Advice on Turning My Shit Life Around?

[bda888]

How To Turn Things Around...

Here are some tips that may really help turn things around for you quickly:

Attack the problem with several solutions at the same time- The combined effect of doing several small but positive things to counteract your negative feelings with overcome the inertia of trying to make a change.

Add ONE Easy Discipline a Week - As Jim Rohn says; don't try to revolutionize your life all at once. Instead, add one easy discipline a week to your life and your self-respect and self-esteem will build rapidly using this tactic. For example, eat one healthy meal a day, then add reading a chapter of an inspiring book the next week, then add 20 push-ups and 20 sit-ups a day the next week...etc. As you add another EASY discipline each week to your life the cumulative effect is incredible.

Let Me Tell You a Secret About WOMEN-I lived in Vegas for 7 years and I dated a lot of "9's and 10's" that were cocktail waitresses,showgirls, etc. I am definitely not saying this to brag because I can tell you from experience that a lot of smoking hot women have more mental baggage and are more insecure than you can imagine. Don't kid yourself, the guys that look like they have it made have a ton of problems that come along with that lifestyle.How many times do you see celebrity couples that look like they have it all but are cheating on each other, etc? In other words, don't be hard on yourself...their lives aren't as shit hot as they want you to think they are.

Make it Easy to Win - The last thing you want to do is go for a new job or to start approaching women when you are emotionally wounded. Instead, take advantage of your situation (living with family) and instead start doing the little things that add up to make you feel good about yourself first. For example,take a chance, go to a good hair dresser and tell him/her to give you a haircut that is in style and suits your hair type. Take tiny risks to build up your risk muscles and you will feel good about yourself.

Get a Pet- If you like animals, go get a pet. It will take your mind off of your circumstances and will give you some responsibility. Also, dogs are great chick magnets.

These are just some thoughts that have proven to work in many cases.

Good Luck.

 

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[Russ H]

Let Me Tell You a Secret About WOMEN-I lived in Vegas for 7 years and I dated a lot of "9's and 10's" that were cocktail waitresses,showgirls, etc. I am definitely not saying this to brag because I can tell you from experience that a lot of smoking hot women have more mental baggage and are more insecure than you can imagine. Don't kid yourself, the guys that look like they have it made have a ton of problems that come along with that lifestyle.How many times do you see celebrity couples that look like they have it all but are cheating on each other, etc? In other words, don't be hard on yourself...their lives aren't as shit hot as they want you to think they are.[/FONT]

Exactly my point in another thread:

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/ge...builds-his-own-bugatti-veyron.html#post168968

Choosing a love interest primarily on appearance/beauty is common-- but not necessarily smart.

-Russ H.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

The problem with habits is they are now their own self-accelerating process. Only a shift in decision-making can break the process and replace it with a knew one. Of course, that starts with 1 choice, then 2, then 3 ...

WOMEN-I lived in Vegas for 7 years and I dated a lot of "9's and 10's" that were cocktail waitresses,showgirls, etc.

Can we get a separate thread about this? :smxB:

 

[Infinity]

There's already a lot of great advice in this thread...some simple ones to immediately boost your self-confidence and health:

1. Buy some crest whitestrips - if your yellow teeth are bothering you that much, $30 will whiten your smile, pretty simple fix..

2. Work out! This helps me both in self-confidence and just health in general. You don't even have to get a gym membership if money is tight - there are plenty of exercises you can do at home. Buy some weights, push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups etc

We all go through spells of feeling down, it's normal. Trust things will get better and make positive strides and things will turn around. Good luck man!

 

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[TommyBoy]

@RyanDrake

You're off to a good start. You've obviously helped others so that's good karma.

Age
19
Posts
1,166
Thanks
617
Thx'd 400 times in 235 Posts

That's pretty good man! Maybe you can become successful being a motivational speaker. Look up David Altucher, a successful entrepreneur who uses his faults and ugly looks in his favor for comedy. People are much more likely to remember speeches when they are funny.

 

[Likwid24]

My real dream was to become a superstar, pornstar

 

[Rickson9]

 

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[healthstatus]

If you have back problems after you stand, it is because you don't have good core muscle strength, try doing situps, sitting on a exercise ball while you watch TV, jump rope, and eat decent food. Get some raw vegetables and fruit in your diet. (you don't have to be a health nut, just eat a banana or apple every day, and have a salad either with your meal or instead of a meal).

 

[The Intrepid]

blah, blah, blah...

I mean this with all due respect, you're an idiot and if you were a man talking like that around me I'd probably headbutt you back into reality.

Also, I've REALLY been homeless. You don't know what being homeless is like.

 

[Lights]

I mean this with all due respect, you're an idiot and if you were a man talking like that around me I'd probably headbutt you back into reality.

Also, I've REALLY been homeless. You don't know what being homeless is like.

For every post you made saying, "you're an idiot" you could be working on your fastlane to millions plan. Get to the point of your life and ignore me. My posts on this thread were for someone else, and not you. They have nothing to do with the plan, so I think I am walking on safe grounds, but merely self-esteem advice to avoid suicide or at least hating life. I think if I helped one person avoid suicide then I did my job, and if the OP appreciates them then that's what matters.

My homelessness was different from yours, probably, but that's because I never fear anything in my life. I am fearless. You don't know how my life was, and neither do I know yours, but I won't judge you... since in reality I don't care about you enough to care.

But back to my point, you create the life you want to create. I am going to give more advice here...

