"Allowance" for kids?

[Jill]

So for those of you have kids or have been a kid, I have a question. Do you think kids should get an "allowance" for just being a kid? Do you require your kid(s) to do a set of chores in exchange for their $$? How much? What is reasonable? If you (like we do) travel a LOT for business, how much should you leave them for food? How much is reasonable to spend on their clothing per month or year? I know there are a lot of questions/ variables here. But I want to know what other folks consider reasonable.

My folks gave us a meager allowance ($0.50/wk as kids; $5/wk as teenagers) to spend as we wished. Anything more an that we had to work for. Granted, this was 30ish years ago. But I'm just trying to figure out what is "normal"?

 

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[FionaS]

I got... I believe $1/week growing up (maybe $5 as teenagers as well). When I was a teenager I was a pain and stopped doing a lot of my 'chores' (especially once I had a 'real' job) so my allowance disappeared. We had the opportunity to make more money if we asked for more work. A big one was pulling weeds... we had a large garden.

I was required to keep my room clean, and my brother and I would switch chores weekly - one week I'd have to clear the dishwasher and the next I'd have to set the table or clean our shared bathroom. We didn't have that many chores, but we were expected to help out around the house when it was needed... so often we cleaned before visitors arrived and that kind of thing. My parents often wouldn't pay us for that because they saw it as being part of any household - not something that should be paid for.

My whole family is pretty frugal, so we'd get some clothes for school once or twice a year, which my mom would pay for (but it was usually clothing that was on sale or second hand). This was maybe a couple hundred dollars a year? When my parents went away for the night (out with friends or whatever), they usually left us a frozen pizza or something similar that we could just cook up whenever we were hungry. They generally didn't leave us money to order something ourselves.

 

[Flyjets]

I ask myself that often. I believe how much and how should be in phases. We started our children's allowance with a simple $1 per week. The amount is not important at first. There job was to focus and keep it safe and not leave it on the couch, floor or other places (tough task). After a year they got $2 per week and kept account every couple of months. They are young yet, so they are not consumers that can go shopping on there own. But soon we are adding more money and introducing expense management and tithing. After that we'll start asking them to think, how can they make more. My goal is to help them off an allowance and start a business before they're 18.

 

[DeletedUser2]

I guess its what your trying to teach your kids and how they relate to money.

if they get it handed to them, do the develop an expectation of money?
if they are given the toys or item itself, does that break the link to the value of money?

if you give the too much, and they have excess spending money, do they learn to save it? or do they learn to spend till its gone?

I have spent years understanding my relationship with money, and changing it. It used to be limited, unavailable and hard to come by. changing how I see it, its availability, and understanding it has helped me alot to grow as a person, and business.


this question is particularly interesting to me because I believe that it sets the foundation for how a child and eventually an adult views money.

I have a 3 yr old and its going to be a question at some point soon.

over the past 20 yrs, of having employees, I have seen all sorts of limiting beliefs, around money, and some lead back to how the parents interacted with kids in regards to money.

whats the right answer? I am not sure, but when my daughter is old enough I know I will show her some of the secrets of creating money out of thin air, but the idea and beliefs around money often set long before that.

I think an allowance may allow them to buy things they would like, but it needs to be tempered with a understanding that buying is just one step in a process of money creation, use, and disposal

how? well I'm certainly open to suggestions.

 

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[Jill]

Well, I know what I believe. But since this is a "blended family" situation, I don't really have much of a say. I certainly don't have the final say. I would just like to know what others think/do.

 

[pro]

Allowances should be at fair market wages. For example, compensation for the real cost of mowing a lawn or cleaning a house by taking a real market wage.

This is the best way to be fair. Also, if your kid doesn't do their job, they should understand and be treated like any employee and not receive compensation.

Otherwise you are subsidizing an activity that is not currently being compensated and probably not instilling the lessons you want to be taught.

Even in America, close to 15% of people are on food stamps. I think understanding this is key to bringing up a child who understands the world.

 

[yveskleinsky]

When I was a kid I think I got around $3-$5/week depending on what chores I did around the house. When I was a teenager I just got a set amount of around $70/month and out of that set amount came everything--spending money, clothes, gifts, whatever. I was expected to help out around the house however and whenever I could, as my mom was a struggling divorced mom with two kids, a full time job and took care of my Grandmother (who also lived with us and had Alzheimer's.) I think around the time my Grandma moved in is when my mom made the shift from just grounding us when we got into trouble, but adding a long list of home improvement chores for us to do while we were grounded--so we were doing chores all the time--hindsight being what it is, I can't say I blame her--if anything, I should probably thank her as I learned so much about hard work, the value of a dollar, what it means to be a family (postponing meeting up with friends to help out with Grandma, etc.)

