-Caution- My wife's doing MLM

[Isaac Oh]

Let us assume , hypothetically, your wife is doing drugs.Would you take a similiar approach of "letting" her move away from it or would you warn her of its negative impacts and push for rehabilitation.

Although that is an extreme my best friends brother in law was in the same position as OP.Letting people do as they wish without warning them is very harmful.

Infact if you love someone you would warn them of the negative effects , not "inspire her..".

MLM just burns money ,especially this late in the game.The problem with "Scams" like these is the use of emotional manipulation .They are often set in nice rooms with well dressed people.The warm homey atmosphere causes people to be easily influenced and to fall into the scheme.

OP should at least tell her of the negative effects, this plants a seed of doubt in their heads.My girlfriend exposed MLM for me early on and if it wasnt for her i would've wasted a long time on the venture.



Weird way of looking at things.Relationships should help with the transference of knowledge.Warning each other of fruitless ventures would be a net beneficial.

If you are simply a yes man who doesn't set boundaries or offer criticism , then you don't love your partner.

Good point! I do agree with what you said. But I do think there is a gray area that OP is dealing with.

He should be looking out for her well being. At the same time, he should be careful when he engages that discussion for the sake of your relationship.

Totally agree with you

 

[Royce2]

Although that is an extreme my best friends brother in law was in the same position as OP.Letting people do as they wish without warning them is very harmful.

Warned her before she even started and she fully acknowledges my boundaries that I set beforehand.

Infact if you love someone you would warn them of the negative effects , not "inspire her..".

You can warn them of the negative effects of a MLM AND inspire them at the same time. What are you talking about?

If you are simply a yes man who doesn't set boundaries or offer criticism , then you don't love your partner.

Fully agree on that.

 

[Gepi]

Ha, as a woman this is an interesting read, really. Thanks for your thoughts on this.

 

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[CareCPA]

Never said anything like that. Nice assumption that any deviation from your mindset has to mean that though.

Your elitist mindset thinking that your perspective is the end all, be all is what's the problem.

Like I said, plenty of people out there living happily who don't think and do exactly like you do relationship-wise.


Do your thing, but don't think that everybody must conform to what you do or they're wrong.

I've never been elitist before - do I get a badge? Or like, a red blazer or something?

Let me try to elaborate now that I'm at my computer. If you don't want to read it, or if you read it and don't agree, that's fine (see how that works, when you're free to make your own choices?). I'll leave this thread to its own, as I've said my piece. I'll read opposing viewpoints, but I will choose not to argue - if we don't see eye-to-eye, that's no skin off my back.

If OP had come in here and said this: "I mean I personally allow [my brother/best friend/father/literally anyone else} to do this thing just because he/she's getting basically free sales coaching from a mentor and a 15% commission off of any product he/she sells." - would that be different? Wouldn't you assume that OP has no control over what their brother/father/friend does?

If my brother came to me and said "I'm going to sell Amway" and I said "I'll let you do that for two weeks, but if you don't make your money back, you have to stop" - that would be ridiculous, right? Why would I think I have any control over what my brother does? I could say things like "99% of people make zero or negative money doing that" or "I think that's not the best idea and here's why...." - but to tell him he can't do it or that there are boundaries if he does is ridiculous.

Same with a friend, or a cousin, or a neighbor. If they want to sell Cutco knives, there's literally nothing I can do to stop them.

So why does this suddenly become ok when it's a spouse or significant other? Why do we feel we have control over what they do or don't do?

It's not even about relationships, it's about how we treat other people.

 

[LuckyPup]

I think we all have a MLM story in our backgrounds. Maybe this will be hers.

Or two.

 

[Gepi]

Thank you for the kind feedback, @Richard Espinosa .
I can relate to your thoughts.

 

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[Gepi]

@lowtek , now it is certainly my turn to say: beautifully phrased. I wanted to add nearly the exact same thought, but you just went and summed it up perfectly.

 

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[Royce2]

My lady is into a program called Arbonne. And without a doubt it is full of MLM. All the right keywords of "passive-income" and "free vacation trips" are all there.
However, she told me that she's not paying them a dime for any fees and not doing any CD brainwashing. She's been exposed to Am#@y as well lol

I mean I personally allow her to do this thing just because she's getting basically free sales coaching from a mentor and a 15% commission off of any product she sells. As of today she is sitting around $200 in commission sales since 2 months ago. And the MLM part is completely up to her if she wants minions or not but they "strongly" recommend it.