One problem with the OP is that he focuses too much on women, and when he should be focusing on the career/business of his life. Women are occupying too much of your energy. You need to work on your being, yourself, your future, and let women right now take a less-important role in your life. There's amazing women out there (not as beautiful as me unless it's a supermodel but that's besides the point) Look back towards the sea, and deep in your heart you will know what is missing.. And there when you sleep night, you will see the answer in your dreams.

I don't think you should even have a real legit gf until your mid 20s-late 20s. Enjoy life, hang around, party, work on your plans your future, your family. But in no way do you need a GF calling you on the phone with her problems. If any of your girl buddies is the least bit problematic, jettison them. You don't need the grief and the problems. Also be true with them and do not trick them or make them think false thoughts. Let them know you have goals and a plan, and your LIFE/BUSINESS comes first. Don't spend much $$$$$ on them. Again, this will only give them the wrong idea. Don't HAVE sex with them, don't live with them, don't do anything with them. Cohabitation leads to a GF that you do not need. Suck it up, be your OWN man. Women love men who care for themselves before they start having sex with any oh' woman. Women love confidence.... intelligence... security... Be confident, love yourself, take a ship and be your own pilot of the vessel of your dreams.

Your early twenties should be spent pursuing your career. Go to school, get professional training, start on the ground floor, build your business. Whatever field of endeavor you are going into, your top priority is to advance your career. Oh, your natural coupling instinct will be strong - don't do it! Work on you. At this point, you may also want to into college coeds and MILFs/cougars. Girls your own age usually want to date and they may be looking for husbands. Don't do it. YOU WILL screw up your life if its the wrong woman.

Around your mid to late twenties, depending on where you are in your career, you 'may' want to think about dating. This whole dating thing is simply a test run of possible marriage candidates. Never let on that this is what you are doing. Many women attach all sort of myth and fairy tail to marriage and they will pull the old 'bait and switch' just to get married. Look for girls that are into the same things you are. As a general rule, avoid going to bars and clubs to look for a GF. Try meeting people at other places and events you like such as museums, shows, web forums or the gym. Outfits like eHarmony and the like are not to be sneered at. We use brokers for many of our other transactions in life. There is no reason not to use a broker to find a life partner. That is just plain good business sense. GOOD BUSINESS SENSE.

Look for girls that like to do things you like to do. Take them around to some of your favorite things and see if they like it. Make sure you are as compatible as possible. Test their reliability. Make sure they are into the same kinky shit you are into. If they are given to drama, let them go. If you are not compatible let them go. You will also want a girl who is 'sane,' loves sex and can balance a check book. Remember, this is an audition. If they fail the audition things will not get better with age. There are plenty of fish in the sea, keep fishing. Take your ship and float it down the sea, and believe in yourself.

And it is for this reason that you do not live together. Cohabitation limits your flexibility. You may say with the wrong girl longer than you should out of convenience. It may seem convent now, when things go south it will be very inconvenient. Living together also increases the chances that children may pop up. Avoid, avoid, avoid. You don't want to be on welfare, or middle class. NO. Millions and millions of dollars. Power freedom success wealth. The luxurious life.

At around your late twenties to early thirties, hopefully, you have an idea of the sort of girl you want to marry. As a general rule, I think the Muslims actually have some insight on this. Men should marry a girl half their age plus seven years. For a thirty year old guy that means a girl of around 22 (30/2+7=22). You also need to be well established in your career, with some money in the bank and a good future ahead. Remember, your career is your priority at this point. After you get married your family will become your top priority and it is critical that you are in a position to support a family BEFORE you get married. AND BECOME RICH!

 

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[The Intrepid]

Ryan,

While I've never had trouble with women I can relate to the struggling teenage "entrepreneur" phase of life.

Around 19 years old I was broke living with my GF in Chicago trying to get my business going and I was failing miserably. I was so broke that I was only able to pay the bills so we had utilities and our studio apartment, I wasn't even able to overdraft my ATM card to pay for food for the week (top ramen and chicken quarters). Living in a high-rise I definitely considered opening one of the hopper windows and just sliding through headfirst. I made a few key mistakes that I think you're making right now.

1. You should consider getting a job. Not a menial job, but just an entry job in an industry you'd like to be in. You'll get now money, learn the business from the inside, and start to foster business relationships that will pay off later.

2. You need to get off the computer and get out of the house. Join anything, chess, softball, ultimate frisbee, ymca, Bally's, join anything. Success doesn't necessarily come from what you know, a lot of it depends on who know you.

3. Try to become the person that everyone can depend on. My word used to mean nothing. It took me years to change that and now I'm the guy everyone knows that will deliver... Even when I don't know how I'm going to. You wouldn't believe how far you can get in life by just trying to be as helpful as possible. Your success will be directly tied to the number or magnitude of problems you help solve. Think about it.

4. Physical stuff. No one really cares. I used to date (before getting anchored ) three or four different girls a week when I was a teenager and back then I would of considered myself a 6/10 in looks.

All women are attracted to the same thing: A man who smells nice & dresses well, is successful (in his own way), Confidence (something that comes with being at peace with yourself), and to be treated like Cinderella. My thing is humor, I'm by far the wittiest guy in the room. Looks don't mean much once YOU stop worrying about them. Just to give you an example, I once asked out a pretty girl in the mall I met in a chocolate store on the spot. All I knew was her name and that she was taking French I. So I asked her to go out with me in French right there. It took her a whole week to dump me via note.

