-Caution- My wife's doing MLM

[MJ DeMarco]

I feel as if there is nothing wrong in what she is doing. Am I wrong?

There's nothing wrong with it, she might get some value from it, assuming it doesn't eat her time. And your wife should be able to do what she wants, no?

My thoughts are clear on MLM though, there are better things to focus on. Sourcing a product and trying to sell it thru a variety of channels, IMO, would be a better self-development experience. And much more profitable.

 

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[Supercar]

My ex-girlfriend quit her job in 2009 to do Arbonne full-time. She was doing Arbonne from 2005 to 2012. She must have been doing well because we never had any money issues. In 2011 she jumped onto another MLM program called Isagenix. She said it had a faster growth and was more profitable. Her LinkedIn says she is still there.

Yes, it is all about pitching overpriced products to your family, real friends, Facebook friends, and everyone you meet. You have to have a simple mind and no reservations or consciousness. Everyone in this MLM world looks and sounds as if they are on Prozac, which she was until she quit her day job in 2009. I think she really believes that by selling overpriced products to her friends she is really helping them and everyone in her "network" becomes better off.

 

[minivanman]

Moving past the part of you LETTING her do it.....

Back in my cleaning days, we had a customer that was a single lady and lived in a house that was better than my house. WAY better than my house so her house had to be way over $1 million (mine sold for $705,000). All she did was sell Arbonne.

My very 1st cleaning customer ever (had her from the start until I sold the business the 3rd time) used to sell Longaberger baskets. She also did very well. They also had a house well over $1 million but her husband was a very successful real estate guy so I don't think it mattered what her income was. But I do know she made great money doing it.

I also knew some people that sold Amway, they both worked their @sses off at their day job and for a little extra spending money Amway was their choice. They worked 7 days a week trying to get suckers to sell Amway.

 

[G-Man]

I came by to comment on this:





But looks like I as beat to it.

It's not Royce's fault you can't get your wife in line. (EDIT: Marked under sarcasm so I don't get hate mail.)

There are millions of product your wife could buy and attempt to resell for a profit. Why did she choose this one?

The above is what I don't get about the people who join MLMs.

I think it's because they give you a cookie cutter model of what to do, which is really the scariest part of finding some random product to try to re-sell. It's like the difference between me opening G-man's chicken shack, and opening a chick-fil-a franchise.

My only problem with MLMs really is that they seem to get people in to trying to sell their friends and family, which is where the comparison to a fast food franchise dies. Nobody would avoid me on social media if I owned a chick - fil - a.

 

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[Zcott]

MLM is a legit business model. Many people are successful with it.

Most people who get involved have no idea how to market or sell. To be successful in MLM, as with all entrepreneurial pursuits, it is all about hustle and most people doing it don't realise that. They do a few facebook post and target their family and friends. Wondering why they haven't made $5,000 within a month they give up and cry 'scam.' This taints the image of the MLM model, that it is a scam and you alienate yourself from your family and friends.

Good multi level marketers know it has a bad image of 'pyramid scheme' and have to deploy somewhat deceptive tactics to get people involved in MLM. I found myself target of some very good MLMers last year.

Some are very smooth sales people. Some invite you to obscure meetings where you have no idea it is MLM until two or three meetings in. They build up the relationship and after a few weeks you end up in a group meeting of people who have 'qualified' to be there (basically anyone) and promote a lot of things to do with time money freedom. It was actually quite funny, they joke about it by saying everyone thinks MLM is a scam but they see working 9-5 for 40 years a scam, and that it doesn't matter what vehicle you are driving as long as you get to the destination.

I wouldn't do it myself or recommend others do it, but, point is, it's a viable business model and has been used for a long time. It has a negative image. If your wife can deal with that, doesn't alienate herself from friends and family, learns how to market and sell (MLM salespeople typically have a 'mentor' who has a vested interest that they do well), then good luck to her.