My wife is also being careful of introducing the product to everyone she knows. She takes a different approach and creates a separate Instagram/Facebook page to the people who are interested and gives her friends/family a choice if they want to be bombarded by products and offers or not. Because of that the response is mostly positive.

I feel as if there is nothing wrong in what she is doing. Am I wrong?

What do you think of Arbonne?

 

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[Royce2]

if your wife isnt losing any money, the most she will lose is time and maybe some confidence in future (actually worthwhile) opportunities.

She's barely putting any time into that. All of her sales were word of mouth.
About the worthwhile opportunities I completely agree. I want her to become her own consultant and find her own products that are not over inflated but she wont trust me just yet, luckily I am a patient husband. Heh

 

[Royce2]

Sourcing a product and trying to sell it thru a variety of channels, IMO, would be a better self-development experience.

Fully agree on that.

I'd put an end to it before she gets fully brainwashed by the MLM marketing stuff.
I find people that peddle MLM unbearable and I refuse to associate with them. Couldn't imagine living with one.

She's not the type to get brainwashed. MLM can't fully achieve that with people who don't care so much about money and don't buy into fairy tales. I've stated why she's doing it loud and clear. She's not buying the dream, she's using the services to her own advantage. It's a very generic stereotype that you refer to when you find them unbearable. Some of those people actually are very nice people and seem to be living off of it just fine. Thanks for the feedback though.

 

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[Royce2]

Good point! I do agree with what you said. But I do think there is a gray area that OP is dealing with.

He should be looking out for her well being. At the same time, he should be careful when he engages that discussion for the sake of your relationship.

Totally agree with you

Perfect understanding Mr Isaac.
Yes it's a gray area but we BOTH came to terms and agreements BEFORE she started this thing.

 

[minivanman]

You can twist what I say any way you want, it doesn't change what it means. I'm not one of those you can lead off a cliff.

 

[CareCPA]

It really irks me when I see men on here saying things like,

"That's NOT how a marriage/relationship works"
"Two people in a marriage are ALWAYS equals"
"There's NO setting boundaries whatsoever"
"There's NO other relationship style that works except for the way MINE works"

Hate to break it to you, but this is a big world. There's plenty of THRIVING and happy relationships out there based on principles you would completely disagree with. What makes you the expert? Have you done years of studying on relationships across the globe to determine that there's only one way it works, and that's your way??

There's so many different cultures and mindsets out there. Say that's not how it works in YOUR relationship and move on. You don't speak for the rest of us and all of the world.

I'm sorry I offended you. I didn't realize women were still considered property in your culture.

 

[Esoteric Wealth]

I'm sorry I offended you. I didn't realize women were still considered property in your culture.

Never said anything like that. Nice assumption that any deviation from your mindset has to mean that though.

Your elitist mindset thinking that your perspective is the end all, be all is what's the problem.

Like I said, plenty of people out there living happily who don't think and do exactly like you do relationship-wise.


Do your thing, but don't think that everybody must conform to what you do or they're wrong.

 

[LuckyPup]

What I want to set her up with is to get her to become an ACTUAL health consultant. And maybe even source her own products herself and sell them. Her passion is to make others healthy and happy so I think her piggybacking on the Arbonne MLM is a great place to start. Again as stated before, FREE mentoring, and actually good commission rates. But no wonder the products are so inflated is to get everyone a piece of pie requires a lot of markup. But again to look at it, if the product works, and if the consumers don't mind paying for it. That product is more valuable to them than the price, isn't that so? Keep in mind there was no platinum level sales tactics involved when she made her first few sales, she just had the opportunity to show someone a solution they have been looking for everywhere and it hit all the marks so they bought.

What is an "actual health consultant?"

 

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[CareCPA]

Beautiful. Amazingly said. A great husband will take the lead.

I've seen far too many situations where a man will be far too lax in his relationship. No leadership, no guidance, no boundaries. They will treat the woman as she is just some kind of roommate who happen to be intimate. Ultimately, in what I've seen, the woman will lose all respect for the man and the relationship will crumble if this happens.

I really ignore what these "modern" men have to say about marriage and relationships. There is a reason there have been roles between the sexes for as far back as the stone ages. I do not mess with nature. I do not mess with evolution. Nothing beats tradition.

Thank you for sharing, Gepi.

It sounds like the type of woman you interact with is different than the type I interact with. I'm not sure if this is cultural, geographic, or something else.

This, inevitably, explains our difference of opinion.