it gets when it comes to fitness products. You need a better angle and a better looking sales page.

No man its not "pretty much as generic as it gets" It describes my product, gives it a twist, and hooks the reader. What do you think is not generic? Something like "Get ripped in space, you don't even have to work out. Gravity will force growth in your muscles"?

I didn't ignore everything. If you saw my original sales page, the improvements are grand.

 

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[piesandak47]

The whole "get ripped without weights" space is has been done to death. Not saying you can't use it but you need a slight product differentiation. Like you said you have no conversions, the numbers don't lie.

 

[Silverhawk851]

Your trying to sell too much on the front end.
It isn't easy.

Your asking too much with giving too little.

Give a couple chapters free, or a couple exercises. Ask for an email. Create a Email sequence for first 5 days, sending another exercise every day. Or a planner/calendar. Something of value each day.
4-5th day, send them back to a video of you giving good content, and then to sales page.

Your conversions will quadruple.

Create a FUNNEL!

 

[JasonR]

Have you tested it? $20 sale on the front end is fine, but will be hard to make paid traffic work at that low of a price point without back end products.

Switch your headline around so the benefit is first. More powerful that way.

So what's the data tell you?

 

[Silverhawk851]

$20 sale on the front end is fine

I agree, but it's very thin there is no depth. Can't run traffic do that low of a margin don't you think
I guess data will tell

 

[GuestUser116]

I agree, but it's very thin there is no depth. Can't run traffic do that low of a margin don't you think
I guess data will tell

back end products

I can develop a back end product, but it'll be useless if the first product doesn't sell.

Data says my sales page is shit.

 

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[Ninjakid]

This is probably not what you want to hear, but sometimes you have to burn things down and start anew.

Also, the page design isn't that great. I'm just being honest, but if you compare it to other websites, it's an eyesore. If you're hiring a dev, I recommend getting someone else. If you're doing it yourself, I recommend investing a little more time into making a really great-looking website. You can always look to other nice ones for inspiration.

 

[samuraijack]

There's definitely potential in the market you are targeting. There is a need in getting fit from calisthenics and not using weights.

The biggest question is how can you tap into that market, and get your product in front of them?

and how to get the sale?

I wouldn't scrap your idea completely. Definitely head over to the gary halbert copywriting challenge thread and go through some of the books and write some copy.

and I agree, more free content and social engagement is needed.

This might hurt your ego, but I don't think the pictures of you are good enough to sell, they look very amateur (in a bad way). There are probably a lot more jacked guys pushing the same product, what makes you different?

You don't need to be the face of the product, but you do need to build a story behind the company and brand. That's another challenge for you.

 

[GuestUser116]

I scraped the site.. Spent $80 in advertising and made $40 in sales haha.

Still got 1 optimizepress key if anyone is interested, $20 only.

 

[JasonR]

I scraped the site.. Spent $80 in advertising and made $40 in sales haha.

Still got 1 optimizepress key if anyone is interested, $20 only.

Way to give up. I spent $200 on my first campaign to make one sale.

I was willing to spend THOUSANDS testing my idea.

smh.

 

[Durete]

Hehe yep, either spent a lot of money, or a lot of time in a product.

I'm doing the time right now, as I don't have the money yet.

Building a website, revising the website etc.
Building a main system, revising the system 1000 times.
Test the system (on myself, and others, too many people never test their written product or system on themselves... which is setting yourself up to fail.)
Creating smaller products out of the system, revise them 10.000 times.
Creating blog posts and a mailing list.
Automated blog posts for 1 year in advance, 1 blog post per week.
My aim for the mailing list is 1 year autoresponder for at least 1 message a week(+Notifications on new blog posts, +call to action messages before special dates such as mothers day, fathers day, christmas, new years, summer season etc)
Creating a lot of smaller "reports" for amazon and post them on KDP select to generate traffic for the site.

Almost all is finished, except for the tiny little thing that I need to fly to the US to open a bank account, and drop some money on it to be able to start hosting the site....Too much preparation too little action right now. But hopefully it'll be able to kick off once I start posting it. As I have no option right now to put it all online.

 

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[GuestUser116]

Way to give up. I spent $200 on my first campaign to make one sale.

Ye well I don't have that kind of money.

Hehe yep, either spent a lot of money, or a lot of time in a product.

I'm doing the time right now, as I don't have the money yet.