5. Step outside of your comfort zone. Throw yourself into situations that you normally wouldn't try. One thing I used to think about was how conquistador Hernán Cortés sunk his own boats to prevent mutiny when conquering the Aztecs. When you're considering advancing your life consider burning your boats. I've burned my boats a few times and have never looked back and you can do it to. Learn to love being uncomfortable, stretching your abilities to the point where you're forced to improve your abilities.

6. Stop caring what other people think about you unless it's about keeping your word. I once asked two girls to teach me how to dance at this bachata event. They thought I was being bold and wanted to dance with me, when they realized I was serious they laughed their asses off in my face and walked away. Point is I didn't take their laughs too seriously since I know how to dance now somehow.

Also, I don't recommend crap like the Secret. If you need to hear it from other people check out Anthony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy...

P.S.: I've been foreclosed on, evicted, kicked out by roommates (for not getting along) twice, abused as a child and put into foster care, and homeless. I've SERIOUSLY considered suicide about five times and I'll guarantee you this.

As long as you don't quit, the game isn't over. Cheers.

 

[wallstreet]

For every post you made saying, "you're an idiot" you could be working on your fastlane to millions plan. Get to the point of your life and ignore me. My posts on this thread were for someone else, and not you. They have nothing to do with the plan, so I think I am walking on safe grounds, but merely self-esteem advice to avoid suicide or at least hating life. I think if I helped one person avoid suicide then I did my job, and if the OP appreciates them then that's what matters.

My homelessness was different from yours, probably, but that's because I never fear anything in my life. I am fearless. You don't know how my life was, and neither do I know yours, but I won't judge you... since in reality I don't care about you enough to care.

But back to my point, you create the life you want to create. I am going to give more advice here...

One problem with the OP is that he focuses too much on women, and when he should be focusing on the career/business of his life. Women are occupying too much of your energy. You need to work on your being, yourself, your future, and let women right now take a less-important role in your life. There's amazing women out there (not as beautiful as me unless it's a supermodel but that's besides the point) Look back towards the sea, and deep in your heart you will know what is missing.. And there when you sleep night, you will see the answer in your dreams.

I don't think you should even have a real legit gf until your mid 20s-late 20s. Enjoy life, hang around, party, work on your plans your future, your family. But in no way do you need a GF calling you on the phone with her problems. If any of your girl buddies is the least bit problematic, jettison them. You don't need the grief and the problems. Also be true with them and do not trick them or make them think false thoughts. Let them know you have goals and a plan, and your LIFE/BUSINESS comes first. Don't spend much $$$$$ on them. Again, this will only give them the wrong idea. Don't HAVE sex with them, don't live with them, don't do anything with them. Cohabitation leads to a GF that you do not need. Suck it up, be your OWN man. Women love men who care for themselves before they start having sex with any oh' woman. Women love confidence.... intelligence... security... Be confident, love yourself, take a ship and be your own pilot of the vessel of your dreams.

Your early twenties should be spent pursuing your career. Go to school, get professional training, start on the ground floor, build your business. Whatever field of endeavor you are going into, your top priority is to advance your career. Oh, your natural coupling instinct will be strong - don't do it! Work on you. At this point, you may also want to into college coeds and MILFs/cougars. Girls your own age usually want to date and they may be looking for husbands. Don't do it. YOU WILL screw up your life if its the wrong woman.

Around your mid to late twenties, depending on where you are in your career, you 'may' want to think about dating. This whole dating thing is simply a test run of possible marriage candidates. Never let on that this is what you are doing. Many women attach all sort of myth and fairy tail to marriage and they will pull the old 'bait and switch' just to get married. Look for girls that are into the same things you are. As a general rule, avoid going to bars and clubs to look for a GF. Try meeting people at other places and events you like such as museums, shows, web forums or the gym. Outfits like eHarmony and the like are not to be sneered at. We use brokers for many of our other transactions in life. There is no reason not to use a broker to find a life partner. That is just plain good business sense. GOOD BUSINESS SENSE.

Look for girls that like to do things you like to do. Take them around to some of your favorite things and see if they like it. Make sure you are as compatible as possible. Test their reliability. Make sure they are into the same kinky shit you are into. If they are given to drama, let them go. If you are not compatible let them go. You will also want a girl who is 'sane,' loves sex and can balance a check book. Remember, this is an audition. If they fail the audition things will not get better with age. There are plenty of fish in the sea, keep fishing. Take your ship and float it down the sea, and believe in yourself.

And it is for this reason that you do not live together. Cohabitation limits your flexibility. You may say with the wrong girl longer than you should out of convenience. It may seem convent now, when things go south it will be very inconvenient. Living together also increases the chances that children may pop up. Avoid, avoid, avoid. You don't want to be on welfare, or middle class. NO. Millions and millions of dollars. Power freedom success wealth. The luxurious life.

At around your late twenties to early thirties, hopefully, you have an idea of the sort of girl you want to marry. As a general rule, I think the Muslims actually have some insight on this. Men should marry a girl half their age plus seven years. For a thirty year old guy that means a girl of around 22 (30/2+7=22). You also need to be well established in your career, with some money in the bank and a good future ahead. Remember, your career is your priority at this point. After you get married your family will become your top priority and it is critical that you are in a position to support a family BEFORE you get married. AND BECOME RICH!

Ryan, Lights is the perfect example of why you should not be afraid to talk to girls your age. You don't even have to make sense. Just make things up , keep her talking, smile and act engaged.

Business is much more important. I suggest you invest time into 2 things.

1. Creating an idea that has potential for mass acceptance, is possible, and makes a profit with all costs factored in.

2. Finding a business partner who is as serious as you.

 

[Rawr]

.....

