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Any books/resources on developing a dominant behaviour?

Abrodos

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Hi guys, I'm looking specifically on any resource to develop a dominant attitude/behaviour or stop submissive body language, towards developing agressiveness, etc.

Long story short, I'm happy and successful (at least from my own standards). I can be a sweet, caring and healthy partner, I have lots of strong relationships with friends, male and female, I enjoy life, nature, making art, counseling kids, and self-care and self-development, and my entrepreneurial voyage is advancing at a good pace. I also have no problem with speaking in public, talking to large crowds or talking/selling stuff to random strangers at fairs.

But, since I have memory, I've always adopted a very submissive behaviour when I'm with a group of people, especially with work teams and friend groups. Although this has allowed me to be a very empathetic counselor/helper/listener, it has also been dragging my development towards the traditional definition of masculinity, and, in a way, I feel that my focus on entrepreneurship, even my artistic skills, might be a way of fantasizing to avoid facing this very problem.

So i want to start making a change in how I interact with people, with the world in general. To acquire the ability to stop being so "nice", so I can decide when to be and when to not be nice.

I know It's not the usual stuff to be asked, that's why I'm starting a new thread.
Pick up artist stuff is not what I look for, because it is usually very superficial, and is directed towards a narrow aspect of life (having sex). Also it feels like faking a personality, and in the end, treats women as objects and ignores relationships with other men, so that is not what I'm looking for. Anyway I'm open to hearing about PUA books if they're good in this aspect.

I'm looking for something that has a global approach (asserting dominance/fear/authority over large groups of people, being a fearful boss, dealing with agressive individuals, developing the traditional view of masculinity, causing a first impression of fear, business interactions from a dominance point of view, making a change in body language and general attitude towards the world). Something that could be read alike to become a riot police officer, a corporate boss, a high school teacher in a marginalized neighbourhood, and a street thug. Something that talks about body language, about alpha individuals in animal packs, etc.

Any suggestions?

Many thanks in advance,
David
 

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Ismails

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Leadership Books:
Extreme Ownership - Jocko Willink
Start with Why - Simon Sinek
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen Covey
The 48 Laws of Power - Robert Greene
Shut Up and Listen! Hard Business Truths That Will Help You Succeed - Tilman Fertitta
 

BellaPippin

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So i want to start making a change in how I interact with people, with the world in general. To acquire the ability to stop being so "nice", so I can decide when to be and when to not be nice.
What I read you say is, "I'm a people pleaser and nobody respects my boundaries, I end up bending forwards and backwards for people even when I don't want to" I've been there. The book I mention below talks about self-worth and how our upbringing and how people guilt tripping us set us up to be manipulated. Doesn't sound like you are being "too nice" more like you can't enforce your boundaries.

I think you should focus on becoming ASSERTIVE rather than aggresive. Assertiveness is the healthy balance in between. I highly recommend "When I say NO I feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith.

Submissive and Agressive are both extremes. Why be a macho that intimidates people when you can just be a good dude that isn't a pushover? To each their own tho, not judging. Just food for thought. You don't need to intimidate to lead or to be respected.
 
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Primeperiwinkle

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I highly recommend practicing a contact sport or aspects of several contact sports. Retraining your body will actually affect your personality. It will also increase your confidence which is a key component in how we interact with others. There are multiple benefits from Jiu jitsu or Muay Thai.

Even batting cage practice will go a long way to helping you build muscle and change how you move. You can read all the books in the world about how to hit a ball or take down an opponent but actually doing it over and over.. breaking down the fear of getting hurt or the pushing through that feeling of stupidity that arises when you fail.. there’s nothing like it.
 

Johnny boy

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1. Make better friends who aren't pussies.

2. Say this "Anyone who doesn't like me is wrong" and then act accordingly.

3. Read my favorite book of all time: "Pimpology"

4. Start hiring people for a business. You'll learn real quick to not be a submissive little girl when you have to tell grown men to get their act in line or else get fired. It changes you.
 