 

[CareCPA]

I came by to comment on this:

I mean I personally allow her to do this thing just because she's getting basically free sales coaching from a mentor and a 15% commission off of any product she sells.

luckily I am a patient husband. Heh

But looks like I as beat to it.

Moving past the part of you LETTING her do it.....

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

I think you should allow her to fail or succeed on her own, then stand by her side happily making Belgian waffles on Sunday morning while she shares her trials and triumphs. This way you’ll be supporting whatever endeavor she pursues, since you trust in her abilities and mind and passion so much.

 

[Get Right]

I think we all have a MLM story in our backgrounds. Maybe this will be hers.

 

[Gepi]

Just to maybe put things into perspective from the other side: if my husband had allowed me to do everything I ever wanted to try out, I wouldn't be as successful as I am now, and we probably wouldn't be together anymore. I am 100% sure of this. I had crazy ideas when I was younger, lacked focus severeley and I am thankful that he insisted on certain things (and I am in no way from a strict or really confined background, if at all my parents were too lenient with my hotheaded mind ). Really, his strategic mind and objective way of seeing things have made me who I am today in great parts, and I am extremely greatful for it. I am more successful (being a self-employed design consultant), happier, more focused and know where I want to be and what my goals are, and he has been one of the main reasons I got this far.
So of course every partnership is different, every person needs different things, every one has different intelligence, abilities, backgrounds. This is not a suggestion how OP should react to his wife, because I know next to nothing on how well she knows what she's doing and what will happen in the future if she continues. I am merely giving you my perspective. A big help was, and will always be, communication. If you can talk about it, and you both can rationally argue in favor of some things and against others, then you will find common ground, most likely.
So my take on this would be: ''Men, listen to your wifes, and wifes, listen to your husbands"
Best wishes
Gepi

 

[G-Man]

Awesome stuff on their website

 

[Supercar]

It was actually quite funny, they joke about it by saying everyone thinks MLM is a scam but they see working 9-5 for 40 years a scam, and that it doesn't matter what vehicle you are driving as long as you get to the destination.

MLM is immoral because, as a pyramid participant, you are are not creating much of a value.

You are up-selling your hand lotion because it could make your buyer rich if he/she, in turn, upsells it to many other buyers. In the end, the folks who get screwed are those at the bottom of the pyramid, who buy the product but can't find any other willing buyers who are not involved in the pyramid already.

All of your profit comes from that unfortunate layer of MLM'ers at the bottom who can't continue to sell, as well as from those along the sides of the pyramid, who fail to continue growing the pyramid.

 

[minivanman]

I think you should allow her to fail or succeed on her own, then stand by her side happily making Belgian waffles on Sunday morning while she shares her trials and triumphs. This way you’ll be supporting whatever endeavor she pursues, since you trust in her abilities and mind and passion so much.

Right, it's not about YOU wanting her to do ANYTHING. It's about if SHE wants to do this for a month or 10 years. If YOU don't want to sell it.... don't. If SHE wants to go flip burgers, it's HER that is doing it, not YOU. It's not really YOUR problem at all unless it starts interfering with your personal life. I wish my wife would quit working all together but she has told me she will probably work until she dies.... nothing I can do about it.

But, what you can do.... IF she is open and WANTS to hear it.... give her ideas about what she could do in the future. If she is happy doing what she is doing I will GUARANTEE you that what YOU want will NEVER happen if you push it over on her. Case in point, my buddy informed me about 2 hours ago his wife filed for divorce after 37 years of marriage. I know why.... she lost her job of 34 years and he has been hounding her to do things she doesn't want to do. Their house is up for sale in Kansas City, Kansas if anyone is looking.

 

[Isaac Oh]

I'm young but my take, when this comes to relationships, is to be accepting of her choice and not try to manipulate her into moving away from it. She's intelligent enough and has her own reasons. At the same time, be there for her and inspire her with your success.