On someone who just wants to quit everything, life in general. My self esteem has all but evaporated tonight. I have nothing, I am nothing.

What happened tonight?

I'm in constant physical pain (apparently my back is fine, but I can't stand for any prolonged period of time... making most jobs that I would want, impossibly unbearable.)

There's a bridge about a three minute walk away, who's pavement underneath pretty much has my name on it.

Three years here and I've pretty much regressed to nothing. No job, no money, no real purpose, or drive to do anything. I spend all my time doing nothing.

You get what you give. 0 energy on input > 0 output. What did you expect?

I am aware that there are millions if not billions of people in worse situations... so I ask you, what do I do to start turning this around?

Join an organization that allows you to go travel and help these people could be a start..

I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate everything that I am. When I look in the mirror I see my father. A piece of shit that I've seen once in my entire life, and never want to see again. I look exactly like him.

Men are made through action, you can look like your father but be a completely different man - one loved and admired by many.

I know it could get better, because the only option is to make it that way. But I need to know where to start. I don't even know who I am, I don't know what I like to do. I know nothing. I don't even know if I like this new city that I live in... I quite frankly have no idea about anything.

No idea about anything? Stop bullshitting, what are you really hiding?

I have a small chin, a massive crooked nose, and horrendously yellow teeth with bags under my eyes... I know those three things (nose, chin, teeth) can, and will one day be fixed when I have the money to do so... but I don't know how to deal with it in the meantime. I'm also starting to develop a hunchback from the insane amount of pain in my muscles/spine.

Why do you have pain in your muscles? Is your posture bad? Stand up against the wall, heels, butt, shoulders all touching the wall. now slowly raise your arms on the sides and up over you. hold the stretch at the top, slowly back down. do this 5 times. Is the posture after a lot different from before? If yes that could be it, watch how you sit in front of the computer.

More of that teenage crap: I see so many attractive girls, and know they'd never want to talk to me. I'm 19 years old. I've never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, never kissed a girl, never held a girls hand... never even had a friendship with a girl (all of my friends have been guys). Everyone seems so happy (whether some of them are genuine or facade who knows). Whenever I hear people laugh, I assume they are laughing at me. (I would say it's just in my head.. but I live in a conservative place... and my hairstyle is anything but conservative.

Let me see if I get this right:

you write that you have no substance,
no looks,
and yet you are caring what attractive girls think? Girls who usually are so confused about life they are drowning in insecurity themselves?

You know whats worse than being an ugly dude? Being an ugly girl. There is a big spectrum from 1-10, and looks are a part of the game anyway, you will be able to have a girl but it will take time and you MUST be actively working out your issues, otherwise it won't last. Baby steps, start talking to normal girls, average ones. Talk to girls as people, don't hit on them, just talk to them like you are back in 3rd grade- meaning you'd rather be playing games with your buddies and doing exciting stuff, but for a second you can talk to her


"but I live in a conservative place... and my hairstyle is anything but conservative."

So...which one is it? Do you want attention or do you dislike it? You can't have both. Stop trying to rebel against society and get a decent haircut. My head is shaved 9 months out of the year, that's both functional and practical for me.

But even then.. if I ever do achieve something in life, I know I'll have a bunch of 'haters' and I know I need to learn how to deal with them.

Pretty bleak mentality. I never cared for haters, I only cared about if people close to me will be changed by my success. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

I want so badly to be comfortable/accepted around members of the opposite sex. If I could have anything in this world, it would be some self confidence.

So far it looks like you haven't given much at all. funny thing when you start giving a little, you start getting...

Maybe the first steps I could take would be to take the steps necessary to achieve independence? I'm living with my aunt and cousin right now, and I'm miserable.

'Talking to someone about my 'feelings' is out of the question. I've laid out exactly how I feel here.

What you need is some accomplishments. A man by nature must be acting and achieving. Even if it might not make sense or feel good, do these 3 things and come back in 2 months and tell us how you are doing.

1. get a job. Tomorrow. Anywhere that's either - good money or decent money + easy job, but at your age I'd also consider a job where I can learn a lot for OK money.

2. talk to a stylist at the mall and genuinely ask "what can i do to change how I look" - white strips, haircut, etc - I've seen some amazing transformations before, no reason why you can't have one.

3. Get two hobbies that you dedicate at least 5 hours a week to. Working out, drawing/design, cooking, writing music, poetry, learning a new language... etc.



You are young, that's the biggest advantage. Life is just starting, don't let yourself think any other way. It's time to plant seeds for the future.

I also spend too much time on the internet... but I have nothing better to replace that time with right now. I want to have a life

Now it looks like you do. Cheers

 

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[^eagle^]

Hey Ryan I have no idea what I'm going to say will help but here goes.

I too have had a series of setbacks over the past year. I had an auto accident that caused me to lose two months of work. I'm back to work which is a very physically demanding job and some days the pain is pretty bad. I do what most 20 years old can't and I'm in my forties.

Back in the day I was self conscious about my acne. I wasn't bad looking but had real bad acne. I threw school pics away in sixth grade and never had my picture in a yearbook since then. I eventually lost my virginity to some 31 year old Nympho at 17. Probably because she felt sorry for me. I got drunk the week before and told some friends how frustrated I was with life and all.

A lot of my esteem issues stemmed form the fact that I was book smart and didn't seem to be amounting to much. Even now I am slowly realizing how much of my past slows me down today. While other kids were learning social skills I was hitting the books or getting high or drunk to cover my feelings of inferiority and would be an a**hole and put people down just to make myself feel better about myself.