Building a website, revising the website etc.
Building a main system, revising the system 1000 times.
Test the system (on myself, and others, too many people never test their written product or system on themselves... which is setting yourself up to fail.)
Creating smaller products out of the system, revise them 10.000 times.
Creating blog posts and a mailing list.
Automated blog posts for 1 year in advance, 1 blog post per week.
My aim for the mailing list is 1 year autoresponder for at least 1 message a week(+Notifications on new blog posts, +call to action messages before special dates such as mothers day, fathers day, christmas, new years, summer season etc)
Creating a lot of smaller "reports" for amazon and post them on KDP select to generate traffic for the site.

Almost all is finished, except for the tiny little thing that I need to fly to the US to open a bank account, and drop some money on it to be able to start hosting the site....Too much preparation too little action right now. But hopefully it'll be able to kick off once I start posting it. As I have no option right now to put it all online.

Let me know how it goes.

 

[Growth & Learn]

Have you tried testing with a tool like Crazy Egg or Clicktale? Somewhere along the line your leads are coming across lines in your copy, images, or design that most likely turns them off. With tools like that you can see pretty quickly where people are disengaging w/ your content.

On a related note, you could have all kinds of technical problems with your landing page and not even realize it (i.e. not formatting properly on certain browsers, not optimized properly for mobile, broken links, ssl problems etc. etc.). Those type of 'hard to find things can crush conversions as well. These tools can also help you see things like that…the type of stuff most of us don't think or even know to check.

 

[Yasai]

Spent $80 in advertising and made $40 in sales haha.

You might have to "prune" your campaign a little to become profitable (or at least break even).
Put the low-converting keywords on hold and stick with the winning ones. No need to spend money on keywords that don't work for your target audience.

It's not uncommon for some of the "big guys" (and girls) to lose money on the frontend because they know they're going to make several times the coin on the backend.
The frontend becomes just a way to "train" people to buy from you. To get to know you. To become curious about you and your products.

Which leads to the second point: Create some nice free content.
The guys who you think are "making bank" aren't just random no-names that you see once and then quickly forget, are they?

They are authorities. They are celebrities.

They probably didn't become rich and then turned into celebrities. It's usually the other way around, isn't it?

Creating good content might sound like too much of a hassle but keep in mind that you don't have to go overboard and create 50 page articles and hour long videos.

Just short bits of information are usually sufficient to
a) help people get to know you and your Position/Mindset and
b) build curiousity and even trust.

You can even recycle and rephrase some contents of your own book. Or discuss some of the stuff you've seen in other books (or videos, articles, podcasts, etc.) and tell your audience what you think about it.

 

[GuestUser116]

You might have to "prune" your campaign a little to become profitable (or at least break even).
Put the low-converting keywords on hold and stick with the winning ones. No need to spend money on keywords that don't work for your target audience.

It's not uncommon for some of the "big guys" (and girls) to lose money on the frontend because they know they're going to make several times the coin on the backend.
The frontend becomes just a way to "train" people to buy from you. To get to know you. To become curious about you and your products.

Which leads to the second point: Create some nice free content.
The guys who you think are "making bank" aren't just random no-names that you see once and then quickly forget, are they?

They are authorities. They are celebrities.

They probably didn't become rich and then turned into celebrities. It's usually the other way around, isn't it?

Creating good content might sound like too much of a hassle but keep in mind that you don't have to go overboard and create 50 page articles and hour long videos.

Just short bits of information are usually sufficient to
a) help people get to know you and your Position/Mindset and
b) build curiousity and even trust.

You can even recycle and rephrase some contents of your own book. Or discuss some of the stuff you've seen in other books (or videos, articles, podcasts, etc.) and tell your audience what you think about it.

Ye I didn't know anything about a sales page, copywriting, and marketing when I made the page. With a back end product I can see the potential profits.

Making youtube videos or writing a blog ain't something I want to do. It's kind of slowlane to me because you always have to push new content out.

Now I'm going back to my amazon venture. It still generates money and I have more titles to write.

 

[Ninjakid]

Making youtube videos or writing a blog ain't something I want to do. It's kind of slowlane to me because you always have to push new content out.

Are you under the false impression the generating passive income means doing virtually no work?

I'd go with something similar to Yasai's plan.

People aren't going to give you their money if they have no idea who you are, and have never even had a chance to review your content. More people would probably rather spend that $20 buying buying a workout video of someone well-known.

 

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