 

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[Esoteric Wealth]

It really irks me when I see men on here saying things like,

"That's NOT how a marriage/relationship works"
"Two people in a marriage are ALWAYS equals"
"There's NO setting boundaries whatsoever"
"There's NO other relationship style that works except for the way MINE works"

Hate to break it to you, but this is a big world. There's plenty of THRIVING and happy relationships out there based on principles you would completely disagree with. What makes you the expert? Have you done years of studying on relationships across the globe to determine that there's only one way it works, and that's your way??

There's so many different cultures and mindsets out there. Say that's not how it works in YOUR relationship and move on. You don't speak for the rest of us and all of the world.

 

[Jaden Jones]

While I dont know much about this company, Im sure its like most MLM companies. People try to sell an overhyped, overpriced product hoping that the laws of supply and demand dont apply to them. As always, the people at the top will do well, but generally most people involved will not. I personally dont like them, and would definitely push hard to convince friends and family they shouldnt either. But thats me, if your wife isnt losing any money, the most she will lose is time and maybe some confidence in future (actually worthwhile) opportunities.

 

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[G-Man]

I'm going to assume this is sarcasm. It would make me really sad if you actually thought this way.

I'm never sarcastic.

 

[SEBASTlAN]

 

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[SquatchMan]

I'd put an end to it before she gets fully brainwashed by the MLM marketing stuff. Some come to their senses, but some end up hopping around different MLM companies for the rest of their life.

I find people that peddle MLM unbearable and I refuse to associate with them. Couldn't imagine living with one.

That's just me though.

 

[Esoteric Wealth]

I've never been elitist before - do I get a badge? Or like, a red blazer or something?

Let me try to elaborate now that I'm at my computer. If you don't want to read it, or if you read it and don't agree, that's fine (see how that works, when you're free to make your own choices?). I'll leave this thread to its own, as I've said my piece. I'll read opposing viewpoints, but I will choose not to argue - if we don't see eye-to-eye, that's no skin off my back.

If OP had come in here and said this: "I mean I personally allow [my brother/best friend/father/literally anyone else} to do this thing just because he/she's getting basically free sales coaching from a mentor and a 15% commission off of any product he/she sells." - would that be different? Wouldn't you assume that OP has no control over what their brother/father/friend does?

If my brother came to me and said "I'm going to sell Amway" and I said "I'll let you do that for two weeks, but if you don't make your money back, you have to stop" - that would be ridiculous, right? Why would I think I have any control over what my brother does? I could say things like "99% of people make zero or negative money doing that" or "I think that's not the best idea and here's why...." - but to tell him he can't do it or that there are boundaries if he does is ridiculous.

Same with a friend, or a cousin, or a neighbor. If they want to sell Cutco knives, there's literally nothing I can do to stop them.

So why does this suddenly become ok when it's a spouse or significant other? Why do we feel we have control over what they do or don't do?

It's not even about relationships, it's about how we treat other people.

Your wife is not your brother. Your wife is not your father. Your wife is not your neighbor. Your wife isn't really even your "friend". Otherwise you could just call yourself roommates who happen to have sex.

There's so much more psychological and socioligical principles to a relationship than that.

We can just agree to disagree, man. I see where you're coming from but it's just oversimplification in my eyes.

 

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[James Klymus]

I mean it sounds like a glorified affiliate program at this point, with all of the MLM stuff being optional. Sometimes you have to let people do their own thing (Which you are doing), Maybe she will make some extra money, But you dont want to build your house on land you dont own.

 

[NuclearPuma]

There are millions of product your wife could buy and attempt to resell for a profit. Why did she choose this one?

The above is what I don't get about the people who join MLMs.

 

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[CareCPA]

It's not Royce's fault you can't get your wife in line.

I'm going to assume this is sarcasm. It would make me really sad if you actually thought this way.

 

[becks22]

I used to do Arbonne before I got my head on straight. It's very cult-like. I look back and shiver. Poor 19 year old me was so naive Edited to say that I when I joined, I thought it was the best thing ever and no one could talk me out of it. There's really nothing you can do besides being supportive.