The thing is you don't have to do all the stupid crap I did. You can change it. It will take some time as we like to get back in to our old habits of self pity and doubt. My fastlane plan was capsized by some government regulation changes. I'm pursuing a new course but floundering as I had so much invested in the last three years. its still hard to let go of. But I have an idea of which direction I want to go now. The changes have been slow as the wind was knocked out of me but Im coming round. You can do it too.

At worst you could get a hooker and get that nasty virginity thing out of the way. That helped me with my night with the MILF.

 

[DeletedUser394]

Thanks again everyone.

My original post was at a time where everything bad just culminated in to one massive breakdown.

I've more or less followed everyone's advice so far.

I spoke to my mother, and she's going to pay for 100% of my education (she wants to, I didn't ask). I'm going to be taking commerce, I'm going to work my a** off, and then I'm going to get into McGill (Harvard of Canada essentially) and do a 3 year Bachelor of Commerce majoring in finance, with a concentration in accounting.

I've joined Toastmasters (giving my first speech next week), and I've also acquired a membership to a Recreation Centre (For swimming, running, etc).

My next step is to become a soldier (in the reserves), and serve on a part time basis. Sent in my application, working on my fitness in the meantime.

 

[ethicalmarketin]

Just realize that most people are utterly confused when they're 19. You're ahead of the pack since at least you know you have no clue about life. We've all been there. My advice to you, go pick up a copy of the book The Proud Highway by Hunter S. Thompson. You're not alone in thinking that most people are assholes. They are. That doesn't mean you have to "fit in." Find your own scene. Most importantly, figure out what you love. If there's nothing that excites you, try a bunch of stuff until you find out what does. Turn off the TV and start reading books to give yourself ideas. It may be that most people appear to be happy, but most of them will never find any long lasting happiness. In order for you to take action in your life, you have to inspire your brain first. If you're really suicidal, go see a shrink too.

 

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[Icy]

It's been said here, but I think it needs to be said again, just do stuff that makes you uncomfortable. As long as you're not screwing someone else over by doing it, you'll realize how little it actually matters once it's over.

Say words your normally wouldn't say. For me it was silly things such as 'dude', or 'man'. Look people in the eye for just a little longer than your comfortable, but don't turn it into a staring contest.

Stop giving a F*ck. Nervous around girls your own age, but not other ages? Why? They aren't different. Is it intimidating that you're attracted to them, and they might not feel the same? Just accept it (easier said than done), no one, absolutely no one gets anyone they want. Being nervous is not a good enough excuse.

Go embarrass yourself, and you know what? You're going to embarrass yourself a lot less than you do in your mental analyses of the situations. And also feel a lot better about rejections if they actually happen. We're very good at imagining only the worst possible situation that never happens.

 

[dnice]

Thanks again everyone.

My original post was at a time where everything bad just culminated in to one massive breakdown.

I've more or less followed everyone's advice so far.

I spoke to my mother, and she's going to pay for 100% of my education (she wants to, I didn't ask). I'm going to be taking commerce, I'm going to work my a** off, and then I'm going to get into McGill (Harvard of Canada essentially) and do a 3 year Bachelor of Commerce majoring in finance, with a concentration in accounting.

I've joined Toastmasters (giving my first speech next week), and I've also acquired a membership to a Recreation Centre (For swimming, running, etc).

My next step is to become a soldier (in the reserves), and serve on a part time basis. Sent in my application, working on my fitness in the meantime.

Good to see that you are making steps for the better. Although going to school isn't really fastlane I would definitely say that you should go to school for the experience and the contacts. In addition, having a Bachelor's degree, especially from McGill University, would give you a much better chance of being able to obtain a visa in order to move to the U.S. if an opportunity arises.

 

[NewWorldOrder]

Ryan,

"Learned Optimism" may be a worthwhile read for you. Google the following: pbworks Learned Optimism

This will provide with a detailed outline of the book. It'll give you all the important points. I hope this helps.

 

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[PeteLife]

RyanDake, glad to hear that you are doing much better.

I, myself is young also (20), so i understand the things you are gloing through.
i must say that ive been a fan of yours since i first discovered this forum a couple months back. Why?
Because from the stuff you write i realized that you were motivated, had big dreams, and knew what you wanted. I respected that because there hardly are any teenagers out there with that mindset, and you just showed me that I could be doing more, and I have.

So with that out the way, let me start by saying that i think your main problem here is STRESS!
stress has a tendency to creep up on you when you are most vulnerable.
From what I have read in your previous threads you were always mentioning your goals of making it to the fastlane, your plans, etc .,...which were all VERY strict. you took away the fun from all aspect of your life and thats the problem. you must be able to balance hardwork with pleasure sometimes. No, im not saying that you should put your goals aside to go play, but to create that healthy balance, because too much work can lead to a mental breakdown, and too much play can lead to, well nothing really.

By fun, I dnt mean anything extravagant, just simple things: taking a walk (takes your mind off your problems), reading a book (thats not business related), working out (keeps u healthy physically which increase self-esteem and confidence), and anything of that sort.

Just an hour a day of doing a simple task will keep u mentally stable, no matter how frustrated or stressed you are with life.

