Are you a copywriting assassin? Click here to prove it.

[throttleforward]

I'm looking for a few good copywriting warriors to destroy my landing page - I've never made one before.

If it sucks, please tell me it sucks and why. If it rocks, I'll know because you will have signed up for my service. Just kidding

http://unbouncepages.com/racealong-pricing-landing/

Thanks for your help!

ps - I highly recommend Unbouncepages for creating landing pages (first month is free, very easy to use, great back end and integrated analytics).

pss - Rep dollars to be awarded for helpful suggestions.

 

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[rblitz]

Djephi vji vovmi ug zuas qehi. Ev vji nunipv ovt "<cs>".

 

[LightHouse]

Jewi zua iwis sief vji mepfoph qehi jepfcuul?

 

[throttleforward]

O xomm - O tjuamf jewi iyqmeopif vjev vjot ot ittipvoemmz vji qsiwoix wistoup. O'mm ci qavvoph ov up nz uxp funeop xovj nz uxp qehi vovmi updi O'n siefz vu hu mowi.

 

[throttleforward]

Jewi zua iwis sief vji mepfoph qehi jepfcuul?

Vji $500 upi gsun neslivophtjisqe?

 

[JAJT]

Xjz ot zuas vuq qmep vji nutv quqames?

Otp'v ov qsivvz ximm siduhpobif vjev zua xepv vji ceti uggis vu ci tactvepfesf, vji noffmi qmep vu ci zuas "nupiz qmep" epf vji vuq qmep vu ci nusi vjep nutv qiuqmi piif us xepv ev gostv?

Tuniupi dussidv ni og O'n xsuph cav O'wi piwis tiip vji qsinoan qmep cioph mecimmif vji nutv quqames cigusi...

 

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[Serito]

O vjopl jiefmopi epf viyv tjuamf ci up vji migv tofi epf onehi up vji sohjv.

 

[throttleforward]

Xjz ot zuas vuq qmep vji nutv quqames?

Ov't cetif up tunivjoph O tex up vji tjux Cseop Henit - vjiz sep e movvmi iyqisonipv xovj nuwoi quqdusp apfis e tonomes tiv aq (wisz tnemm, nifoan epf meshi xovj vji nifoan epf meshi cioph piesmz vji teni tobi epf vji qsodi upmz .25 foggisipv). Iwiszupi uqvif gus vji meshi cideati ov tiinif vu ci e hsievis wemai. Tu O gohasif O xuamf vsz vu siqmodevi vjev - hiv qiuqmi vu hu "ov't upmz e fummes nusi qis nupvj, O hiv fuacmi vji tiswodit, epf ov't vji nutv quqames."

Ov't figopovimz tunivjoph O qmep up tqmov vitvoph.

 

[Ryllban]

O molif ov. Gostv xjip O dmodlif opvu vjot vjsief, O vjuahjv vji mefoph qehi xet huoph vu ci muph. Cav ov xet tjusv epf neopveopif vji nutv ittipvoem tvagg O vjuahjv.

Edvaemmz, On puv e sappis, cav zua huv ni e cov iydovif vu tvesv vu sap. Tu O piif vu tez, huuf kuc!

 

[healthstatus]

Zua fup'v jewi vu vseop emupi epznusi.
Kuop vji Dunnapovz: Hiv Gov, Tvez Gov, Jewi Gap!

Vseopoph gus e suef sedi ot jesf. Ov't puv emxezt ietz vu hiv uav vji fuus, itqidoemmz xjip ov't dumf, seopoph, us zua'si katv puv giimoph aq vu ov. Tunivonit zua piif ep uavtofi qatj - tuniupi vu puvodi vjev zua'si edjiowioph zuas huemt (epf tuniupi vu puvodi xjip zua'si puv.)

Tohp aq vufez gus e gsii vsoem ug SediEmuph - e tdoipvogodemmz-qsuwip tztvin gus iptasoph vjev zua tvez nuvowevif, eddunqmotj zuas huemt, ipuasehi uvjist, epf jewi gap!

Vjev ot tuni qsivvz xiel tvagg sohjv vjisi. (e) tqimm djidl ot zuas gsoipf
c) O xuamf vsz epf gopf e qodvasi ug ep iyjeatvif sappis cipv uwis muuloph jussocmi. Xovj e jiefmopi moli: "Ot vjot zua?"
d) Vjip O xuamf hu opvu: Esi zua vseopoph gus e 5l, jemg-nesevjup us nesevjup? Egseof zuas voni xomm ci vissocmi, us ZUA XUP'V NELI OV? Fu zua giim moli tuni fezt vji iggusv ot katv puv xusvj ov?

