Are you "that guy"? Great! The door is over there...

[FastNAwesome]

Great thread!

I just wanted to add that it's important to "show the door" to people around us too, when they behave like "that guy".

Schadenfreude

And it's so sad to see this in people who you consider your friends. And who actually act like friends and will help you...so long as they perceive you as being "below" them. But start growing, start getting successful, and they're on you trying to put you down.

And often wrapped into "well meaning" and "realistic" advice. Or even just "listening" to you, when you share something hard, like a breakup, and see the other person basking in pleasure, but without verbalizing it of course.

If you are here to be "that guy" -- the clever douche with a box of donuts shoved in our face while we grind the treadmill, GTFO.

I know this is a metaphor, but it actually happened to me in a literal sense. When I decided to lose weight. I'd go to the gym every morning, do intermittent fasting, gave up sugar, and even took fat burner. I did everything I could to reach the goal, and it was tough enough.

And then this "friend" of mine would tease me with sweet stuff. Literally making a show out of putting candy in his mouth and describing how tasty and sweet it is. Not as a one off joke. But as a daily recurring act. And a glimpse of frustration in his eyes that's impossible to hide. Frustration that I'm working for body that I want, and getting it.

When I started increasing muscle mass, he also was there to advice me that I'm getting too big and "should stop". Fitness advice from a guy who NEVER did any sports and had a heart attack in his 30s.

Moving away from these people felt like airing the stale room.

 

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[KLaw]

Tbh. Who cares about "that guy". Focus on being you. Not "that guy". Don't waste your energy even thinking about that guy. Focus on you.

 

[oliverk]

I am 'that guy' but to my own self because I don't ever bring down other people but I always find ways to bring myself down, I am my own biggest hater. My life is an eternal battle to get rid of 'that guy' that is in me.

 

[dgr]

Who is "that guy"?

"That guy" is so insecure and pissed-off about his life that he's already given up. And he looks at others who haven't given up, with contempt, disgust, and yes, a little bit of jealousy-- not because those people are different, but because those people are a blunt force reflection of his own insecurities and inadequacies.

But a lot more is going on here....

Instead of working to change his outlook (internal work) "that guy" works on changing everyone else's outlook (external work) to be in alignment with his own.

In internet parlance, we call these folks "haters".

But in psychological parlance, we call this the EGO -- no, not the "I drive a Lambo" ego, but the the part of the mind that constructs the concept of IDENTITY and SELF -- the EGO is only interested in defending the false internal reality it's created.

So in effect, "that guy" doesn't work on changing HIS situation, he wants to change everyone else's situation. On the web, this is attempted through the use of a variety of written parlor tricks; pseudo-intellectualism, nihilistic arguments, absolutes from generalizations, all wrapped up in a cute tiny bow of self-loathing narcissism and self-importance.

As a result "that guy" (who hasn't accomplished anything in life) has an unhealthy obsession with his own superiority and righteousness, although his own self-funded superiority and righteousness hasn't produced any meaningful results in the real world. No, he lives with his mum in a dilapidated flat on the seedy side of London. This fact alone is seething to his ego, further entrenching the EGO in a "fight-or-flight" mode to defend the situation. For 6 months we got FIGHT (and it didn't get any traction whatsoever) so now we get FLIGHT.

All of this dissonance and conflict caused by the identity grandeur makes him terribly angry, especially when the real world doesn't reflect back on his perceived superiority. So the EGO works to resolve the conflict.

Hence, you get the "that guy" lashing out unprovoked on forums, Reddit, and in the comments section on YouTube videos and blogs. Doing so props up the delusional EGO that the "victim" has engineered for himself. In other words, it feels good (temporarily) but more importantly, it maintains the status quo and the superior concept of self.

So let me be clear...

#1:
If you walk into a gym filled with people taking action to change their lives-- whether it be health, obesity, or training for a marathon-- and you find it acceptable to stand atop the counter and interrupt everyone by screaming, "You're all losers and you'll NEVER lose weight, NEVER get healthy, and NEVER win any competition!!" -- you've got serious issues.

(A side note: Compared with the general population NOT at the gym, those people at the gym have a significant improved probability of positive change than those not.)