I will say that the only things I liked about the products is that they are vegan and that was was a selling point for me. There were many successful consultants in my area. My upline had many multi- millionaires that joined around 2000- 2005 and had hundred if not thousands of consultants underneath them. That's how they made their money-- by taking 1 to 5% of everyone else's sales commissions. Unfortunately, no one else joining now is going to get there. It's an early adapter market for MLMs.

 

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[ManlyMansNegator]

I'm young but my take, when this comes to relationships, is to be accepting of her choice and not try to manipulate her into moving away from it. She's intelligent enough and has her own reasons. At the same time, be there for her and inspire her with your success.

Let us assume , hypothetically, your wife is doing drugs.Would you take a similiar approach of "letting" her move away from it or would you warn her of its negative impacts and push for rehabilitation.

Although that is an extreme my best friends brother in law was in the same position as OP.Letting people do as they wish without warning them is very harmful.

Infact if you love someone you would warn them of the negative effects , not "inspire her..".

MLM just burns money ,especially this late in the game.The problem with "Scams" like these is the use of emotional manipulation .They are often set in nice rooms with well dressed people.The warm homey atmosphere causes people to be easily influenced and to fall into the scheme.

OP should at least tell her of the negative effects, this plants a seed of doubt in their heads.My girlfriend exposed MLM for me early on and if it wasnt for her i would've wasted a long time on the venture.

Right, it's not about YOU wanting her to do ANYTHING. It's about if SHE wants to do this for a month or 10 years. If YOU don't want to sell it.... don't. If SHE wants to go flip burgers, it's HER that is doing it, not YOU. It's not really YOUR problem at all unless it starts interfering with your personal life. I wish my wife would quit working all together but she has told me she will probably work until she dies.... nothing I can do about it.

But, what you can do.... IF she is open and WANTS to hear it.... give her ideas about what she could do in the future. If she is happy doing what she is doing I will GUARANTEE you that what YOU want will NEVER happen if you push it over on her. Case in point, my buddy informed me about 2 hours ago his wife filed for divorce after 37 years of marriage. I know why.... she lost her job of 34 years and he has been hounding her to do things she doesn't want to do. Their house is up for sale in Kansas City, Kansas if anyone is looking.

Weird way of looking at things.Relationships should help with the transference of knowledge.Warning each other of fruitless ventures would be a net beneficial.

If you are simply a yes man who doesn't set boundaries or offer criticism , then you don't love your partner.

 

[CareCPA]

Weird way of looking at things.Relationships should help with the transference of knowledge.Warning each other of fruitless ventures would be a net beneficial.

If you are simply a yes man who doesn't set boundaries or offer criticism , then you don't love your partner.

I don't think you understand. Two people in a marriage are equals. There is no setting boundaries. You discuss as a team, and work towards mutual goals, but you don't set boundaries on them. Each has sovereign ability to make their own decisions. Yes, you should consult with your significant other on major decisions, but you don't get to dictate those decisions, or the boundaries of those decisions, unilaterally.

There is a difference between offering criticism and discussing the benefits and negatives of some decisions. Some of the comments in this thread make it sound like men need to keep their wives from making any bad decisions, like they need to be their protector from the big bad world. That's not how a relationship works.

 

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[Esoteric Wealth]

Just to maybe put things into perspective from the other side: if my husband had allowed me to do everything I ever wanted to try out, I wouldn't be as successful as I am now, and we probably wouldn't be together anymore. I am 100% sure of this. I had crazy ideas when I was younger, lacked focus severeley and I am thankful that he insisted on certain things (and I am in no way from a strict or really confined background, if at all my parents were too lenient with my hotheaded mind ). Really, his strategic mind and objective way of seeing things have made me who I am today in great parts, and I am extremely greatful for it. I am more successful (being a self-employed design consultant), happier, more focused and know where I want to be and what my goals are, and he has been one of the main reasons I got this far.
So of course every partnership is different, every person needs different things, every one has different intelligence, abilities, backgrounds. This is not a suggestion how OP should react to his wife, because I know next to nothing on how well she knows what she's doing and what will happen in the future if she continues. I am merely giving you my perspective. A big help was, and will always be, communication. If you can talk about it, and you both can rationally argue in favor of some things and against others, then you will find common ground, most likely.
So my take on this would be: ''Men, listen to your wifes, and wifes, listen to your husbands"
Best wishes
Gepi

Beautiful. Amazingly said. A great husband will take the lead.