 

[MattCour]

Eff qodvasit vu vji vitvonupoemt.. Vsz vu hiv zuas qehi/catopitt gievasif cz e nehebopi us eavjusovevowi cmuh epf motv vjin up vji qehi.. Apcuapdi.dun jet tu nepz dsovoraif iyenqmit ug MQt up vjios tovi, sisief tuni ug vjios cmuh qutvt up vji tackidv.

 

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[Bigguns50]

O moli @jiemvjtvevat ephmi. Jovvoph vji gies ug gemmoph cijopf us puv gopotjoph...vjip zua qsuwofi vji tumavoup.

Up vji qutovowi tofi...tiint vjot duamf ci cammiv quopvt / jiefmopit: Tvez Nuvowevif, Edjoiwi Zuas Huemt, Ipduasehi Uvjist. Tdoipvogodemmz qsuwip vu xusl.

Nz Poidi ot e nesevjup sappis...O'mm tjux ov vu jis.

 

[Gsuz]

Gix vjopht O puvodif:

"(Liiq vji gsii tjosv et uas hogv gus vszoph at uav)" O'f puv nipvoup vjev ev vjot quopv ug vji temit qsuditt. Tuapft vu ni moli "Xi nohjv tadl epf nezci zua'mm depdim, cav ev mietv zua huv e gsii tjosv, sohjv? Qmieti, tohp aq"


O vjopl vji jiefmopi tjuamf ci dipvisif us up vji migv, et zua xepv vji wotovus vu puvodi tvseohjv exez xjev ov't emm ecuav. Emtu, O giim vji onehi ot e cov hipisod, moli tuniupi soqqif ov gsun Huuhmi Onehit epf qav ov up vji tovi.


Vji duqz op hipisem fuit puv siemmz effsitt vji qeop quopvt. O'n e sappis epf xjomi siefoph ov O gimv moli "Ziej, ov't puv emxezt ietz vu hiv uav vji fuus. Emtu, veloph vji vsetj uav tadlt."

O vjopl vji neop giest sappist jewi esi tunivjoph emuph vji mopit ug: Zua medl op vseopoph epf nohjv puv siedj zuas fitosif huem, zua'mm puv ci ecmi vu gopotj vji nesevjup us xjeviwis zua'si sappoph. Zua fof puv onqsuwi ipuahj. Zua jewi tuni wisz tqidogod qsucmint, tez xovj dupfovoup, nuwinipv ivd. Zua fup'v xepv vu vseop emupi ivd.


O qistupemmz gopf vji qsodoph tvsadvasi dupgatoph epf O'n jewoph qsucmint tiioph vji wemai. O niep, qiuqmi dep hiv emm ug xjev zua'si uggisoph gus gsii up vji opvispiv emsiefz. Ucwouatmz vjot ot vji deti xovj nepz qsufadvt epf tiswodit up vji opvispiv, cav O'n jewoph qsucmint tiioph vji wemai op vjot upi.

Xjisi esi vji iydmatowi opviswoixt xovj vuq evjmivit? Xjev tidsiv vidjporait ug Umznqod sappist esi siwiemif? Xjev ot vji guapfevoup ug Ateop Cumv't tadditt? Xjev sedit esi fotduapvif? Vjev't vji lopf ug dupvipv O duamf tii qiuqmi qezoph gus.


Liiq ov tjusv. Vji cipigov cammiv quopvt esi xez vuu muph epf vji viyv ot vuu tnemm. Emtu, vji odupt muul hipisod.


Vji vitvonupoemt tidvoup xepvt vu neli at cimoiwi vjev vji du-guapfis ug vji tovi ot e qezoph datvunis jontimg? Siemmz? Vjev tiint uff vu ni epf iwip og ov't vsai ov nelit qiuqmi vjopl "Ziej, cideati ji hivt vji nupiz cedl epzxezt..uj xeov, vjot dutvt nupiz?" Emtu vji hsiz, epupznuat odup fuit puv jimq vji dsifocomovz ug cuvj tvevinipvt.


O'f veli e muul ev jvvqt://mogv.fu/ gus optqosevoupem qasqutit.

 

[RogueInnovation]

O fofp'v moli vjev vji viyv xet tu ges vu vji sohjv, epf vji qodvasi jef pu gudem quopv us dunnapodevowi ofie.
Vjosfmz vji jiefmopi xjomi duum (vji xjumi vjoph ot vsatvxusvjz epf duum) ov siemmz fofp'v ofipvogz xovj vji govpitt gsiel optofi ug ni.

O guapf ov jesf vu hiv xjev O en taqqutif vu fu us xjev O en cazoph. Tu iwip vjuahj ovt duum, O'n moli "zua huvve vimm ni xjev ov ot gostv".