Fox

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Serious questions:

- what’s your weight?
- how often are you lifting weights/training?
- what’s your diet?
- have you had your testosterone levels checked?

There is a major mind-body link with what you are you asking about.

If you don’t gym, have a terrible diet, are light weight and have low test that question answers itself.

Without including some physical context here it’s going to be hard to get a revenant answer.
 

Neng Her

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Exactly what
Serious questions:

- what’s your weight?
- how often are you lifting weights/training?
- what’s your diet?
- have you had your testosterone levels checked?

There is a major mind-body link with what you are you asking about.

If you don’t gym, have a terrible diet, are light weight and have low test that question answers itself.

Without including some physical context here it’s going to be hard to get a revenant answer.

Exactly what I was thinking. Its human nature to prey on the weak.

“Have Big Arms” - The Boron Letters
 

Andy Black

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What I read you say is, "I'm a people pleaser and nobody respects my boundaries, I end up bending forwards and backwards for people even when I don't want to" I've been there. The book I mention below talks about self-worth and how our upbringing and how people guilt tripping us set us up to be manipulated. Doesn't sound like you are being "too nice" more like you can't enforce your boundaries.

I think you should focus on becoming ASSERTIVE rather than aggresive. Assertiveness is the healthy balance in between. I highly recommend "When I say NO I feel Guilty" by Manuel Smith.

Submissive and Agressive are both extremes. Why be a macho that intimidates people when you can just be a good dude that isn't a pushover? To each their own tho, not judging. Just food for thought. You don't need to intimidate to lead or to be respected.
What Bella said. I like that I don’t intimidate people.

It also sounds like you’d get value from the book “Give and Take”.


I wonder if I’m similar to you...

I’m good one-on-one with people. I don’t mind public speaking (one to many speaking). I tire in many-to-many environments.

When there’s a lot of chatter and I have nothing to say then I say nothing. When I do have something to say I just say it. If people don’t want to listen then that’s fine. Sometimes they do, because they know I won’t speak unless I’ve something to say. (Imagine the nerdy scientist character who would speak up in front of any group when he thinks they’re technically wrong... I care more about accuracy and truth than being socially acceptable.)

Sure, maybe I could project my voice a bit better but I’m happy getting things done the way I currently do.

I enjoyed leading reasonably big teams, and they liked having me as their leader.

There’s a phrase I like:


All this to say: yes, maybe learning to be more assertive can help, but it sounds like you’re great already?
 

alexkuzmov

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Alot of what being a assertive dominant adult is doing what you want and accepting full responsibility for your actions.
Ask yourself what you want, do it and the deal with the outcome. If its good, then great, if it goes bad, deal with it. Just forge your own life, dont settle.

Physical conditioning through full contact sports goes a long way too, as others have mentioned.
 

100k

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Learn How To Not Giving a F**k

I'm not sure about what books teaches you how to really love yourself, and not give a sh*t about other people's opinions, however, I know if you are fulfilled in life; stay true to yourself, have good relationships with friends/family and you're happy with your income level and body, then you'll start to not give a shit about what others think. So if something is lacking somewhere in your life, try to focus on that area and fix it.
 

Tiago

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You could study kink. The sexual relationship between dominant/submissive. And then bring out that way of being out into the world.

Check out Om Rupani, he’s a master at this.
 

aachaltomar

PARKED
Nov 21, 2019
2
0
1
Hi guys, I'm looking specifically on any resource to develop a dominant attitude/behaviour or stop submissive body language, towards developing agressiveness, etc.

Long story short, I'm happy and successful (at least from my own standards). I can be a sweet, caring and healthy partner, I have lots of strong relationships with friends, male and female, I enjoy life, nature, making art, counseling kids, and self-care and self-development, and my entrepreneurial voyage is advancing at a good pace. I also have no problem with speaking in public, talking to large crowds or talking/selling stuff to random strangers at fairs.