I've seen far too many situations where a man will be far too lax in his relationship. No leadership, no guidance, no boundaries. They will treat the woman as she is just some kind of roommate who happen to be intimate. Ultimately, in what I've seen, the woman will lose all respect for the man and the relationship will crumble if this happens.

I really ignore what these "modern" men have to say about marriage and relationships. There is a reason there have been roles between the sexes for as far back as the stone ages. I do not mess with nature. I do not mess with evolution. Nothing beats tradition.

Thank you for sharing, Gepi.

 

[lowtek]

What a can of worms we have opened here... In the spirit of the thread, I shall provide my own unsolicited opinion.

There is a hidden assumption in the argument that the spouse is free to do whatever it is that they want to do (within reason, nobody is arguing that we should allow our spouses to shoot up on the streets). The assumption here is that the person in question has the life experience, knowledge, and good judgement to make prudent decisions that could reasonably be expected to lead to neutral or positive outcomes in the future. But ... that's all it is, an assumption.

Think of it this way: if we were talking about a parent and child, the conversation would be different. We would implicitly assume the child didn't have the framework to make great decisions in this regard, and (probably) consider it our duty to steer them away from joining the MLM.

When we swap out the child for a spouse, the situation changes because the fundamental assumptions are different, at least for those arguing that the spouse has full sovereignty over their actions.

IMHO it's not so cut and dry as some would believe. It could very well be the case that the OPs wife has a history of making poor decisions, in which case yes, it would be his duty to put his foot down as a husband and say "no, this is going to be harmful to the family, it is not permitted".

Or, it could very well be the opposite. It could be the OP who has made a history of poor decisions and needs to be checked by his wife from time to time.

Or it could be none of these, and both the OP and his wife are fully actualized self aware individuals who are indeed capable of making great decisions and course correcting when new information comes to light.

I don't know either of them, so I really can't say.

I can say that the idea that people have free reign to engage in whatever course of action they like, while in a marriage, is not founded on solid principles. At least, in my personal opinion. With free will comes responsibility, and part of that responsibility is to those around you, particularly your spouse.

In other words, those that have to bail you out of a bad situation should probably have some say in how you get to act. This cuts both ways, for men and women, as men certainly don't have a monopoly on good judgement.

 

[Royce2]

Awesome stuff on their website

Instantly see that the target is the consultant and not the product. Although a lot more effort is put into Arbonne products as well.

 

[Royce2]

I mean it sounds like a glorified affiliate program at this point, with all of the MLM stuff being optional. Sometimes you have to let people do their own thing (Which you are doing), Maybe she will make some extra money, But you dont want to build your house on land you dont own.

Completely agree. We do not depend on this program. This is a complete non-dependent move on our part

 

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[Royce2]

What I want to set her up with is to get her to become an ACTUAL health consultant. And maybe even source her own products herself and sell them. Her passion is to make others healthy and happy so I think her piggybacking on the Arbonne MLM is a great place to start. Again as stated before, FREE mentoring, and actually good commission rates. But no wonder the products are so inflated is to get everyone a piece of pie requires a lot of markup. But again to look at it, if the product works, and if the consumers don't mind paying for it. That product is more valuable to them than the price, isn't that so? Keep in mind there was no platinum level sales tactics involved when she made her first few sales, she just had the opportunity to show someone a solution they have been looking for everywhere and it hit all the marks so they bought.