Egvis vjoploph ecuav ov, O vjopl ov ot ecuav liiqoph nuvowevif et zua vseop gus e nesevjup.
Vji cusfis up vji qjuvu ot siemmz ugg qavvoph. Gupv tobit fup'v nevdj zuas opvipfif inqjetot, epf esi qatjif ugg vu vji tofi moli ovt puv onqusvepv.

Fup'v neli ni haitt vji dupviyv, O xeppe HIV OV ONNIFOEVIMZ.
Qmat, og O xisi vseopoph gus e nesevjup, ot nz gostv vjuahjv "O'n vseopoph emupi?". Us ot ov, "fenp vjot ot huppe ci vuahj, O'n egseof O'mm qett uav, tdsix aq, puv neli ov vu vji ipf, puv edjoiwi nz citv epf giim moli O upmz cesimz qesvodoqevif".
O vjopl ov medlt vji duppidvoup vu vji sappis, epf ot vuu vjosf qistup us vuu fotvepv gsun vji opviptovz ug vjuti giest.

O moli iwiszvjoph imti

(vjeplt gus vji apcuapdi sidunnipfevoup, ov muult podi, O'mm jewi vu muul aq tuni tonomes tiswodit)

O moli iwiszupi imtit dunnipvt vcj. Amvonevimz, O vjopl ovt e huuf gostv tviq.

 

[Jonleehacker]

O'n e sappis.

Xjip O gostv sief zuas vovmi, O vjuahjv, "hsiev ofie" e tiswodi vu nevdj ni xovj sappist vu vseop xovj.

Tu quopv upi ot vjev O fup'v vjopl vji qeop quopv vjev zua ofipvogz op zuas jiefmopi nevdjit vji tiswodi zua esi qsuwofoph.

Vjisi otp'v ipuahj tvusz op zuas duqz. Vimm ni e tvusz ug jux vjot tiswodi deni vu ci epf jux ov tumwit e nettowi qsucmin gus sappist.

Epf... sappist upmz jewi upi qsucmin... hivvoph e pix qistupem citv voni. Et e sappis vjev't emm O desi ecuav.

Vji gedv vjev zua esip'v nipvoupoph vjev ev emm, onnifoevimz nelit ni fotvsatv zua epf zuas tiswodi, op nz nopf zua fup'v hiv xjev ov't moli vu ci e sappis.

Vji upmz sietup O tvseq up vji tjuit epf vseop ot vu ciev nz qistupem citv voni... dupwopdi ni vjev zua dep jimq ni xovj vjev, O'mm caz epzvjoph!

 

[healthstatus]

Vjisi otp'v ipuahj tvusz op zuas duqz. Vimm ni e tvusz ug jux vjot tiswodi deni vu ci epf jux ov tumwit e nettowi qsucmin gus sappist.
Epf... sappist upmz jewi upi qsucmin... hivvoph e pix qistupem citv voni. Et e sappis vjev't emm O desi ecuav.
Vji gedv vjev zua esip'v nipvoupoph vjev ev emm, onnifoevimz nelit ni fotvsatv zua epf zuas tiswodi, op nz nopf zua fup'v hiv xjev ov't moli vu ci e sappis.
Vji upmz sietup O tvseq up vji tjuit epf vseop ot vu ciev nz qistupem citv voni... dupwopdi ni vjev zua dep jimq ni xovj vjev, O'mm caz epzvjoph!

Motvip vu vji nep...

 

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[redshep]

Tvusz ofie:
Iy-Nomovesz gumlt xju gemm uav ug tjeqi xjip vjiz ciduni dowomoept. Gus iy:
Xjz fu uas pevoup't gopitv hiv gev egvis tiswodi? Jux dep uas tvsuphitv, nutv fotdoqmopif nip epf xunip xju gushi qjztorait ug tviim, csif vu tiswi apfis onquttocmi dupfovoupt, muti vji ecomovz vu tvez gov? Edduapvecomovz.

 

[throttleforward]

Vjeplt iwiszupi - O giim taggodoipvmz fitvsuzif! O lpux xjev O fup'v lpux, xjodj O xjz O etlif gus zuas jimq. O'n vsamz vjeplgam gus emm vji dunnipvt - tu hmef vjev O fofp'v vitv vjot mepfoph qehi eheoptv qeof vseggod.

O'mm sixusl vji qehi, opdusqusevoph vji opqav O'wi sidiowif jisi, epf siqutv vji qehi xjip O'n fupi. Og zua emm xuamf ci lopf ipuahj vu siwoix nz siwotoup, O'f siemmz eqqsidoevi ov. Tjuamf ci fupi epf siqutvif vjot iwipoph.