But, since I have memory, I've always adopted a very submissive behaviour when I'm with a group of people, especially with work teams and friend groups. Although this has allowed me to be a very empathetic counselor/helper/listener, it has also been dragging my development towards the traditional definition of masculinity, and, in a way, I feel that my focus on entrepreneurship, even my artistic skills, might be a way of fantasizing to avoid facing this very problem.

So i want to start making a change in how I interact with people, with the world in general. To acquire the ability to stop being so "nice", so I can decide when to be and when to not be nice.

I know It's not the usual stuff to be asked, that's why I'm starting a new thread.
Pick up artist stuff is not what I look for, because it is usually very superficial, and is directed towards a narrow aspect of life (having sex). Also it feels like faking a personality, and in the end, treats women as objects and ignores relationships with other men, so that is not what I'm looking for. Anyway I'm open to hearing about PUA books if they're good in this aspect.

I'm looking for something that has a global approach (asserting dominance/fear/authority over large groups of people, being a fearful boss, dealing with agressive individuals, developing the traditional view of masculinity, causing a first impression of fear, business interactions from a dominance point of view, making a change in body language and general attitude towards the world). Something that could be read alike to become a riot police officer, a corporate boss, a high school teacher in a marginalized neighbourhood, and a street thug. Something that talks about body language, about alpha individuals in animal packs, etc.

Any suggestions?

Many thanks in advance,
David
Some of the recommended books are:
  • The Confidence Game
  • Games People Play
  • Reclaim Your Brain
  • Fascination by Sally Hogshead
 

JAJT

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Serious questions:
Add "how much do you drink?" to that list as well.

Alcohol saps testosterone and messes with your endocrine system.

There is a major mind-body link with what you are you asking about.
Aftering having gone through a lot of personal frustrations in the last few years, I've begun really diving into this more and more and I honestly believe that this is the "missing link" that never gets enough attention when it comes to behavior and self-help material.

So many books, experts, common sense, etc.. separate the "mental" from the "physical" as if they were two totally different things.

The fact is, when we get right down to it - our brains ARE physical things. They are literally a physical organ that sends physical signals to the rest of your physical body. Depending on what you "feed it", you get very different results.

The main thing you can feed your brain to produce desired results is hormones. Too much or too little and your brain starts doing, thinking, and acting in ways you (and others) don't appreciate. (For what it's worth, this is also why recreational drugs are so popular - they let us manipulate our brains in pleasing-to-us ways).

This paradigm shift of thinking of the brain as a physical organ has really helped guide some of my most recent (and initially successful) experiments tackling my own mental blocks/issues that I've been trying unsuccessfully to crack for years.

Probably the best example of this kind of thinking is looking closely at testosterone and how it interacts with our brain, as @Fox suggested.

Testosterone does a lot of stuff that helps regulate EXACTLY the kind of behaviors that people dismiss as "mental traits". It helps regulate motivation, sex drive, aggression, self esteem, etc.. It also has a hugely important role in physical development as well (like your ability to build muscle).

If you are a man running on empty with your t-levels - you can't read or think your way out of that funk you feel. You are missing the fuel your brain needs to execute on the knowledge you've gained in those books. It doesn't matter how well you know the map - if your car has no gas, you aren't going anywhere.

It's actually quite disconcerting that physical doctors and mental doctors aren't on the same page with this stuff (or if they are, they don't act it). If physical doctors were more in tune with how your brain works, and mental doctors had a better idea of how the body works, maybe instead of putting people through years of "pills and talking" to treat vague symptoms they could actually spend some time finding the physical cause and treating it like any other physical ailment. Maybe the solution IS pills and talking, and maybe it's diet and exercise, or maybe it's a mix - but if you don't get to the root problem, how the hell can you say you're properly treating a damn thing?
 

WillHurtDontCare

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Read books about dictators. The Power Broker is a great book on ruthlessness & political power in action.