I don't really know how I would approach this if I had a kiddo. On one hand I think there is the great lesson of chores/work=money and on the other hand I kinda think if you are a part of a family you help out when and how needed. I think a lot of family gives their kids an allowance that is tied to chores and then they give them extra spending money for clothes, etc. I dunno, maybe I would give my teenager a flat rate of $25/week however they wanted to spend it but then have a list of items on the fridge that they could choose from in order to justify that money--so maybe they would need to pick 1 per day, but it could be their choice and it would give them that sense of being part of a team instead of slave labor.

...This is a tough one, because I know kids these days are expensive to raise when you try to keep up with the latest everything for them--ipads, iphones, designer purses, etc. (I remember commenting on my niece's designer purse when I last saw her ($200 purse--she was 10). I was humoring her and asked her if she carried her car keys in there, when she smiled and proceeded to pull out an iphone and a kindle and gave me a look like "duh this is what I carry in my purse". I was floored because I had no idea that my cousin had gone out of her damn mind, or that 10 year-olds had cell phone, kindles and $200 purses...and I also wondered when I became so old and feared that I was going to be "that" relative who gave kids $5 for their birthday and a sack of penny candy.)

Anyhow, I think even though kids want more expensive things, it's not written that they need to just get more money from their parents--the lesson of delayed gratification is a big one when it comes to money, and well life in general. (I think I saved for 6,000 years to get my Nintendo, but there was such a huge sense of accomplishment and pride when I was finally able to buy it.)

...And then there is the added element of a blended family--I think a lot of divorced parents give their kids extra money out of guilt--I know my dad did. Writing a check was his solution to most of my problems, as I don't think he knew how to be there for me otherwise. ...Honestly, I would have traded every dime he ever gave me for just some good quality time together--and I think most kids feel the same way.

So perhaps there are a couple of different dynamics at work here that need some examining. I'll be curious to hear what you guys land on and how you come up with a solution as I'm sure it won't be easy. I'm sure parents have been struggling with this issue since the dawn of time.

 

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[DeletedUser2]

Allowances should be at fair market wages. For example, compensation for the real cost of mowing a lawn or cleaning a house by taking a real market wage.

This is the best way to be fair. Also, if your kid doesn't do their job, they should understand and be treated like any employee and not receive compensation.

Otherwise you are subsidizing an activity that is not currently being compensated and probably not instilling the lessons you want to be taught.
.

but working for money, in this format, often instills a "prostitute your time for money" mentality.
treating my kid like an employee, will never instill the "create value" lesson.

I think I would have to disagree with that.

 

[Jonleehacker]

Never liked the idea of an allowance as payment for chores as it creates an employee/employer type of relationship which I don't think is healthy in a family. This type of conditioning creates kids that become very dependent on employers for money. I think kids grow up as much more independent and stronger adults if they don't have the association that: parents = source of money.

I think participating in common chores should be done just because a kid is part of the team (ie family) and as a result of being part of the team basic needs are taken care of.

Entrepreneurial activities done outside the home would then be taught to earn extra discretionary money. Personally I had a paper route starting when I was about 11.

 

[Komelika]

I have a bit of a different take on "allowance". I have a 4 year old daughter and it isn't an issue yet, but I'd like to approach it differently. I never remember getting an allowance and if I did it was very inconsistant since my parents were terrible with money (and still are) and were usually broke or behind.

What I would like to do when my daughter is old enough to grasp the concept is give her a lot of money as an allowance. The exact amount will depend on her age and her need for money. The caveat is that she will be responsible for making her own decisions as to what that money will go to. If she wants to play sports then she will have to budget for the equipment and the physical. If she chooses to spend her money on mall hopping with her friends and doesn't have enough left over for what she wants then she will learn quickly about the concept of priorities. I feel that this approach will give her money management skills at an early age that will benefit her for life instead of just throwing her to the wolves as a young adult like my parents did to me. Her mom and I will provide all the essentials, but the extra things will be up to her. Now, if she develops bad habits such as blowing her money on junk and skipping the good stuff then we'll have to either coach her heavily or re-evaluate the plan. Either way, the money will be spent to cover those expenses so why not give her the opportunity to manage it?

 

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[Runum]

We struggled with this for years. Our kid is almost 20 and in college and we are still trying to find the balance between too much and not enough. we tried a lot of different systems and never stuck with one. It's going to depend a lot on the lessons you are trying to teach and the temperament of the kid in question. Some kids are more mature and capable of higher level decisions than others.