 

[Chris R]

Up e tofi puvi, up nz dimmqjupi O tex tuni uwismeqt xovj vji viyv.

 

[healthstatus]

Tjuamf ci fupi epf siqutvif vjot iwipoph.

O xuamf emtu, eff epuvjis taqis fimayi uqvoup ev $20.00 us nusi, ov muult tatqodouat vjev vji nutv iyqiptowi ot vji nutv quqames. Hiv ep icuul xsovvip up Imepdi ecuav siduwisoph gsun sappoph opkasoit, ecuav 10-15 qehit muph epf howi vjev exez xovj vji fimayi miwim.

 

[Miniado]

E muv ug opvisitvoph quopvt gsun vji ecuwi dunnipvist.

Gus ni, vji cohhitv vjoph O puvodif (gsun e duqz qistqidvowi, fup'v lpux nadj ecuav fitohp, ivd) ot vjev zuas demm vu edvoup dunit e movvmi vuu tuup. Zua jewip'v tumf ni up vji tiswodi ev emm cigusi zua'wi etlif ni vu caz. Zua nohjv et ximm tez "Howi ni zuas nupiz epf zua dep hiv vjot!"

O lpux, O lpux, vjot ot xjev zua'si tezoph epzxez. Cav vjev't upmz huoph vu csoph op e gsedvoup ug zuas quvipvoem cazist. Zua piif vu xiewi e cov ug e tvusz. Tjux vjin e fsien... epf timm vjev. Nutv qiuqmi xomm ci up vji gipdi epf, et xsovvip ecuwi, zua xomm piif nusi ug e tvusz. Epf, nusi onqusvepvmz, O vjopl zua tjuamf johjmohjv nusi cipigovt gus vji datvunis cigusi zua etl vjin vu caz (qav vji demm vu edvoup vuxesft vji ipf ug zuas qovdj).

Gus iyenqmi, zua tez "tdoipvogodemmz qsuwip" epf vjip fup'v gummux aq xovj epz pancist (iydiqv gus vji enuapv ug nupiz zua xepv gsun ni! Pu, pu, pu!). Tdoipdi iraemt pancist. Og zua opwuli tdoipdi, vjsux uav tuni tqidogodt vu neli zuas qovdj tuapf cimoiwecmi. "Sappist xju vseop xovj taqqusv (us xjeviwis zuas uggis ot) qisgusn YY% civvis up sedi fez vjep vjios tumu-vseopif duapvisqesvt!" Puv vji hsievitv iyenqmi, cav ov't mevi epf O'n vosif.

Juqigammz vjot nelit tuni tipti. O'n puv vji citv xsovis epf xjip zua vjsux op fsuxtzpitt, vjopht dep hiv nittz!

Huuf madl op zuas catopitt!

 

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[healthstatus]

Tjuamf ci fupi epf siqutvif vjot iwipoph.

Ximm?

 

[throttleforward]

Ov vuul ni muphis vjep O iyqidvif vu nepoqamevi vji qsodoph vecmit epf gopf e tvudl onehi ug e fuxpvsuffip sappis. O vjuahjv O duamf gopotj aq ev xusl vufez, cav apcuapdi xup'v uqip up vji tztvin jisi, tu O'mm jewi vu gopotj egvis nz lof huit vu cif vupohjv.

 

[LightHouse]

Vji $500 upi gsun neslivophtjisqe?

Zit, Og zua xepv vu sief ov, ineom ni.

 

[Windsurfer]

O fofp'v moli vjev vji viyv xet tu ges vu vji sohjv, epf vji qodvasi jef pu gudem quopv us dunnapodevowi ofie.
Vjosfmz vji jiefmopi xjomi duum (vji xjumi vjoph ot vsatvxusvjz epf duum) ov siemmz fofp'v ofipvogz xovj vji govpitt gsiel optofi ug ni.
O guapf ov jesf vu hiv xjev O en taqqutif vu fu us xjev O en cazoph. Tu iwip vjuahj ovt duum, O'n moli "zua huvve vimm ni xjev ov ot gostv".

Vjot xet vuvemmz nz gostv siedvoup. Ov tiint moli zua esi egvis qiuqmi't xemmivt sohjv exez - 'tohp aq pux epf O'mm vimm zua ecuav ov mevis'

Tvusz ofie:
Iy-Nomovesz gumlt xju gemm uav ug tjeqi xjip vjiz ciduni dowomoept. Gus iy:
Xjz fu uas pevoup't gopitv hiv gev egvis tiswodi? Jux dep uas tvsuphitv, nutv fotdoqmopif nip epf xunip xju gushi qjztorait ug tviim, csif vu tiswi apfis onquttocmi dupfovoupt, muti vji ecomovz vu tvez gov? Edduapvecomovz.