#2:
If you feel compelled to do #1 unsolicited (and you actually do it, demonstrating a total lack of self-awareness) you will be banned -- not because you "feel that way" but because you lack the emotional intelligence to understand that some generalized opinions about an ENTIRE GROUP are better kept to yourself. No one asked for your opinion unless someone asked or spent money for your opinion. But then again, we aren't dealing with an opinion here, but a complex psychological process of ego and identity. And yeah, you aren't as important as you think.

In other words, no one here cares about your opinion other than the fact it was disruptive and disgustingly selfish.

#3:
If disruptive actions like #1 resonates with you and you feel the need to do that in the future, do us all a favor: LEAVE.

In this case, there is no door, just an X on your browser and a DELETE button on the forum's icon.

#4:
If you feel the forum isn't working for you through a variety of reasons (those cited above or perhaps something else we've failed at) you are FREE to LEAVE at anytime.

Login to your account, unselect "forum email" and you'll never hear from us again.
No announcement is needed.
No thread is needed.

You just leave and never come back. Pretty simple eh?

Think of it this way...

If you're watching a live play at a theater and everyone around you is enjoying it but you aren't, you leave and walk out.

Done.

End of story.

You don't stand up, interrupt the performance and the stage actors and scream like a petulant toddler, "This play sucks and the actors are terrible. I'm leaving!" Doing so makes you a douchebag and a self-important prick.

We're here for all the same reason.

To rewrite the Script with our vision and with our pen.

It's different for everyone and that difference isn't what's important.

If you are here to be "that guy" -- the clever douche with a box of donuts shoved in our face while we grind the treadmill, GTFO.

But... but... but...

... If there are no haters, how can we say that we made it in spite of the haters?

(Or can we still consider haters the people are trying to tell you why trying to be a fake guru with no experience is a bad idea?)

[/WAILING]

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

What would you say is the difference between trolling and skepticism/questioning?

You can tell intent...

One is to disrupt and to ratify their ego by inflicting their rigid narrow view on the group. Again, it's an ego defense and pleasure mechanism.

Ya'll are losers and will never make it!

Is different than...

Face it; Fastlane won't work for some of you and here's why.

It was mentioned at the Summit, that we should have STRONG BELIEFS, but LOOSELY HELD.

That means we're open to other data that could change our beliefs.

"That guy" isn't interested in information, data, or other positions, he's only interested in being right.

And that's why he's angry. Cuz it sucks to be right in your head 100% of the time and still be 100% broke.

But... but... but...

... If there are no haters, how can we say that we made it in spite of the haters?

(Or can we still consider haters the people are trying to tell you why trying to be a fake guru with no experience is a bad idea?)

Well that's where emotional maturity comes into play.

Valid criticism is different than straight haterade from a hater.

Valid criticism: I find DeMarco's writing verbose and repetitive.
Invalid criticism: DeMarco's a loser scammer because I didn't get rich after downloading Wordpress!

 

[ZF Lee]

Thanks for the public announcement!

Meaningful debate is much more needed than ever, especially in a time full of information.

Valid criticism: I find DeMarco's writing verbose and repetitive

Huh?

Repetitive and verbose? Never found your writing that way.

But... but... but...

... If there are no haters, how can we say that we made it in spite of the haters?

I have found more haters offline rather than online.
And the haters in your mind can be a worse wolf than the others.

 

[Chromozone]

I've noticed that there are two ways to figure out if you're talking to a fool.

Either:

• They agree with everything you say

OR
​

• They disagree with everything you say

​

 

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[WJK]

I always assume that the bigger the "cause" I make, the more resistance I will encounter. (That's a very Eastern truism, that works for me.) The guy with the box of donuts waving them under your nose at the gym -- he's a great euphemism for the predictable results you'll create, anytime you change directions, straying from the rest of the human herd. The resulting push-back is NOT about what is good for you, the individual -- it is about belonging and following along with the group's status-quo -- which tends to be in the group's best interest.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

There is NO particular reason why I'm bumping this today relating to the forum (well maybe not, cuz you know, "Amazon works for Nobody"), just stumbled upon it and thought it could be recycled to some new readers.

 

[DragoonDB]

Another helpful first pass on whether you're that guy...

 

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