As for your problems with the ladies... thats natural. dont look at it as your "job" to impress the ladies. that only piles on pressure on yourself. Ladies are complex and always tend to have more problems and baggages than us guys, so there really is no need to be scared to talk to them. i know you say u have issues with your looks but guess what? that's fixable. typically when someone doesn't like something, they change it. so why not change your haircut, change your style of dressing, etc. I am not telling you to change who you are for "others" but for yourself. If you yourself cannot look in the mirror and like what you see then you need a change. Everyone should be able to appreciate themselves and until you find that look that best matches your personality and likeness then that's not you.
***Change for yourself, not for others because you can only be you. No1 else can.

i dont want to give any cliche response to this so ill be real with u.

****When approaching a girl, always keep your confidence up, women can look right thru you and see your weakness so always approach as the confident person i know you can be.

**** Make a few female friends. Not difficult if you start by hanging out in groups that include females. during conversations , address them and continue talking with them (as well as others) until you are completely comfortable just talking and being around females. this may take a couple days, or months but you must be able to socialize with the opposite sex on a friendly basis before you can even think about getting a girlfriend.

**** Once you feel comfortable talking to and hanging out with them, go to a setting where you dont think you will know anyone or ever see these people again (mall/club/restaurant, etc). Use this opportunity to strike up friendly conversations with girls YOU DO NOT KNOW OR WILL EVER SEE AGAIN. why??? because being that this is a test run and you have self esteem issues, it will be a relief for you to know that in your head, even though they might deny/ignore/laugh at you, you will never see them again so that wont hurt your conscience as much. (by doing this you will soon realize that the worst a girl can say to you is "no" so you might as well get used to hearing it without being scared of being rejected). trust me, this may take sometime to get used to but you will reach a point where you realize that they either gonna be nice or be a b**ch. And you will encounter that in the real world so its best to get acclimated to that with people you dnt care about/know so that when its time for you to really try to talk to that potential mate, you will have the confidence to know that she will say yes, but also the heart to understand if she says no.
p.s. All "No" can eventually be turned into YES so why stress on your first attempt.

*** Hope this helps as far as building confidence for your self and for meeting girls.

 

[bizzyricky]

Ryan I read your post and all your problems seem to deal with ifcourse low self-esteem, not having a greater purpose in life (hope)and also confidence. ( which all can be acquired with practice)

I am unemployed right now because I just recently quit my job but I have this deep inner feeling that everything will be ok... It sounds insane but my confidence and hope is that high because I know my potential.
(and I know that if I really need to get a job...I can get a job....scrubbing toilets etc)

What I'm trying to say Ryan is you have know your potential and what you can do... because if you don't believe in yourself no one else will (I guess that goes with the fake it till you make it thing too)

I see that your also worrying about looks and everything of that nature ( which we all do) but success and purpose in life overcomes all of that... The girl you think you can't get right now, will be yours and can be yours if everything is working in the right order and you see yourself in a better light because confidence overcomes alot.

(but If you can't wait till your successful my other advice for attracting women)

when it come to women like a fellow fastlaner says its all about confidence....like dogs can smell fear ....women can look through underconfidence ....

I lived it when it came to not having the balls to talk to or approach women so I know.... But one day I told myself I was going to suck it up and go in with complete confidence ( or atleast fake it)... still nervouse but not showing it like a poker hand.

I went in focused and ready... Ryan you know what I found out 70% of the time the women that I approached were more nervous then me...because I came in with so much confidence and prevailence that put them on the opposite end of the stick....and I could see it, which made me feel more at ease :0)...

and even If I didn't prevail they treated me a whole lot better then a shy underconfident guy!
either way women are a hit and miss you can't get everyone one but you can get many if you have the right approach and confidence.

stay in there Ryan life gets better... And like said before from someone else " You never lose if you never quit"!!!

 

[garyfritz]

Just found this thread. Ryan, lots of **outstanding** advice here -- you have lots to work with. I'll just add one thing that struck me:

It's kind of hard to 'be yourself' when you have no idea who you are. Honestly, half the time I'm an a**hole and half the time I'm a really nice guy.
I don't know which is the real me.

So you are multi-talented. IMHO that means you have a CHOICE. You are capable of being a really nice guy. So CHOOSE to be a really nice guy. CHOOSE to exhibit the nice-guy behaviors more often. Consciously CHOOSE to drop the a**hole behaviors and habits. Those a**hole behaviors aren't part of your DNA, they're just bad habits. You can drop them like you can ANY bad habit. And I bet dropping the a**hole behaviors will go a long way towards feeling better about yourself, and make you a lot more attractive to women.

I find outside influences have a huge strangle hold on how I act. When I'm listening to rap hip/hop, I act like an a**hole.. when I listen to more rock/folk/melody/love songs/etc I act decent.

'Scuse me, but **DUH**!! Dude, listen to yourself! Listening to rap apparently makes you act like an a**hole! (Not terribly surprising, considering how toxic some rap and hip/hop is.) So if you don't want to be an a**hole, QUIT shoveling that toxic garbage into your brain!

Eat toxic garbage and you will get sick. Feed your brain toxic garbage and look what happens.

Have enough self-respect to treat yourself better! Feed your brain healthy stuff and I bet it will help your general outlook on life.

 

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[Limitless]

Ryan all great advice here. And I am glad you are doing better. I applaud you having the balls to spill it all out and get some help. Most are too proud and have too much of an ego to do it.

I agree with most advice given here but there are 2 tips I could mention.

#1. Join a local MMA gym. Gracie Brazilian Jui-Jitsu, Preferably Gracie Barra.

Benefits:

It will do wonders to your self esteem, confidence and general health.

You will get incredible work outs and at the same time learn the best self defense/fighting techniques in the world. With BJJ it doesnt matter how small you are. You can beat someone with out ever throwing a punch or kicking someone.

