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I watched today <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzF2_AYjqak" target="_blank" class="link link--external" rel="nofollow ugc noopener">MJDeMarco's video about purpose</a> and there's a part where he is saying that first purpose should be personal as in i.e. becoming a multi-millionaire.<br />
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What struck me is that despite wanting that (well, who doesn't) that purpose completely doesn't push me nor creates motivation to work. There is no drive nor passion nor even energy to support this 'want'.<br />
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What's my current situation?<br />
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<li data-xf-list-type="ul">net worth is low (around low 5-figs)</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">used to earn a living via coding (as a senior dev), but I hate working 9-5 (and meetings) despite good money and freelancing is flood with cheap labor from Asia</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">coded some apps that barely make money</li>
<li data-xf-list-type="ul">went into crypto - made some money, lived off of it (still do), realized that full-time trading is not for me (I'm better at just holding and long term swings)</li>
</ul>so I'm back to square one. Not really sure where to go next. With depression between my ears, I'm kinda out of ideas. Even dropped on martial arts trainings for now because I feel even worse after them and when I do them in the morning I sleep half day to regenerate and other half I try to get to work and do something so it just costs me too much time.<br />
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I honestly feel beaten up by life and constantly loosing in the game of life since for the last almost 20 years now (I'm almost 40). Never bought myself a nice car, never really lived a good life. At times I have days that I feel better, but most of the time it's how I described. And no, therapy also doesn't work for me - tried it twice, never really helped me now I see in the hindsight.<br />
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What would you do?
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</blockquote><a href="https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/members/17799/" class="username" data-xf-init="member-tooltip" data-user-id="17799" data-username="@jeandearme">@jeandearme</a> <br />
Your story resonates deeply with me because it feels like a reflection of my own journey. I'm over 40 now, and like you, I've spent years in the world of coding. I worked on e-commerce platforms since the early days of OSCommerce, Miva, Magento, BigCommerce, and Shopify. Along the way, I stumbled, failed, and tried again — a dozen times or more.<br />
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I once had an online pet store back when online shopping was still a new and wild idea. I opened four food businesses — a food truck, a small bar, a pizza restaurant, and more. I started service companies, launched products, and even tried my luck with investments. But the truth is, I lost a good chunk of money — at IBKR, I’m currently at a 96% loss, and eToro isn’t looking much better.<br />
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Yet through it all, I kept chasing a dream — a life where financial decisions didn’t weigh me down. I wanted to fly business class without hesitation. I dreamed of staying in five-star hotels and driving a Range Rover without checking my bank balance. I’ve lived a decent life — better than millions — but that deep sense of fulfillment still feels out of reach. I know my expectations aren’t too high; they’re just the life I believed I could build for myself.<br />
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I've battled ADHD and procrastination for as long as I can remember. Everything gets done — but only when the fire's already burning. Even something as simple as paying an electricity bill? I'll push it off until the final warning notice arrives. It's frustrating because I know these tasks take minutes, yet they weigh on me like mountains.<br />
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Relationships haven’t been easy either. I feel distant from my parents, and with my immediate family, there are endless concerns and unresolved issues.<br />
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All these struggles — the failures, the broken connections — they play on repeat in my mind, and that loop has dragged me into depression more than once. Some days, it still does.<br />
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But I refuse to give up. I've realized that change isn’t about one giant leap — it’s about learning from those failures and listening to people who inspire transformation. That's why MJ DeMarco's books have been life-changing for me. His wisdom isn’t just about personal success — it’s about creating something meaningful that positively impacts thousands of others. When you build a successful product or service, you’re lifting people up with you. That’s world-changing.<br />
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Some days, I feel so low that I can’t work at all — just stuck in endless thoughts about what went wrong. On better days, I push myself to be productive. But I’ve never had that power-packed, ultra-productive day — the kind where you smash through 16 hours of focused work. I know why: my mind is constantly battling those memories of failure, the financial stress, and the fear of falling short again.<br />
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I avoid parties, family gatherings, and social events — not because I dislike people, but because I’d rather hide. It feels easier to be alone.<br />
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Yet I know this: my purpose and dream in life are far greater than what I'm currently doing. But for now, what I’m doing is crucial — I need to achieve financial stability first. Only then can I step into my true calling. So I keep pushing forward, one step at a time. Even when my mind feels heavy, I focus on one small action — then another, and another.<br />
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If you’re still fighting for success, I believe your journey has incredible value. You’ve spent years learning coding, building businesses, and gathering hard-won experience. If you can channel all that knowledge into a focused path — something that aligns with your strengths and demands your full energy — I know you’ll make incredible progress.<br />
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You already believe in the principles MJ teaches, and I know they can change your life too. If you’d like, we can connect and support each other — pushing each other to stay accountable and move forward.<br />
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Life isn’t perfect, but we can build something better. Take one step today — no matter how small — then another tomorrow. Keep moving forward.<br />
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All the best. Stay strong, stay grateful, and keep believing in yourself.<br />
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Warm regards,<br />
BC</div>