I know one family that calculated how much the kid needed to live including lunches, clothing, athletics, music lessons, savings, charity, etc for a month. Then they gave the kid that much in one sum per month. If the kid blew the money then she wouldn't have the money she needed for the other activities/items that were planned for.

The problem for me with any system was family outings, vacations, and holidays. If we went out as a family then the systems were compromised because the kid got whatever we got as a family.

Also, I always intended for my kid to have to serve food at a homeless shelter and deliver Christmas gifts to angel tree families a few times as a teen. I wanted her to see the other possibilities of life and experience another side of life. It was one of those things we never got to do.

Overall, I wanted my kid to know that money was something that could be earned or created. I wanted her to gain an appreciation of where money came from and what the money could get you in life. I am not so sure I achieved my goals. She is in college now and our business pays for pretty much everything. She does have a part time job and pays some of her expenses.

She does see what the business provides. She does see the value of it and the flexibility it affords us. She doesn't yet see the processes behind the business though. I have tried to force her to learn more about business and life but it doesn't go over too well.

The best method for me to teach those lessons over the last few years has been showing her examples of how the business benefits us and allowing her the opportunity to ask questions when she wants to learn.

I can say that some lessons have already had an affect on her choice of potential suitors. She has had to kick a couple to the side for not having visions and goals for their futures. She has learned to stay away from sidewalkers no matter how "cute" they are.

I guess what I'm getting at is this is not a one and done decision for most families. Chances are this will have to be revisited at least annually. That's going to make it very tough for a blended family. Good luck Jill.

 

[Runum]

One more thing....I have no problem with kids learning that working for money is a possibility. If they are starving and their ideas and businesses are crashing, they need to know that they COULD survive by working for money if it came to it.

 

[garyfritz]

We have two teenage boys. Their allowance is nominally $10 per week, with the expectation they do some simple chores around the house. We have a rotating chore list posted on the fridge. They don't do the chores, they don't get the allowance.

I got tired of nagging them so I offered them a "raise:" 50% bonus if you do the chores ON TIME, WITHOUT NAGGING. That's helped some, but they still tend to "forget" or to claim they did the chores when I know damn well they didn't.

So I instituted a new rule: it is THEIR responsibility to read the %@#% chore chart (you would think 14/16 yr olds could handle that) and figure out what they're supposed to do. When they do their chores on the weekend, they must come to me and show me they've done them. If they don't show me, it didn't happen.

I'm not thrilled by the "prostitute yourself for money" concept this teaches, but I'm still trying to get these two to accept some basic responsibility...

 

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[FastNAwesome]

Interesting thread.

While there's probably no ideal solution, I generally think y'all need to give some break to the kids.

Just remember you were a kid too.

What I believe in:

>> There should be some guaranteed minimum allowance, whatever's enough for your kid to eat
at school or cover some other minor expense, so that (s)he doesn't become a social outcast, or even go into
bad company. Kids are 100% people just like us, and have their pride, reputation, needs, social life.

And hell yeah they earn this minimal allowance by just going to school, and getting by with whatever
grades. They still have to go there every morning, so it is their work, and it is your obligation as parent
to pay for that work.

Also, if there's ever a school-trip which is optional, that should be the last place you cut corners on.
If you have a kid, you better starve for a few days, than to take away from them such precious moments
while distanting them from the rest of the class.

>> As for educating them about money and responsibility, I'd maybe go the "limitless possibilites" route
(just made up the term now). Which means, I'd let kids dream and express material wishes, and then
together with them determine achievements which will bring this. Achievements could be good grades,
good behavior and whatever - and need to be precisely defined and dated. Rewards should be whatever
is agreed - electric guitar, a trip, cash money.

I even plan to make long term challenges too - if certain level of discipline, good behavior and good grades
is maintained throughout entire high school - a CAR at 18 will follow up - and depending on quality of the
results, it will vary from some junk car to fancy new SUV - this is also a part of why I wanna be rich - to be able
to give my kids what I didn't have.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't make promises to kids that you are not able to follow through. Don't think they'll
settle for less - they know exactly what you promised, and if they do their part, go starve but do your part.

>> Business education: I think it's very important not to underestimate kids one bit. They learn faster and are not scared and scarred from life as all of us grownups are to an extent. So their mind and imagination runs totally free, and sees no limits you do. Your skill of setting up a wordpress site is a joke to what you kid might be able to do.

When I was a kid there was no internet, but the entrepreneurial spirit was in me, I'd buy/sell comic books, old stuff, whatnot.

If your kid has these ambitions, maybe it's cool to support them - books and other educational stuff should be a free treat for your kid. Courses of improvement in anything, any trainings, sports - I believe that should be available.