I cant tell you how many times I've seen these big muscle heads walk in to our gym thinking they are going to beat our best guy, but what we do is put him against the skinniest or oldest member, and the muscle head usually would get put to sleep in about 30 seconds or get tapped out by a 18-19 year old kid who weighs 100lbs less than him. Sometimes we will put a 50yr old who is a surgeon with a 24year state wrestler and the 50Yr old would also beat the younger stronger wrestler. So it doesn't matter how small or weak you are when you are against the average joe out there.

In these types of gyms you will also find a different type of FAMILY with all the guys and girls there helping you become the best BJJ practitioner you can be, yes you heard right, I said GIRLS. At some gyms there are girls that just go for the conditioning class and some stay for the BJJ class and sometimes you get partnered with them. And no they are not lesbians or have an aggressive mentality. BJJ is a sport like basketball tennis etc.

I have seen many guys with your state of mind come in and in a few months be a completely different person physically and mentally. Trust me no one will laugh at you when you walk around proudly wearing your BJJ gym shirt to represent.

You will be respected. Just don't turn into a cocky a**hole. We dislike people that bring a bad rep to our gym and ask them to find a different gym. Always have respect for others and dont go looking for fights. If fighting is what you want get into some amateur mma fights and release some anger and frustration. But first put the time in the gym or you will end up getting your lights out in the cage.

Eventually you can even start competing in local and national BJJ tournaments. I have competed at a state level and won 1st place.

#2. Treat women and money the same way.

If you chase either one they will Elude you. If you feel unworthy of either one they will Elude you. If you first learn to show self confidence and value to both you will enjoy money and women. I could give you a bunch of examples from my own experience but I will make it short with just one of them.

At a company I worked for a few years back there was a receptionist that had been recently hired. She was a 8-9, she was so gorgeous that I said to my self, there is no point in even trying. I will just not look at her that way and treat her normally like I would treat any other person.

All the other guys from the office would be drooling over her visiting her every hour of the work day asking her if she needed anything, bringing her flowers and gifts, asking her on dates. Even the owners son was after her.

Everyone except me, the only times I would talk to her were when I would walk by with a simple "hello" or when she needed my help with something. The rest of the guys would go by her and not shut up and just keep talking about themselves to impress her, they would talk about their sales, their cars etc. But I had given up before I started so I wasn't doing that.

I didnt know this at the time but she noticed me giving her value and not expecting anything back, also not trying to impress her but being genuinely friendly showed her self confidence.

One day we were having a normal conversation...mostly me listening on something she had to say...then out of nowhere she started asking me about my personal life and asked me if I was dating and Here is how the conversation went:

ME: "no maybe you can hook me up with a cousin of yours or something".

HER: "why would I hook you up with a cousin of mine when I myself am looking for a good guy" (I was in shock, so I played it off by saying....)

ME: "oh come on, there are better looking guys here than me, and you wouldn't want me anyway. I am not as cool as those other guys", "besides I am a JERK" (a little bit of rejection and sarcasm)

HER: "well at least you are an honest JERK" (laughing)

ME: "yeah what ever...well I am starving and I am going for some JJ. (Didn't ask her if she wanted to join me)

HER: " I love JJ can I go with you?"

ME: " I guess but you are going to have to pay for my sandwich cuz if you are going to be seeing in public with me you are going to have to pay for it cuz this fine thing you see right here aint for free"

HER: laughs and smiles and says ok.

As we are walking out I let her walk one step ahead of me while I flip the rest of the guys looking at us with their mouths open. I was the only guy that had ever taken her out for lunch from our office. Short story we started dating and had a awesome time.

Lesson: I didnt chase her or try to impress her. I gave her value with out expecting anything in return. I was just myself and treated her like I would treat any ordinary person. I treated her with confidence and not afraid to mess up because I wasn't trying to impress her in the first place.

I just recently learned that it is very similar with money.

Hope this gave you something to think about. Good luck

 

[Jill]

Ryan ~

You've gotten so much good advice, I'm not sure what I can add. But I just wanted to say that I'm stoked to hear that you've taken some positive action. At the end of the day, only you can figure out what it is that will make you feel fulfilled.

Looks: If you can't "own" your appearance, then change it. And no, you don't need to invest in a lot of plastic surgery to make significant improvements.

Teeth - I will echo what a couple of people said here about teeth-whitening. It's cheap and easy. I just saw a Groupon recently for $99 for professional whiteneing. If your teeth are crooked enough to be distracting in a conversation, then talk to a local dental school about being a volunteer subject for their orthodontia students. You'll still have to pay basic costs, but it's an idea.
Hair - I think your hair is kinda fun...and that's coming from one of those super conservative types you were talking about. However, I will echo what Rawr said about it. If you don't want the attention for being outrageous, then don't go out of your way to be outrageous. I see a lot of teenagers do stuff like this to be "anti-establishment", then get a chip on their shoulders about why everyone's looking at them funny! That one is totally in your conrol
Weight - Eat more protein, and lift more weights. Pretty simple math on this one.

Meaning in Life Another suggestion I was going to offer has already been mentioned by Laguna Lauren and a couple others. That is to get involved helping others do something. Anything! Volunteer at a soup kitchen or kids camp or hospital or [fill in the blank here with whatever interests / impassions you]. Taking your eyes off yourself for a while will reveal that there are a lot of other people in the world who are not only a lot worse off, but who can benefit from what you can bring.