Though keep in mind you have to have something that people want, otherwise you are just posturing.
 

DaRK9

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The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Mark Manson

I'm a pretty big guy with tattoos so I have be extra nice for the initial icebreaker. EQ + Mental toughness. Dominate yourself, not others.
 

Fox

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Add "how much do you drink?" to that list as well.

Alcohol saps testosterone and messes with your endocrine system.



Aftering having gone through a lot of personal frustrations in the last few years, I've begun really diving into this more and more and I honestly believe that this is the "missing link" that never gets enough attention when it comes to behavior and self-help material.

So many books, experts, common sense, etc.. separate the "mental" from the "physical" as if they were two totally different things.

The fact is, when we get right down to it - our brains ARE physical things. They are literally a physical organ that sends physical signals to the rest of your physical body. Depending on what you "feed it", you get very different results.

The main thing you can feed your brain to produce desired results is hormones. Too much or too little and your brain starts doing, thinking, and acting in ways you (and others) don't appreciate. (For what it's worth, this is also why recreational drugs are so popular - they let us manipulate our brains in pleasing-to-us ways).

This paradigm shift of thinking of the brain as a physical organ has really helped guide some of my most recent (and initially successful) experiments tackling my own mental blocks/issues that I've been trying unsuccessfully to crack for years.

Probably the best example of this kind of thinking is looking closely at testosterone and how it interacts with our brain, as @Fox suggested.

Testosterone does a lot of stuff that helps regulate EXACTLY the kind of behaviors that people dismiss as "mental traits". It helps regulate motivation, sex drive, aggression, self esteem, etc.. It also has a hugely important role in physical development as well (like your ability to build muscle).

If you are a man running on empty with your t-levels - you can't read or think your way out of that funk you feel. You are missing the fuel your brain needs to execute on the knowledge you've gained in those books. It doesn't matter how well you know the map - if your car has no gas, you aren't going anywhere.

It's actually quite disconcerting that physical doctors and mental doctors aren't on the same page with this stuff (or if they are, they don't act it). If physical doctors were more in tune with how your brain works, and mental doctors had a better idea of how the body works, maybe instead of putting people through years of "pills and talking" to treat vague symptoms they could actually spend some time finding the physical cause and treating it like any other physical ailment. Maybe the solution IS pills and talking, and maybe it's diet and exercise, or maybe it's a mix - but if you don't get to the root problem, how the hell can you say you're properly treating a damn thing?
Yup 100% on this ˆ

If (as a guy) you are:
- lifting heavy
- sleeping well
- minimal device time
- eating well
- having good sex
- fresh air, outdoors, sunlight
- no porn, drink, sugar

...you are going to reduce or remove 90% or more of stress, anxiety, and the other mental stuff. If your body is in order then your mind will quickly follow or be easily adjusted.

All the book recommendations etc are not going to matter much if you don't cover your bases.

As someone who has stepped up their physical game a lot this year (see my 75 hard thread), the mental changes are major. Once your body is solid your mental focus and assertiveness will naturally improve.
 

Kevin88660

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Hi guys, I'm looking specifically on any resource to develop a dominant attitude/behaviour or stop submissive body language, towards developing agressiveness, etc.

Long story short, I'm happy and successful (at least from my own standards). I can be a sweet, caring and healthy partner, I have lots of strong relationships with friends, male and female, I enjoy life, nature, making art, counseling kids, and self-care and self-development, and my entrepreneurial voyage is advancing at a good pace. I also have no problem with speaking in public, talking to large crowds or talking/selling stuff to random strangers at fairs.

But, since I have memory, I've always adopted a very submissive behaviour when I'm with a group of people, especially with work teams and friend groups. Although this has allowed me to be a very empathetic counselor/helper/listener, it has also been dragging my development towards the traditional definition of masculinity, and, in a way, I feel that my focus on entrepreneurship, even my artistic skills, might be a way of fantasizing to avoid facing this very problem.

