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I finally figured out what is wrong with me, and now I am working on figuring out how to fix it (if possible). For most of my adult life I have been plagued by disproportionate reactions to threats and abandonment of successes. I'm pretty sure I have a kind of PTSD called CPTSD, which is "Complex PTSD". Normal "PTSD" is usually caused by one super bad experience, and CPTSD is usually caused by a lot of little ones.
In my younger life, I had a lot of little traumas that either trained or modified my brain to expect the worst outcome possible in most situations. Compliments from people become tricks, successes become pre-failures, and veiled threats from people go straight to the nuclear options. These reactions to things are only logical when seen from a larger context that other people can't see. It is especially insidious because expecting the worse often leads to the worse, and it can become a self-validating mindset. My fear is my brain was modified, some texts say that happens when your young. Maybe these are learned responses, or maybe new ones can be learned, I will find out.
In another thread I mentioned I wanted to start taking drugs. I was half-joking, but I am serious about doing whatever I need to resolve an identified problem. I don't want to escape or avoid issues, I want to fix or outgrow them. I've heard CBD products can minimize mood swings, so I may try that (if legal). I have zero interest in THC unless it can help solve a problem.
I don't have any suggestions or resources on how to fix it, but they are out there. I just started learning about it. It appears to have been first identified in 1992. From the Wiki page:
"Adults with C-PTSD have sometimes experienced prolonged interpersonal traumatization beginning in childhood, rather than, or as well as, in adulthood. These early injuries interrupt the development of a robust sense of self and of others. Because physical and emotional pain or neglect was often inflicted by attachment figures such as caregivers or older siblings, these individuals may develop a sense that they are fundamentally flawed and that others cannot be relied upon.[9][15] This can become a pervasive way of relating to others in adult life, described as insecure attachment. This symptom is neither included in the diagnosis of dissociative disorder nor in that of PTSD in the current DSM-5 (2013). Individuals with Complex PTSD also demonstrate lasting personality disturbances with a significant risk of revictimization."
In my younger life, I had a lot of little traumas that either trained or modified my brain to expect the worst outcome possible in most situations. Compliments from people become tricks, successes become pre-failures, and veiled threats from people go straight to the nuclear options. These reactions to things are only logical when seen from a larger context that other people can't see. It is especially insidious because expecting the worse often leads to the worse, and it can become a self-validating mindset. My fear is my brain was modified, some texts say that happens when your young. Maybe these are learned responses, or maybe new ones can be learned, I will find out.
In another thread I mentioned I wanted to start taking drugs. I was half-joking, but I am serious about doing whatever I need to resolve an identified problem. I don't want to escape or avoid issues, I want to fix or outgrow them. I've heard CBD products can minimize mood swings, so I may try that (if legal). I have zero interest in THC unless it can help solve a problem.
I don't have any suggestions or resources on how to fix it, but they are out there. I just started learning about it. It appears to have been first identified in 1992. From the Wiki page:
"Adults with C-PTSD have sometimes experienced prolonged interpersonal traumatization beginning in childhood, rather than, or as well as, in adulthood. These early injuries interrupt the development of a robust sense of self and of others. Because physical and emotional pain or neglect was often inflicted by attachment figures such as caregivers or older siblings, these individuals may develop a sense that they are fundamentally flawed and that others cannot be relied upon.[9][15] This can become a pervasive way of relating to others in adult life, described as insecure attachment. This symptom is neither included in the diagnosis of dissociative disorder nor in that of PTSD in the current DSM-5 (2013). Individuals with Complex PTSD also demonstrate lasting personality disturbances with a significant risk of revictimization."
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