When my mother was dying of cancer, she would volunteer to go to the chemo center (between her own treatments) and help the other ladies with their makeup, wigs, eyebrows (which were now missing), etc. She didn't want them to feel bad about themselves or have them feel as if they looked "sick". It did wonders for her to focus on the other ladies. She went to a camp one summer for ladies with Ovarian Cancer (which kills ~ 95% of its victims). She ended up staying up most of the night counseling the PhD counselor (who had come to counsel them) about her failing marriage. This is just one personal example I can share that still amazes me to this day.

Girls - Cut yourself some slack here. I think you may be surprised how insecure a lot of these same girls are. I remember meeting some cute guy one day when I was out with my girls at happy hour after work. I was apparently a little sarcastic or cool to him, without even noticing. But he had the cajones to ask me, "Come on, what'd I do wrong?! I'm just trying to say HI here. I wanted to buy you a drink." I was shocked and stunned. I was so insecure (about guys anyway) that I had blown him off without even thinking about it. It NEVER occured to me that he was actually interested in me. NEVER. I apologized profusely, and accepted his drink. But it wasn't until this moment that I realized what a wall I had built up in this arena. My default reaction was to be a SmartAss (which I'm sure most of you will find hard to believe!)

Since then, I've had a dozen or more people who, after knowing me for a while, told me that they couldn't believe how warm and sincere and funny I was. (Their words - not mine) Apparently this is because (as they all reported) when they first met me, I came off kinda "cool". I even had an interviewer make the same comment one time, to which I responded, "I take it you don't mean 'hip and groovy'?" No. She didn't mean that. So that (an aloofness, based on insecurity and defensiveness) is something that I have had to continue to work on.

I bare my soul here to tell you once again that you shouldn't assume a girl is uninterested just because she seems a bit cool. She might just be a dork like me. Then again, if she screams, "Stop stalking me you FREAK", then you might wanna back off.

Change your State
Finally, I was going to suggest that you get involved in learning something new - preferably something physical. I am 47 yrs old, and 50 pounds overweight, but I just started taking Tae Kwon Do a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to do something that would challenge me for a lifetime without boring me (like a stairmaster or treadmill does!) I'm surrounded by amazing, inspiring, bright people (mainly kids) every single day. I can hardly wait to get there. And if you knew me (and my sincere disdain for the gym) you would know what a statement that is! So I'm glad to see/hear that you've joined a gym.

Please keep us informed of your progress.

Oh, and next time you eye a window sill, please ask yourself "Is it really so terribly bad that it can't get better from here?" Because if it seems that bad, then things have nowhere to go but up! Worst case, you lose all your money, all your friends, and start over with an incredible freedom that only comes from having a clean slate!!

 

[jmktok]

you ever hear of buckminster fuller?

Check him out on wikipedia... he was going to take a dive off a bridge too! By the way, yes life can suck, but to be honest, it's really not my cup of tea... I could give you a sad tale as well, but why?

Let me leave you with this... you're 19.... and thinking about trying something... I'm 52... can you loan me 30 years?

Look up brother, and you may indeed find more than rain!

 

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[Lights]

Ryan, Lights is the perfect example of why you should not be afraid to talk to girls your age. You don't even have to make sense. Just make things up , keep her talking, smile and act engaged.

Business is much more important. I suggest you invest time into 2 things.

1. Creating an idea that has potential for mass acceptance, is possible, and makes a profit with all costs factored in.

2. Finding a business partner who is as serious as you.

For your information, most women are not like me. Most human society isn't like me.
So you're giving poor Ryan false hopes if he can land a woman like me, for love. Not that I am superior being, or whatever, but because I cannot love right now in my life. Too busy focus on money and the power.

Like I said I have men across the country in love with me, but I am also in a relationship so I am not available. No fine yourself an average girl who is sweet.

Don't even date someone like myself.

 

[The Intrepid]

For your information, most women are not like me. Most human society isn't like me.
So you're giving poor Ryan false hopes if he can land a woman like me, for love. Not that I am superior being, or whatever, but because I cannot love right now in my life. Too busy focus on money and the power.

Like I said I have men across the country in love with me, but I am also in a relationship so I am not available. No fine yourself an average girl who is sweet.

Don't even date someone like myself.

If you're not a troll I need to rethink my outlook on human idiocy.

 

[Lights]

Some more wisdom.

Don't see your age as a benefit or a negative. You see some older people saying, "I'm 50-something loan me 30 yrs". If I was 50 yrs old, then I would own it, and thinking, "Look how successful and beautiful I look... I look like 31" That's because I apply retin A and sunscreen daily. I own my age, enjoy it, I live in today. Not tomorrow and yesterday. Change happens. Youth fades in a blink, and you'll think, "Where has all the years of my life has gone too... well I am growing old and no success".

You plan in yesterday for the success of tomorrow (quote that).

and you're yesterday is today...

Well let's be honest, it's all nice and dandy to be young, but everyone grows old. I'm 19 too, but I don't see my age as a plus, but it is what it is.

But age is nothing to be worried about... I am going to live forever... search 2045 Time magazine, the timing of immortality is soon to come.

 

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[Lights]

If you're not a troll I need to rethink my outlook on human idiocy.

Don't be jealous of me, you can have women all over the country loving you too!

But I'm not going to details on this right now. I am going to run on my treadmill.

if you want a better idea of me, look at all threads/posts by Lamia fans... just read them, good reading material. Better yet print them, and take them into the bathroom.

site:skincaretalk.com skin care talk, lamia - Google Search

 

[The Intrepid]

Maybe you're a big deal in Detroit, I don't know... neverbeen.

But, I'm in South Florida. Our ugly people look like you.