So i want to start making a change in how I interact with people, with the world in general. To acquire the ability to stop being so "nice", so I can decide when to be and when to not be nice.

I know It's not the usual stuff to be asked, that's why I'm starting a new thread.
Pick up artist stuff is not what I look for, because it is usually very superficial, and is directed towards a narrow aspect of life (having sex). Also it feels like faking a personality, and in the end, treats women as objects and ignores relationships with other men, so that is not what I'm looking for. Anyway I'm open to hearing about PUA books if they're good in this aspect.

I'm looking for something that has a global approach (asserting dominance/fear/authority over large groups of people, being a fearful boss, dealing with agressive individuals, developing the traditional view of masculinity, causing a first impression of fear, business interactions from a dominance point of view, making a change in body language and general attitude towards the world). Something that could be read alike to become a riot police officer, a corporate boss, a high school teacher in a marginalized neighbourhood, and a street thug. Something that talks about body language, about alpha individuals in animal packs, etc.

Any suggestions?

Many thanks in advance,
David
I think there is no need to complicate this.

First is to learn to say no because if you do not take care of your interest no one will. Only you care about your own agenda.

Then understand what is important to you and develop your own principles on yes and no. No one gets far in far by being an a**hole and only taking without giving. You build your Network and social circle by being a nice person. These will earn long term benefits.

Regarding people or friend group who are a pain in your a$$, you should review why you be the one accomodating them all the way. Maybe you can bargain with them to reach a common understanding to meet in the middle. Maybe we are too far off in what we are going after then a common ground that cannot be made. Then Why do I need to go out with you and work on things together? Is there a potential long term value from you that require me to make these sacrifices?

The problem with “too nice” people is primarily not about being not “assertive” enough, in my opinion. One should firstly avoid fighting battles of having to be assertive all day because that is tiring ( of cause there are times that you have to). The problem with nice people is about not being ruthlessly focused on their own agenda.

Having said that, if your top clients for your business require you to be nice and accomodative you better be. And if your friends and even your girlfriend ask you to take time away from your top clients you better be assertive (As polite as you can) towards them..that’s an example of my attitude. Ask yourself whats your own top agenda...after that everything is super clear on how you should act towards different people in different ways.
 

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aum

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First of all, no book to recommend. So you can ignore this message outright.

But if you care to read, because I care to write, then here's what I have to say.

You have a self you want to drop, and take on another self.

Whichever self you identify with, submissive or dominant, will be a false one.

Why not just Be? Drop the whole idea of a self. And you have nothing to worry about.

Instead of trying to teach yourself how to live with a certain identity, allow yourself to be lived through a knowing beyond intellect.

Cheers!
 

Jon L

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I've been a pretty passive guy most of my life, looking to others for approval, almost for permission to live.

I am better now. Not perfect, but much better. What made the difference for me?
  • a series of good therapists
  • self help books that help me reevaluate my negative thought patterns. Highly recommend Feeling Good by David Burns.
  • realizing that I'm fine as-is, with all of my positive and negative traits. And if someone doesn't like me? Ok. That's fine. We can part ways.
    • Counter-intuitively, at least for me, this attitude has helped me grow by leaps and bounds.
  • Asserting myself when a boundary of mine is crossed.
My current growth point is that I'm learning to lead. I tend to wait for people to come to me, out of an overdone sense of respect for them and their wishes. There are a ton of situations where that's not appropriate. People want to be led by someone that cares and is looking out for their interests. For example:
  • In business, you're the expert in what you do compared to most people around you. Lead. Even if you don't have a formal leadership title. Suggest next steps. Call out problems and identify solutions. If something is in someone's interest, actively convince them to do what you think needs to be done, even if it also benefits you.
  • In friendships and romantic relationships, leading is just as important. Suggest new things to do together, ways of improving life, the relationship, etc.
 
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