>> Yes there definitely should be restrictions and penalties, but I think the system can only work if there's both penalty and reward. It's easiest to say "you're grounded mister!". But make sure that if there are some awesome results, you're able to say "pack your bags, we go skiing mister!"


Ok, that was my inner kid representing for the other side:coffee::iamwithstupid:

Kids need discipline and proper raising, and despite how all the above sounds I believe I'll be a very harsh parent. So I'm not for spoiling them, I'm just saying...

Childhood is a precious diamond, and we all can have just one, so just don't overdo the "working for money" thing, let this diamond shine in their hearts forever, and let them feel blessed to have you as a parent, just as you were blessed to have them.

And don't give them monthly allowance at once, they're kids, are you crazy?

If I had monthly allowance I'm sure I'd starve at school, but would have the latest playstation
And also this can lead to showing off and getting in trouble, or getting false "friends" and going
totally wrong path. Too much of anything can be harmful, and that goes for allowance too.

 

[DeletedUser2]

So I instituted a new rule: it is THEIR responsibility to read the %@#% chore chart (you would think 14/16 yr olds could handle that)

OMG I Laughed out loud at this one!!!

 

[DeletedUser2]

IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't make promises to kids that you are not able to follow through. Don't think they'll
settle for less - they know exactly what you promised, and if they do their part, go starve but do your part.

Thats an awesome observation!

 

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[CPisHere]

I have read a few books on this subject, as I believe it's incredibly important in shaping a child's view towards money (and now have a baby on the way with my wife).

None of them are perfect, but the best book I read was "Raising Financially Fit Kids".

My plan is to pay for all my child's necessities/education/extracurriculures. His allowance will be purely for "extra" things like a skateboard or whatever (which I still have the final say on - just because it's "his money" doesn't mean he has the only say on what it goes towards), and will not be based on chores. However, he will have the opportunity to make more money by identifying and working on other things, outside of his expected chores.

 

[SitesForSales]

Give your kids enough to do something great - but not enough to do nothing at all.

Young Kids 5 -10 - Give them whatever is fair, but teach them to budget and buy the fun things you'd ordinarily buy for them - stops begging for this or that and teaches what it feels like to be broke.

Older Kids 11 - 14 - Give them something more important than just the money to buy ALL their clothes and other junk - show them how they can post local ads and earn MORE money babysitting and cutting lawns, shovelling snow, etc. Promise to MATCH what they can earn on their own to increase their incentive to overcome laziness and shyness and force them to build confidence and learn the rush of earning money.
Any money you MATCH for them should be given by cheque so that they MUST open a bank account.
Teach them to have a savings acct into which 25% of their income goes and does not get touched.

Teens - Now they have the references and experience to look for a job.

 

[rocksolid]

Before we had kids I saw something on a Rich dad video (I think) which said he would teach a kid this way. They get an allowance and it would be split into 3 piles. One for spending, one for saving, and one toward an investment. I always liked that train of thought and planned on using it with my son, but life is funny and it turned out my son is autistic and although he is high function I'm not sure how happy he would be with this break down of money. Even though I will still try to teach him it. I think we are going to make a list of chores and assign a dollar amount to them. So if he clears his dished after each meal he will earn .35 cents each time or 1.05 a day just for that and so on. We need to make it a list of things we know he can do and things he is still working on like tying his shoelace so the chores might be a little different for us. Our son is 8 yrs old by the way

 

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[AroundTheWorld]

We don't give our kids an allowance...

The message they get from us is that if they want something, they need to figure out how to make the money to pay for it....

.... and we are always looking for opportunities to show them how to create value.

In our house, you do chores if you live in the house. It is your "payment" for the benefits you get from being a part of the family.

I also don't think there is anything wrong with a teen getting a job. Yes, it is an employee / employer mindset, but it may be just the kick in the a$$ they need to figure out that they need to get things figured out.

 

[kurtyordy]

my kids are 5,6,8 and 8. we do not do allowance. When my kids are saving for something, they look for something that needs done dusting, laundry, etc (seeing a need) they come to us and negotiate a payment for completing the job (they have learned that negotiating with mom yields better results. I screw with them sometimes and only offer a nickle for whatever it just to teach them to overcome objections. I also tell them where I would have gone to if they had persisted). They complete the job and then they must turn in a bill to us to get paid.

They also have started lemonade stands which I seed the money for, I make them subtract it and figure their profits and then I slip it back into their pot. They would like to start some door to door sales but at this point the creep factor in our country is too high for me to allow it.

 

[mmtprofile]

Chores! They need to understand that no one walks around handing you money in the real world (Unless you go on welfare but no one aspires to that). You should also teach them money management by modelling it for them.

 

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