CPTSD

[loop101]

I finally figured out what is wrong with me, and now I am working on figuring out how to fix it (if possible). For most of my adult life I have been plagued by disproportionate reactions to threats and abandonment of successes. I'm pretty sure I have a kind of PTSD called CPTSD, which is "Complex PTSD". Normal "PTSD" is usually caused by one super bad experience, and CPTSD is usually caused by a lot of little ones.

In my younger life, I had a lot of little traumas that either trained or modified my brain to expect the worst outcome possible in most situations. Compliments from people become tricks, successes become pre-failures, and veiled threats from people go straight to the nuclear options. These reactions to things are only logical when seen from a larger context that other people can't see. It is especially insidious because expecting the worse often leads to the worse, and it can become a self-validating mindset. My fear is my brain was modified, some texts say that happens when your young. Maybe these are learned responses, or maybe new ones can be learned, I will find out.

In another thread I mentioned I wanted to start taking drugs. I was half-joking, but I am serious about doing whatever I need to resolve an identified problem. I don't want to escape or avoid issues, I want to fix or outgrow them. I've heard CBD products can minimize mood swings, so I may try that (if legal). I have zero interest in THC unless it can help solve a problem.

I don't have any suggestions or resources on how to fix it, but they are out there. I just started learning about it. It appears to have been first identified in 1992. From the Wiki page:

"Adults with C-PTSD have sometimes experienced prolonged interpersonal traumatization beginning in childhood, rather than, or as well as, in adulthood. These early injuries interrupt the development of a robust sense of self and of others. Because physical and emotional pain or neglect was often inflicted by attachment figures such as caregivers or older siblings, these individuals may develop a sense that they are fundamentally flawed and that others cannot be relied upon.[9][15] This can become a pervasive way of relating to others in adult life, described as insecure attachment. This symptom is neither included in the diagnosis of dissociative disorder nor in that of PTSD in the current DSM-5 (2013). Individuals with Complex PTSD also demonstrate lasting personality disturbances with a significant risk of revictimization."

 

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[ChrisV]

EMDR, CBT or IFS

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Treatment of PTSD - American Psychological Association

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing - Wikipedia

Treating Complex Trauma with Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Talk to your therapist about those.

Good luck.

And maybe retitle this thread, lol.

 

[ravenspear]

I finally figured out what is wrong with me, and now I am working on figuring out how to fix it (if possible). For most of my adult life I have been plagued by disproportionate reactions to threats and abandonment of successes. I'm pretty sure I have a kind of PTSD called CPTSD, which is "Complex PTSD". Normal "PTSD" is usually caused by one super bad experience, and CPTSD is usually caused by a lot of little ones.

In my younger life, I had a lot of little traumas that either trained or modified my brain to expect the worst outcome possible in most situations. Compliments from people become tricks, successes become pre-failures, and veiled threats from people go straight to the nuclear options. These reactions to things are only logical when seen from a larger context that other people can't see. It is especially insidious because expecting the worse often leads to the worse, and it can become a self-validating mindset. My fear is my brain was modified, some texts say that happens when your young. Maybe these are learned responses, or maybe new ones can be learned, I will find out.

Now that I'm in my 50s, broke, unemployed, and about to be living in a trailer, I would normally be panicked. I'm actually optimistic and very calm, like I had an invisible opponent for many years that I can now clearly see, like "Ahh, now I see you!". I mention this because until recently, I didn't even know "CPTSD" existed, and other people here might be in the same situation. There's a lot of younger people here, so they might benefit the most, if they have this problem.

In another thread I mentioned I wanted to start taking drugs. I was half-joking, but I am serious about doing whatever I need to resolve an identified problem. I don't want to escape or avoid issues, I want to fix or outgrow them. I've heard CBD products can minimize mood swings, so I may try that (if legal). I have zero interest in THC unless it can help solve a problem.

I don't have any suggestions or resources on how to fix it, but they are out there. I just started learning about it. It appears to have been first identified in 1992. From the Wiki page:

"Adults with C-PTSD have sometimes experienced prolonged interpersonal traumatization beginning in childhood, rather than, or as well as, in adulthood. These early injuries interrupt the development of a robust sense of self and of others. Because physical and emotional pain or neglect was often inflicted by attachment figures such as caregivers or older siblings, these individuals may develop a sense that they are fundamentally flawed and that others cannot be relied upon.[9][15] This can become a pervasive way of relating to others in adult life, described as insecure attachment. This symptom is neither included in the diagnosis of dissociative disorder nor in that of PTSD in the current DSM-5 (2013). Individuals with Complex PTSD also demonstrate lasting personality disturbances with a significant risk of revictimization."

I also had negative influences in my youth that changed my brain in a negative way, and I can tell you that you can completely change and it's definitely not too late. The brain remains plastic your entire life.

The level of self awareness you've demonstrated in this post is already a very good sign. I'm going to recommend you some books that have helped me.

The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle
The Drama of the Gifted Child - Alice Miller
Healing the Shame that Binds You - John Bradshaw

Also, weed (not-CBD only) has helped me immensely in developing my positive sense of self. I don't regret that one bit. F*ck what the law says.

 

[RazorCut]

My fear is my brain was modified, some texts say that happens when your young. Maybe these are learned responses, or maybe new ones can be learned, I will find out.

You need to build some faith in your ability to change. I suggest you do some deep research on Neuroplasticity as it will help to reinforce your belief in being able to grow and move forward.

I am serious about doing whatever I need to resolve an identified problem

I see this as a two pronged attack. Know thy enemy in as far as learning all you can about your self diagnosed affliction and also study the brain to understand just how simple it can be to rewire (not easy but the processes are simple). A therapist could certainly help.

The other area I would look to work on is in small wins. Creating stepping stones that move your confidence level up the entrepreneurial ladder of success.

For most of my adult life I have been plagued by disproportionate reactions to threats and abandonment of successes.

You need to feel comfortable; at ease with success. Not see it as the higher you go the harder you will hit the ground when you inevitably fall. So build something small, and as you do you will feel your superpower develop. Success breeds confidence (which is why mega successful people can so often be intolerable). So that confidence will allow you to push for more. Success also breeds success so, like anything you practice, the more you do the better you become and the easier it is to move up to the next rung.

Now that I'm in my 50s, broke, unemployed, and about to be living in a trailer, I would normally be panicked. I'm actually optimistic and very calm, like I had an invisible opponent for many years that I can now clearly see, like "Ahh, now I see you!".

Now that made me smile. It doesn't matter where you start from, once you identify the enemy; uncloak him, then you are in a far better position to win the battles from that point onwards. Everything before that moment is unimportant. Now you can fight on an even playing field.

@ravenspear recommended The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I would second that recommendation. Although it seems to be like Marmite (you will either love it or hate it) it is well worth the read and it is liable to throw up some some startling enlightenment's.

Good luck on your new voyage of discovery.

 

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