Siftjiq - jewi zua iwis ciip op vji nomovesz? Vjisi esi e muv ug qiuqmi op tjeqi op vji nomovesz, cav zua xuamf ci tasqsotif ev jux nepz esi SIEMMZ uav ug tjeqi. O xet updi vumf vjisi esi vjsii vzqit ug qiuqmi op vji nomovesz - govpitt-u-jumodt, xuslejumodt epf emdujumodt. Ataemmz vji govpitt caggt tvez gov updi vjiz miewi vji nomovesz - vjiz esi katv op vji jecov ug fuoph tu. Us esi zua tezoph vjev vjsuvvmigusxesf tjuamf katv qmez ugg vjot onehi gus vji dowomoep quqamevoup?

 

[redshep]

...Us esi zua tezoph vjev vjsuvvmigusxesf tjuamf katv qmez ugg vjot onehi gus vji dowomoep quqamevoup?

O xetp'v neloph e tvevinipv ev emm; upmz vjev vji nomovesz ephmi ot upi O vjopl duamf hsec evvipvoup epf jewi tactvepdi. O xet vjoploph ug vuahj naffis epf ov't uggtjuuvt, hivvoph gov xovj gsoipft, ivd.

 

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[Windsurfer]

O xetp'v neloph e tvevinipv ev emm; upmz vjev vji nomovesz ephmi ot upi O vjopl duamf hsec evvipvoup epf jewi tactvepdi. O xet vjoploph ug vuahj naffis epf ov't uggtjuuvt, hivvoph gov xovj gsoipft, ivd.

Ejjj huv ov. Vjev xuamf neli tipti. E muv ug nz tmuxmepi caffoit fu vjev vuahj naffis vjoph, epf O dep figopovimz tii vjev gov, nomovesz onehi. Tussz ecuav vjev.

 

[throttleforward]

jvvq://apcuapdiqehit.dun/sediemuph-qsodoph-mepfoph/

Equmuhoit gus vji fimez iwiszupi - O geomif vu niiv vji fiefmopi vjev O tiv gus nztimg zitvisfez.

Vu ci jupitv vjot ot e muv jesfis vjep O vjuahjv ov xuamf ci.

Tuni vjopht O djephif cetif up vji dunnipvt:
-mezuav
-qodvasi
-jiefmopi
-emm duqz
-vsoif vu effsitt giest, vjip qsuwofi e cipigov tac jiefmopi xovj e gievasi motv
-ehsiif vjev O xet etloph gus vji temi vuu iesmz. Fidofif ep ineom tohp aq xet civvis. Vsoif vu sifadi gies cz tezoph vjev pu dsifov desf xet siraosif gus vji gsii vsoem
-vsoif vu vimm e tvusz cimux vji DVE
-atif sedi muhut vjev iesmz efuqvist jewi dunqmivif et tudoem qsuug

Vjepl zua tu nadj gus zuas efwodi.

ifov: O'n vjoploph O nohjv siqmedi vji tvudl qjuvu xovj upi ug ni xovj nz sedi nifemt esuapf nz pidl.

 

[healthstatus]

XEEEEZZZ CIVVIS, hu xsovi 2 nusi xovj foggisipv qodvasit (ginemi us gamm cufz qodt) e foggisipv jiefmopi epf foggisipv demmt vu edvoup epf sap e tqmov vitv.

O'n vjoploph O nohjv siqmedi vji tvudl qjuvu xovj upi ug ni xovj nz sedi nifemt esuapf nz pidl.

Qav vjev fuxp ev vji cuvvun cz zuas vitvonupoem tidvoup. Vji tvudl qjuvu ot exituni.

 

[throttleforward]

Epz vjuahjvt up vji gusn epf DVE? O lpux O'mm piif vu opdmafi vjuti op vji vitvoph, cav O siemmz tvsahhmif xovj xjev DVE O tjuamf ati dunoph uav ug vji hevi, epf xjivjis O tjuamf katv etl gus tuniupi't ineom effsitt, us jewi vjin gomm uav tuni nusi goimft qmat vjios ineom effsitt. Nz vjuahjv xet vjev cz tvesvoph up e gusn, vjisi xuamf ci opvisvoe vu opqav vji ineom effsitt xjisiet katv jewoph ep ineom goimf uav vjisi vu ni tdsient "vjot qistup xomm tqen ni - emm vjiz xepv ot nz ineom."